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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:28:14 AM | I didn't read through all of this... but, there are many things in life that can cause havoc on some-one's finances. Divorce being at the top of the list.
So, it really depends on what you consider "financially stable". Can they completely support themselves and whatever their responsibilities may be? If the answer to that is "yes", they are financially stable.
Equally important is: Can YOU completely support yourself? If the answer to either of these questions is "no", then neither one of you should be looking for a relationship. Instead you should be focusing your energy on stabilizing your life.
Honestly... if someone wanted in depth information about my finances, I would believe they were looking for someone to take care of them in areas that they should be taking care of themselves!
I don't care what someones income is, what their assets are, or what their debts are... as long as they can take care of themselves and those depending on them for that support. I won't be one of those people needing/wanting that financial support.
Since I am not interested in "marriage" (which to me is the only time you become totally responsible for someone else), they also won't be getting a financial commitment from me. If a relationship progressed to the point of a long term commitment, wanting to live together- even then it's a limited financial commitment. You both agree up front how living expenses will be handled, and you both retain responsibility for your own personal expenses.
That isn't saying that if I was living with someone and he became unemployed, disabled (or whatever that wasn't within his control), that I wouldn't step in and take care of things. I would. But, it would be because my commitment to him (which would be there before "living together" happened) was made before he needed that kind of help from me... I wouldn't go into a relationship where he was looking for someone to financially support him before the relationship even began. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:28:58 AM | SOOOOOOOOO many Narrow minded people in one place wow.Continue to place materalist values above happiness,continue to work every second of your life for things that do not matter when life is done.Some of us understand that the ONLY thing worth having is LOVE.In whatever form it comes,soulmate,true love,unconditional love.Happiness can and is only found when you find LOVE.So please continue to rationalize your "Baggage""Failed Relationships""Inept Partner" on financial ruin.materalist,possessions.When your end comes and it will the thing you wish you had is love,only love. Happy Fishing. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:41:48 PM | Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.
Love does not insist on its own way: My very loose interpretation of that is one who professes to love me wouldn't be coming into my life empty handed and expecting me to give to him while he has nothing to offer in return.
Let's be practical and realistic. In this world, in this day and age, one has to have a means of support or you'll quickly find yourself on the street. Statistics say most people are one pay check away from being homeless.
In America there is ALWAYS a way to make money. I've seen people on the highway selling water. I have great respect for them.
I will never understand why a person who can't support himself/herself even looks for a relationship.
Untimely set backs, sickness and a run of bad luck put aside, if you are an adult who is not taking care ofhim/herself consistently it's because you don't love/care yourself and how can you love/care another if you don't love/care for yourself?
We can only give away what we already have.
It has nothing to do with money and materialistic things. I wouldn't care if the guy worked in McDonalds. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:06:10 PM |
I sit and browse through these profiles, looking for that special someone, and at least 50 percent or more are looking for their soulmate who is financial stable. Good god what planet are you people on ?
Look, let's be realistic. You're a man. And what women look for is whatever they consider a complete man.
Many women want a man who can hold down a job at the very least. That is just something that is practical and contributes to successful operation of a household (cost of housing, electricity, water, insurance and all that kind of stuff).
They probably would like to see job stability. They want to see and know that a man, if not rich, can at least hold down a job. This is the planet we all live on, and a lot of people want structure and consistency in their own lives and consistent behavior from their soul-mate. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:23:46 PM | While I understand the whole "love is blind" concept.... there surely are limits to everything. For example, chances of me falling in love with a crackhead are pretty slim.
DISCLAIMER : The above sentence is just an example and in no shape or form I'm trying to imply that all financilly unstable people are crackheads. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:16:43 AM | @ Ameerra
... if you are an adult who is not taking care of him/herself consistently it's because you don't love/care yourself and how can you love/care another if you don't love/care for yourself?
I have often said the same thing about overweight people. If you do not love and care for your own self and abuse your body with weight and food, how can I possibly expect that you will love and care for me?
On the flip side and more to the point of this thread, I have never had my feelings about a person "change" or be prevented from ever starting because of someones financial status. If a person cannot be attracted to someone because they dont have $$$ or because they do not fit someones narrow minded definition of being financially stable, I can think of alot of things this says about such a person - and none of it is good or flattering.
I'm not saying its OK to piss away your money irresponsibly and lounge around all day bumming off of others, but at the same time, I have NEVER used $$$ as a yardstick of being attracted to someone, and certainly not of loving them.
It is also interesting, as a psychological study, that this particular affliction affects women MUCH more than it affects Men - I mean how often do you see in a profile where a Man espouses this garbage about looking for someone "financially stable" or similar verbage? It is repleat in womens profiles, yet one hardley ever see's it in a Mans profile.
Interesting...........
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:23:43 AM | Well said, music man!
I think it's horrible to be so materialistic. You're not taking it with you when you drop dead, so what's the point? I live by this motto: I would rather live in a one bedroom apartment for the rest of my life be happy & in love than live in the biggest mansion, with diamonds one every finger & be miserable. And I can take care of myself, I am not looking for some guy to take care of me....my mama taught me better than that  | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:45:01 AM |
It is also interesting, as a psychological study, that this particular affliction affects women MUCH more than it affects Men - I mean how often do you see in a profile where a Man espouses this garbage about looking for someone "financially stable" or similar verbage? It is repleat in womens profiles, yet one hardley ever see's it in a Mans profile.
It's pretty clear that men and women are different creatures and do not value the same traits. It's even clearer that we're all individuals.
You don't value a financially stable partner, while a woman may not value a height-weight-proportionate mate. To each their own. Why judge someone on their mating criteria when you have some of your own? It isn't for any of us to decide that what works for us should work for everyone else. If you start to dismiss what others use to find their mate, then you might as well start dismissing your own criteria right along with it. Just because it makes sense to you to choose a woman for X, Y, and Z reasons doesn't mean it makes sense to the women you are rejecting.
Do I want a financially stable partner? Yes. In fact I wouldn't consider a man who wasn't. I don't want a mate that will gamble away our kid's college education, buy a boat on credit because we can't afford it or be content with our kids eating crap because we can't afford organic.
Does money matter? Yes, everything matters it's just a difference in degrees. Is money everything? No, not by a long shot.
We're all doing the best we can with what we understand of our needs. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 12:29:43 PM | If it is a first for both then help him to become stable if not young forget it.{When you have youth and no baggage it is marriage and forever and make a Life together and work for all the material things and be happy.}
You women have been sold a bill of goods as a divorice only help become equal and without a marriage contract a woman is screwed $$$$$$$$$$$ | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 12:58:22 PM | You know the romantic in me chooses to believe that a soul mate...a TRUE soul mate is someone who loves YOU, not your financial situation at that moment in time. That they'll be the one who stands beside on the lawn as your house burns to the ground and says, "we'll be alright". Some say romantic love cannot be unconditional, but really, a soul mate should in theory offer just that...within reason.
That's the person I want to marry because that's the ONLY person who's truely going to honour their marriage vows. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:52:10 AM | I think I said this before, I cannot believe that grown adults even see this as a question.
Let me get this straight Ladies ( or men ): You have met Mr Wonderuful and have developed a great attraction and/or fallen in love. Presently, down the road I presume, you find out he is not the best at managing his finances, or you find out he doesnt make what you thought he did.
So...................... what? Now this SAME fellow is no longer attactive, inside or out? One day its like, " your my Moon, my Sun, my starlit sky....without you I dwell in darkness....", and now........................what? It just went away now that you found out his finances are not what YOU deem acceptable?
What unbelievable arrogance & hubris! Not to mention massive cluelessness!
I can understand not wanting to intially hook up with someone who is cronically in debt due to his/her own continued mismanagment, but thats the rub isnt it? When you first meet someone you have NO idea what may lie in their past that may adequately (or not) explain, their lack of 'solvency', nor are you to judge without ALL the facts, which you are not going to have upon first meeting someone.
I have never heard such a clueless thing in my life.
I make better money than most. And I wouldnt let any one of you clueless bimbos who think the worth of a man is measured by his income or finances, savings, retirement portfolios, etc. anywhere near me, my $$$ or my daughter without an extensive pre-nup.
I have seen a lot of impressive attempts at rationalizing the myth behind the thinking that love is only found in financial means & stability and in similar economic strata.
That is simply pure rubbish.
Shea | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:02:27 AM | As example:
I have dated the gambit, from women who made millions a year ( a RE-max agent ) to those who were on welfare. Invariably I was most happiest with the lower income crowd, and those who were not 'financially stable" for a variety of reasons, even tho this made us 'uneven' financially. Oddly enough it didnt seem to matter with the ones where there was true genuine love.
Most noteably was a girl whom I loved the most, and was the poorest. She was on welfare when I met her, living in a converted multi room home. She had nothing but a few personal posessions, couldnt hold a job, and was not that good at manageing the money she had.
I fell in love with her anyway. I quickly moved her out of her place into my house, on an island in the gulf of mexico off the coast of the Tarpon Springs. She had no job and got a $600 month welfare check. She usually spent every dime of it on non-essential stuff too. Did "I" care? Of course not. I LOVED HER. So I paid the bills for all of us. I took her to the doctor when she needed it, and took her to many places she had never seen nor been across this country.
She couldnt hold a job, but oddly enough she ran my business(es) real well, She kept the house immaculate, was a great companion for my daughter, she cooked for us as she didnt work, and never cheated on me. Other than the financial disparity we enjoyed many many of the same things otherwise, from music, to theater to movies to food to reading material.
I paid for most everything, and not once did I EVER think that she was not 'worthy' of me because of the money, nor did my ability to love or care for her change with the finances. I was in LOVE with this gal, and how much money she made or didnt make was not a variable in the equation of me loving her.
Nor should it be. It's ONLY money. If you truely LOVED a man, what F'ing difference would it make WHO made the $$$ or paid the bills?
Those of you who think otherwise, frankly you disgust me. Like I said, no one who thinks money is a variable in the equation of love and attraction would get eanywhere near me. Money is only important if you MAKE it important. I know, I've been there.
Shea
P.S. And to answer the inevitable question, what happened to her: she died from cancer about 6 yrs later. And yes, I paid for most of that too - and never cared. You can always get more money, if thats what you worship. | |
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| What if your soul mate dumped you!!!
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:11:39 AM | I met my soul mate! She was crazy about me but one day she realised that I couldn't provide her with financial stability so she left me.
She is now out looking for someone who is better off than I am. It broke my heart and it's tough that I have it hard finding a partner because of my financial status! | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:29:45 AM | i wouldnt care but unfortunately most people do theses days.not all but most.
thats why the true romantics are rare theses days.and thats why so many marriages and relationships fail too cause theyre not just based on love.but what can u do? thats people for ya.people have to learn the hard way sometimes.its sad when u think about it that for example a bank manager that would be a good man rather date a bad women whos a nurse for example than dating a really good women who does cleaning in offices for example.thats why people have a harder time to find theyre match theses days cause they put too many restrictions on who they choose to be with.as if looks wasnt enough now how much money or what kind of job a person does also has lots to do with it.
then people wonder why they cant be happy lol
i must say tough that sometimes the job and money someone has affect theyre personality and the kind of person they are so hanging with someone that has a very different job and makes very different salaries can be a problem in some ways.cause rich people tend to be snob for example and poor people tend to be very friendly and good hearted.so put thoses 2 people together and it wont work.
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:33:19 AM | Concept of Soulmate is something developed by Harliquin Romance....
Its an escape clause for women when they have an "epiphany" and are off to chase the next "bad boy" that trips thier trigger....
Dont buy into it... Bad Plan. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:52:45 AM | To Falling Ember Response to Tarashea
It's pretty clear that men and women are different creatures and do not value the same traits. It's even clearer that we're all individuals.
This is a non-sequitur. Tarashea clearly stated, and correctly so, that Materialism afflicts women far more than men, in fact the disparity is enormous. It is more of a Cultural/Gender programming ( or mis-programming ) than it is a gender-only thing.
You don't value a financially stable partner, while a woman may not value a height-weight-proportionate mate. To each their own. Why judge someone on their mating criteria when you have some of your own?
The difference my dear is that Materialism, or wanting a financially "stable" partner has its roots in and is solely a selfish and superficial desire. As opposed to tarashea's not wanting to hook up with someone engaged in behaviors that will lead to physical and emotional trauma, and even death.
As was observed in another thread Heart disease is the #1 Killer of women, and the primary cause of HD in women is being overweight. Being overweight is a choice. Not wanting to date a drug addict, or a smoker, or anyone engaged in willful behaviors of choice that will lead to serious medical consequences terminating in an early and painful death is not to be compared to a woman who wants a partner who is finaicially "stable", or who is "white collar", or who is financially successful. In short, you are comaparing apples amd oranges.
The definition of "financially stable" is also not universal. The correct definition is "does one live within ones means". However, as was observed several pages earlier in this thread, most women do not stop at this, and invariably in a profile where a woman says she wants someone "financially stable", she then goes on to show her real colors and expands and adds to the correct definition by making some other "bimbo" comment, proving she is interested in more than "does the guy live within his means".
You have done so yourself in this very post - if all you were interested in was someone who lives within his means, thats fine. But of course like most materialistic women, you go further, and show your true colors thusly:
....or be content with our kids eating crap because we can't afford organic.
Now not only do you want a man who lives within his means, you have to have one with Bucks $$$ so as to maintain a lifestyle of choice by eating organic as opposed to normal regularr foods. And PLEASE spare me your futile attempts at rationalizing your behavior, your talking to a Psychologsit deary, not one of your coffee-clatch neighborhood moms.
I shant address in this thread the erroneous belief that today's non-organic foods are light-yrs worse than organics, I will simply close by saying its a materialistic choice, much like saying you need a man that can afford a Saab or a Mercedes because you have the idea ( mistaken ) that they are safer than an American ( and therefore cheaper ) car.
If you are in the Atlanta area I shall be pleased to offer you several numbers of very good, highly educated therapists and/or scientists in the area that you might want to consider talking to about your fringe beliefs.
Lisa | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:22:38 PM | Women love a rich man like men love a pretty woman. Woman shouldn't be considered gold-diggers when they want or demand a man who makes a certain amount of money when men get to go on all day long about what kind of breasts/hair color/legs/weight/height/butt, etc. they want in a woman and everybody deems it perfectly natural. We say "men are visual" and just move on, but when women ask for a man who makes money then we say they need to look at their priorities or become less superficial. I say ask for what you want, chances are you'll get it. However don't be surprised if what you get turns out to be something that makes you completely miserable. HAPPY FISHING EVERYBODY!  | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:53:40 PM | I'm good Lisa, but thank you for the consideration.
Yes, I meant financially stable as I see it and do agree everyone has their own take on the phrase. No that does not mean "Bucks" since I've never dated a man who made more than me. All made half my salary or less since I tend to gravitate towards artistic men with a bohemian bent. They were like me and ate local, organic produce hence the reference. Their priorities were similar to my own and saw quality food (although you disagree that local organic food is quality) as being more important than a new boat or car that isn't necessary. I see no reason to concern myself with how much a man makes, only that he isn't careless with what he does make.
I also don't see anything wrong with acknowledging that my priorities include financial stability honestly. I went hungry a few times as a child due to parents who thought it was more important to have a new car than to have regular meals on the table. Those experiences have led me to believe that love is wonderful, but having my children go hungry as I did is unacceptable to me. Most people I see who are bad with money aren't "bad" people, but their priorities are focused on what they want rather than what they need. My parents were similar, and so I choose to avoid men like that. I can see some in this thread look down upon people like me for having such a priority, but that's fine. Part of accepting others is accepting that they aren't always going to agree with you.
As I stated before, everything matters in my opinion it's all just a matter of degrees. I believe debate is about fully understanding each other's points, not defending one's behavior or beliefs. Your judgments in regards to my opinion are your own and I respect them despite disagreeing with them. To each their own of course. Good luck to you. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:58:37 PM | If he were your soul mate you would not need to ask all of these questions. This is what is hard about internet dating. If you are really looking for the soul mate only you will not even concern yourself with what he does or what he has.
Then again, one can fall in love with a rich man as eaisly as a poor man. he he | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:24:21 PM | | Wyatt Earp lived in Los Angeles until his death in 1929. By his side in his home was his "live in" companion of 47 years.....Ms.Josephine Marcus. His wife, Mattie Earp had become a drug addict and had wandered off into the Arizona wilderness desert in 1881.....never to be seen again. Her addiction was depicted in the movie "Tombstone." She probably died lost somewhere in the vast wilderness.... of Lord knows what...exposure...starvation...etc. Wyatt Earp was interviewed at his home in L.A. for a book "Tombstone" that was written in 1927 .....and Ms.Marcus helped corroborate many of the events that occured between 1880 and 1882. I have that great antique book . It is fantastic reading that deals with many of the events depicted in the movie. A mostly fictional love story ? I think not.....and 47 years speaks for itself ! Yes....the movie "Tombstone" did take some Hollywood liberties.....but much of the soulmate love between Wyatt and Josephine Marcus is very true. Just my two cents worth.....and that concludes today's history lesson !! Class dismissed !! LOL !!! | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:38:19 PM | | Well, I've been sitting here thinking and there is a point that I'm still lost on. Why is wanting a mate that believes as you do in regards to the care of children "materialistic"? This isn't to start an argument, but I actually am unclear as to why it is perceived as "wrong". As parents, aren't you supposed to want the best for your children? I can understand we don't all agree on what "the best" is, and I don't personally think it's things like Xboxes or designer clothes. I do think wanting the best nutrition for your children is addressing a need not a want and so that value should be shared with a potential mate. Could someone explain this in more depth? | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 4:40:15 PM | Money isn't everything. The smartest people can still make the stupidest mistake.
The only thing that matter is whether they are working hard to get back on their feet, verse trying their best to dodges their responsibility. | |
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