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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:07:45 PM | Beaugrand I'm like you. Other than the mortage on my house I have no loans, credit cards. I pay for everything with cash. I would never go so far as to check anyones credit report, haven't even checked mine. You are financially stable. You can support yourself.
Tarashea, for someone who says money doesn't matter you seem to spend a lot of time talking about yours. No one in here ever said financially stable meant rich. No one said they expected to benefit from anyone elses money. At our age of course we expect someone to have their life under control. Doesn't make us golddiggers. Doesn't mean we don't put a high priority on who a person is besides his money. Money alone does not make for a good relationship. We all know that. I have to wonder if you really do have as much as you say you have, you seem to be taking this personally. Calling us names because we don't agree with you is childish. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:19:10 PM | | My soul mate wasn't very good at handling money- I noticed not long after we got together. Did I run?..no...first I tried to show him, but he just never got it..so, I took over the finances. But, he was always a part of those decisions, and we both decided what the best way would be..however..I did learn that I could save up here and there..and when he really needed or wanted something- I could surprise him. We were one..in every sense of the word, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices, do without, or do something that the other couldn't..and that only builds into something stronger between you. No marriage is perfect- it's how you work at it, how you both rely on each other..that does make it special. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/24/2008 10:42:57 PM | Five-Marie
Tarashea, for someone who says money doesn't matter you seem to spend a lot of time talking about yours.
Sigh. To illustrate a POINT, which has apparently escaped you. Guys who are not 'solvent' do not like to be judged by their lack anymore than someone with some bucks like to be judge by what he DOES have. And as I stated previously, I am by no means wealthy or rich, but if I was, I most SURELY wouldnt want someone to look my way and find me 'acceptable material' because I was [ hypothetical ] rich . In fact, I imagine a wealthy rich guy has a hard time of knowing when a woman truely values him for HIM, and not his $$$ or status or position.
No one in here ever said financially stable meant rich.
Niether did I. This is therefore a non-sequitur.
Calling us names because we don't agree with you is childish.
I did not call you names, I said you disgust me. Would you prefer I lie and say something like, " I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter"? Consider it said. It still means I am disgusted by such shallow thinking.
May the Peace of Landru be with you. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:39:44 AM |
woman I had asked out a couple times (because I really thought she might be "the one") pulled my credit report: she decided not to continue our relationship because I didn't meet her financial "standards."
Unbelievable! I can recall a draft beer-fueled argument in a campus pub with a fellow insistent on the necessity of having a credit card in modern society. Eight years later and I have yet to apply...I wonder if he's keeping up his payments?
I wouldn't say that I lead a minimalistic lifestyle as I have a tendency to harbour (canadian spelling) anything that winds up in my possession - vinyl records, books, newspapers, old electronics, computers....I surmise that one day I may have enough inventory to open a shop of some kind. Waste not, want not.
Living and working downtown has allowed me to dispense with car ownership altogether. It frees up an extra $4500 / annum. Considering I've never earned more than $28k in a fiscal year, that's like what, around twenty three percent of my net earnings to have the supreme luxury of commuting every day?
Although I miss escaping the city for the odd weekend road trip, I can't help but feel a smug sense of satisfaction when I see the price of gasoline climb every third day!
I figure I'll start driving again if ever I can afford a nice big imperialistic Rolls Royce Phantom...kinda like the way I have no desire to wear a watch until I can shell out some ridiculous sum for a big weighty Rolex. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:41:20 PM |
I imagine a wealthy rich guy has a hard time of knowing when a woman truely values him for HIM, and not his $$$ or status or position.
I will tell ya what, he finds out real fast when the economy gets bad and he has to close a couple of his businesses and she tells him she doesnt want to be with him anymore after six years.
In the capitalist society a person is evaluated by the amount of money he has. In the spiritual world, world of the soul, a man is judged by his ethics, morals and integrity. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:41:12 PM | | I agree with Mominatrix, I don't want to have to explain a "big" word all the time. I want someone compatible and has a Paying Job. I am tried of getting with men that have jobs when I meet them and one to experiment with trying something new not contributing to the household ... forget that ! And the guy in the produce section... where...? I don't see him. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:47:39 PM | My soulmate wouldn't be somebody who would bring distress to both me and my daughter through making the wrong financial decisions.
I'm not rich, but I work hard and budget and act responsibly towards money. My soulmate would be somebody who respects me and, one of the many ways to do so, is to understand my needs for security and for providing a future for my daughter and, in so, he wouldn't have a frivolous lifestyle with debts.
I think "soulmates" have an affinity with you in terms of responsiblity, and somebody financially volatile wouldn't be a match for me.
This doesn't make me a gold digger. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:07:20 PM | Wow did this thread hit a nerve? 10 pages of posts in a fairly short time! I have to admit I only read 5 pages worth before deciding I wanted a say too.Hopefully people will get to the point where we start having those frank discussions about money and our relationship to it early in realtionships. Those discussions need to be with loved ones whether they are our kids or someone we might be moving into a LTR with. It's not a bad idea to have the discussion with ourselves!! It's nearly taboo in this country to talk openly about finances. How family birthdays are handled, attitudes, values and beliefs about savings, investing, tithing, charitable giving, bailing kids out of jams, what constitutes a necessity, ability to delay gratification or not, budgeting, how Christmas or Hannukah are handled, types of vacations, what kind of homes, what are we willing to do to have what we want.....the list is long. Some time spent listening to Susie Orman would be valuable--she really tells it like it is. While she focuses on money issues for women, her advice is sound for anybody.
For the posters who say in essence "I could deal with anything if I were in love " --Holy Macaroni!! Watch out. And don't get married yet!! What seems so promising can all dissappear in a New York minute and leave you facing harsh reality. I know from experience. I had been married one and a half (1.5) years when my husband got sick. At year 3, he was totally disabled. What an upheaval that was for us. All our hopes and dreams, all the promises, were down the drain. I became the sole support of the family. Thank heavens we really loved each other and had a clear understanding of what marriage is, or we'd never have survived what the next 11.5 years brought. I think finances and our attitudes towards money are so important they ought to be part of pre-marital counselling (and having said that, that pre-marital counselling ought to be a requirement for marriage) .
I don't think considering finances gets in the way of romance. Heck romance that's paid for by the romancer is a good thing. But it's not so much fun when the romancee knows s/he is going to be stuck paying for it!
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:48:01 PM | | The thing i like about these money threads are the creative ways in which people try to describe their attitudes towards money and how important it is without looking bad. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:10:19 PM |
The thing i like about these money threads are the creative ways in which people try to describe their attitudes towards money and how important it is without looking bad.
How very very true! The tortuous, logic-twisted rationalizations inflicted upon others to explain away their materialistic bent is incredible, and like a drug addict, they dont even see that they have a problem.
Finances are NOT a variable in the equation of Love, and neither is social or economic position.
Clueless Bimbos! | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:22:24 PM |
in the capitalist society a person is evaluated by the amount of money he has. In the spiritual world, world of the soul, a man is judged by his ethics, morals and integrity.
How very very true. Fortunately, I have no attraction for Materialistic Bimbo's, and can usually sniff them out as easy as a hound sniffs out a skunk.
And when looking for a Mate, how curious it is to note that this mental disorder seems to afflict women much more than men. I mean how often do you see or hear a MAN espousing this garbage in a profile that he wants a finacially stable woman or one of means?
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:18:38 PM | did you think of saving when you had the opportunity? having a house reposessed is largely a matter of irresponsibility: if there was not certainty in making the payments then buying it was a poor decision.
as i stated to someone recently, if others like me would wait until at least a 50% down payment could be placed, home prices would actually be lower, but irresponsible people help make home prices expensive by creating a larger demand than would be otherwise.
some people earned far less than average but might have saved twenty times more than the average. some people just think a bit about judicious use of money. can you imagine an 825 credit score after being unemployed for 10 years? :)
enjoy being an american!
i know i am not of this place. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:32:55 PM | | my uncle is a carpenter and he married a lawyer,i have tryed to communicate with the women through this site for about 2 years now and it is impossible ,they are looking for a millionaire and maybe thats not even enough for some of them,they are so good at making me happy by being single ,they dont deserve my emotional stability and emotional security,i mean they could always marry a millionaire ,divorce him and live happily ever after AND YOU WOULD NEVER SEE THAT HAPPENING WOULD YOU? think about it if you grew up hardly ever getting into trouble ,you would never learn anything and that is why they have no morals, just ability and no questioning | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:54:25 PM |
My soulmate wouldn't be somebody who would bring distress to both me and my daughter through making the wrong financial decisions.
So I suppose you never made a wrong financial decision huh? Of course you have, and you will again. By your own reasoning, you are and would then be unfit as a mate for someone!
Try and follow this:
Finances, money, social status, position, solvency, class, economic status, etc. have nothing to do with Loving and being attracted to someone. As a grown adult, you are expect to have matured past such adolescent ideas, regardless of how well you try and rationalize it.
Perhaps you could enter into a loving and committed relationship with your Investment Portfolio? | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:04:15 PM | | I think people are confusing being financially stable with being financially responsible. I couldn't really care if someone makes $30K a year or $30 billion a year, you can be in either category and not able to manage your finances. This doesn't mean *never* making a mistake with finances, or never losing a job, etc. Heaven knows I have had my share of bumps in the road as well and could always be doing better with saving money. But no one wants to hook themselves up to someone that is going to spend all their hard-earned money and not look for a job themselves. That overspends and accumulates way more debt that is reasonable. Or worse, that gambles compulsively. There are definitely people that are addicted to spending money or that don't see a need to work if someone else in the household is working and paying the bills, etc. I would agree that finances should not have anything to do with loving and being attracted to someone, and it certainly doesn't for me. But if I see issues like these, I sure as heck would think about hooking my wagon to that person for the rest of my life. Anymore than I would marry someone that I saw compulsively drinking or using drugs, or otherwise doing things that are destructive to a relationship. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/26/2008 11:50:06 PM | It depends on the situation
If his just lazy and wants to drink beer on the lounge all day..... no thanx
But if he lost his job or bussiness is slow that can happen to anyone.
Yes i would stick by him. Its good times and bad it cant be all smooth sailing thats not reality. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:17:28 AM |
If he'is just lazy and wants to drink beer on the lounge all day..... no thanx
But if he lost his job or bussiness is slow that can happen to anyone.
Yes i would stick by him. Its good times and bad it cant be all smooth sailing thats not reality.
Thank you for a very well said point.
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:46:01 AM | A couple of years ago I was NOT financially stable and I will be the first to admit that I was neither suitable for nor READY for a relationship with another human being.
I could barely support MYSELF much less contribute as an equal partner in a relationship and my entire LIFE was consumed with basic survival. And because my entire LIFE was consumed with my financial problems, that, of course, meant I had personal problems as well. My life was a mess and I really needed to get on track and get my own Sh*t shorted before even thinking about getting involved with another human being.
Now, I am by no means rich but I am stable. I pay my bills, I have disposable income, my credit rating is getting better. Things aren't perfect and I still have debts, but I'm no longer drowning, floundering and flailing.
But, most importantly, I am actually healthy - emotionally, mentally and financially.
If a person's life is out of balance (in ANY way) it affects their ability to exist in a relationship with another person.
Whether or not I thought it was fair, I would not have expected anyone to get involved with me and my mountainous financial (and by extension) personal problems, two years ago. And I wouldn't want to get involved with someone in that position now.
It's like jumping in to save a drowning person - guaranteed to pull you down.
I'd empathize and with them and wish them well, but they'd have to be stable (in all aspects of life) for me to begin a relationship. The same way I expect myself to be stable.
Otherwise, you're looking at a really unhealthy, unbalanced and (quite possibly) co-dependent relationship. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:14:43 AM |
you can be in either category and not able to manage your finances
Finally someone pointed this out. Having money, being an 'executive' or white collar worker is not a guarantee of financial stability or resonsibility. In fact, statistics from the Federal Bankruptcy Court show that > 69% of all bankruptcies nominalized for all types is from petitioners who make more than $100k/yr.
The Dept of Vital Statistics clearly shows that suicide is far greater among the wealthy than the middle or lower classes as well.
Job loss which results in backruptcy or foreclosure is also considerably higher than in the middle or lower classes.......
Hmmmmm. With this attendant data and facts, someone tell me again WHY you would want a 'professional' or executive, or someone with $$$ over someone without?
But the most compelling data of all is a recent report I read ( cant remmebr where but I will find it for the skeptics if need be ) that clearly shows thet White Collar Professionals, Executives ( male or female ). who are succesful at their careers do NOT make the best, or even near the best, husbands, wives or mates.
Materialistic Bimbos take note.
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:24:55 AM | Good topic and interesting replies...here's my two cents
I've worked really hard to attain what I have and to accomplish what I've accomplished. I left home at 17 due to abuse, lived in a residence for a year, at 18 moved into a roach infested dump because that's all I could afford. I finished university, completing 4 degrees including a M.A. before I was 27 years old with all the debt that entailed - even while holding down two part-time jobs and a teaching assistant contract. This was not easy. I went from contract to contract until earning a permanent teaching job.
I work very hard - I came from nothing and am just now getting a bit more comfortable.
I started dating a younger fellow two years ago, who still lived at home with his folks. The long distance relationship thing worked well for me, as I am busy with my career. Soon, he started wanting to change the deal...he slowly started moving his stuff into my condo. He began asking if he could move in, over and over even after I said a direct NO (none of that dancing around the topic on that one! LOL) . I felt he needed to be out on his own and making his own life instead of just sliding into mine. He resented that I was not allowing him to just move in. I had to break up with him because I felt he was just looking for an easy path and I was not going to give that to him.
I miss him, he was very sweet - but I had to do what's best for me. Was he my soul mate and I dumped him because he was directionless and didn't know how to live on his own? Meh. Maybe.
My soul mate will be a self starter who is established, happy, and is not out to ride my coat-tails because he's too lazy to make it for himself. (sorry, got a little off topic there :) ) | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:10:25 AM | Tarashea,
Since I've never been in debt, or overdrafts, never had bounced cheques or unpaid bills and, since the only time I had a loan at 24 months, I repaid it after 10, I struggle to see that I'm poor at making financial decisions.
However, you are right, I did make a very bad financial decision...
That was to allow my ex husband to keep the house in his name only, when I was asked to pay for improvements, because it was "our home". When I left him a year ago because of the violence he perpetrated against me, and after he was counselled by an idiotized female counsellor that he could go back home because it was "his house", I had to get out, without any furniture nor electrical appliances, rent a house and set it up from scratch again.
In the glorious and just system we have in the UK, he has a "human right" to see our child, but has no obligation to pay maintenance. So, I'm left alone, struggling, having to plan very basic meals etc in order to make the accounts balance at the end of each month.
So yes, the worst financial decision I ever made was to pour thousands of pounds into a home to which I don't have any rights anymore, all for not putting pressure on my husband to change the deeds to a joint ownership.
Now go and call me a "materialistic bimbo" and a "gold digger" if you dare. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:55:58 AM |
Since I've never been in debt, or overdrafts, never had bounced cheques or unpaid bills and, since the only time I had a loan at 24 months, I repaid it after 10, I struggle to see that I'm poor at making financial decisions
Then you are the only one and First in History. Pls contact the British Parlimaent, maybe they will name a Holiday after you. I have never run across anyone who has a perfect financial record, and no one else has ever met anyone like that either. So I can only take your claims with a grain of salt. It is a fact of this reality that we live in that no one is perfect in any way, financial or otherwise.
But my point was not whether you are currently financial stable and responsible. The point was that IF one day, whether your fault or no, you made a wrong financial decision, then by your logic you would not be fit as a mate. Thats rubbish of course.
You money lovers take this argument to the extremes. No one said anything about hooking up with a drunken bum who pisses away his money and his life, or a gambler, or any 'what-if' extreme, or an abusive husband ( which is a non-sequitur to this thread ), etc.
You do rationalize it very well tho, however, it is still a rationalization - just an impressive one!
One more time, money, finances, credit, any trappings of capitalism, status, job class, or social class have nothing to do with Loving someone.......regardless of your lamentable past with an extreme case.
It is a statistical fact sweetie, that men successful in business and finance RARELY make good mates, except maybe in handling the money. The skills sets and mental/emotional midset that attends the financially and businessly successful are inimicable and anathema to the skills needed for a loving and stable relationship in most cases and pairings.
But you are right in one regard, not having your name on that home was a big mistake.
So I guess that means that you are not fit as a mate for someone because you made that big financial bozo...........
But I am not seeing anything in your story about how financially irresponsbile HE was.....certainly he was an abuser if he hit you, and sad as that is, it is a non-sequitur.
So how were the finances?
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:13:32 AM |
But the most compelling data of all is a recent report I read ( cant remmebr where but I will find it for the skeptics if need be ) that clearly shows thet White Collar Professionals, Executives ( male or female ). who are succesful at their careers do NOT make the best, or even near the best, husbands, wives or mates.
That's certainly not surprising. It's a fairly obvious fact that to be highly successful in many careers means more than a typical 9-to-5 job, and long hours and over-emphasis on career is hardly conducive to a good relationship.
Personally I always find it interesting that so many guys tell me that all a women cares about is what kind of car they drive and how expensive a place they go to eat, etc. I guess I am at the other end of the scale because I love to see someone that is sensible enough to drive a cheap car until it falls apart and doesn't see the need to pay ridiculous prices to eat out (other than on rare special occasions perhaps), etc. I do think a lot of times people that don't make a lot of money just learn to manage it better in general as a matter of survival, whereas the higher your income is, the easier it is to accumulate a lot of debt and get into serious trouble....there's more of the pressure to drive an expensive car, and have a big house, etc. even when you can't afford it when you are in that white collar professional category. But that kind of lifestyle is moving further and further out of reach for more people. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:30:32 AM | ^^^well said Maryjos^^^
I really don't care about fancy cars, fancy gifts, fancy dinners.
- I have my own car and I can buy my own stuff. Fancy dinners and cheap dinners end up being the same *stuff* in the end (lol).
 I care that a man has a good and caring personality, that they are thoughtful (not with $$$ but with their time and efforts), that they have a good and loving heart. You can't buy that kind of stuff. :)
I do care however if a guy is a mooch, if I'm paying for everything, or that he's trying to move in with me because he doesn't want to make a life for himself. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:16:48 PM | My financial "success" comes because I don't spend more than what I earn.
My husband was very financially estable, we were going to have our mortgage paid over in about 4 years time 
And you are right, my bad financial decision shows that there is a floor in my character, namely not putting my foot down and being way too accomodating of everyone else's preferences. This is a problem I have and that I'm working on, even if sometimes I feel like a selfish b**ch for pressing for what I believe to be right.
I'm not saying that you could have a problem, such as a recession that brings your business to a hault, or something like that, and that means you are irresponsible.
I'm not a money lover, I believe that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. However, in our society, money is important, we need to pay our rents, bills, food, clothing, petrol, etc. And, if you end up in debt, the financial companies will pursue you for their money. Therefore, it's imperative to have some sense of financial responsibility, an ability to treat finances carefully and make right decisions.
I agree that high earners are bad partners, because the success and financial gain occupies too much of their waking time to be able to spend any quality time with their families. I wouldn't date such a person for the world.
But the title of the topic speaks about "financial stable" people. Now, if you are not financially stable, 90% of the times is because you overspend. There are people who won't wear non designer clothes, for instance. There are people who will insist in having the latest technology, or a fancier car for the sake of image, when they really cannot afford it.
Financial inestability comes, more often than not, because people who earn 10 insist on spending 11, and it ends up in unsustainable situation. These people are as irresponsible and damaging for a relationship and a family as someone who can't establish when they've had enough alcohol or someone who thinks that drugs are ok on occassions.
I believe in love, and I've met some incredible people over the years from all sorts of backgrounds. However, your soulmate is somebody you are with for life and, for that life to be reasonably happy and estable, both of you need to have the right attitude toward important things, and money is one of them. I wouldn't mind whether my future husband has a humble job or not, as long as he is able to treat his money with responsibility.
And yes, by that logic, yes, you can have a soul mate who is financially unstable, if you have that approach to money too. Maybe the people in this thread defending the case of the financially unstable do so because they are irresponsible with money themselves. | |
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