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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:23:51 AM | Obsidian~After a statement like that, I had to go read your profile. If you're a "bad" boy, you hide it well, lol. Methinks you are one of those nice guys who is quiet about it.
Nexthyme~Don't give up. It may not be here, but keeping a good attitude will bring us closer to the salmon bake. | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:25:37 AM |
Obsidian~After a statement like that, I had to go read your profile. If you're a "bad" boy, you hide it well, lol. Methinks you are one of those nice guys who is quiet about it.
You're so right. I can't even fake being a Bad Boy. My one night stands tend to turn into 900 night stands LOL. | |
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gvnage
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Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 53 | |
| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:55:29 PM | | Well dear, its your body, and absolutely you have the say so on the get go. I would also add though, that there is always a 2 way street. He may have done some immature pouting bc he didnt get his way with you. Thats ok, he'll get over himself. On your end though, sounds like you kina sent him mixed messages. Men are sexual creatures, and it doesnt take much to get them on topic. Thats not a bad thing. If they didnt have drive, we wouldnt have the continuation of the species. Its just that we women forget this about them too, and we have to be exceedingly clear. And yet, we have drives too. Though we want it, we know its better to wait, and therein lies the fuel to feed the mixed message fire we build. I am not blaming or judging you, but I can only wonder if you thought that maybe next time you wont have 'phone sex', when you arent ready for sexual encounters with someone. I just know that we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves too. To me 3 dates w/ someone is not enough time to get to know them well enough that the topic of sex is even approachable. But, I acknowledge that that is my personal opinion, and yours may be different. Hope this was helpful | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:38:51 PM | | I agree with gvnage. It really did seem like you were sending mixed messages. You flirted sexually over the phone, but weren't interested in having sex. You agreed to an all night date ... then backed out. That might be what was fueling his frustrations. Still, it doesn't excuse his subsequent behavior. | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:16:52 PM | serebral, gvnage , I understand your points, and YES, one thing that has been a challenge is being frank and up front about sex. I was a medical professional for many years, and seen many many MANY nude people daily. At work we chatted about every thing, and that included human sexuality. Do this for 18 yrs, and talking about sex as a normal human function doesn't seem like some perverse come on; but rather an adult conversation.
I forget I suppose that some men even at the age of 50 think a woman is coming on to them, if they ask questions, and get a response back.
As I stated in my original post (quote)I flirt with him A BIT sexually OVER THE PHONE, just seeing his views of sex,(/quote) No it wasn't phone sex, (yes I do know exactly what phone sex is) just general attitude about sex, LIKE, did he believe as a Catholic to wait for marriage, or what was his thoughts and teachings, since he had taught at a Catholic school...
My up bring as a Mormon was NO SEX until marriage, and then there were a heck of a lot of restrictions, and no use of birth control.
As someone getting to know someone, I am interested in their thoughts, and I do want to know what their expectations are.
As well I did state that I was trying to have "OLD FASHION POLITENESS", which can be a down fall when I agree to something I don't want to do. I would find it highly disagreeable, and horrible to be in the middle almost getting to the full act, and saying no...
However this was well over 24 hours before the date, which should be well within the realm of acceptable changing of my mind, and standing up for myself, instead of going along out of politeness...
YES, we women have drives too, and sometimes it does seem like it would be nice to race head long into something, throwing caution to the wind. However fortunately common sense took over, and I said no before things got to far.
I don't have any regrets, nor do I look back and feel like I did anything horrible. People get disappointed, at least I was up front with things instead of just disappearing because I wasn't ready for that.
OK, I will stop defending myself, and shut up... 
I understand, and agree, sometimes we women have to be constantly on guard to not say anything that may turn a man on, least he be disappointed or frustrated that we weren't ready for sex at that time... THX | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:47:31 AM | | OP, you dodged a bullet. sounds like an abuser to me. and i've got the experience/scars myself to say that. they're really clever--manipulative, charming, convincing from the get go--but whatever goes wrong is all your fault, because, after all, they're " the nicest, best guy you'll ever meet". beware.....and hope you never hear from him again. | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:15:33 AM | | Op, I work in an environment with mostly men. And yes, some of them you just have to be standing there for them to get turned on. But, the way you conduct yourself has a lot to do with the way they respond to you. Whatever this man's issues may be, it takes two to tango. Maybe you should look at your contribution to the situation too. | |
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| When nice guys go bad...
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:35:04 AM | SoI am neither a "Bad Boy" or "Nice Guy" - "I am who I am and that's all that I am" and that's from the Bible if you don't know.
Shouldn't that be "I yam what I yam and that's all I yam?" And isn't that from Popeye?
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AS someone already said - A true good guys doesn't have to brag about it. He won't turn bitter and angry when he doesn't get his way. He also isn't going to slime on the nice guy routine so thick to prove he's a nice guy, it is just naturally who he is so it won't change with circumstances. IMO.
"I yam what I yam" | |
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