| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:22:44 PM |
I think most of us were going for intelligent along with not being bitter. Somehow I took this personal from previous misunderstandings but I know this was not referring to me; however, I suddenly I feel the need to dispute earlier remarks. Sometimes if you don't dignify insults with a response it is believed by some that they are true.
I looked up "bitter" in the POF dictionary and it said: Most woman that post in the forums are considered this. They often hide or fail to acknowledge or even admit to this and perceive bitterness in others when in fact there is none.
I know you told me not to tell you what to do, but why are you being so hyper-sensitive and testy? If you tell me "it won't hurt" but it does, don't be surprised if you get a reactionary whack. Now is that being "hyper-sensitive?" The testiness comes from when you do something you said you weren't. If you are going to make false claims based on what I said, read carefully what I said and not just what you want to hear. If you tell me you're not doing something but you in fact are I object to that some may improperly interpret that as testiness.
Just because you have had a string of gold-diggers, does not mean all women are. Gold digging is a matter of degree, stay tuned for my definition.
I am sorry you are bitter. My intelligence and high brow humor is often dry and overlooked and harder to express in print. If you read my next sentence it was in reference to Barack Husein Obama's infamous comment.
Okay so maybe I am bitter and don't hold on to my guns and god but feel the need to straighten folks out while I eat my frozen(heat and serve) pizza all alone. The pizza comment was also a failed comedic attempt to protest the idea of a fancy high priced dinner.
If you go back and read my original post, I did not say men should spend a lot of money on dinner dates. In fact, I was referring to a few who had indicated I was not spending enough of their money: Part of how people deal in a situation is to insist on what they suspect may never happen. All of this is part of human interaction like when someone picks up the tab and you make a feigned attempt to grab it to imply that you want to pay. You know, the game of life. So what is said in any social situation I take with a grain of salt. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:24:01 PM | I know there are lots of intelligent men on here, they just aren't putting messages in my in box.......... They're saving up to buy you dinner before making contact because apparently it's the modern standard.
Just as Nicky said
Meet for the proverbial "coffee and chat" and see what happens.
Then they are wasting their time because I prefer coffee meets or dutch treat lunch dates and have made that quite clear.
Just because some woman or man has made an individual bitter.........or even several women or men, don't assume that the next one you meet is a jerk too.
Not picking on you (ha) Pick on me all you want, you have before. You have your opinions and you are entitled to them, just as I am. I just try not to make or take it personally.
| |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:40:39 PM |
it shouldnt have anything to do with the amount of money spent.
I agree.
i will and have spent good amounts on dinner bills , i have no trouble with paying, my problem is the quality of the dinner date companion.
This right there was something I mentioned above. This sounds to me like somehow it is her fault that you spent money on her and had the nerve to be someone you didn’t end up liking enough to keep dating. Of course if the person is absolutely a total opposite of what they portrayed I can understand feeling “disappointed” or even ‘angry”, but someone just simply not invoking a spark in you shouldn’t be held in such vile contempt. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:41:11 PM | I think two individuals can agree before setting out on how the "date" should go.
Rule of thumb
I ask her out-I pay
She asks me out-she pays
We choose to meet up-dutch
i will and have spent good amounts on dinner bills , i have no trouble with paying, my problem is the quality of the dinner date companion.
I will and have spent good amounts on dinner bills, I have no trouble with paying, my concern is the quality of the dinner date’s companion. (My Attitude) I little change in the construct of the sentence, has a whopping difference in meaning. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:38:45 PM | I guess I'm just an old-timer on this. If I ask a woman out for a dinner date, I feel it's my place to pick up the tab & tip. I've also had women invite me to get out and dine on them - something my father would've never done, something that often makes me a little bit uncomfortable, but something that is far more commonplace these days - so, I roll with it. When all is said and done, the dining experience and the memory-building from an enjoyable outing is most important. Always something I'm willing to invest in.
 | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:20:08 AM | | I always have a positive attitude and will have a great time with third rate food if the Company is pleasant. I have made lots of new friends even if I have not found the one. Who knows? They might just have someone they want you to meet, it has happened. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:57:17 AM |
also had women invite me to get out and dine on them - something my father would've never done, something that often makes me a little bit uncomfortable, but something that is far more commonplace these days - so, I roll with it. I've tried this and... I just can't do it. It's imbedded too deeply in my psyche. If you want our first fight, then pay for the meal. If you succeed, I hope you have enough left over for a cab because you'll be walking home. Just because it's commonplace doesn't mean I'll roll with it. I don't roll very well. lol. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:26:38 AM |
I've tried this and... I just can't do it. It's imbedded too deeply in my psyche. If you want our first fight, then pay for the meal. If you succeed, I hope you have enough left over for a cab because you'll be walking home. Just because it's commonplace doesn't mean I'll roll with it. I don't roll very well. lol.
...Did somebody pee-pee in da cornflakes this morning?
....maeflowers | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:24:34 AM | | ^^^lol... No. Just one of my quirks. Actually, it's all in the situation I think. If it's a casual "get to know" date, I pay. But I'm not completely unreasonable. If we've been together for a while, and in the interest of expediency the bill is payed by her, then it's ok. I mean, you don't want to miss OCanada at the hockey game do you? | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:32:57 AM | ....Not many like you around anymore Sammy.... and as for hockey, unfortunately, its all over for me.... Calgary's out of the playoffs... Wheres my beer ...I feel some tears coming on.
....*sniff, sniff*
....maeflowers
| |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:20:43 AM |
I've also had women invite me to get out and dine on them - something my father would've never done, something that often makes me a little bit uncomfortable, but something that is far more commonplace these days - so, I roll with it.
See, not so set in stone that he isn’t “flexible” about his policy.
If you want our first fight, then pay for the meal. If you succeed, I hope you have enough left over for a cab because you'll be walking home.
Actually, it's all in the situation I think. If it's a casual "get to know" date, I pay. But I'm not completely unreasonable.
I am hoping from the second response that the first one was an attempt at humor.
Unfortunately, I had the experience of a literal “my way or the highway” policy when I didn’t meet the “demands” of a date and (this is no exaggeration) was pushed out of the car on the side of a dark causeway. I had another even more scary incident happen a few years ago. So, the cab or walking home dilemma will never be faced again as I always take my own car when meeting/dating until an on going dating scenario is in place. I would think a gentleman would always take a woman home in the same condition as he found her no matter what transpired in the mean time. Especially, if all she did was offer to pay for herself or even insist if this was her “policy” based on times when others might have made her feel she was “freeloader”. My experience has made me no longer just assume I am meeting with a “gentleman”.
It would seem that in most cases if a “gentleman” and a “lady” were in each other’s presence that neither would “push” an issue to the point of an impasse with or offense to the other party. The problem is when both are completely stubborn in their “policies” that there is no understanding of why the other party might feel strongly that “she needs to pay for herself” or “he can’t bring himself to allow for her to pay”.
You can’t tell from how someone “looks” if they will be one with a mindset of “he should pay” or “she better not try to pay”. This should be touched upon before the meeting, especially if you are one of those with a strict policy. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:38:27 AM | lol we need more women then like you...These women order the most expensive food lol... | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:52:45 AM |
I am hoping from the second response that the first one was an attempt at humor. A poor metaphorical one at that. lol.
You did remind me of abandoning a date once though. We had dinner and drinks, then walked around the club area. We walked past a blues club and she said "oh lets go in this one" So in we go and she gives the doorman a freakin huge french kiss. Ok. So we were in there for about 30 min and she spent about 25 minutes talking to him. I have no idea what they were chatting about, but they were *way too friendly. I handed $20 to a mutual friend we ran into at the club and said "tell her to take a cab home" and left. I saw her the next day and she was livid. Turns out he was her ex bf! And she was mad at me? lol... I should have told her friend the $20 was for the peek I took of her nipple during dinner.  | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:59:39 AM | Awe Sammy that just wasn't right of her to do that to you darlin. And you were a proper gentleman making sure she had cabfare. If I was put in that same spot, I would have simply walked! Period. I do not understand why it is that we have to rack up the amount of money we spend on dinner dates in order to meet "the one"?
I always pay my way unless the man is adamant on doing so. At times, I even suggest something inexpensive and with less pressure. Such as grabbin a burger and walking the beach, going for a drive. Gee, there are lots of places around where I live that don't cost a fortune! Last date I had? We had dinner at the warf, and was $13.00 a plate. Right resonable! | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:23:29 AM |
It would seem that in most cases if a “gentleman” and a “lady” were in each other’s presence that neither would “push” an issue to the point of an impasse with or offense to the other party. The problem is when both are completely stubborn in their “policies” that there is no understanding of why the other party might feel strongly that “she needs to pay for herself” or “he can’t bring himself to allow for her to pay”.
I guess it's due to my age , but if a man insists on paying, I let him. A lot of gentlemen in my age group feel strongly about this, and when I go out with someone, my intentions are to enjoy the company and have a good time, not argue.
I also usually provide my own transportation, until I know and trust the gentleman I am dating.
What amazes me the most is that there are still men in my age group who think paying for lunch or supper entitles them to fringe benefits. I usually inform them that I will be happy to pay for my half of the cost. I also never assume that all men are like this, or I wouldn't still be on a dating site | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:56:52 PM |
What amazes me the most is that there are still men in my age group who think paying for lunch or supper entitles them to fringe benefits. Ok.. I've seen this enough times here to actually start believing this. Blows me away. But I guess so, since I actually met a woman (sister's friend) who admitted to dating so she can eat in nice restaurants. "You mean you're a prostitute!?" I laughed. She didn't. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:01:20 PM | She didn't laugh Sammy? 
By my standards, any woman who admits to dating/dining a man simply to get a free meal, is nothing short of a prosty! It gives the rest of us legitimate ladies a bad name for God's sake. I thought this type of activity went out with the dinos? Apparently that is not true... | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:36:33 PM |
I guess it's due to my age , but if a man insists on paying, I let him. A lot of gentlemen in my age group feel strongly about this, and when I go out with someone, my intentions are to enjoy the company and have a good time, not argue.
I think “age” has a lot to do with it. I haven’t found very many men in my “bracket” that accept an offer of leaving the tip let alone paying even if it is just coffee or lunch. I usually try to find out before how he feels about it, but if for some reason I didn’t or it seemed vague I will offer (though I guess Sam would kick me to the curb) but I don’t ever push the issue. When lunch or dinner goes real well and sometimes is early enough and a Part 2 of the same date is suggested like a movie I will usually try to take care of that and in some cases it is accepted graciously. (is that OK Sam?)
As was mentioned in the OP , I have on occasion had the “is that all you are going to have?” comment. Sometimes you just aren’t starving or maybe you’re a little nervous so not much of an appetite. I have never done it because I thought he might get miffed about the cost of something I ordered, but as was also mentioned I usually take my cues from him. I think perhaps OOTD, Celtic and a few others as well as myself were raised by mothers that felt you should follow the man’s lead.
What amazes me the most is that there are still men in my age group who think paying for lunch or supper entitles them to fringe benefits. I usually inform them that I will be happy to pay for my half of the cost. I also never assume that all men are like this, or I wouldn't still be on a dating site.
While I also have encountered quite a few that would like “fringe benefits” on the first or first few dates, it has been a very long time since I got the old “but, I spent X amount on you, I should get something”. Doesn’t mean they didn’t think it, but it hasn’t actually been said to me in a long time. I always chalk those up to one or two women (maybe more if the guy is a hunk) in 20 years must have said “yes” so they stick with that game plan. I agree though if it happened every time I met someone I would have given up a long time ago.
I also have known a few of those women that date only for “free” meals, movies, shoes for their kids, rent and so forth. That is why I fully understand if a I run across a guy that doesn’t want to over extend his wallet right away. I have seen it action. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:41:51 PM |
I do not understand why it is that we have to rack up the amount of money we spend on dinner dates in order to meet "the one"?
I'll gladly take a hammer to my little piggy bank for the right guy haha
...maeflowers | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:46:53 PM | | I had one date last year and we arranged to meet at the coffee shop and he arrived there before me, ordered his own coffee and of course when i got there paid for my own. He did not offer to get up from his seat to greet me nor offered to pay for my drink either. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:57:51 PM |
I had one date last year and we arranged to meet at the coffee shop and he arrived there before me, ordered his own coffee and of course when i got there paid for my own. He did not offer to get up from his seat to greet me nor offered to pay for my drink either.
...Hmmm, by the sounds of things, you went out with the same guy I did....now, did he ask for a receipt and was he carrying a little brown change purse ?
...maeflowers | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:19:08 AM |
He did not offer to get up from his seat to greet me nor offered to pay for my drink either. Eeeek.... I'd be too afraid to have a poltergeist experience, courtesy of my mother, if I didn't at least get up!! | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:29:18 AM | msg 198~~~~moonchild you are a great woman!!!! i agree with you!!!!
i doubt there are many women out there who accept dates simply to get a nice free meal. but if you are invited by a man please eat what you would normally eat. if you are heavy don't order the salad as if you are now just starting to diet. that's joke. if you are thin and order the salad that is understandable but please just be natural. here's some advice: if it's a first date please do not order the surf and turf with crab appetizer along with 2 $10 pina coladas and a sherry for dessert. moderate fare please or you look like a user/taker. | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:09:40 AM | ^^Might you be telling me that if we were to go on a date, you would not
buy me a "penis coladas" or two? Tis ok my friend. I will buy my two and even buy you one! | |
|
| Money spent on dinner dates
Posted: 4/24/2008 12:48:08 PM | | I like your strategy... "pick up the check and wish him a good life". This is an issue I'm just beginning to struggle with (I've just started dating again after being married for 14 years). I'm kind of old school, I give the guy a lot of encouragement and wait for him to initiate the first date and I do expect to be treated. Given a choice I prefer low-cost (coffee) or no -ost first dates (art galleries, park concerts). If we continue to see eachother, taking turns paying is okay. Whipping out a calculator to split the check each time we go out seems too cold. | |
|
Home
login 
