| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:50:40 AM | i would say abalutely not!
i cant, it's way to complacated for me to do that.. i have to have deep feelings for that person first .. i have to know that i like them and they like me. i have to know that they r doing this for more then a good feeling, in odder for me to cum ...now i may be willing to be orgasim donner, but im not willing to be a boy toy ... | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:07:53 AM |
Apparently you don't think fantasies should be a part of a healthy sex life between two people.
To each their own and I'm glad you know what works for you.
In the good old days, when I was in a relationship, making love was something done over a long period of time.
But to break it down into a one-day event; making love started out by waking up in a cuddly position, proceeded through a little play time, some fun during breakfast, activities thoughout the the day, with unplanned intimate moments, sometimes withholding the intercourse until later in the day, when the sexual tension elevates to unbearable levels.
However, when I am with a partner, making love is something I also do in the NOW moment. I am focused on US. I don't ALLOW him to enjoy his body just as he doesn't ALLOW me to enjoy mine. We enjoy each other....
Maybe YOU are saying the same thing ??????????????? (or you are a control freak?)
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:12:01 AM | In my case NO, to sex and NO to making love if I am not committed or bonded to the person.
Now can I play with a person, role play(alternative lifestyle that does not include sex) certainly. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:12:23 AM | | Men can easily--As for me--never-- Society has changed sooooooooo much--I want the love, comittment before the sex--just works better that way and to date--can not find a man who can wait until the love is there- | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:27:32 AM | Well that's a complicated question and the perception may exist in one but not the other. Being "in love" at the beginning of a relationship has a lot to do with hormones, so I think the way people most commonly talk about that is more to do with those "high" feelings. Love is a universal thing and has a lot to do with acceptance and you have to know somebody before you can accept them and they can accept you. The person you are basing that expression of "love" has not revealed themself to you in true color yet. You won't know until you've been together long enough.
Making love feels good. Why question it more than that? It's a process of discovery that happens when you choose to further the relationship to that level. If it doesn't work out, you learn what you need to learn and move on.
Don't question love. Just accept the lesson. Love is the teacher. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:55:57 AM | But to break it down into a one-day event; making love started out by waking up in a cuddly position, proceeded through a little play time, some fun during breakfast, activities thoughout the the day, with unplanned intimate moments, sometimes withholding the intercourse until later in the day, when the sexual tension elevates to unbearable levels.
Got me a bad case of the vapours after this one albinodino.... oh damn... wait.... is that a girly thing I'm doing??? *sigh* Oh hell, even if it is, I'm still going to fantasize about it... just not going to tell you with who I'm envisioning it with or reveal if I was ever in love with this person.
Maybe YOU are saying the same thing ??????????????? (or you are a control freak?)
Who me??? Moi?? 
No way...... you must be mistaking me for Mistress LL...... my other personality. Now, where did we put that taser....
You're a fun sparring partner AD.....  ..... I tip my hat to you!!! | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:19:40 PM |
NO how can you just jump into bed with someone that means nothng to you!
Please read the entire opening post.... you missed a crucial part of the debate:
This is not about sex or one night stands. This is about being in a relationship, whether it be FWB or at the beginning of a possible LTR where you are not IN love with that person, but you do care for them. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:25:02 PM | After reading some of these responses, I realize that I am going to be celibate for a long time.
POF is better than a cold shower, what a turn off.
Thanks for the reality check.
Oh well. *shrug* | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:39:42 PM | Just seen this little trail and thought, what the hell, may as well add to the confusion (or let someone give me crap for saying my 2 cents :) ). The original question notes how you could jump into bed with someone that means nothing to you. For that, most people need the partner to mean something to them, at least caring about about them. However, some folks could run into a potential partner, have the immediate physical attraction to them, and jump in the sack with them, if anything to live out one of their own fantasies (ie say the guy/lady is a fireperson (to be PC, though my friends will say I'm hardly that :) and you've never been with a fire "person" before.
You could both go to bed together due to feeling safe with one another, might not care for the other person, but you know that nothing is expected/assumed with the act you two perform with one another (how come when two people make love/have sex, it's called an "act" yet then one or the other gets mad if they interpretted more into it ;).
You could both wait months (yes, there are folks out there, myself included, where they can wait (and I mean even without the use of BOB's per se (or a guy's equivalent)) until the right moment. You could then plan a special evening, have all the mood right, flower petals, oils, scented candles, music, etc, and have a very passionate evening together (with more to follow one would hope).
End result, can you "make love" to someone who (reinterpretting the original words) ya don't give two sh*ts about? No. Can you have a knock down, drag out, dirty romp with each other, and at the end have a great time? Sure. What it all comes down to is what value do you put on your body, exposing yourself (physically and emotionally), in the act you perform with the person. Long as both agree to what both want to do, then have at 'er, but be sure (both sides) of what is expected, and what's *not* expected.
My saying has always been,"Having sex leaves you satisfied. Making love leaves you breathless." Read into that what you may, and hope ya all have a great weekend outside (least in Kitchener its sunny, and it's time ta bbq :).
Ciao for now.
P.S. If you think my name means I'm "looney" then you really need to get a bit more booksmart. :) | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 1:04:55 PM | Congratulations LOON!
You are message # 69!!
Have we taken into account 'SLEEPWALKERS'?
So you travel several blocks [asleep]
screw a gal/dudes brains out, dreaming he/she
is your 'ideal'.
His/her mate wakes, gives you $100 bucks,
thinks you are the sex therapist on call!
[do you issue a receipt? covered by Medicare?] | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:10:37 PM |
..."[*holding BOB like a mic*]
Love me tender . . .
Love me true . . .
Until he replaces you!..."...............Myth
I think you CAN make love to someone you DON'T love. I believe though that you DO need to have some tender feelings for them. Maybe 'close' to love. If you don't care for them at all, then - no - it's just sex. But for me? I'd rather have the 'love' factor. If it's just an itch that needs to be scratched, I've got a 'BOB' too, and I own stock in Duracell.  | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 2:49:31 PM | I think the general answer to the question would be yes since human beings appear to be a vector for sexual relations.
No you do not need be in love with love a person to make love to them. I emphasize the works "make love" because this suggests affection, understanding, and commitment. We are not always "in love," but we can love one another. So the key point here for me is not in the semantics. We choose to love a partner as an act of will and commit ourselves to them. We flow like water and bend like a read to enable love and make it work. This all depends on mutual chemistry and on ourselves. I think "in love" begins with chemistry (even if one-sided) and does not last unless you work at it. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:27:12 PM |
This whole thread is dedicated to the manipulation required to find people who support her ideas, no matter if it is senseless.
I came to the same conclusion when I read the following quote:
A few posters have grasped the concept of my opinion....
this did sound like the op was seeking validation for her own pov.
but I must say it is wonderful gaining insight to each and every ones own opinion on this.
but, this line helped to redeem a few points with me...lol
whatevah!
imo........sex can still be that magical, exciting, fulfilling, heart stopping, mind blowing, itching-a-scratch, connection that when shared with someone we actually like.....can be the icing to ones life's cake. 
here's a few quotes that I love about sex....and love, that I think many from this forum can find truth in to suit their stance on this topic:
' Sex alleviates tension and love causes it .'
' Don't confuse sex and love , Mr. Hart. It will spoil both of 'em for you .'
' Sex is emotion in motion .'
' The only people who make love all the time are liars .'
(I love this one) ' Early love , chemically based, is when you love the way the other person makes you feel. It is self-centered, feel-good love . Mature love , which comes later in a relationship , is love for whoever a person is. It is other-centered .'
-- Sonja: ' Sex without love is an empty experience .'
-- Boris : ' Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best .'
' I look at you, I see what I want to see . That's what love is .'
' Love is like some f0cking force of nature. You can't trick it ... you sure can't control it . That's the great part, that's the ride . Enjoy it .'
one last one from Shakespeare: ' Love is merely a madness .' | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:51:13 PM | Re the Opost
IMO, making love with another person, reaching joint climax, it is one of the ultimate pleasures in life for us mortals and a spit in the face of the Grand Reaper. One does not make love to but with another human, "making love to" is IMO equivant to selfish sex.
IMO again, the crucial factor is not being in love, but having passion. It is passion that turns sex into love making, passion by both partners.
In the absence of passion, sex is sort of a sport, like pumping iron for example or jogging or a game if squash. With passion (for life), it is an exquisite experience of love making.
Thus:
"Do you need to be IN love to MAKE love to that person?"
No, I need to feel passion and vice-versa, passion for life!
"...That being said, notice I said make love TO someone, not WITH someone. There is a difference..."
I addressed that above.
"...where you are not IN love with that person, but you do care for them...."
Care? I am not sure caring leads to making love, caring per se IMO leads to non-sexual "actions". It is passion for life, shared by two people, that makes it "love making". | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:55:35 PM | You can have sex with someone yes, but to call any of it love if you feel no attraction to that person is pointless.
What I am trying too say is I personally cannot have sex with a woman unless I find her attractive, and also have some bondness too her, this I feel is why I have never cheated on a woman, because I need to know the person well and also feel and have fallen in love with her, I could not go with a woman just to get my end away so too speak.
So you have too be in love too make love, any other is getting your end away or just plain having sex, like a person in a porno you wouldnt say they are making love would you.
Love is a word of bonding with something, if you have a very good friend of many years, and you ended up in bed with them this I suppose would be making love, because you have always loved this person, however if you have known someone for a few weeks and ended up in bed with them, it is sex until you have known and grown to love this person then it becomes making love.
I written this as I am thinking about it so do not know if it makes sense too anyone, but its how I feel and only my opinion. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 3:58:29 PM |
This whole thread is dedicated to the manipulation required to find people who support her ideas, no matter if it is senseless.
I came to the same conclusion when I read the following quote:
A few posters have grasped the concept of my opinion....
this did sound like the op was seeking validation for her own pov.
Okay.. you got me... now that I've reread the way I worded that... you're right! It doesn't sound the way I had intended it to!! Get out the paddle and give me a smack!! LOL
I'm glad I was able to redeem myself with the statement that followed, though. One thing I truly enjoy about these forums is the wide range of opinions and perspectives. More than a handful of times I have read something that someone has contributed and it has made me sit back and ponder their words or even rethink my own take on a topic.
Mz taken, thank you for your contributions of those wonderful quotes.... food for thought each and every one of them. | |
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| Can you make love to someone you are not in love with?
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:38:42 PM |
Do you need to be IN love to MAKE love to that person?
IMHO, no. I believe you can make love to a person without being IN love with that person. That being said, notice I said make love TO someone, not WITH someone. There is a difference.
I agree too.
I think when people use the phrase "making love" they really mean "having MUTUALLY affectionate sex". Mutually affectionate is the important part, I think.
In other threads, folks talk about how long it takes to fall in love during a relationship, so unless it's an asexual relationship, all that time, they're not "making love" because they're not "in love" yet. But are very well having "mutually affectionate sex", and they like to think of it as "making love".
I cannot remember any sex with anyone I ever loved that one particular threshold instance I thought "Ah ha! THIS time we're 'making love', not just 'having sex'..." ;-).
Cowboy | |
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