| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:07:39 PM | WOW you mean there are women out there who cook and clean and do luandry.
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trying to get used to that concept!
I would like to get married but ONLY if that ring is not a sign of OUR slavery.
I sure do wish it was easy as looking at gender to tell what people are up to. Sure would simplify the whole thing. But it sure would get boring! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:40:18 PM | Merry, 0709, one of my dear friends fled California a few years ago after moving there to be closer to her brother and sister-in-law, and now deceased mother.
She described the people as "vapid"....couldn't stand it.....sounds like you and her know the same people.... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:41:37 PM |
I live in an upscale resort area
Are the men you meet visiting the resort or are they residents?
I haven`t met any, anywhere who are looking for a LTR or marriage, too many legalities involved . I have not yet met one guy who has said that he wants to fall in love and get married
That's very strange because I know several men who ARE interested in long term relationships. They are having trouble finding women that are interested. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:17:23 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^both^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Alot of men are divorced and say they will never marry again. Alot are also married but separated permanently from their wives, and for financial reasons will not divorce.
Many of these men are looking for lovers or consorts on the side. If they are of extreme wealth, and have several homes that they travel between, they prefer to have a "lady" at each place, and are more than willing to take care of them , if they are
of pleasing temperment and take care of him, while still respecting his freedom. This is very common among rich older men. I`m not making a judgement whatsoever. It is a lifestyle choice. To be honest, at least they are up front about it. I respect that more than trying to lie and cheat. I am not involved in these lifestyles, but this is often what it is here. It`s not the traditional set up. Yes there are a few that would still wish to marry, but much more so in the working class where additional income and shared expenses is a consideration.
Marriage amongst the affluent mature people is kind of considered "passe" and just not "chic" this season! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:50:27 PM | Huh, personally I have not found this situation to be a trend.
I've actually stayed away from dating anyone from the local snafus I visit when I'm out riding (bicycle year round) and from the couple of guys I've dated over the last 10 plus years - one guy proposed - and I rather turned it down and the other guy was just happy with the arrangement - as was I.
The 1st guy I mentioned has never been married, nor does he want kids (not a factor btw) and the 2nd guy I mentioned was a long time friend and had been in a very nice long time feud with ex with two children and DID NOT want the marriage factor anymore.
But I haven't really hit much of this ... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:37:32 PM | | I hope I don't push too many buttons with this, but to be honest, there's not much available that is desirable. Many a man will already be bitter from his experience. He's not likely to be excited by a woman who's bitter because of hers. I automatically exclude from my dating list anyone who I know to have uttered a "Men are x" type statement. Such people already think they know me and any evidence I might vulnerably provide will be ignored. Most such people live self fulfilling prophecies. The only ones who would bother to actually enter into their lives are those who are as they claim all men (or in men's case claim all women) are. They already know everyone in the world and have rejected them. Why should anyone bother to try and change their opinion. Relationship is about revealing ones self to another. If they already think they know me, I only create conflict if I reveal something different from what they "know." Its not much fun in such situations. Such people, in my opinion, are not worth trying to know and certainly are not ready to date. There are too many wonderfully unique people available that make life enjoyable. Most are not a match for me, but they make wonderful friends. Unfortunately few of them ever feel the need for a dating site. If you read most profiles and forums there is an overwealming tendency towards negativism which those expressing such views seek to confirm even in the face of evidence to the contrary. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:55:32 PM | Schwew Dood! So when did you become single?????
I'm waaaay past my anger and bitterness. Took me a few years as it was freaking thrown in my face quite nicely, and after I took the jerk back - it was done again, and again - till I found the word "NO!" in my vocubulary. Till then it hurt. Took me a few years till I found my voice and self and BASE.
I am a peaceful Ms. Tude who has an attitude with drivers only lately. :D Wish ya well! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:00:44 PM | | im not with you on this, i am in no hurry to get married again..i have been divorced almost 4 years now and am just starting to get back into wanting to date and build a strong relationship with someone.. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:13:47 PM | | mackevinized, are you this bitter all the time? i have yet to find a post that you have something remotely positive to say. your posts and i cannnot speak for everyone, but seems to say control freak, sure your entitled to your opinion, granted, but chill dude. | |
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| The Desperation of Life, Itself
Posted: 4/8/2008 12:47:53 AM |
Which leads me to my final theory...Men need women a heckuva lot more than women need men, especially in later years!
I've heard that one before, but question its soundness.
At any rate, your situation is apparently different from my own.
At my age, I like to think I finally know who and what I'm looking for.
So, I guess you could say I'm relatively "anxious" to find that special someone.
Life is short.
That said, this raises questions as to how one divorces oneself from someone truly loved, and/or concerning people who get married to those somehow less than truly loved?
Any way you slice it, it seems like a significant amount of time and investment down the drain.
So either of those issues considered may suggest the ostensible need for the extra time you speak of. Fortunately, I have managed to avoid both of those predicaments. | |
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| The Desperation of Life, Itself
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:42:45 AM | | The only man who was interested in marriage to me in the last 4 years asked alot of financial questions, and his favorite date was going through new model homes while he was drooling, with big sad eyes. I ran!!!!!! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:41:26 AM |
even in the face of evidence to the contrary
Evidence of any type is pretty well ignored by most people. We all like to believe what we believe. Facts are one of the worst things to try to bring into any discussion, especially if they are contrary to beliefs. Just check out the extent of various religious beliefs, for instance, which fly in the face of all kinds of objective evidence.
One of the huge facts that is reported on these forums is something like "I have not had a date in years.", even though, by and large, those reporting such a fact are normal, intelligent and attractive people. There are hordes of eligible candidates of both sexes constantly on the lookout for a new satisfying relationship. You pretty much have to build up significant and consistent barriers to keep yourself unattached for any length of time. The fact of not being successful is then transformed into the myth that the world is full of creeps, bums, players, drunks, liars and sex maniacs. Then one day a bonding happens, and suddenly the world is full of interesting, intelligent, dynamic individuals who make great friends.
Psychology is certainly a fascinating thing.... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:27:46 AM |
The only solution is time,yet,when I have mentioned this to these men,they act as if this isn't an issue,that they are already over it and on to the next!
We don't have to over analyse everything. We get cut, no biggie, you move on. It's also how men tend to raise children. At least that's how I raised mine. Sure there's time for reflection, but no more. The way I see it, we've been trying to figure out relationships for at least 6000 years. I'm not going to have an epiphany if I think about it lots. If anything, I'll just get confused.
Men need women a heckuva lot more than women need men,especially in later years! Hey hey woa! lol
I'm certainly not one. I don't really "need" (for the lack of a better word) a woman. I have a cleaning lady come over once a week. She even does my laundry, and once a month it's top to bottom. I come home from work and the place is spotless. If I'm dating someone, after a few months, they want me to dump the cleaning lady and do it myself. Screw that. I have better things to do with my time. Even if it's just vegging in front of a stupid sci-fi. It doesn't cost a lot. So why not?
I think men know what they want more than women do. You know, we don't over analyze anything. To prove the point, look at how we shop. If I need a tool, jeans, suit, or whatever I'm in and out in 5 minutes flat. Groceries take 15 minutes because I have to wait in line. As for what I want in an LTR who knows, so why waste my time trying decide. 
Once the healing is well on it's way, and you click in a big way, what's to decide? That is.... unless you're not quite ready for an LTR. If you walk around with that apple in your hand, you could lose it while your looking for a better one. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:45:31 AM | @rearguard2: Good points.
@merry0709: People would do well to have their houses, like their lovers, fit them properly. It is doubtful that cookie-cutter developer-aesthetic "model" homes cut it. So, ya, I'd probably run too. ;) | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:09:05 PM |
why is your beard green?
Merry knows the answer since she raised the question and I answered in another forum. I guess the rest of you will have to search if its that important. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:19:59 PM | I don't worry about men over 40 who are desperate. Maybe over 50 or 60.
Even then, I haven't had a proposal so I would say they are probably not looking for marriage, or maybe it is just me! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/8/2008 9:32:22 PM | I agree, The men I've met, over 50, are very cautious about getting married. They use the excuse that a legal piece of paper is just a piece of paper. Why are they so cautious? We take many risks in life, and if we didn't,then we wouldn't know anything. Why is marriage so different. If it doesn't work out, we aren't failures,it just another risk we learn from. Move on,get on with your life. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:04:43 AM | lindawink58 A child once burned learns not to play with fire. That's why guys my age on up are afraid to remarry. One good burning is enough. The next time a man is careful to check the coals to make sure the fire is out before he walks on them bare footed.   | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:23:27 AM | Where ARE all of these "cautious","not wanting to rush into anything" males?
Do they just exist in cyberspace?
I've not found any in real life examples!
Lindawink,I can tell you from a female perspective anyway,that marriage is not just another "risk" It involves two things very precious to most people...their heart and their money. Takes a HUGE amount of trust to give that over. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:07:49 AM |
Where ARE all of these "cautious","not wanting to rush into anything" males?
Do they just exist in cyberspace?
I've not found any in real life examples!
They've been put on notice to avoid women that have an unrealistic view of men and stick with women that realize everyone is different. When you change your outlook, your status will be upgraded from delusional to 'ready for a relationship' and normal men will get notice that you are ready. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:40:59 AM |
mackevinized, are you this bitter all the time? i have yet to find a post that you have something remotely positive to say. your posts and i cannnot speak for everyone, but seems to say control freak, sure your entitled to your opinion, granted, but chill dude.
Hey dude, Right, I'm a control freak. But I'm not very successful at it unless I control them to run away from me. I've found eating lots of garlic, beans and not brushing my teeth works very well. When someone thinks they can get close to me in spite of this, I stop bathing and ask for sex or make a marriage proposal.
In a thread that asks a negative question, I'm perfectly willing to show I'm the desperate villain and provide an example for the op and others to justify their postulations. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:45:26 AM |
Why are they so cautious?
Half of half a pension is one quarter of a pension. Try to figure it out......
Most divorces I have seen mean that the guy moves out of a nice comfortable life into a small, cheap apartment in an area he would never have dreamed of living in and worries about how to manage what is left of his income so that he can eat well enough to stay healthy. Up here the helpful government does all the collection for the Ex at source. It may be a mystery for you, but I think marriage is positively scary... | |
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