| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:02:55 PM | I will chime in....to answer the question posed, one has to assume that infact Men over 40 are desparate to get married...Assume... not a good assumption... I believe it could be that in general men (at any age) are more apt to move into a relationship faster then women. When I say move into a relationship...I mean men want to quickly determine if there is the possiblilty for a future or not....
I don't like the Idea that men need women or that women need men...I would hope that its accptable for men to desire women and women to desire men... but this does bring me to the fact that in our society men and women are much more selfreliant and possibly more selfasorbed...this is a problem that is not easily solved and makes it hard for both sexes to desire a relationship....men and women don't want to give up anything to be in a relationship...unfortunately... the entire point of a relationsip is to give and revieve...
I do belive that Love conquers all so its an admiralable go to strive for
...sorry about the spelling .... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:06:24 PM |
Men need women a heckuva lot more than women need men,especially in later years!
Who's with me on this one? If not,why not?
I'd rather think people need people. Cue Ms Streisand. I would dearly love to find the woman I can spend the rest of my life with, but with three unsuccessful marriages under my belt, I don't have high hopes of achieving that goal. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:26:31 AM | Merry 0709, PLEASE send me one of those wealthy, kindly gentlemen.......PLEASE.......
For many years I washed, ironed, cooked, cleaned and paid half the bills (on half the income the ex had, raised the daughter, and neglected myself) and it still wasn't "good enough." So I think I could manage to wash, iron, cook, and clean for someone who really appreciated it....... and could show it..... | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 104 | |
| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:54:08 AM | I fail to see why men wanting to get married is equated with neediness?? No doubt there needy men who have that maid/nurse/nanny/escort mentality. But it's a two way street.
Statistically speaking, we form our opinions base on our very limited asscociations, and then make blanket statement like " ...men need women more than women need men".
However, I have a different slant. I would ask myself this: " Why am I always attracting needy men?" Or, "Why am I attracted to needy men?" .....
I hear women complain about this all the time yet they fail to understand that somehow they are magnets for these types!
So if you cannot understand you own physchological makeup, you form an incorrect hypothesis and then make an announcement to the world.......
This all smacks of " I'm ok, it's the rest of the world that's f**kd up!"
ahh....the battle of the sexes! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:23:07 AM | Chocolatebrowne,
The true nature remains to be seen. I have my doubts on that one. I had one like yours for 14 long miserable years, now alone 16, have met pretty much more of the same, so am getting real comfortable alone in my own little world. If it looks too good to be true, it usually is. If they want you bad enough, they are descent for a while until the novelty wears off and real life sets in.
I really don`t meet anyone looking for a spouse. Too much baggage, too many legal entanglements. Heck you practically have to get a precontract before going on the date-who`s paying, who`s having sex. etc, etc, . Maybe there needs to be dating attorneys. Just not worth the hassle any more. It`s too bad the way things have gone.
Too much craziness in the world when it comes to interacting with others.
Just yesterday some guy was threatening to sue another poster and POF on here for some bullsh*t comment. It`s just getting insane. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:03:55 PM | Few fries short of their Happy Meal huh?  
Okay.. I'm hungry now....
...so.. with tummy rumbling.. I have to say.. I have yet to meet these desperate to marry men. Just as it seems in this forum.. all I saw from POF were those men that want to meet.. some that wanted just to get a f*ck.. some of them.. on the first date.. then.. scream (nearly in your ear).. NEXT! The rest.. just wanted to "date around". Not one man seemed committed to even knowing what to say when asked what type of relationship they were looking for.. talk about committment issues.. sheesh! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:07:50 PM | | I haven't found one guy who has wanted to get married and over 40. That's news to me. They all seem to want to go back to 16 years old. I sure wish I could meet one who does then maybe they would give me a chance instead of having to test 20 different women at one time. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:47:41 PM | I think one of the problems in relationships today is this hatred or fear of "needing" someone. And that's sad. Particularly as the boomer generation starts to grow old and has to cope with things like cancer, heart attacks, bypasses, back problems, arthritus, and even some diseases like Parkinson's or MS.
Like it or not, we are all getting older, we are all going to get sick from something at some point............. And this hatred of need, this not wanting to be needed........ it creates an atmosphere of "I will love you as long as you don't need me.........."
I guess it's uppermost in my mind because when my partner was sick for three months and I didn't know if he was going to live or die, it was obvious that if he lived he would "need" me. He had been healthy as a horse and within three months, he had cancer, a stroke, kidney failures and if he had survived, he was definately going to "need" me.
None of us walks around thinking that we could get seriously ill like that within three months but the truth is that we could and many of us will find ourselves in that situation either as being needed or needing..........
While I was going through those three months and practically living at the hospital in between working my job, I saw many many couples being there for each other and it was beautiful. They had shared vacations, lots of fun things but they had made a committment to each other and when the bad times came, they were there for each other.
Most of the men I have met online are shallow. They only want the good times and they don't want any problems that might interfere with their plans to have fun. Yet I know there are good men out there who do want it all.............because they are smart enough to realize that they, too, might reach a time in their life when they would want someone to be there for them............and because they realize that being there for each other is love..........
Between 50 and 65, I think the boomer generation is struggling ......... still trying to deny the fact that as they age, they may go through something where they will need someone..........
I see lots of men in their late 60's and 70's who WANT to get married. Guess why?  | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:53:05 PM | Most men in their 40's or 50's that have been married have no desire to re-enter the penal colony. As far "They all want to go back to 16 years old"...you sound just a bit too bitter and give me one good reason why we shouldn't feel more youthful than our years.
I have a question....why are women over 40 so desperate to get married? | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:02:18 PM | Marriage? what is it with everyone. Do you need a peice of paper (backed by "thow shall" and "thow shall nots" or another ring in order to fall in love oand/or make babies? If you meet someone and fall in love do you fall out of love after learning they want to be in a relationship without marriage. Is it the symbolism of marriage that you fall in love with and not the person?
As for the op's theory of "men needing women a lot more than women need men" I would like to point out that some of us men can cook, clean up after ourselves, do our laundry etc etc etc. Even in later years. It is even easier to do these things with a partner. Some of us (men and women) love to Be loved and cared for as well as love and care for someone else. It's n ice to be cared for don't you think? It is As nice to care for some as well. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:14:23 PM | He he. Well I have seen younger women and older women who just wanted "a bigger**** or shall we just say a more satisfied sex life. I have also know guys, once again younger and older who just wanted sex too. I see met women and men, older and younger who quite simply want a good relationship either with or without marriage.
I see men who want to increase their social status. I see men (and women) who should be posting in "Intimate Encounters" instead of here.
I also agree that it is somewhat very wrong to deem any of those desires as "wrong".
I come here looking for love and hoping to find one who is also just looking for love but who knows the difference between "love" and "lust". Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned. What a crime. But I do NOT want marriage anywhere near the realationship and hope to find one who genuinely agrees with this. Mariage and love are not one and the same. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:43:57 AM | Everyone is different in what they do and don't want whether Male or Female. I've seen some women wanting to Hook a guy just as you've described the men in your comments.
Myself now that I'm more experienced - older I am not so hot to lock into marriage again. So much at stake and more at stake than when I was much younger. Money, Assets, time and the future...
I now want to be for sure I have the right person as if I wish to move to someplace I've always dreamed of and I'm Married to someone that doesn't then there I am stuck.
Speaking for myself I no, no I won't be leaping into marriage next time without letting the new car gleam and smell wear off 1st... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:52:43 AM |
Between 50 and 65, I think the boomer generation is struggling ......... still trying to deny the fact that as they age, they may go through something where they will need someone..........
Yes, I see that too. Many women in that age group have spent their lives raising kids and being in unsatisfying marriages. So now the kids are grown, they are divorced or widowed, and they are feeling free for the first time in their lives. They are independent, earning their own money and have become involved with hobbies or interests. They have very little interest in meeting men and have very little interest in a sex life (perhaps because they had an unsatisfying sex life with their ex-spouse).
Sometimes these women say they are interested in a relationship, but they are quick to reject any man that may come aong that might have potential.
I know several women like this and I consider them basically undateable. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/18/2008 1:25:29 PM | | There are a lot of men out there who would echo the same sentiments. They definitely do not want to get back into a marriage like relationship, and many appear to have gotten past the need to pursue sexual pleasures as well. I think that many people, both men and women, can't be bothered with the entanglement issues that plague married life. They already have family, social networks and interests that satisfy them, and they just will not make room for someone else in their lives. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:27:35 AM | | i have been div for over 12 yrs and have not dated in last 5 yrs. my div was very nasty and the marriage was no picnic. it is not something i wish to repeat so i would say i have become gunshy to the whole thing. i fell for 1 lady who decided that was not what she wanted,she wanted a friend(that 1 hurt). where i live there are not a lot of dating opportunities and i am not a guy who is in demand. i dont drink ,do drugs,party till all hrs, but i have a good job,my own house and although i get lonely i find this to be better than taking a chance of hurting someone or myself. sex with the right woman would be great but i'm not gonna play the games that seem to be the standard. i am far from desperate!! i do believe that some guys who have last a partner to death have a different view on life and are more open to marriage and such especially if they have a good marriage. so i will say i wouldn't run from a good relationship but i am not running full speed into one either. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:40:04 AM | at the risk of sounding like an egghead and not a parrothead i will share a psych theory from a long time ago. jung said that as we age women get more like men (anima) and men more like women (animus) . the idea being we both have traits of both genders and the man gets tired of acting macho and wants to get more in touch with a domestic and feminine pare of himself. women, no longer tied with a fear of pregnancy and child rearing, want to experience the masculine world and get more aggressive and need less family ties, they been there and done that.
Now I know the old boy was a sexist but there is a grain of truth there. men need to settle down a lot more (as a rule) at an older age than their female counterparts do. personally though nbl we all have to be careful to avoid painting a whole gender with a big brush. we end up making sterotype decisions which are often wrong and cost us good friends and more. an old buddy of mine, now deceased, told me once. "rich i will get married sometime between next week and never" for the longest i never could relate to that remark. but when larry did get remarried he had a great marriage, better than anything i ever had, for the time he had left. i think most of us single folks would be better off taking that attitude.  | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:42:28 AM | | Hal you hit on something there. my first aa meeting i was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and blaming it all on my ex. then god gave me a wake up call and said: "you know rich every problem you ever had you were there, not your ex, not even the booze, but you were there". too bad more of us dont figure that one out sooner. wed have a lot less issues in life. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:46:36 AM | merry, merry. i wish i could send you a big smile girl and a big hug. the world is not all gloom and doom. and let me tell you the old parrothead is sitting looking at being broke (again) because of old bills i cant get ahead of. got health issues creeping up with me and lots of people in my immediate family sick and some maybe dying. but you know what god's in charge and its just ok just for today. again merry i wish i could give you a big hug but i do send you a 
by the way the great philosopher james buffett had this to say in the old parrothead's theme song, a pirate looks at forty: "feels like i drowned, but i wont wear a frown" | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:39:40 PM | Parrothead,
I did not paint the whole gender (males) with a needy brush. As with most things in life,it came from my perspective and experiences. Your perspective becomes your reality.
I have hidden my profile on POF because of the disparity between what a person states in their profile and what they actually are in person...both physically and emotionally.
A lot of male responses on here have said that they are in no hurry to get married again.....ok......but I met guys in person who stated the same thing in their profiles,then when we met in person,they started alluding to our future together ON THE FIRST DATE!
I am not saying that what I have got going on is so great....it's not....it's about average.Therefore,my conclusion has to be that the men that I meet are just desperate to establish a long term relationship with anyone who seems remotely appropriate.
What I AM saying is.....my gosh,have a little common sense! Take it slow,don't make those statements right off the bat when you don't even KNOW that person! Look outside yourself and try to understand how you must come across saying those kind of things. Listen ( a lost art,by the way) to that person across the table and measure your words accordingly.
What's wrong with that??
P.S.-If you believe "god is in charge",please capitalize the "G" in God. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:46:28 PM | | I'm well over 40, divorced for many years, and in no hurry to get married. I appreciate the company of an attractive woman (my definition of "attractive" may not include obvious physical stereotypes), but I don't have to have a woman around constantly. | |
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