jujuch
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Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 51 | |
| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:54:37 PM | I CARE AND I DO GIVE A SHIT!!! how's that coming from someone who doesn't know you???  i understand depression and mental illness...believe me i do. it's a subject very close to my heart. The #1 thing truly is.....get a good phsychiatrist!, easier said than done.... you have to have a good repor (spelling ha ha).. with your therapist and be able to feel good when you walk out of the office. I haven't checked your profile, so i don't know where you live, but sunshine really does offer the 'spirit' some hope. there is such a thing as s.a.d. (seasonal affective disorder).......Anyway, keep us all posted, we care.
tc | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:56:00 PM | That really is too bad. I just looked at your photo (I am 200 percent hetrosexual thank you!), but I don't see why all women would run away from you just by 1st look.
If this has been going on for 9 years, well, maybe moving might be an option? | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:24:46 PM | | For what it's worth I'd just like to add my thoughts to this topic....1st)Life is not easy nor fair. I am a good guy who got screwed over by a woman, who apparently tattooed "@sshole to my forehead since I can't seem to get the time of day, either here at home or here on POF)... 2nd)Get professional help from a doctor that actually gives a crap about more than a session fee.....3rd)STOP DRINKING as the problems will still be there when you sober up....4th) Start working out or find a physical hobby to do so you have a way to blow off steam. Good luck to you, it's a long way to happiness, so enjoy the ride. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:35:03 PM | Well man I know how you feel. My wife cheated on me a year ago and asked me to leave. She still talks to me but she doesn't love me anymore. I felt like I lost everything, I have nothing left to live for. To this day I struggle trying to get over the feeling of emptyness and I know that someday it will happen for you and me both. Drinking and mixing anti-depressants are not good at all, it has an adverse effect and will only cause you to spiral into a downward plunge. I'm a hypocrite when I say this but its something im trying to wrap my head and heart around. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." What does that mean? Don't rush love until it happens. It WILL happen, but only when the time is right. Another suggestion, pray. It help's and its real.
As for your dad taking care of you? That to me is a role model and what a father is for no matter what the age, and I am sure in time you will do the same thing for him and if you chose to have kids, the same with them. Anyway man, give me a shout if you need to talk phlebbpw@gmail.com, yahoo IM phlebbpw@yahoo.com myspace = godchaser79. Anyway again hang in there and it'll all work out in the end. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:59:29 PM | some Philisophies and Religions believe that we are here to Learn and apparently there is a degree of suffering to achieve that end. They teach the SOUL is here to learn, not the body.
Renee Descarte was the father of philisophical dualism which stated that the soul resides in the body and the body is the vessel for the soul.
Now try to understand this before refuting the statment with uneducated replys. The soul and the body are seperate, when the body dies the soul moves on to a different place (the christians would say heaven) but the body is gone, it rots.
It is the SOUL that is here to learn.
It seems that in the course of this education of the soul, we suffer, everybody does in one way or another.
Since Americans are Bible oriented, the Bible states that "we lay up for ourselves treasures in heaven" and the Christians teach that there is a purpose for suffering on earth as long as the suffering is for "Jesus sake."
OP I see that you dont have a stated religion, which is how alot of people get through rough times, try studying Philosophy. Read The myth of Sysiphys by Albert Camus, read some of the Existentialist Philosphy, it wont fix your life but it will put a different perspective on it. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:24:19 PM | mradDiction, you need to go back to saskatchewan to visit your family and friends. You need them right now. If you only visit a week. It will help you. I'm a strong believer in having a close relationship with your family and friends. I know I could not survive without mine.
Just like a lot of women on here have said, you are a goodlooking young guy. You have a lot of life left to live. Don't waste it. Women tend to sense a man who lacks self confidence and will avoid dating him. Don't be him. Think about all the positives in your life. Your health, your looks, your kindness. Portray that to the world and you will see a positive outcome.
After I left my husband, I thought I was never going to be alright. Being married and having kids defined my life. I thought of suicide a couple times too. Thankfully I'm still here. I had to learn how to take care of myself and 4 kids on my own. It was the scariest thing I ever did. And five years later, I'm divorced and enjoy my freedom. I grew stronger and better as a person. Sure I get lonely at times and need a cuddle. We all do. It's part of being human.
Best of luck to you my canadian friend!!  | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:30:25 PM | | I love it that there are guys on this forum that are comfortable enough with their sexuality to tell another man that he is goodlooking! You guys are awesome!! | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:40:21 PM | Hey brother. While this is great for some support, you need help. Serious, profesional help. No one here is qualified to give that to you over the net in a forum.
Honestly, if you are serious about killing yourself, you NEED to go to the nearest hospital and tell them. They will get you some help.
Brother, things are hard right now and there is no easy solution. But better days can be ahead of you if you walk towards them. There are people out therer that will love you. You just need to relearn to love yourself first. That will take work. Trust me, brother. Do the work. I don't want to get all religified on you, but God loves you. He really does. Get better brother.
God Bless | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:41:59 PM | Hey There. A bit of advice.
Get another councellor
Maybe try some StJohn Wort for your depression. the is an herb and is perscribed widely in Europe for depression.
Go out and do some thing good for someone else. Volunteer somewhere. It will get your mind off of your problems and let you feel some compassion for somebody who just may be worse off than you.
Group therapy works wonders for depression(I had group therapy,it was great you realise you are not the only one who feels this way)
Read something uplifting... "You'll believe it when you see it"By Dr. Wayne Dyer
(great book and can help you look at life differently)
"Kinship with all life" J Allen Boone Reminds us again that we are not alone in this universe.
All the best... hugs WWW | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:43:56 PM | Hey Guy:
Hang tough...Most of us have felt exactly like you feel...That lowdown, lifes crap feelin...Maybe you need to reach out to friends, change your counselor, find something to do with your time..I was in a horrific accident years ago, I was in traction for 10 months...I had to learn to walk again...It took another year and half of therapy...But I walk normally, and have a great life...I was in my twenties then and told my life was over physically...I do everything a normal person can do...I was terribly depressed, because I was so physical ...I played high school and college ball...In one swoop it was over...So here I am today with a great life...
While in the hospital I met an 18 year old guy who was paralyzed from the neck down...He has never walked again...Be grateful, your here...Im sorry this is so long and drawn out, hopefully you will read one of these threads and feel better...Good luck | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live Pity parties mock those who truly have suffered and who have preferred living to dying.
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:45:03 PM | Try to smoke my lungs to death to see if I can get cancer or something I cant control. Been trying to drink as much as possible on my anti-depressants but I still wake up in the morning. ....Sigh ...whatever
Is this for real? I have my doubts, but just in case...
How pathetic! I think about all of the people who have died fighting in wars and their families.
I had a friend who died twenty years ago. He had known that he was going to die. He had to endure years of countless hospitalizations and painful procedures.
He never complained. He just lived, and did everything he could to bring happiness to others via his friendship.
If you want to kill yourself, just do not take anybody else with you. Seriously, it is people like you that go on shooting rampages etc.
And to all of the other folks who are feeding this guy's craving for sympathy: You are not doing him any favors by giving it to him. The guy is obviously a coward, but if he is using alcohol and drugs, chances are good that he might gain some "courage via chemistry". That, along with the anger that he obviously has, might very well cause him to harm others. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:46:56 PM | A p.s . to my post. The alcohol is a very bad idea.It is a depressent itself.
I am so amazed at all the people who have psosted who really do care about you.
That should count for something.I really like the idea about going and visiting your family. Mine always make me laugh!!Just get out there and go for a walk in the sunshine.peace www | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:15:57 PM | Ok, mradDiction , not to get philosophical on you, but I'm going to bottom line what you have done for yourself here in last few days. You LET IT GO!! Doesn't matter who we are, where you been, the last nine years has been hell.
Something in you was suppose to LET GO. I have a feeling, if I'm right, things have already been moving in a new direction. Like I said, I dont want to use all the fancy words here, but the letting go is what was needed.
Now, I think you need to let go of the once a week appointment. The one who makes you repeat your life story over and over! (I know that one! been there)
I saw you have some photos of best friends? Look like a nice bunch of gals. Thats in real life. Tangible. Maybe whats best for you at this time is to not put so much energy into sites, if your not looking for LTR. Just for now.
And your dad took care of you and your broken bones, I'd say just from that son, if you took your life away from your father, that would be too much for him!!
Now, for those friends [[ don't understand what I'm going through and all guys can ever say is your being stupid, you'll never be happy, what the **** is wrong with you, get over it. Thanks for nothing]]  They are doing their best. Maybe in their minds you outclass them and they can't keep up with you. In our whole lives we count our best friends on one hand. You've heard this before.
I'm very glad you wrote this post young man. I for one don't understand this new trend of 'anti-depressants that only give me headaches, and vitamin's '. We didn't have them, and we turned out alright.  Is your dad on them? I would say stop them as well, but get a 2nd opinion.
You said all this began when you movved to this new place? There are studies (again ,won't go into it, just bottom line it) that show, different places on this planet make us feel right at home, like we always belonged there. And other places 'make us sick for no apparent reason' the moment we land. Feng Shui
good luck. dont drink any more, or try and smoke yourself to death... it's not for you. Email me if you wish to talk. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:22:49 PM | I have to stop and say thanks to everyone that has posted and sent me messages. I can't believe how many messages and posts have come from my self pity speech. I'm not going to say that I feel alot better about myself but the notes from strangers to say they care really meant alot and I think I needed to hear that.
I also needed to hear the selfish bit about trying to hurt myself. If anything happened I know it would really hurt my dad and I couldn't live or die with that hanging over me.
I am going to phone my employee help line tomorow and try to get a different counsellor...today I called one of my dad's friends to go out for a lunch because she is here in Calgary and I felt much better about myself getting off my ass and doing it.
The posts about group sports here in calgary such as volleyball or a social sport if anyone has some links for rec groups they could share. I would really appreciate that.
Thanks again you guys and gals. I have a long road to travel but I will try to put one foot forward and take it from there. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:28:14 PM | | holy crap and I thought I was going down the tubes well I do know for a fact that everytime I,M by myself and a case of beer things get a lot worst so let go the booze get rid of all the pills paint the inside of your house a different color and go for lots of walks which seems to help not sure what else to tell you buddy but i,m sure if you change the you look at life a bit different things might turn for the better ever want to talk give me a buzz no judgments | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:38:09 PM | Hi mradDiction, I'm so glad you are feeling better. There's a lot of people who are concerned about you.
You're right your dad would be really hurt if you killed yourself. A parents worse nightmare, is your child dying before you do. No matter how old the child.
Good luck with the positive new changes in your life! Like you said, it's a long road to travel. I'm so happy you will be travelling on it.  | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:40:21 PM | Dude, you have it made!
You were married, I can't even get a woman to look in my direction, much less, hang out with me!
You are a financial adviser! That rakes in a few dollars does it not? I am a broke ass college student.
You live in Canada! Every time I see a beautiful woman pictured on the top of the PoF screen, I click it and she lives in Canada, out of reach. You are inundated with single, beautiful women over there!
Look, you've convinced a woman to marry you in the past, you can certainly do it again. You've probably got more dollars than most, so the attracting women part is probably going to really easy if you just try. Many, many people have it worse than you, trust me.
About the counseling, I don't think it is such a good idea. People who go to mental health professionals are given a stigma in today's 'uppity' society. Same with people who take anti-depressants. Maybe the counseling is making you feel worse.
Definitely stop drinking! It's bad for you and only depresses you more.
Lastly, don't off yourself if your parents are still living, it's a horrible thing for a parent to go through. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:26:49 PM | | Talk to God. He will help you find happiness. Just talk to him like you would a friend. Then.....go thru the doors he will open for you. Thats all you need to do and you will find friends happiness, and most of all....your father in heaven. He loves you. Give him a bit of your time in prayer. | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:28:51 PM | Ok, so i read your post...then i read your profile. I saw in your profile you stated you are sarcastic, so i thought...ok this post surely was written in jest. LOL. then i thought, hmmm maybe it wasn't. I was slightly confused (which at this hour is easily done).
Soooo, OP....if you are serious about this post here is my serious reply.
1. RUN immediately to the nearest ER and tell them of your suicidal thoughts as this is nothing to take lightly!! Go NOW!! Bring with you your meds you are currently taking and seek PROFESSIONAL HELP immediately. We all want you around and you are here for a reason!!!
2. Begin to think POSITIVELY.
3. Stop playing the role of the Victim.
4. Engage in GROUP activities that you ENJOY doing, your profile states you enjoy cooking...sign up for a cooking class, it is something you enjoy and a GREAT way to meet like minded people.
5. Buy the book or video 'The Secret' it just may change your perspective on life.
I speak from experience as I've been 'in the dark place' myself VERY dark at one point. In April of 2001 I gave birth to my daughter, my father died 1 week later, my mother was diagnosed with luekemia the night of my fathers funeral and died 2 months after his passing, i lost my job 1 month after her passing, i separated from my husband a few months after that, and then oh yea there was 911. LOL So trust me, I completely understand what personal turmoil and depression is all about. YOU can and will survive...its all about wanting, and being willing to work hard and have a positive attitude.
feel free to email me off line if you need a friend and a ray of sunshine shoved up your ass every now and again!! 
You know the smoking and drinking are just vices that you are using to try and avoid, escape, and numb the pain...but they will not resolve anything...you're an intelligent lifeform and know the right thing to do about that, so there really is nothing that needs to be said.
These really ARE words of wisdom
grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
courage to change the things i can
and wisdom to know the difference
(you don't have to be an addict or recovering addict to read or believe in that prayer...IMO)
Take care and i'll send positive vibes your way!! I have faith in you, you can get through this...you are a strong man with more support than you know. 
as always, just my humble thoughts and opinions...
samra | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live Pity parties mock those who truly have suffered and who have preferred living to dying.
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:31:09 PM | prairiechick2, This individual has stated that he is currently engaged in attempts to kill himself. Thus, he is legally considered to be a threat to himself and possibly to others. Many sources recommend immediately reporting such individuals to law enforcement personnel. But like I already have stated, I am not sure how seriously to take this guy.
In fact, in response to the recent shooting rampages, legislation has been enacted via Congress, that requires that the medical records of such people be reported to the Department of Justice, in order to prohibit them from buying firearms.
I am extremely sensitive, and obviously so are you.
You may want to consider checking out the following address.
http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h110-2640 | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:32:07 PM | Chin up!
Go volunteer somewhere, anywhere. Get outside of yourself, stop thinking, stop ruminating, start doing!
Guaranteed someone has it worse than you do. Go find them and do some little thing to elevate their spirits.
It is the rare person who, looking back over his life and seeing what he has done to it, hasn't sighed for a chance to redeem what he has cheaply used or carelessly ruined. If only somehow, somewhere, there was a way to live again the days we have darkened with our blind haste - the innumerable occasions when our indifference trod on all the pearls of God's graciousness; the times when our pride, or our fear, or our meanness poured the acid of contempt over the fair countenance of another's soul! If this grace were ours, how we would leap to the chance! ~Samuel Howard Miller
Leap! | |
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| Feel that there is no reason for me to live
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:37:13 PM | Dude you are depressed, you belong on a depression forum, not a dating site. Why not go find a professional and leave your so called friends to continue to be jerks.
go get your self help, stop smoking and drinking, alcohol is a depressant, it makes you depressed.... duh
go get help; | |
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