| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:49:35 AM | | If a man invites me out and expects me to pay for my meal or both meals I will, but it will be the last date. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:43:49 AM | Ageless Wonder wrote "I don't believe it ever was a "tradition" that a man pay and expected to have sex or keep the woman subserviant. I don't know where this idea came from but I have never found that to be a fact. A man would pay because he wanted to take a woman out on a date, and was interested in her. She, in return would invite him over for a home-cooked dinner if there was interest on both sides. If the two became exclusive, either party would pay for a date, or go dutch. Times haven't changed that much, but it seems attitudes have. IMO"
Of course it's "tradition" that a man pay for the date! It's extremely rare that a woman would ask a guy out and pay the costs. Many men would object to such an offer as it may make them feel like "less of a man." This idea is the result of social programming.
I always get a lot of flack from both genders whenever I suggest that a change is needed in this custom.
Whatever argument can be made as to why a man should pay the costs of dates can easily apply to women as well (she wants to impress her date, or show she is interested in him, etc)
It would seem to me that scenerio Ageless Wonder describes is backwards. If we are friends (as most women state that they want to start a relationship as "friends") than each should pay their own way. Most friends pay for themselves- until they become "good friends". Then, they may offer to treat the other to a meal or movie. Likewise, a relationship should start off as friends with each paying their own costs until the point wherein they advance the relationship to something special. Then you start buying gifts for each other, remembering birthdays and other ways of expressing your love. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:46:54 AM | there is actually a guy on this site - a great guy - that states on his profile that he's tired of paying for first dates and he's worth the price of a meal or at least going dutch.
His direct, honest approach piqued my curiosity so i took him up on it!! When it came down to the check he did offer to pay but NO WAY was i gonna let him pay!!!
Don't sweat the small stuff - i can afford dinner and a few drinks! It really doesn't matter - you meet and spend a few hours with someone, have a great conversation, a lot of laughs - life is sweet if we make it sweet!! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:50:32 PM | OK....so some of you say that whoever does the asking is expected to pay.
How do you ever go out if you go dutch -- because no one is going to ask. Does it then become like a power of suggestion? "I'm thinking about going to Applebee's on 87th Street at 6:00 tonight." Then hope the person you're chatting with decides to show up? Then no one is obligated to pay for both.  | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:54:14 PM | | Pot....It just so happens that I have that exact kind of mind control....everytime I do it tho ...I get 847 "dates" showin' up!!!! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:14:18 PM | Skyliner1001 you seem to have completely ignored my statement that if a man pays they EXPECT something in return (sex).. It has never been my experience even when dating when younger that MOST men would expect sex just because they pay for a date.
Of course, there are some men who would expect favors for a dinner out, but they won't be someone I would be interested in. JMO | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/16/2008 3:10:09 AM | lmao this is all a bit confusing to me, if out on a date then I expect to pay my way for a couple of reasons, 1 = there is no comeback from a cheapskate saying I paid you owe me, 2 = I am on a learning curve about the person I am with and dont know them well enough to expect them to pay, I have been out on one date with a nice guy and I drove up to him so wasnt drinking and I offered to pay for my meal which was all fine .... he paid the bill when it was presented and when we moved back to the bar after I put my money on the table for my meal and whoosh it was grabbed up and put in his wallet so fast I was kinda stunned lmao, did he think I was going to take it back ? was he that short of money ? well it left me feeling kinda iffy, so it was goodnight and thank you,
are there any rules we should go by ? left feeling quite amused | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:15:14 AM | | My experiences have been that if a man is interested in me he will offer to pay, but if he does not like me he will tell me that I need to pay for my dinner or whatever. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:26:49 PM | | Yes, I have had a guy who complained about the price of Starbucks. He drove up in a convertible white mercedes..... Just cheap with dates, I guess... | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:34:27 PM | If a gentleman asks you out to dinner, unless it is agreed that it is dutch, he expects to pay for your meal, and drinks.
If you just eat an appetizer (I do that sometimes) it is rude of your date to question it.
Conversely, if you want to eat a 20 oz ribeye with all the fixings, it would be rude of your date to question it.
And you may not have noticed...but times have changed and it's OK to want what you want. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 9:56:33 AM | | I order whatever I want and I expect to pay my own way. If a man insists on paying the bill then I don't argue, but I do insist that if there is another dinner, then it's my turn to pay, and I hope that he would order whatever he wanted when it's my turn | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:46:22 PM | If a man invites me out and expects me to pay for my meal or both meals I will, but it will be the last date.
HAHAHAH...thats sooo what i expected to hear. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:24:59 PM | Conversely, if you want to eat a 20 oz ribeye with all the fixings, it would be rude of your date to question it.
And it'd be rude to expect a call back if you took him for a ride on a first date.
I can understand eating a 4 or 6 oz steak but honestly a date is not the opportunity to pig out at somebody else's expenses. And especially not because he's a man.
If he tells me, "Order anything you want, he'd better mean it, cuz I LOVE lobster, which is usually the most expensive thing on the menu. And of course I don't order it just because it costs the most, but because I love it so much and I rarely order it.
Yea sure. What a selfish attitude. Like I said a date is not a chance for women to pig out. You said you rarely order it which means you'll only have it if a man pays for it. That isn't selfish?
I'm sure your men are very happy about them paying for all the dates and then you taking advantage of it.
If I ask, then I pay. I don't have a problem with that at all.
We've been over this. Women don't ask. Not at the start, or even in a committed relationship. The woman will always invite him out less.
I think men like to treat women,
Yea but the vice versa is not true at all. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:43:37 PM | | Only from those lacking size in other areas have a problem with the size of the steak. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:24:00 PM | | if you are going to take a lady out to dinner,save up your change and take her out,you are the man,so dont let it be a issure,just pay for it and dont forget why you are out with her.a lot of men need to go to 101 on how to treat a lady,enough | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:54:24 PM | | I am totally offended if a woman doesn't offer to split the cost of a meal. More often than not, I will insist on paying but I want the choice and the fact that someone doesnt at least offer is very offensive and inappropriate in this day and age. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:48:25 PM | I don't know i just thought relationships were supposed to be equal.
Didn't women reciprocate men's invitations with a home cooked dinner and tickets traditionally? What happened to that custom? It benefited men so it died right? | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/17/2008 7:02:24 PM | | I enjoy the opportunity to eat out with some possibly good company. I always make it known to him that I expect to pay my own way. If it goes well and he offers to pay, I will let him, but I don't expect it. If he offers or says he wants to pay, it wins big sexy points with me not because I'm looking to get what I can out of him, but it's just nice to be pampered or treated and "taken care of" by a man for a change. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:44:18 AM |
but it's just nice to be pampered or treated and "taken care of" by a man for a change.
And shouldn't a man get that feeling? And if you alternate who pays you both get that feeling. Dutch is unromantic. But alternating allows both parties to feel taken care of and special and allows each to relax at least one night. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:52:38 AM | | I usually order a salade or apetizer, since I eat light. But I had a guy show up 2 hrs late and stick me with tab and hand me afew dollars. Since I ate and had several drinks while waiting. He ate when he got there and had afew drinks.The waitress of coarse held my credit card before I could be served so everything went on it, without her asking if I wanted his meal and drinks on my tab. It seems to be getting more common... | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:16:35 AM | | i do not understand this idea of women paying there share of the meal,or getting stuck with the tab,if my dear mother knew i had done that to a women,justice would be swift and harsh,as she would say respect | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:21:12 AM | if i get asked out for a meal ...i'll dress in something i feel comfy in whether it's a maccy d's or a posh rest.....it really doesnt matter ...plus i would order what i wanted ...and go 50/50 on the bill ...that way everyone's happy ..... | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:21:48 AM | | I may be old-fashioned, but to me, if a man asks me out for a meal - as in a date - then a gentleman pays for the mail. I didn't ask him. If it's more casual and we've been e-mailing and decide together to meet somewhere (not a date - just a first meet), then of course I will go dutch. I do think if a man says "I'd like to take you out to dinner Friday night at "so and so restaurant," then he is taking me out. I may be in the dark ages, but since when does a gentleman invite a woman out for dinner and then at the end say - separate checks please? What happened to manners? I will offer to split, but generally if he then says yes (and I generally always offer), it does make me look twice at him since he is the one that asked me out. If he did that twice, I probably would be out of there - just the principle of the thing. That said, if a gentleman takes me out and foots the bill, I will generally offer within 2-3 dates to take him out and treat him to a nice steak. It's all about being kind to each other. | |
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roc15
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Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 300 | |
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:00:46 AM | | Right with you there forum gal........I ask a lady out to dinner,even if it is the first time we have met, then I pick up the tab.............. end of story | |
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