| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:42:07 AM | If you've had several stable, successful, healthy, fulfilling,
serious, intimate, loving relationships by the time you're 35,
lack of children or marriage per se probably won't be interpreted
as a liability by very many people. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:43:13 AM |
So its better to be 35, divorced with 3 kids??
Apparently so.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Many people would think they hit the jack pot meeting someone 35 and no kids or prior marriage.
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes
^^ (mostly single moms) Oh, now that explains a lot. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:52:57 AM | | I am in my mid 30's and fall into this category. I have not run into this at all. I like to be around people who spend the time to get to know me as an individual and vice versa and not be limited by making quick assumptions and hasty generalizations. Usually those folks who seem to be in this hurry to judge are not fun to be around so they fall by the wayside anyway. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:53:35 AM | That logic is stupid.
You could argue, with the same idiotic logic, that people who were once married have commitment problems because they didn't stay married.
People tend to try to make bullshit blanket statements in order to attempt to make dating easier. After all- things become a lot simpler if you disqualify an entire section of the population.  | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:08:01 PM | Hey...don't take it out on us just because you ended up with the wrong person, made babies with them, and then left (or they left)...
By definition...if you are on this site looking for love divorced with kids then you are the one who messed up...not the single childless people...
Face it...if you are here searching after marriage and kids and failed...how does that make you superior to someone who didn't make any of those mistakes....
Maybe if you took a little longer before pumping 'em out and then having to marry the person...your child would still be being raised full time by a mother and a father...
Then coming on here whining about those of us who had the sense to be a little more careful and let's face it, discriminating....when what you are really saying is "Am I ever pissed off that some person doesn't want to get together with me and my children by another...."
Think about it....
In the animal kingdom it is normal for a new mate to kill all the children of a rival if he is now mating with a partner that has offspring.....remember humans are animals too....how far have we really come.....think about it....not to generalize but how many time do we read of some step parent killing his family and then most likely himself....this is residual instinct left over from the Fred Flintstone days....
Come to think on it myself....you know what.....I think you are right....stay away from us terrible childless/marriageless people.....
...and we will thank you for it.....
I am the Mushroom and I approved this message | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:23:59 PM | > People tend to try to make bullshit blanket statements in order to attempt to make dating easier.
> After all- things become a lot simpler if you disqualify an entire section of the population.
Or if you can bamboozle the other party into thinking they're worthless. The problem is, is that by the time women learn such psychological warfare and start bringing out this type of heavy artillery, nobody much wants them.
The OP "failed" the intelligence test by having too much of it, which may be why his resume reads the way it does.
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:37:22 PM | | i'm turning 35 this month, never married, never engaged, and no children...i don't think i'm flawed or a failure because of it. i think that the real issue rests with those people who would criticise someone for having the good fortune and good sense to avoid divorce, custody battles, and single parenting. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:41:11 PM | Concerning the point about single men of 35 and over being closet gays.
I only know of one closet gay. His best friends are gay, he stays in gay hotels and shuns anything to do with scantily clad women on "moral" grounds . He has married a mail-order Thai wife and had two children so that his Roman Catholic parents won't know he's a "sinner".
Poor sod parades about telling everyone how he can't be gay because he is married.  | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:46:13 PM | | nope, just means that you've not met the right person you want to settle down with (or maybe you did, but lived with her rather than married her and so used "single" in your profile description)... not having kids by mid thirties means that you weren't ready/didn't want kids yet and as such has taken care not to have any - a sign of responsibility if anything | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:55:24 PM | | Could also mean that it's just not their thing, some guys do have careers with schedules that require travel and time a way from and realize that having a family would not be fair to anyone. Who says that you have to settle down and get married? Most of them fail anyhow. That's why you see so many divorced people online. My reality is there are just not many people that are truly free, so I choose to go it alone. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:07:54 PM | Well that's me and I can tell you that I have been commitment phobic in the past - sorry but it's true!
When I was young I was actively phobic and I would run from the guys who wanted to marry me, using excuses like I needed to focus on my career first, etc... As I got older I was more passive in my phobia in that I would subconsciously fall for guys who were active phobics and who would run from me - pretty slick eh? No one calls my marriage bluff and I get to blame the guy when we split up.
I've had to do a lot of work to figure myself out and prepare for a committed future, but that's OK, life should be about growing and changing.
I don't want kids, but now I am looking for the right guy to grow old with. People change, life is long - C'est la vie! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:25:29 PM | TrialSize beat me to it, but I have to admit that I am in the "35, No Kids, Never Married" category myself and it probably is because in my twenties I was commitment phobic. Actually it took me until 30 to have any real sense of who I was, and I think I was always unconsciously afraid before that that if I commited to anyone else I would get lost in being a reflection of him and never find my true self.
Technically all my relationships have ended because I relocated, but I know I could have stayed where I was if I had really thought the relationship was worth commiting to and making the sacrifice for. I also chose boyfriends I would enjoy dating but wouldn't mind leaving when my next move came along.
So while it is ridiculous for people to assume you fall into this category, it is reasonable for them to wonder. The issue to me in dating someone isn't who they were in their past, but who they are now. Sometimes working on self-development makes someone a better partner later than someone who lives an unexamined life. But then, if these women are the "unexamined life" types themselves, they wouldn't be a good match for you anyway, so no loss. As a reflective person who is trying to become the best person she can be and is looking for a partner to share a life of mutual growth, support, and enjoyment, a man who is "35, No Kids, Never Married" is exactly the type I'm looking for. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:42:53 PM | look dude im 35 no kids and never married. i dont have no baby mama drama and i am enjoying my life.look at the average family today. single parents with kids which in some cases have no father in their lives. my mother had 9 kids by 4 different none of them worth anything incliding my father. he has 21 other kids and i dont know most of them cause the state stepped in and separated all my moms kids. look man consider youself lucky. i dont have no problems with commitment. look at these women (mostly SINGLE moms) ask them what happened to the man that was suppose to be committed to them. dont let someone tell you how your life should be. im cool i dont have no kids that the state has to chase me down for. i dont have to fight with the lady cause i want to do something good for the child when his father does not.
KEEP YO HEAD UP MAN!
THERE ARE MORE OF US OUT HERE | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:11:33 PM | There's also a number 3 here....considering the kind of disappointment amonst the men-folk in their mid 30's here, who had had horrid luck to even getting a woman to go out with them from the net (much less a date) considering the "read deletes" they've been complaining about. These men , in their mid-30's are rejected alot, because these ladies (this could be women too) have such unrealistic expectations
See height threads and such, that men seem to have such horrid luck even getting a woman to have lunch with them.
So, getting rejected constantly doesn't help mid 30's men either.
<div class='quote'>That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Many people would think they hit the jack pot meeting someone 35 and no kids or prior marriage.
Personally, I think those people that are mid 30's, with 2 failed marriages under their belt, make themselves feel better by saying people who have never been married, no kids, age 35, that there is something "Wrong With them" because of this...where I think there is something MORE wrong with the earlier.
I mean, it's common sense, a person in their mid 30's, never married, no kids is probably more desirable than the latter. Because they less likely to have baggage. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:19:35 PM |
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. If a divorcee actually believes this, it's likely something they've formulated in order to rationalize the poor decisions they've made in life regarding their interpersonal relationships. This is likely a opinion formed by a person who NEVER admits they are wrong, thinks they have never made a mistake, and their partner was totally to fault for their failed relationships; wow it must be great to navigate through life in such a perfect manner. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:50:31 PM | ^ This is, of course, what a lot of people do.
You're "supposed" to get married and have kids. Isn't that what culture leads you to believe? Obviously if you don't get that done within an allotted period-- you fail at life.
Right? Right?
People create fallacies to explain their reality in a way that is palatable to them. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:52:46 PM | | Hey Amanita, Lay off the mushrooms...LOL. This is a place where MOST of us come to vent a bit or have a laugh. We all have our own problems to we deal with in our own way. Sometimes we may find a nugget of advice, but if you're counting on anyone here to give you the answer to anything specific....keep looking. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:55:56 PM | | I'm one of these rare and exotic creatures and I have had both men and women take me aside and tell me that if they had to do it over, they wouldn't. To each their own. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:43:11 PM | | OP - with people living to their 80's & 90's, I wouldn't sweat not being married, much less having kids by the time you're 35. I think there's so much emphasis on being a couple and having kids. Guess what? It's not for everyone. I think it's far better to be in a relationship with the right person, at the right time, and for the right reasons. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:20:23 PM |
So its better to be 35, divorced with 3 kids???
Yes! Because being divorced with three kids means you have infinitely more life experience. You infinitely more grown up and infinitely more mature.
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:22:53 PM |
Yes! Because being divorced with three kids means you have infinitely more life experience. You infinitely more grown up and infinitely more mature.
Actually, it means you have DIFFERENT experience, nothing MORE than the other. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:26:40 PM | SueCat - I agree 100%. Different people have different needs. I have known people who are happy as pigs in sh*t living on welfare in a trailer with five children. Does this make them good relationship material if they divorce? I won't be joining the queue.
It is important to look at why someone is single. To me, early marriage often signifies that a person finds it necessary to conform. Thankfully I never felt it necessary to marry just anyone simply so "fit in".
Additionally people change. With all of the options in today's world how can two people remain married for long? Anyone who married me at 20 would find I was a very different person at 40, and am a totally different person at 53. Staying together for the children, and later for appearances, strikes me as pure Hell on Earth. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:20:02 PM |
Actually, it means you have DIFFERENT experience, nothing MORE than the other.
I was being sarcastic. You know that? | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:38:06 PM | Well i am going to be 34 this July never married and no kids. I doubt i will be married by 35 but who knows and i will never ever have kids because i don't want them. What is up with people trying to make those of us who learned to use birth control and self control as being defective or wrong in some way. So because i have been responsible i am to be damned for it?
I wish i could meet a man around my age who had never been married and no kids , but i have to face fact and see that it's just not possible. Just about every guy you run into has a few crumb snatchers running around. So i have a choice. Eliminate 99% of the dating pool or plug my nose and put up with his crumb snatchers. | |
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