| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:36:04 PM | Dating this time around, it all feels like this - ranging from those that are clingy to those that are on some sort of mission to find a wife.
This has definitely been my experience. I've had more than one date and fifteen minutes into the date the men are asking me " well do you feel a connection yet?" No kidding!
Most of the men I've dated have our entire future mapped out (in his mind) without any encouragement from me. One guy brought his laptop to show me his home,truck,boat etc. and told me this is what I'd have, if I married him. YEP, 'twas a first date.
Another wanted me to move in almost immediately, give me to keys to his second car etc.
Yep, you guessed it. It was another first date!
Well, I know I'm a good catch......but I'm not that good! | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:16:49 PM | What a funny thread. Where are these mythical men over 40 who want to get married? ^^Its not as though I'm looking, but it is a very rare thing, at least in my neck of the woods. As this poster said, many are broken, bitter, jaded, and shallow. The last person who wanted to marry me, wanted to do so for his own agenda.....a green card....puhlease. After I  , I   | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:30:00 PM | You're absolutely correct on alot of what you say.
The simple fact of the matter is, that men who have been married for any significant amount of time (say, over a year) consider the woman in their lives their best, and closest, trusted freind.
When they lose them, they're lost. No heterosexual man is able to regroup as quickly as women are, simply because women remain closer knit.
Guys talk about tools, and motocross, and the latest software or whatever, but they don't talk that much about their personal lives with other guys, and if they do, it's the same thing as the "No girls allowed" sign they hung on their tree houses when they were 8 years old. If they've been in a relationship for more than a year, they consider it an investment of their time. (Gotta remember here, time to a guy means the same thing as money; and to so many of us women, it means that, too.)
They value their investments. They have a hard time balancing the loss.
Dogs & cats.
Go figure.
Marji | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:38:08 PM | Women and men will always need each other. They compliment themselves. Although I agree that some men have no understanding of the grieving period. When men stop talking about their ex-wifes, maybe just maybe they are over them.
Something interesting though, God saw that Adam needed a partner. Aha! a partner not just a women, but a partner. Some men would say, that they need a wife now, because men are just trying to retrieve their missing rib. I say, that as long as women have our rib, they will always be in control. They know our every move and thought.
We don't have the slightest idea about how women think, feel, love, hate, and why they don't say what is really on their mind. I think, that the missing rib has given women extra knowledge along with a sixth sense. Guys, we are against the wind so keep zig-zaging. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:55:02 PM | Hi, why don't mothers teach their sons to be closer knit with their feelings and with their friends? Just a thought, this is just a fresh breeze of air.
From now on, remember this: everything that must be said or done starts at the beginning.
Daddy's on the other side have to teach their sons courtesy, responsibility. Tell your sons, that when the sow their cheerios, they must seek a partner and not just a woman. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:57:05 PM | We don't have the slightest idea about how women think, feel, love, hate, and why they don't say what is really on their mind. I think, that the missing rib has given women extra knowledge along with a sixth sense.
I don't think women are any more difficult to understand then men.. if the man pays attention from the beginning.. and really listens to her. I think women sometimes listen more carefully.. and take mental notes when their man is talking. Really listen.. and listen to their buddies.. and family members as well. It's not esp.. but.. caring enough to listen to all that's being said.. then using the memory of that time in a timely fashion.
and why they don't say what is really on their mind.
Hmmmm.. sounds as though you have a particular time/woman in mind when you wrote this one.
If a woman isn't saying what's really on her mind.. it's usually because she's avoiding a negative situation. Somewhere along the line.. communications have broken down.. and she's not willing to go the length (at least.. not at the moment) of arguing over a right/wrong situation that's already out of control. Nobody.. male/female alike wants to go into the spiraling downward situation. JMO | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:18:17 AM | Great response redarcangel! It DOES go both ways,you know!
I have read and taken into consideration all the posts from men with their protestations that my proposed hypothesis just isn't true,yet I know what I have experienced first hand.
When I talk to these men online and on the phone before we meet,I make sure that I listen to what they are saying and how they are saying it. In the course of the natural flow of the conversations(and from my profile) I make it clear that I want to take my time with a potential relationship. Without fail,they respond likewise,that they are in no hurry.
Problem is,I really MEAN it. They,along the way,seem to change their opinion.
I love men,I really do. I admire them for their no nonsense attitudes,straighforwardness and generally being more easygoing than females. I wouldn't trade places with them and have to deal with us females for anything.
By me telling them that I want to take my time (and by this actually being the case),I figured guys would be loving that....takes the pressure off,you know? When I find that what they told me isn't true,I do have to admit,I get discouraged. I have taken the time to really hear them and what they tell me. If someone tells me they aren't in a hurry either,I figure they are telling me the truth.
Am I just being too practical? Too naive'? I genuinely ask for your opinion here...... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:42:39 AM |
Am I just being too practical? Too naive'? I genuinely ask for your opinion here......
What it the real problem here. You are in no hurry to have a relationship, and you don't have one. Looks to me that you have a finely tuned approach to getting to where you want to be.
Perhaps where you are is not where you want to be? In that case, your current strategy is not working for you, and you might consider that you need to change your ideas a bit.
Everyone will have their own idea about how long things should take. Just look at people planning to get married. Some do it in a week, others take several years, and both groups think they are perfectly normal. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:58:40 AM | lol. I had one woman (on the 2nd date) coral me into meeting her mom & dad, grandmother, and 2 brothers before we left on our second date. Eeeeek!! ("don't lose this one") I heard her mom tell her. Talk about a freak-out. But what confused me so much is that she seemed so.... so.... "normal".
At least her mom liked me. lol. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:40:06 AM | | We all think we are "normal", but I suspect that none of us actually are normal. Too many twists and turns on the road of life by this age have all had their effects, and the little adaptations that we all have developed to handle them are like little scars that show when you take a hard enough look. The only thing normal is probably that we are all just a little weird. What we think of as not normal is likely just weirdness that is not like our own, which we are used to... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:08:47 PM | | I haven't met one yet who is desperate to get married. I haven't met one yet who wants anything at all. If I could find one who would take the time to even get to know me would be great. I keep hearing "I don't feel a connection or spark" on the first hour meeting. I don't think I've ever felt a spark especially during an hour or two meeting. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:44:55 PM |
If I could find one who would take the time to even get to know me would be great.
...My pet peeve as well..... I have lost count of the number of men that have CONTACTED ME , we exchange an e-mail or two, some even go out of their way to tell you to stay in touch...so I do and what happens, they disappear.....never returning another e-mail. Desperate to get married? Doesn't seem like it.
...maeflowers | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:13:41 PM | My friends love me unconditionally, why do I need a partner that cannot truly give of themselves and is worried about what happens if it doesn't work out. I will never live a life of looking back over my shoulder, I'm moving forward with or without love in my life.
Their are men who do need someone there, I know some of them, 5 marriages later, who are these women that would take up residence with such a man, hmm!!! maybe a needy woman. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:52:39 PM | I don't really recall any of my buddies that are over 40 wanting to get married...
Let alone desperate... I'm 54 been single over 5 years and marriage is not even in my vocabulary... I myself think when you get older and have been around the block a couple of times that marriage really isn't that important any more... A relationship can
have everything in it, just without the legal paper work... Marriage doesn't keep you in love with eachother, it doesn't help keep you faithful to eachother, it doesn't really have much to do with the relationship in general, just a legal piece of paper that costs both parties a fortune if it doesn't work out... If you love eachother and are committed to eachother and really care about the person you're with, you just about have it all... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:47:55 PM |
Men need women a heckuva lot more than women need men
yeah.. you're probably right. (and you're probably the type who always NEEDS to be right...so I'll just simply acquiesce for now...) And women have been making it blatantly known that you simply don't need us troublesome men around for a number of years. Which would explain the increasing amount of whiny 'single moms' who complain how hard it is to BE a single mom. It also explains the increasing amount of 'fashionably lesbian' women who are still in 'need' of a relationship - but they just figured it's EASIER to relate to a woman than it is to actually TRY to figure out what might make a man happy..... I mean, we already KNOW you women never really CARE about what makes a man happy, just so long as YOU are.....and that's the most important thing now, isn't it??
So....with that now being firmly established, is it now ok if we just go dutch on the dinner date, fcuk you afterward, and then kick you out without giving you a ride home?? Or would you prefer us to just adopt the philosophy of 'if you ignore it, it will go away?'..........
Got news for ya lady.... I can flat out tell ya, that most men don't really NEED, nor want, what most of you women are offering nowadays anyway. And those that are supposedly clamoring for marriage are only doing so because they haven't quite learned their lessons in dealing with 'independAnt, intelligAnt' women such as yourself... I mean... you must certainly 'got it goin on' during your 'best behavior dating period' with these guys that would make them clamour all over you like love sick school boys to actually convince them you're the type to marry in the first place. Why, I'm sure they would LOVE to know that after they've had such a wonderful experience with the likes of your FINE SELF, that you come home after the date and make them the subject of forum posts, telling the whole world how ridiculous they are for wanting such an outdated things as MARRIAGE to cramp your style.... I bet you put on a REALLY GOOD ACT outside of here...huh? Can I go out with ya?? Boy oh boy... I want a woman JUST LIKE YOU.....
So....would you like to start a thread about all your best friends?? I'm sure you've got some really good backstabbing dirt on all of them too........ Come on.. you can tell us!!
Gimme a break......
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:14:03 AM | I think that except for (heterosexual) sex, you can get pretty well all you need to live a happy and fulfilling life with a good circle of friends once you get used to the single life. For lots of reasons, once your network is established, it is much more stable, varied and complete than any "relationship" with a single female will be. Yes, its nice to be in love and to have the physical companionship of a woman, but lacking the motivation or ability to have more children, there is really no particular need for "marriage". Some arrangements might be beneficial on the financial front, but that is hardly a good reason to get into marriage.
Although I would not be quite as vitriolic as some of the commentators, it is a good question as to what a woman really has to offer that a man really needs at this age. Neither men nor women are typically graced with the bodies of the Greek deities any longer, and there are lots of opportunities for female companionship on a casual basis, should one ever need a date for something in particular.
Most of the women posting here have all these requirements, conditions, prerequisites and pre-conceived ideas about men, all of which just mean that things are not likely to happen for them. Its a good question as to what they actually have to offer in today's market at our ages.
Of course, regardless of any kind of analysis one might make, the men are here and they are looking...... | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:19:06 AM | Although I would not be quite as vitriolic as some of the commentators, it is a good question as to what a woman really has to offer that a man really needs at this age. Neither men nor women are typically graced with the bodies of the Greek deities any longer, and there are lots of opportunities for female companionship on a casual basis, should one ever need a date for something in particular.
Most of the women posting here have all these requirements, conditions, prerequisites and pre-conceived ideas about men, all of which just mean that things are not likely to happen for them. Its a good question as to what they actually have to offer in today's market at our ages.
...I quite agree with what you are saying and although I cannot speak for most woman I think may feel the same way with regards to marriage.
Not long ago I was asked by my teen daughter if I would ever get married again ( I think dating would need to be a prerequisite) " To be completely honest, marriage is not in the foreseeable future, and at my age, its just not for me sweetie" is what I told her.. I did not want to burst any bubbles for her, she's a young 19 and her head is filled with romantic notions and fairytale weddings so I kept that as simple as possible, but my views on the concept of marriage have changed completely over the years....And its true....at this stage in my life what can marriage offer that I already don't have...unless he's extremely rich of course, I'm thinking warm island, palm tress white sand haha...But seriously, I am surrounded by all that is important to me, my family, friends, job, my home....And I am already leading a pretty fulfilled way of life....well almost.... ok , maybe a boyfriend would be nice
...maeflowers | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:25:44 PM |
I have absolutely never met a guy over 40 who wants to get married. They are all too bitter and shallow. Toss me the ones you find that want marriage- Where would you like me to send the list?
Its been my experience that most men don't want to get remarried because of the prices they paid for their last marriage (emotional or financial). And it's been my experience that the list mentioned above want to get married for EXACTLY this reason....to get reimbursed for everything they let the last woman suck out of 'em. | |
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| why are MEN over 40 so desperate to get married??
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:10:02 PM | I am 48, and the reason I so desperately want to get married is because the huge fortune I have accumulated over the years will go to the federal government if I do not find a wife much younger than I am to help me spend it.
No, seriously, men my age have this overwhelming fear of being alone when they die, and to put it bluntly, most men my age, coming out of long term marriages, do not have a damn clue how to take care of themselves. I had no idea that whites and reds could not be washed together in hot water until all my underwear came out looking like peppermint candy. | |
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