| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:02:42 AM | | I find it rather disgusting that you would come here and ask us to condone cheating. If you are not happy, either leave or work to improve the situation. Don't come here and tell us that you are thinking about cheating and ask for approval as if you are indecided as to what color of dress you want to buy. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:43:02 PM | Please do yourself a big favor,no matter what....DON'T CHEAT!!!
If you're miserable,get yourself in position to depend only on yourself financially,and,otherwise....then get out legally and do your thing.
Good Luck! | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:24:20 PM | OP, I believe cheating is the most disrespectful thing one human being can do to another. If you aren't happy in the relationship, you need to end that relationship before starting another one. It's really as simple and as complicated as that. If you cheat, it will be a bell you cannot unring. It will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will feel guilty every time you think about it, every time you look at your man, every time you look in the mirror.
If your sexual needs aren't being met, buy a vibrator, practice self love, or do without. If your emotional needs aren't being met, communicate, get some counseling, read some books ~ help yourself. Cheating is never the answer to anything, as all it will do is create more problems and more pain. Is that really the kind of person you want to be? | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:28:35 PM | | I was married for 21 years and my ex cheated on me.. he said he wasn't in love the year. It was a robbery! Truth is love is a choice and I suggest you go for help and figure out why you are not intimate (which was not our problem) and then rebuild. Trust me starting over is not easier.. those vows mean something.. you will not be sorry! | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:10:13 AM | You finally get yourself some self respect = learn to be a real person not a user leach and support yourself - then you leave as your using him to pay your way!!
IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO BE REAL????????????????????????????? | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:06:15 PM | Interesting reading.....
Quite a subject OP picked. She's long gone, and it's still a hot topic.
eazk-- right on, sir. right on...... | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:22:53 PM | Presuming that:
a) you haven't posted your dilemma AFTER the fact, or
b) the entire scenario ISN'T merely fabricated to stir up the POF relationship gurus,
c) your husband DIDN'T treat you like a mere possession throughout your marriage,
I will offer the following advice given that I am a marginally employed drunk who's once lasted a year and a half in a relationship; I think it's safe to say I know thing or two about relationships.
If your loins are on fire for a lusty engagement or passionate romance that your husband cannot or will not fulfill, by all means explore your other options. Be steadfastly discreet so that there is little chance of discovery, and if you believe in God, keep in mind that He will see what it is you're doing. Or just deny yourself the pleasure and eventually die wondering what could have been. Free will is such a wonderful gift! | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:30:06 PM | | You been with him for almost 20 years.If I were you I wouldn't cheat.Sit down and talk with him about your feelings. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:37:10 PM | . You like him and you laugh together...perhaps you should talk to him, as well. Remind him of the very essence of marriage, sex between a man and a woman. But as for the other stuff, well, honey, it sounds like you are already cheating, in your heart. Cease that immediately, find a pro-marriage (as opposed the normal, pro divorce sort) counselor. Remember, yourself, that you have EVERYTHING you need to have a satisfying and wonderful relationship already. He probably senses that there is a problem, but like many satisfied men in a relationship, is waiting for you to tell him. (Otherwise he might rock the boat, eh?)
Its really up to you. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:07:34 PM | I WOULD SAY NO WAY. That is a road that once you go down you can never go back.
I think you would hate your self after. I have had that done to me, It took me a long time to get over. So please don't go down that road.................... | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:44:38 PM | | Be an adult and have enough respect to end this if it is not working like one. Talk to your partner and either try to work it out or do the right thing and end it the right way. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:49:06 PM | | That's a lot to throw away. Remove yourself from the cheating situation. Whoever it is you want to cheat with - stop all contact. The feeling will pass. If you decided to do it - never tell anyone. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:46:58 AM | ...so sorry to hear of your conundrum panda40
love... and falling in love... and staying in love are all subject to the openness of your heart and the distractions acting upon it.
i do not think that seeking another's company will improve things between you and your husband and may upset the bonds and dynamics within your family.
perhaps if you sit still and think about what is at the core of your unhappiness you might realize that could you treat your mate with the same new eyes and sense of discovery that you feel compelled to experience with a new love interest, that the flames of love you seek can be fanned to a new intensity and take you to the blissful union you are now missing with him.....
....perhaps you could find some new way to approach him and remind him of the passions you shared in the past and entice him with dreams of new passions yet to be uncovered...surprise him with a candle lit bubble bath....play soft and seductive music while you soap his tired body after work....tell him you have missed his love and attention and promise to make up for moments lost...
...don't give up on love....it's all that really matters in the end. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:02:29 AM | If the tables were reversed, would you want to be the one that has been cheated on? You say you two never are intimate anymore, well, he isn't getting the close physical connection either. Is he considering cheating????
I think you both need to figure out if you want to fix this bad enough to do what it will take to get it all back,,,,,, or just move on..... but Don't cheat!! Leave someone first! End one relationship before you begin another.....
Food for thought...........the grass isn't always greener on the other side, the brown spots are just in different places | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:03:48 AM | | If you're low enough to stay with someone you don't love and use them for financial support you'll probably have no problem cheating so anything said to the contrary in here is a waste of time. If you aren't a lowlife you should stand up, make your own way and get out of the relationship. It would be the respectable thing to do. | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:50:30 AM | hi,
it's not necessary to cheat. You can split up, get job training, and child support and become independent. You'll like yourself more, be happier and probably attract a quality type of guy. If you like him, do you think it's fair to him for you to use his financial support and give your love to some other guy ??? Don't you think it would be fair to your partner of 20 years to release him from your relationship so that he can be free to find someone who does love him ? | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:58:49 AM | do u cheat after 19 years, no you dont. If you do not love him in the way you should as husband and wife, if there is no loving or affection there, why cant you talk to him about it. If things dont get to how a marriage should be then you call it a day, im sorry but why are you financially dependant on him, do you not work, and the excuse of the children is a lame one. im married with 4 children aged 3 - 19, i have called it quits on my marriage, not because i want to cheat, but because life is tooo short to live your life with what ifs. I will not settle for half measures and neither should you, sort the marriage out or get out, get some independance and support yourself, you should never be with a man for financial gain. If you get on so well why should you split on bad terms, i havnt with my husband, in fact we get on better now we are apart. Maybe one day we will give our marriage a go but until things change we wont.
I dont mean to sound harsh, but this isnt a rehearsal this is it, make the most out of it cos you never know whats round the corner.
x | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 8:06:41 AM | by the sounds of it you are already cheating if only in your mind or through conversations your having with someone you would like to be intimate with.
Instead of cheating there are a couple of options open to you
a) TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE ALREADY IN, AND TRY AND UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE NOW IN SOME WAY DISATISFIED WITH IT, THEN TRY AND CHANGE IT.
B) LOOK AND THE TIME AND LOVE THAT YOU HAVE INVESTED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP AND BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GIVE THIS UP FOR UNCERTAINTY AND SEX.
C) WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES ON OFFER, REMEMBER THE GRASS ISNT ALWAYS GREENER SOMETIMES ITS ASTROTURF.
THEN WHATEVER YOU DO DONT CHEAT IT WILL LEAVE A BITTER TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH AT THE END OF THE DAY. JUST BE GROWN UP AND GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP, GIVE YOURSELF SOME SPACE AND THEN EMBARK ON OTHER RELATIONSHIPS
SURELY AFTER 19YEARS THIS MAN WHO YOU STILL PROFESS TO LIKE AT THE VERY LEAST DESERVES YOUR HONESTY AND RESPECT AS IT SOUNDS LIKE EVEN YOU THINK HE IS A DECENT HUMAN BEING.
GOOD LUCK | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 8:08:19 AM | | oh and if your financially dependant on him you could try changing that first by getting a job ... just a thought | |
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| do I cheat after almost 20 years?
Posted: 8/4/2008 2:33:07 PM | Great guy looks after you for almost 20 years kids love there Dad you have alot of laughs together and you want to cheat...
Great insight into the mind of women here...
Learn Boys learn mostly there all one and the same, same goes for men...... | |
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