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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:29:28 PM | No, very clearly this is just a pity thread looking for reinforcement for being lazy and irresponsible.
I agree GBB. C'mon, I was dating a woman from here last year, she made maybe 1/4 of what I do... but she had her own house (paid her mortgage), raised her son pretty much by herself, full time job w/ health insurance, etc. She was probably *the* most "realistic" woman I've ever dated in terms of her outlook on life... very wonderful woman.
One of my ex's that I'm still "friendly" with asked me about her, and then told me "You should find someone who makes as much or more than you do"... I told her "what does money have to do with love?" - then again, I know she's very "money based" (having dated her), so I took it with a grain of salt. I laughed when she said "Just be careful of gold diggers", told her the GF was *definitely* not a "gold digger" (she, the ex, is/was *far* more of one than the GF, although I refrained from tossing that in her face - too much animosity in the world as it is, and I know she meant well - just concerned for me, in her own money-biased way).
What if your soul mate lives in Michigan, lost his job and got his house repoed ? Are you going to date the guy that works in the produce department at Walmart since he was 18, who you dont really like, cant have fun with and you end up cheating on because your soul mate lost his job and his house ?
OP, if my "soulmate" lost *her* job, and her house got repo'd because of it, that wouldn't bother me. On the flip side, if her house got repo'd because she ran up her credit cards buying "stuff" rather than paying her mortgage, that would be a bad sign (and she probably wouldn't be my "soulmate" since we'd be very incompatible in that regard). If she was working at Walmart, but was living ok it, paying her rent/mortgage and bills, even if struggling at times, it wouldn't bother me at all. And regardless of if she lost her job and home, I wouldn't cheat on her, I would support her and help her look for another job. And, FYI, I paid the mortage for one of my *ex's* for several months, because she hurt her back, was unemployed, and waiting for disability, and had no money left. She's someone that I cared about & loved, I wasn't going to let her become homeless because of a physical disability that *wasn't* her fault (who would *want* that?)... she's making it on her own, on disability now, and I don't regret it in the least.
Now, the rest of that, if I "don't really like" her, and "can't have fun with her" (even if its on my "dime" most of the time)... well, I highly doubt I'd consider someone I "don't really like" my "soulmate" now would I? | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:49:17 PM |
unfortunately your as out of touch as your wording is , as i said before a bit jaded and add to being young gullable and naive. materialism does'nt buy happiness or love its earned by loyalty and respect as you have none for those older and much wiser then yourself.
57 went through seen more the you'll ever see in your life time jr. as for depression look at the present recession, foreclosures, the state of the economy , want for nothing that's a dream and fairy tail !! your lucky in this up coming economy to stay afloat at least its for the working class !!
during the civil rights movement which i went through and along with my family at 8 years old i worked ou farm and help my father side construction business. only to see racist bigoted ass..... try and burn it all down !! respect what? a young kid who has no clue what struggle is !! and through it all our family achieved a higher education when it was deprived of us because of the color of our skin.
grow up some son and then tell me your story !! as if i really care !!money as they say is the root of all evil !! and never wether you realize it or not buy love or happiness !! if you believe so you validate my points !! young and gullable and naive !!
:sigh:
Where does age become an issue when you preach about love to the "youngsters" yet you are almost 60 and still single. Sheesh. And now you bring up the Race Card. NO ONE SAID MONEY BUYS LOVE. And again, you are using Jaded out of context. I had no father to help, and I was on my own at 16. Not to mention I've made no excuses for my short comings, or blamed my problems on my race, or society, or the economy. I read. Alot. And I went to school to understand the system so I can work it to my advantage. On my own. How is it my fault that I made it a point to understand how finance works and you did not? Ha! I think you are misdirecting the term Jaded, as I am not a mirror. I respect my elders, when they have wisdom to bestow. When they resort to pulling race cards, and name calling, I can't help but be reminded of Jr High. Especially when you don’t know what a homonym is. (I assume you meant fairytale. Not Fairy Tail. Unless you like Fairy Tail, and if that is the case I will be sure to let Tinkerbelle know.)
Grow up. You still have time.
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:52:07 PM | Maybe be best to leave organized religion out of the topic at hand because it can be a bit touchy subject for many. Not to mention that half the stuff in the Bible so revered by western religion is based on lies. They don't even acknowledge all the gospels written by some of the other disciples who are just as credible as the others because they tend to contradict what the main focus would be. Every religion trying to claim they are the "only way" to God and that all others, no matter how well intentioned, are going to fall short. And the religions have to insist by any means necessary that they are the "right" and "only" way or else they would not be able to justify their existance as an organization, even going to extreme lengths such as murder to justify their "rightness" which most all of them do...
Doesn't help that the US is about in another depression pretending to fight a war by joining in a civil war that has been going on over 700 years in the middle east. Most of that money the government claims that is being sent to fund the war never even made it to us troops out there. It ended up going to private companies so they can make their war profits. The average couple has to both work just to make enough money to be broke by the end of the week. And society wants to encourage everyone to believe that if you do not officially work earning an income, that somehow you are less of a person. What about the stay at home parents that take care of the kids? Why should they be viewed as less of a person? Just saying it would be wiser if people didn't begin their relationships basing them on the financial worth of the other person.... which usually seems to be right at the top of the list of values people look at to evaluate a relationship. After all, such beliefs in the US alone have led to a 50% divorce rate with 49% of the time at least one of them has cheated at least once on the other. So if the current beliefs have lead to such, they don't seem to be helping out much and actually doing just the opposite, then maybe it's time to change them... | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:28:21 PM | There is no such thing as a "soulmate." People have things in common.
It is just as easy to have things in common with a financially stable person as it is with a non-financially stable person.
It is absolutely untrue that two can live as cheaply as one (do people say that anymore?), and love will NOT pay the rent.
But for young people (and I am not young), I would suggest that one consider the possibility of financial security in the future. College students are usually not monetarily stable, but there is the expectation that someday, they will no longer be students and will have jobs. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:55:35 PM | | What the h*ll is wrong with you people. You drag in war, religion, race, President Bush, did I miss anything? How about the Pope, Allah, the Saints, the tarot cards and your horoscope!!!! We are all individuals, some are smart, some are lucky, some show fiscal prudance but we all seek love. Now you may call me crazy, some people look for their partner with a calculating mind using a checklist of attributes. Then they wonder what went wrong when the comfort fades when there is no zing. I'm not saying no you don't seek a mental equal, there are many other considerations. 80% say they need chemistry, means they seek that spark that helps ignite the process. Most of you know what your looking for, height, weight, intelligence and the spark. Based on that if you find it and that person has made some mistakes in they're life you have a choice. Try and educate them, try to lead them, try to love them in the right direction. If you don't, I expect I'll be reading another couple of thousand whiney threads about lack of qualified men/women who lack chemistry, or who do not provide emotional compatibility. Few of you will be drawn to the boxboy at the local costco or the executive if it is not your mental equal. Fewer still will find happiness without the spark of romance that drives each of us to seek our soul's counterpoint in another. My 2 cents anyway. Bob | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:09:41 AM | Re: It is absolutely untrue that two can live as cheaply as one (do people say that anymore?), and love will NOT pay the rent.
No......but they say "it takes two incomes"
Love might help keep the two incomes together.....thus contributing to paying the rent.
Maybe stepping back to one income and a more home centered lifestyle would be more civilized than the current hectic pace........home cooked meals, games around the card table, table tennis, bingo, Yatzee......etc.......
But then we are all to materialistic.....the need to keep up with the neighbors....a new wide screen TV, Two SUV's, Boat, Motor home, New leather jacket, Guess jeans, tickets to the concert, Golf club membership, Pedicure, Starbucks.....the list is endless..... | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:21:02 AM | Grandma BB you rock and I might add, made similar arguments much better than I. Some people are introduced to information and start spouting it when they do not have any real understanding of the concepts or the arguments to back it up.
In reading many of the reposts I suspect that the OP's problem is less his financial situation keeping him from finding a soulmate, it is that women do not want to be with a man who has a horribly negative and hateful attitude toward anyone that disagrees with his opinion. Intellectual development requires an open mind sorely lacking in the OP, who by the way wouldn't understand the concept of a soulmate if it bit him on the butt.
Additionally, every word he has spoken is indicative of an individual who is not responsible or accountable and wants to blame his circumstances on everyone but himself and also assumes that anyone who does not swoon at his feet, suitably impressed by his intellect and deep emotional well, is a slut and/or a fuking biatch.
Where do I sign up, um no. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:26:32 PM | Look people..."Love may make the world go 'round...but money greases the axles..."
I think I stated something like this in an almost similar thread some time ago...
You need money for the base items...a place to live, transportation, food, health care...OK, fine...but with just that alone, you're living out a pretty marginal, and need I add...uninteresting life...
With a little more money, there comes an education, books, a computer, maybe some cultural outings, leisure activities... to broaden your mind and experiences, and maybe, make you a little more interesting and appealing to someone else...And since "The more you have...the more you want..." will most certainly come into play...
Now, we come to:
The "Top of the Heap"...your cashflow is often in a positive direction...You find out that money can purchase you one hell of a lifestyle chock full of instant gratification, and life always seems to be a never-ending party state of euphoria...You start to see that this lifestyle, and hopefully, the spice you've acquired for life developing inside you...makes you a very popular individual, and so many want in on your action, including those that take a romantic interest (and I mean [hopefully] FOR REAL romance) in you...At this point, there's no turning back...The one you love is a part of this equation as well...and if all the "fun" disappears in some sort of catastrophic experience...Will this individual whom claims to love you...still stick around? Will they still be with you, now that the party's over?
I realize I see things from a very jaded and materialistic point of view...People often tell me..."You've got a lot to learn about love..."
And I answer, "Yes I do....but given the type of society we live in...You've got a lot to learn about just how far people will GO...for love!" | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:23:20 PM | BOB2013, I think, made VERY good points.
Funny -- when asked by women what I want in a woman I ask if they want the encyclopedic library list or just the dictionary sized appendix. I think that the answer is found in a balance between the emotional aspects of romantic love and practical thinking --rationale: the two act as a counterbalance to each other. So there is a 'checklist' of sorts, in addition to a need to have that chemistry. Looking in someone's eyes and getting lost in how they make you feel is important, but only one component. Looking at someone's ability to take care of themselves (mentally, financially, physically) is another important component, which is used to maintain that chemistry, is it not? Imagine how quick the combustion of 'love' falters when you are with someone who can't pay his/her bills and stops taking care of themselves in other ways...
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:39:19 PM | | My daughter and her S/O have been together for nearly 8 years, they have a three year old child. My daughter won't marry him because she says he has a bad credit rating and he hasn't taken care of his past student loans. ~me scratching my head~ And I gave birth to this girl, it must be in the genes, because until recently, as her mother I was thinking along these lines too........Hell, now that I think deeper on the subject, I'd just be glad if, when, I locate my special someone that it would be nice if he just HAD a job this day and time from the looks of it........~tilts head~ | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:30:13 PM |
what if your "soul mate" is NOT financial stable
You get over it.
I can understand why people would want to be with someone who in the long-term can provide a financially secure environment for them or those that have money and so won't be using them for their own.
But if you are in love with a person, wealth & class, among other things should not come into play. Financially, what someone should be looking for is if that person has qualities that can make them successful in the future. They should look for things like drive, ambition, perserverance, being organized, and other key qualities that shine through their personality. I think given a chance, a person with those would definitely be financially stable in the future if they are not at that point already.
Not everyone is at the point in their life where they are financially stable already. That's not to say they won't get there, they may just be adjusting to life.
Also they can be financially stable due to a hefty inheritance but if they are lazy, unmotivated and careless with the budget, then they won't be stable for long. Money does run out.
I think some people are simply looking for people who are financially stable based on the fact that lacking financially can REALLY hurt a relationship (thats what I read once anyway) or maybe they have had bad personal experiences and others just don't want to be used. but SOME people are just in it for the gifts, money & status .
Maybe if people looked for qualities as opposed to paychecks then they would give more people a chance and might not pass up their future 'BillGates' soulmate because right now he can't afford to take you shopping every Saturday.
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:36:39 PM |
spending time looking down on them because they won't spend their time constantly dishing out money to you to buy stuff you really don't need
Again, not the point. It's not that people are saying they require extravagant lifestyles. What we are saying is that if a person is broke because he is unwilling or unable to be responsible with his cash then he's not a good bet for a mate. The soul lives in a body that still needs to eat and have shelter and if a man (or woman) squanders money on frivolities instead of stepping up to the plate, that's not a person who's going to be a mate to anybody's soul. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:40:14 PM |
spending time looking down on them because they won't spend their time constantly dishing out money to you to buy stuff you really don't need
Again, not the point. It's not that people are saying they require extravagant lifestyles. What we are saying is that if a person is broke because he is unwilling or unable to be responsible with his cash then he's not a good bet for a mate. The soul lives in a body that still needs to eat and have shelter and if a man (or woman) squanders money on frivolities instead of stepping up to the plate, that's not a person who's going to be a mate to anybody's soul
I was refering to how they place too much value in financial. I don't know about you but around the places I've been in my life, most the woman seem to put financial right at the top when they determine your compatability. There's plenty of women I know who has used guys to acquire some financial too, pretending to care for the guy, until the guy either leaves or starts saying no with the money handouts. But spending time making judgements about someone else, trying to find any and ever means possible to justify that they should be this or that is only a projection on them of your own "faults". Trying to get them to manipulate/control them to be someone else just to suit personal needs. Spending so much time trying to see what they can get out of a relationship instead of what can be put into it like it was meant to be. Going into a relationship needing anything like that is going to cause trouble and guaranteed to end the relationship. But since focusing on such things is what has lead many people to sights like these, just thought maybe something different would work since the current mainstream beliefs seem not to be helping much... | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:12:53 PM | This is easy - for some people, "soulmate" means a lot of money and very good looks.(shallow people)
For others, it means a little less money(but responsible with it), attraction of some sort, a "connection", and love.("real" people)
Still, for others it means "enough to get by", attraction of some sort, a definite "connection" to each other, and love.(these people also exist in real life)
Even though the last group of people I mentioned make way less than the first, they have a lot more going for them. The middle group probably represents what most of the people here are really looking for...so nobodies really wrong here.
If I see a girl who is looking for someone who is already "financially stable", I usually don't bother trying to talk to them - their mind is already made up.
I think they are missing a great catch in the long run in some instances, but I understand why they say it.
- Chris | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:44:04 PM | | I do believe a soulmate is quite a bit different which has been thrown around more as a term of a person found to be able to have a serious relationship with. I believe I have found mine and we have been really close friends over the years. When you meet your soulmate for the first time there is suppose to be an overwhelming feeling of joy and a feeling of really knowing them like seeing someone you really care about after a long time apart even though you never met each other before. Then there is both of you being able to feel exactly what the other is feeling all the time, finding yourself finishing each other's sentences, etc. Only problem is her fear of loss has been keeping her from wanting to take a chance and go furthur than best friends with the relationship. It's like with many people, as soon as they can acquire something they really really want, fear of losing it often sets in. The same fear ends up making you say and do things out of character in an attempt to keep from losing it and the same fear makes you lose that very someone/something you treasure. So I personally don't believe it's a good idea to spend any time on all those what if's... So she's truly afraid of losing the relationship if she goes furthur.... Even tried to point out that the most successful serious relationships stem from good friendship.... | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:52:15 PM | What do you mean by financially stable? Anyone can have to start over, but what is the reason? Everyone in a relationship has to bring SOMETHING to the table..now some bring sunshine, and some bring money.
I would rather have sunshine...long as they can at least pay for their own beer. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:34:47 AM |
If I see a girl who is looking for someone who is already "financially stable", I usually don't bother trying to talk to them - their mind is already made up.
I think they are missing a great catch in the long run in some instances, but I understand why they say it. At age 31, this comment makes perfect sense....you're still in "party til you puke" mode. Keep in mind however that you're looking for women who are in the "childbearing years", and are much more likely to see "stability" with a particular number attached to it.
The question however was NOT....how MUCH.....the question was about "STABILITY". A person can be in Intensive Care...about to die at any moment....and still be listed as "STABLE". It simply means...that there are no wild fluctuations of change. Economic stability means exactly the same thing. It's NOT how much...but rather the consistency. Financial stability means....do you work regularly.....NOT...do you work until your income tax refund comes in...then quit your job and have a good time until thats gone...then try to find another job.
Now, one more time for those of you who STILL do not get it! Stability is NOT wealth.
I have the theory that neither the extremely poor, NOR the extremely wealthy can exihibit true stability.....or the ability to budget their finances. When you have too little, it's already spent before you get it. When you have too much....you tend to be frivilous, don't consider the "what ifs", and give very little thought to your finances...thinking that it's a neverending supply that will never run dry. Financial stability occurs when you live within your means.....you pay your bills and have a little left over...but NOT enough to do EVERYTHING you think of.....just some of the things. Having to choose between...putting a new roof on the house...or buying a boat....these are the character building things that only those who have a sound sense of financial responsibility will understand. If you can afford neither...then there's no choice....if you can afford both.....then, there's no choice.
Rejecting a partner because they see being financial stability as a positive trait seems to me to be one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on this site!!! | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:46:38 AM | grandmabooboo wrote:
At age 31, this comment makes perfect sense....you're still in "party til you puke" mode. Keep in mind however that you're looking for women who are in the "childbearing years", and are much more likely to see "stability" with a particular number attached to it.
Wow, try again.
I hardly ever drink - that pic was a rare occurrence of me at my 31st birthday(the one with them holding me up), and I've never really been into the whole partying thing. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:29:25 AM | I think it depends how much money you have as to what your view is.
If you own your own house etc then taking on someone with nothing is a big gamble.
Should it go wrong the otehr person could wal kaway with half of your home. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:48:59 AM | | A soul mate means just that. One soul to another, communication. Job descriptions , education levels and bank accounts are not part of the equation. Could the craftsman who works with his hands and creates beauty but lives an austere lifestyle be a soul mate of someone at the opposite end of the economic spectrum? Absolutely. To think that someone who might be underemployed might not be a "deep" person is pretty pompous IMO. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:27:15 PM | WOW! Over a 170 responses to this question in 8 days!
Obviously this is a very HOT TOPIC that pushes all kinds of HOT BUTTONS for males and females alike!
OT: I've met two women in my 20 years of soul mate searching (my age is 57) who met "MY DEFINITION" of a SOUL MATE. Therefore in my eyes a soul mate is EXTREMELY RARE.
Of the two soul mates I dated "the one" who was NOT financially stable "in my eyes" presented and perceived herself as being my "financial superior". The huge irony here is that she saw me as being financially inferior yet BETWEEN THE TWO OF US SHE HAD:
*the greatest debt (NO house debt involved)...
*the poorer fico scores by more than 100 points...
*no credit cards (FYI: credit cards are one area that is "used to assess the credit worthiness of a person" hence no credit cards equates to a lower FICO score)...
*an upside down car loan...(upside down car loan means: the car blue book value is less than the debt owed to the lender)
Although I was willing to accept my soul mate and her financial status (apparently love can be BLIND) she had issues with her soul mate and his financial status...or more specifically that his job of 20 plus years "with the same employer" was part-time. Although I adore my job I needed to leave my secure job of 20 plus years and find a new "full-time" job to make more money if she was going to feel financially secure in our relationship.
Does job switching make sense in this job market? After 20 plus years at my part-time job I am the one who is better off financially than she is after 3 years at her current full-time job...making 3 times my income. YET I needed to get a better job!
In the end money WAS a major reason two soul mates parted...but it was
"the one with the greatest debt" who could not find financial comfort in a relationship with "the one that had the least debt".
Guys: her profile is on POF so apparently she is available for a financially secure man. 
Ahh the never ending cycle of "love being exchanged for money"....some things will never change.  | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:52:47 PM | Not that anyone will care, but a soul mate is a very specific definition with narrow parameters.
The author of the term soul-mate defined it as singular and we don't find them until we become spiritually activated... then we attract them to us as though magnitized.
Soul mates are over-rated, they will will back their karma over your dogma and hang their dharma over the shower rail.
If they don't have a FICO score over 760 then you must pray to the shrine of Prenuptia. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:38:28 PM | I wasnt going to respond to this thread anymore but I think there is a few people that really want to understand the concept, despite the majority that "just want to be heard" and perpetuate ignorance.
The sould mate is = THE SOUL. Its NOT material. The body is the impediment of the soul, so YEAH, things like finances and what not that are neccesities of the body will impede the soul.
That is why (the concept of the soul mate is derived from buddism, certainly not Christianity that says "a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be ONE FLESH") the buddist fast (go without food) and meditate and take steps to get in touch with their souls.
Dont get me wrong, Christianity was based on the King James version of the Bible, King James had a panel of 'wisemen' who decided what scrolls and documents would be included in the Bible, MANY were rejected, maybe the concept of a soulmate is in one of the rejected ones.
Who is to say that we cant have a wife or husband here on earth but when your body dies your soul belong to your SOULMATE. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:49:15 PM | jj...george bush is the president of the united states...
and to answer the question...
hmmmmm...if my soulmate really crossed my path...
i assume money wouldn't be an issue...
but i was in a marriage that lasted far too long
being the sole wage earner much of the time...
i work hard, and when i play, i play hard...
and sometimes it's nice to spend some money
and not have to pay for everything...
but that's just my opinion.
rose. | |
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| what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:57:56 PM | I need to clarify.
The body is Physical, can be seen and detected using the senses.
The soul is Immaterial, can not be detected using physical senses yet still exists.
The Bible states "a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall be ONE FLESH"
Flesh is the BODY.
The Bible doesnt mention anything about a Union of souls with your spouse, just a material (physical, body, flesh) relationship. So what does that mean, it seems to be something that is left out, maybe it was one of the scrolls that wasnt added when King James Censored the Bible. Maybe that is all we can hope to have on this IMPERFECT earth, because it really seems like everyone is looking for the PERFECT relationship, although the entire physical WORLD is imperfect, so where do people (many people) get the perception that it is possible at all to have a perfect relationship, because even with your soulmate everything wont be perfect in an imperfect world, perfection is only found in the spiritual world, the world of the soul, that is the only place a perfect relationship or union of souls is possible.
Oh and the Bible also states "before you were born, I knew you" In Jeremiah I believe.
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