| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:24:48 PM | i use the same rules i used in business. everyone is different in their relationship with money, their affordablity and their spending patterns. some demand to be paid for all the time (not my thing for men or for women) and some who can afford to pay and insist all the time--are often overbearing controllers. i'm more of a middle way person and i've found that many of my poorer friends are often more giving than some of the richer ones--unless they have a hidden agenda or are boastful. still, i do have a few who really are just givers, but being one myself, i need to also give back over a period of time.
i have no problems paying my way for something pricey, but some are offended by this. some take turns (which is usually what we did in business arrangements). still for others who are wary, or who i'm not sure if "i" want to spend much time with never having met them before, i meet for coffee and a snack and offer to pay for mine, or if he insists to pay, i'm gracious and say thank you.
for those who clearly are paying, and who i do not have a longer term relationship, i also check out the range they are considering to ballpark my own spending. but as to not wanting to eat much, i'd just eat whatever i wanted, if no option take a doggie bag if appropriate/possible, share a meal if too large, etc.
if the man thinks i'm scrounging, i'd just explain that i don't eat that much at one sitting. if this is a fancy place and he's expecting to dine for a while, he might be uncomfortable with you just sitting and watching him (or vice versa), so i'd explain to him beforehand and then he is prepared. i would also draw out my "pecking" so that he does not feel strange eating while i watch! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:08:58 PM | | life and work has been VERY good to me the last few years. i haven't always been able to afford some of the "finer" things in life. since i've been in business for my self things have really changed. when i get together with friends for dinner i will pay the entire bill, not to show off but because i want to give back some of what i've been given. so, when i take a date out i expect her to order what she wants and as much as she wants. i do! i don't care what it costs! i just want her to have a good time. if it doesn't get to a second date, well, we had a good time anyway! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:25:42 PM | | When I ask someone out for dinner I don't expect them to worry about what to order. If you can't act the same way you would around friends and family then a second dinner date would probably be out of the question. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:53:03 PM | Normally, when the gentleman asks me out, I am aware of most restaurants, but on rare times, it may be to a restaurant in the next county and I do query about the fare, just in general discussion......Oh, I have heard about that restaurant, but never been there. I understand the food is wonderful. Do they have any specialities? That normally opens the door to educate me on the offerings.
Like I say, sometimes I can chow down just like the next person, other times, I am just not very hungry even if I skip lunch. I can make salad last and if I really like him, ask him if he will share dessert with me...............and he usually does. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:56:25 PM | If I go on a dinner date, I don't care what he orders, I will order what I want to eat. If he asks and takes me to his choice, he must know what the prices are before we ever get there. If we discuss going dutch, then we will discuss where we both want to go.
JMO | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:05:19 PM | In this day and age with the cost of things so high.......some still have children they are raising and bills to pay. I have bills. I will take turns....but I won't go out with anyone just to be going out I have to like them. I figure if I take turns then we can do more. The last person I dated had two children and he was raising them and he was on a budget....so we did Family Friendly stuff......I loved it and whenever we did go out to eat it was a local non-expensive place....I enjoyed his company more than the food. But each time we went some place he treated me with great manners and kindness....that I felt if I had been wined and dined at the best place in town. So it doesn't have to be hard.....Blue  | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:22:11 PM | I totally agree Blue,
I am just as happy with a little picnic or backyard barbecue, (I love to cook).
Sometimes I think the guys get really confused about the whole money/dinner impress the ladies thing. I guess some like to go to the "be seen" places. But if you are really interested in the man, you will enjoy him just as much anywhere, it won`t matter.
Yeah, some things are more romantic. But it doesn`t have to be expensive to be impressive. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:58:31 PM | | It seems that most times when I ask a lady to dinner, I know she has a very limited budget and I expect to cover the cost. The only thing that pisses me off is when she orders a big meal, eats a little, and then wants to do the doggie box thing....I feel used as a meal ticket!! Kinda goes with the line "what did you buy me?" NOT!! | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:01:45 PM | I only have one rule and that is that in such matters the lady decides. A man should respect whatever boundaries a woman sets, and this is a part of that. At a first meeting for coffee or a meal, I always reach for the check. If the lady offers to split the tab or leave a tip, then that is fine but if not, I pay for it. As far as meal dates, I love to eat out so will do so for a first or second meeting, but it has never crossed my mind to expect the lady to provide "dessert"! How rude! To me the whole idea is to get to know a stranger well enough to decide if I want to spend more time with them, and to let them decide the same about me. If the lady asks for separate checks, or just splits it down the middle, that is fine. If she whips out a desk calculator to calculate her share of the tax, I am not impressed.
After the first date, I think it should all depend on what each of us can afford. I can afford to pay for the things I want to do, but am more than happy to let a lady pay for the things she wants to do. This is not a big issue for me, but I understand that it is for some ladies and I respect that. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:19:02 PM | I make sure to mention (subtly) to a guy that I have a VERY light appetite, and want only ONE drink wth dinner -- BEFORE we go out. I will tell him that what is considered an appetizer in most restaurants is usally a full meal for me.
If this is a problem for him, I can either share my full meal with him, get a doggie bag, or leave the rest for the birds. HIS choice if he is buying -- MY choice if it is Dutch.
If a 6'5" guy (who could probably part with a few pounds) doesn't undersand why I can't match him bite for bite and drink for drink (and still keep my figure) we are not a match.
I am "off the market" at apresent -- but the only thing I want and need from a man is the pleasure of his company. If he cooks for me, or keeps me company while I cook for him that is fine. I just want to be with someone who wants to be with ME , and is fun.
I also am an (TEXAS!) old fashioned Southern Belle, who would NOT expect a full meal on the first date. I vote for a coke, coffee, or a drink.
I really don't like the DUTCH idea, but might go along if a man was upfront, about it BEFORE HAND. But I would NOT disclude him over that, if I liked him otherwise.
I feel that if a man asks me to dinner -- HE pays. If I invite him, I DO. But if I pay -he will NOT see any sign of me signing a credit card, etc (because we "Steel Magnolias" know how to pull that off!)
Also, MY man feels like a man, because he ALWAYS pays -- except for the, special dinners, "free" tickets to the formal balls, theatre and museum admissions, companion air fares, travel, yachting invites, etc that I am constantly "lucky" enough to dig up. And -- oh yeah -- the home cooked meals, where the food just "magically" appeared, party invites, yada, yada.
Call me old fashioned, but Icall it CLASS == 'cause that's how we do things down South.
BTW -- I have a finance background and can (descretely) tell within a VERY short amount of time what anybodys's descretionary income is. I will adjust my expectations accordingly, as I CARE about HIS feelings, and ego as well as mine.
If we spend our date on a walk in the park, or a 5 Star, Restaurant -- the goal is BEING HAPPY together! And -- oh, yeah - respect.
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 12:27:36 AM | I guess I have the southern thing going on as well. I have always said great company can make third rate food wonderful . Besides, how did Scarlett keep her girlish figure, she just ate small amounts.
The best meals are the picnics I make, shared on a blanket by a stream, with a man I find interesting and attractive. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 12:27:37 AM | | I feel that if a gentleman asks me out to dinner and he suggests a restuarant, He should be prepared to pay the bill. Maybe that is something from ladies of my generation, but I have never had anyone indicate to me that they expected any thing otherwise. I usually order reasonably what I would normally order if I was alone and paying and never attempt to gouge a man or take advantage of him. And I also feel that if he asks me to dinner or lunch, that is what he can expect and nothing more than my company for the meal. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:46:31 AM | merry0709,
( this is not just aimed at you but in general to women ).
why ? do you think that all men after buying dinner etc want YOU for dessert.
I have a female friend on here who is half my age , we used to go out for dinner or drinks or bowling and even my male friends think iam having her for dessert , she is just that to me-a friend, nothing more, nothing less.
I have spent hundreds of pounds on dinners/drinks for women whilst on dates or with girlfriends and i would have been insulted if a woman on a date offered sex on a plate as a dessert.
I was messaged on here by a woman a few months back who couldnt talk about anything else except sex, we exchanged numbers but she only wanted to meet up for sex so i told her that i didnt want to meet her becuase of that reason only.
So not ALL men are sex monsters preying on women...yes we want intimacy but only when its right ( speaking personally ) and dont just want you for dessert.............apple pie and cream-yes..................sex-no. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 11:02:40 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^
I am sure all men are not like this. And I do believe that you are not one of them. You seem very descent. it`s the area where I live right now. It`s alot of entitled wealthy pompous old men. I made the mistake last year of going to dinner with a few of these types, (new to the area) and being naive, as to the dating scene in this local area. I`ve asked other ladies and they have pretty much all quit dating here too. It is a very brutal dating scene in this golfing resort area. This is just what I have run into in my present enviroment. I know that not all men are this way, and I did not mean to offend you. But where I live right now with the type of men that mostly reside here, I would not accept a dinner date. Assumptions would generally be made here. But this is an isolated unique area, not the norm.
I don`t like putting myself in stressful and confrontational situations. If I am educated that this type of thing is pretty prevalent in this environment, I`m just not going to leave myself open to it. It`s not so much the restaurant, it`s the mindset of the type of guy. I don`t like to stereotype, but when it happens like 3 times in a row, it`s kind of hard not to. It`s the rich horney old guy trying to get some from the younger woman in exchange for dinner syndrome. I learn. It won`t happen again. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 1:21:50 PM | LOL Merry just say no and laugh them off. Users come in both male and female forms when it comes to meals. I know women who will date any man who asks them for a meal date. I know men who think buying a meal for a woman entitles them to sex. I would call none of those people, in those 2 groups, friends.
If it's a first meet and a meal, I offer to pay my own meal.
If asked out and the place is pricey, and I am really hungry - I warn my date, and offer to pay my own meal.
As most good people have said - it's about the company - I don't want to have to worry about the bill all night. I would rather enjoy a good conversation, and laughter with you.
If a man expects to receive sex in return for a meal with me, he will be disappointed. I have no problems disappointing someone with that mindset.
Life is meant to be lived and not over thought too much | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 1:39:47 PM | Hmmm
If you can't order what you would like without fear of being judged as a gold digger don't go.
Having to judge what you're going to eat based on what the other is ordering and sizing up one's ability to pay is definitely a sign of paranoia and paranoid people are not worth dating.
Hopefully y'all would want to eat with someone you'd like to so why not work it out with who your going to eat with?
Why not expect to enjoy the company instead of searching for things not to like.
Wait a minute what am I saying?
Just stay paranoid and seek out others that share the same irrational fears. It is rather funny how many ways you can figure out that men are just cheapskates that want sex from a mommy figure. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:41:09 PM | If I ask you out to dinner, I am expecting to pay because it was my idea and I would want you to get whatever you want. I'm not going to take you to a fine seafood restaurant and expect you to think that you could only order the Chicken Fingers from the kids menu.
I have seen where at a nice place that when I order a Chicken entree from the menu I could tell that my date did sort of go into a mode of ordering light or cheap because since I was ordering one of the cheaper meals then she thought I expected her too as well. I just happen to love a great Chicken Fettucine Alfredo over the Filet Mignon most days. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:47:59 PM | | And on the other side, I have been invited out to dinner during a relationship and a date will tell me he knows I like a particular dish and wants me to try it at the restaurant and he will eat small fare because of a big/business lunch. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:59:19 PM | | outofthedesert, that was really sweet of him.. I hope you accepted it, or did you think he didn't have enough money? To me he just wants you to have a good meal, and since he had a big lunch at work, he was going to eat light. He could have said it so you wouldn't think you had to order light too. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:31:09 AM | outofthedesert
why do all the REAL ladies live so damn far away.
I would see it as an honour to buy you a meal and drinks and to be able to do this in your company ..
That IMO is what its about, being in good company, good conversation , not who can afford the most or who should pay.
It is also feeling comfortable with each other........its not too see who wins a prize.
You are a very very very attractive lady, guys should feel honoured on that alone to be dining with you. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:11:43 AM | You know -- I believe that most of the actions we take in our lives boil down to one driving motivator: What's the Return on our Investment?
For example -- I have several vehicles -- with rising gas prices, I make certain choices about the grade of gasoline I fill-up with (primarily) based on the value/quality of the car in question. There's a Trade-Off at-hand -- some will say that a higher octane selection will give you a better mpg experience -- whichever grade you select, you run the Logic-Tree algorithm of Economy vice Performance. For most of us, that Logic-Tree algorithm is dramatically different when we're deciding what grade of gas to put in a rental car -- see where I'm going with this yet?
We tend to take better care of things we value, and want to keep around for awhile -- I think the same goes for relationships -- if a man values a woman, he won't pinch pennies on her, and the woman won't empty his bank account. I think when a woman orders from the menu, she should consider what she would order if she was the one paying for it -- that's a good rule to go by -- kind of like the saying: "The BEST gift is one you would buy for yourself" | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:51:21 AM | I usually either discuss going "dutch" (when I can afford it) and then getting whatever I want without having to give it another thought...OR I get something light and inexpensive, even if it means I have a snack ahead of time to ensure I won't be hungry.
The meal shouldn't really be a problem...there are so may other things to worry about without making a dinner out one of them, lol. | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:17:38 AM | oldkid said
It seems that most times when I ask a lady to dinner, I know she has a very limited budget and I expect to cover the cost. The only thing that pisses me off is when she orders a big meal, eats a little, and then wants to do the doggie box thing....I feel used as a meal ticket!! Kinda goes with the line "what did you buy me?" NOT!!
Oh wow...I usually take some of my food home in a box! It never really occured to me that anyone would think I was "pulling something" when I do that... On the contrary, I've always just assumed a person would rather see the uneaten food go home with me than to see it go to waste.
Egads...ANOTHER thing to worry about!!! AAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!  | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:44:39 AM | It's not the box concept. When a lady orders a 12 oz steak instead of a 6 oz so she will have leftovers, that is where the problem comes from. Not to be a worry, I just don't want to feel like the grocery store for the week. LOL Don't know too many ladies that can handle a king cut prime rib and not too many older men either.  | |
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| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:56:20 AM | I`ve always ordered the least expensive or smallest thing on the menu, or just a side
order. But hearing some of the responses, it does make me frightened to do the wrong thing in ordering. I think it`s best to just not go to dinner when asked. I don`t want to do the wrong thing and upset my date. | |
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