| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:30:23 AM |
Most divorces I have seen mean that the guy moves out of a nice comfortable life into a small, cheap apartment in an area he would never have dreamed of living in and worries about how to manage what is left of his income so that he can eat well enough to stay healthy. Up here the helpful government does all the collection for the Ex at source. It may be a mystery for you, but I think marriage is positively scary...
I knew I should have moved to Canada! 
When I got divorced, I packed everything I could fit into my car, took my dog and off I went. I left a house, and the ex had just inherited 1/2 million, and he never would have divorced me. BUT, it worked for me. I'm not rich, I live in low income housing for over 55, I have my furry friends, a good part-time job and peace when I lay my head down at night.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:46:28 AM | ^^^
Half of half a pension is one quarter of a pension. Try to figure it out......
No kidding. But look at it this way, we get a new futon!
Women do not gamble their life in marriage. A man does. And women wonder why we hesitate? Haha... I've yet to hear a judge tell a woman "go flip burgers". Is it any wonder why women are three quarters more likely to initiate divorce than men? It's a home run for them and a chance to start over with no bills, big furnished home, and a pension!
Marriage is an extremely BIG gamble for men, and a winning lottery ticket for women that has a 67-74% percent chance of being cashed in.
I want another life partner, but co-habitation is not a possibility. At best it would be one week at my place, one at hers, summers at the lake, and we can snowbird together. I have absolutely no reservations about paying for the lifestyle while we're together. But if she wants out, then it's all the way out. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:07:19 AM | Well.. Its not just men, its both men and women. Now please see this is not case with everyone.
They are desperate cause, they are not getting younger.. and the older they get the chances off meeting the right person are less and less… you don’t really meet too many people with whom you are compatible and attracted too..
In some cases you try harder and to some it comes across as desperation.. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:27:44 PM | Women do not gamble their life in marriage. A man does. And women wonder why we hesitate? Haha... I've yet to hear a judge tell a woman "go flip burgers". Is it any wonder why women are three quarters more likely to initiate divorce than men? It's a home run for them and a chance to start over with no bills, big furnished home, and a pension!
Sam.. please remember not alllll of us are from Canada.. and I believe.. even some laws/rules.. apply differently between those provinces.
Women and men gamble their lives the same way in the US. Here it's just a matter of who makes/made more money.. who's still making more money.. who has the health insurance plans in place.. who's considered as having the custody of the kid/s.. and how the visitation is divided up (hence the $ amount) between the two partners. Both may win if it is an amicable divorce.. however.. most times.. one loses.. sometimes.. lots.. of $$$. You're just talking $$$$$$$ though. My life doesn't and never will revolve around the almighty $$$$$$$.. so.. for me.. it was more a matter of his physical abuse of me. When I married.. it nearly cost me my life.. now THAT is a much higher risk to gamble. So... who wins and who loses money.. is irrelevant as far as I can see for wanting any long-term relationship. You obviously cherish/ed money and things of monetary value. I cherish me and my kids. I have no/little need for money.. and when I get any.. at all.. I feel the "need" to share with anyone of less fortune. It truly is better to give.. then receive. If the thought of having to "give-up" the little that you do have now.. after having "lost" soooo much to a previous mate.. maybe.. this time it could be your turn to.. gain financially. Just a thought.. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 12:50:43 PM | I doubt that there are an abundance of over men who are desperate to get married. I have met some that would like to be married again one day, maybe; but many, as is the case for the female gender, I find many who have come quite accustomed to being single, and at this point are only interested in meeting someone that can enrich their down time.
I find this to be so prevalent, I attribute it to so many of us being alone. It's not that we want to get married or don't want to get married. It's not that we enjoy being single or love being in a relationship. It is a failure to be able to schedule and compartmentalize a relationship into the other wise full and/ or organized life styles we have adapted. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:23:56 PM | I do not need to have someone take care of me, and can afford to have things done for me, that I do not care to do for myself. I also do not need to take care of another, and make sure that I can complete what they are currently missing in their life as well.
I seek to find an equal, that wants to walk by my side and enjoy the adventures together. I do not want or need a wedding to make this happen, or to produce more babies to show my manliness, or make the woman with me feel complete.
I am desperate for nothing, and yet wanting to not live a life totally alone. I may be alone many times, but not lonely, and life has a way to allow others to enter it for the chance to find that special one to enjoy.
Really Tex.. this does it for you?
The part of not wanting any/more children as a reason not to ever want to marry is something I can agree with.. however.. the living-in-the-moment attitude.. bothers me. Just because you can pay someone to do some menial things around the house.. now.. isn't a lifelong thought out plan of "care". That costs oodles of money.. time.. and effort. He may not need alot of care at the moment.. but.. (heaven borbid of course) this could all change in a nanosecond. Care eventually is best coming from a place of love.. ask anyone in a nursing home that has no family to "care" for them.. or about them. Life partners.. may come and go when the offer from the start is for nothing more than what this post suggests.. that he doesn't "need" to care for her. And.. I don't buy the tag line of "making a woman feel complete".. and it is used reduntantly. Phrased a tad different.. but the meaning and words are there "twice". This kinda states the past experience of the poster.. that in his mind at least.. he felt the woman/women in a past marriage/s needed somehow to feel complete through marriage. Not every woman feels completed by/through marriage.. but loved.. cared for/about.. needed for more than the here and now. JMO | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:14:27 AM | | I'm not desperate at all.Neither am I'm looking for a ....buddy.Chemistry,attraction,is whats its all about.One special lady, if by chance I would like to meet,date,hopefully there's romance,then I would settle down with her.I would even tie the knot with the right lady.When I'm in a relationship I wait until the woman makes the first move.I will not do anything sexual unless I care about the lady or am in love with her.The guys who use woman for sex,and visa versa give the deccent people in all a hard time.People not trusting one another or afraid of being hurt.I'll wait to make love to a special lady that I care about.She will be worth waiting for. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:48:26 AM | | Since statistics show men who remain married live longer than those who do not. hoped for greater longevity would be a good reason for a divorced or widowed man to remarry. Because I was quite unhappily married and am happily single I feel the statistics do not apply to me. Perhaps I am in denial! If, however, I was happily married I would probably live longer than I will as a single man. A better diet, daily partner support and a more serene and healthier lifestyle in general are probably major contributing factors to a happily married male's longevity. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/10/2008 7:09:22 PM | I agree with you! Proof that men are different then woman. I wouldn't say I want to get married right a away I want to make sure that I find the right one this time ,but at 45 and being married my whole adult life it is foreign to me to not have a partner or someone in my life and with my kids grown and out of the house its hard to get use too.
It's no different then someone who has been on their own their whole adult life and they get married I am sure that there will be an adjustment to being with someone 24/7 | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:40:22 PM |
I agree with you! Proof that men are different then woman. I wouldn't say I want to get married right a away I want to make sure that I find the right one this time ,but at 45 and being married my whole adult life it is foreign to me to not have a partner or someone in my life and with my kids grown and out of the house its hard to get use too.
It's no different then someone who has been on their own their whole adult life and they get married I am sure that there will be an adjustment to being with someone 24/7
Just to expound on this statement, I too search to find the right one. Having never been married, and no children, it makes for some unique challenges. I have seen great examples of marriage and poor ones. Seen failed marriages the fault of either the man or the woman. Like the advice my grandfather gave me, which applies to all things desired; Choose your battles wisely and t learn from other peoples mistakes - you don't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Warm regards to all and remember there is plenty of fish, and for you catch and release fans out there, try to be graceful, tender, and kind hearted so as not to soil it for the rest of us. | |
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| Hummer-Sledgehammer Insurance
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:55:00 AM | merry0709 wrote:
...Many of these men are looking for lovers or consorts on the side. If they are of extreme wealth, and have several homes that they travel between, they prefer to have a "lady" at each place, and are more than willing to take care of them , if they are
of pleasing temperment and take care of him, while still respecting his freedom. This is very common among rich older men. I`m not making a judgement whatsoever. It is a lifestyle choice.
I wonder if this apparent "lifestyle choice" potentially affects other people's lives, such as if this takes those extra women out of circulation, or if their own secret boyfriends tiptoe in when the rich guy is out. ;)
Still though, and speaking of "making a judgement", how legal is this behavior?
And how ethical would it be for some average-wealth-and-single buddies to get together and sledgehammer his hummer? ;)
"...you could have a steam train
if you'd just lay down your tracks
you could have an aeroplane flying
if you bring your blue sky back..."
--"Sledgehammer",
Peter Gabriel
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:44:49 PM | | Eddie2704 We are not children. We are suppose to be adults, that have learned along the way that bad things do happen in our lives and we learn to deal wth them. perhaps 50 yrs. ago, or more, couples may had stayed together because, they knew this. Or,it may have been other reasons. If you ask a couple that have been married 50yrs. They will tell you, that there were rough times, but learn to deal with those rough times and went on. Today,men or women,tend to want to jump out of marriage too quickly. Not bothering to compromise, negotiate. Communication is the key. Problems can be worked out if you want them to. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:11:52 PM | Married? I have had the opposite problem except for the "functioning alcoholics" or other men who apparently are not willing to carry the load of life, 50/50. All the good ones "escaped", probably into the arms of women 15 years younger.
I don't think it's healthy to grow old alone. On the other hand I know women who would never get married again and have given up on ever finding sexual satisfaction, either. I mean, they are DONE.
Financial stability means more later in life. That's an issue with me and the men I want to date. I could have cared less about that in my 20's. But now it's up front and in center. Who can I have fun with later in life? I'm not going to be breeding children. I want someone to PLAY WITH. WAHHHH! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:08:37 AM | | I have noticed that more men that are widowed are wanting the married thing more then a man that is divorced. As far as the widow part goes , they have always had a happy marraige and are missing someone by there side. They seem to have a need to fill a void that they are missing. just my thoughts | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:41:35 AM | ^^^ Of course they do. Our experiences shape our attitudes and expectations. If someone had a very happy marriage or other long term relationship and it ended without bitterness or acrimony and no one got screwed around or used and abused, why would one NOT want that again or believe that it’s possible to have that again?
The ones that don’t, have experienced that the single life is infinity more pleasurable, satisfying and peaceful than being with someone in a long term, committed relationship. And they don’t believe that marriage could ever be that way because it wasn’t that way, for them.
Most of the men that I encountered while I was dating fell into the latter category. I did meet a few that had resisted that patterning and conditioning, my Honey being one of them. Despite the fact that he’s had a few failed relationships and some very bad experiences with partners, he wisely recognized that he could control his reactions to events in his life and that they didn’t control him or his perceptions. I found that highly unusual and very refreshing.
LH | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:18:55 AM | | I quess i break the rules I am 49 and was married for over 20 years. I have had my boys 16 and 17 with me for the past 6 years we do just fine on our own. I am not running out to find them a mommy or me a wife. I do like to meet lady's and go out i am a people person. I have managed just fine not being married. I would after dating someone a long long time consider moving in together. Marriage for me may happen i would never say never but I am not looking for a wife. Why can't two people date build a relation ship and see where it goes from there not worry about if it leads to marriage if it does ok but if not it could last even longer than most marriages . Let's face it were not 20 or 30 not looking to start a family right? Any way just my thought. | |
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