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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:49:09 PM | I know I posted to this thread once before, but what I didn't say at the time was this: I'd actually love to meet someone in their mid thirties that hasn't yet married nor had children. I'm 29 and haven't done either one yet. However, it would depend on his reasons. If it was just that the opportunity wasn't there or he hadn't met the right person, we'd be in roughly the same boat. If he didn't want marriage and children somewhere in the future, though, we wouldn't be a great match (as I still hope for those things). I love kids and would certainly accept someone else's, but there's just something about sharing that first-time-parent experience that really appeals to me. Who knows if it'll ever happen.
I've got a couple of long term relationships under my belt, but those didn't work out for various reasons. The last three years of my life have been devoted to furthering my career goals. I can certainly understand if other people are in the same position. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:53:15 PM | Kayaker77:
Do not allow other people's ignorant views define what you think about yourself. Anyone who would say that to you on a date is trying to cover their own insecurities.
I will see you at the monastery. I think that it's going to be very crowded! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:10:55 PM |
Wow. What a narrow-minded, judgemental attitude.
My goal in meeting and dating is to get married. I would think a man over 35 that hasn't ever been married, does not want to get married. So since I do want to get married, such a man would not be for me. I hate dating just for the sake of dating, so yes a waste of my time. It isn't judgemental but rather realistic. Even if he does want to get married, he is too picky, and since he must be looking for perfection, it won't be me, since I am not perfect. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:20:29 PM | | Sometimes things just don't work out. I have a friend that is in his 40's, never married, never had children and is NOT a commitment-a-phobe. For him, it just hasn't worked out - yet. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:13:18 PM | No. But then it's not like they're reality-testing scientific types, or into questioning and re-thinking their many presumptions. If they were, they might inquire as to what some of those other explanations might be. But they don't. Part of it is that they don't view men as being fully human, so they really don't care to get to know a guy and learn the truth.
Someone's stumbled onto a major reason why many guys are choosing to remain single and unmarried. It seems the average woman has begun to view men as sub-human creatures not worthy of compassion or concern. They prefer to think that they slept with a guy and he didn't call back, that he was only in it to get laid or whatever. In many cases, there was something else going on that turned the guy off to seeing her again. When will some people grow up and learn that assumptions only serve to make asses of them? | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:57:20 PM | | ya i know what u mean op.im gonna be 35 in a few days and i never had any kids and never been married and i do get the same response from people that u do.especially since im single right now too some people assume that im not interested in settling down with someone and stuff wich is not true.usually the people who think that are people who settle for just anyone and are people who get married and have kids even if evrything isnt working good with the relationship or the person just cause they figured its the right thing to do in life.me i just want to find the right person to make a life with but even just cause im 35 right now im not gonna rush into something with just anyone.and secondly marriage is not really something i am big on so.im not saying never but its not something thats a priority for me. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:09:03 AM | What is wrong with THAT?
...I'm 46...No kids...and never married...
...Better to be someone you're happy with, than smack in the middle of a scenario you might now have second thoughts about...or even regret!
...Let 'em call ya whatever they please...the miserable retches! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:35:31 AM | | I appreciate what "thebugis back" said. I'm now 52, never married, and no kids that anyone can prove. When I was younger, it was a huge negative to the women I met. I felt like a character in "Defending Your Life". In my 40s and early 50s, women look at me like, "Aren't you smart! How did you ever get away?". No, I'm not smart, and it hasn't been by choice. It just hasn't happened. I've meet some women in the same situation. They're not terrible people and they seem quite normal. I hope everyone I meet will judge me for who I am at that moment, and not on what has or has not happened in the past. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:02:27 PM | | What I don't get is why most people see it so negatively. It is like I said I am a felon or have 3 heads or something is dreadfully wrong with my personality or something when I say that I have not been married. They usuall ask why I haven't had kids as a single woman, ask if I have had my tubes tied, ask if i have had sex (at 50I daresay few women are pure as the driven snow), and very rarely have I met a man who looked at me and said "wow, you are quite a catch, the man who marries you will be one lucky guy"...not saying that every man should think that, I know everyone has different ideas of what is "a catch" or not. I have heard positive things from a few men, but maybe since most are divorced they assume everyone has been married and has had children, so they have to make themselves feel better by putting me down for being different than most.....I still think it is easier for men who have not been married, people seem to be more accepting of their singleness thaan a woman's after age 35 or so. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:20:56 PM | | i am 41, never married and dont have any children, i am in a very happy relationship with a man who hasnt been married or has children, we both decided we dont want any, not everyone has to get married and have children. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:17:08 PM | Good thread. I'm 40, never married and no children. It's not that I don't want a family, I do. I love kids and being married is something I'm looking forward to. Now, I'm not looking for perfection. I'm just old school. I don't want to have kids out of wedlock. I was in a very long term relationship, but there were complications that prevented us from marrying or having kids. I think I've done the right thing by waiting. I'm a firm believer in a two parent home. I'm not putting anyone else down who have done things differently. To each his own.
The point I'm making is don't sweat it. If a woman wants to judge you for not irresponsibly knocking some girl up, or not marrying when you haven't found the right one, then forget about her. It says more about her than it does you. The devil is always in the details. If her attention span isn't long enough to get to know you and find out why you've never married or had children, then that shows you why she is a single mom. Be thankful you found out about her bad decision making skills before you developed any feelings for her. You have to ask yourself; what is wrong with a woman who doesn't want to get to know a mature, gainfully employed(I'm assuming), single man that she doesn't have to share with any child support receiving ex wives? If you guys hit it off she has you all to herself. And, if she has kids, then your resources and time go to helping her with them. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have a "dating handicap." Live your life and you'll meet someone who appreciates you.
Lateef | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:27:41 PM | | Why do people have to be labelled because of what they have or have,nt done.A guy i dated a few years ago had never been married or had children and he was in his early 40s!He had been in long term relationships.He actually asked me if i thought it was weird.Why should it be?Some people choose not to marry and some choose not to have children.I dont see why their choices have to be a problem for others. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:14:19 AM | | RogMcK - i LOVE your pics, that teddy bear is so cute and the pics are funny. hey i'd be interested if we both lived closer to each other. good luck!! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 2:34:51 AM |
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes.
Commitment-phobes? 
Nope, in my case it's that I'm not willing to settle for someone that I know will not truly make me happy. Notice how you said "mostly single moms" there is a reason they are moms and have nobody, it's 9 chances out of 10 because they rushed into a marriage with the wrong person because they did not want to be labeled a "commitment-phobe" and they ended up divorced.
I'll wait for that truly right woman for me, not willing to settle here, thats why. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:14:42 AM | kayaker77,
I wouldn't consider them as being commitment-phobes, however, I would be curious as to why they have not been married or have any kids. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:39:43 AM | What sort of guys are you comparing them to.????????
How about the abusive type, who picks a blazing row with his parents, age 15 and storms out of the house for good. He lives on the street. At least he does so unless he can find some girlfriend to move in with and who wil pay their combined expenses as he doesn't have a job. And, if she insists on marrige well, no problem. She cant sue him for money he doesn't have after the divorce. But he can sue her.
He's been married and divorced five time by the time he's 35.
Makes your "mummys boy" seem like a perfect catch. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:56:46 AM |
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. Since I'm in my mid thirties, don't have kids, and haven't been married, I've been told that I have what constitutes a dating handicap, so to speak.
Chicks are twisted. They'll try to devalue whatever currency the guy brings to the situation.
If the guy's got money, then that's all he's got, and he's a big zero.
If he drives an extra-nice car, it's because he has a tiny wee-wee.
If he has advanced degrees, well, book smarts aren't anything compared to "street smarts" and "heart smarts".
If he's in great shape physically, well everybody knows gym rats and muscle-builders are just shallow and vain.
If he's unencumbered with an ex and/or kids, he's commitment-phobic.
The list goes on and on and on and on. You see the threads around here all the time.
Lots of women are idiots and it never occurs to them that a better strategy would be to appreciate the guy for what he values most about himself. This is pretty much the opposite of what they do. If they can't bring themselves to do that, then merely trying to understand would be a vast improvement. At least it would certainly be way less obnoxious.
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:23:07 AM | Another vote for bullplop.
Those single moms are entirely jealous of you, because you are a LOT more attractive to the average single male than they are. (A LOT-LOT more.)
I've been contacted by several single moms on several different sites, but I have no desire to 'shoplift the pooty', nor to become a step-dad.
Get-down-with-your-bad-self for taking baby-making seriously, instead of simply answering your ticking biological urges, as so many have tragically done.
And good luck!
-CCinC
(Now to visit your profile to see how far apart we live...) | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:24:33 AM | | Hmm... 36 here, no kids, never married, and not the slightest inkling of a bit committment shy. I just know what I want and deserve, and if I can't have it then well... I guess I'll be content to spend the rest of my life just looking for it. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:30:08 AM | | You are not a committment-phobe! You are committed to yourself, and the right way is what you have been living. The Book of Paul talks about being single as the best way. The reason is because you don't have to go get permission from anyone to play out your role here on Earth. Inheriting a wife with children from a past marriage could be your worse nightmare, because you are accoustomed to the flow of non-interrupting peace and tranquillity provides you. You probably don't realize this, because you have never experienced the chaos of a relationship. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:00:21 AM | | Not everyone is meant to be married or have kids. i have absolutely NO maternal instinct, never did and never will. i do not regret having kids, it's just not my thing but at least i'm smart enough to know that. wouldn't want to bring a child into this world for my own selfish purposes and then be a lousy parent. just because EVERYONE is doing it, doesn't make it right for me. if everyone is so happy, then there wouldn't be such a high divorce rate. obviously they are marrying the wrong people. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:54:43 AM | | my father has a friend who didn't get married until he was 50+. he then went on to have 2 children with the woman. of course she's a lot younger than him but they are still married and he seems to be quite happy. so anything is possible. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/20/2008 11:18:16 AM | I really wouldn't think twice about it. I'd think maybe he's just like me... hasn't met the right one and hasn't made any major life changing screw ups like most 20-somethings seem to do these days.
Go head and chastise me for using the term 'screw-ups' but if things aren't planned... | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:55:17 AM | To the OP: Most of the career and professional people I ran around with when I was in my 20s never married until late 20s or early 30s. They didn't have children until their 30s, and a few not until their 40s. 35 is a little later than usual to still be single. But not unheard of. The average marriage for men was what, 27 or so, last time I checked. If procreating is a goal, fertility is highest in the 20s. Otherwise, you're free to wait around as long as you'd like, lol.
Single moms have the handicap: Somebody else's kid. Lots of childless men will date a single mom until somebody without kids comes along, them, it's bye-bye single mom. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:04:21 AM | Speaking from my own experience, this has not been an issue with me. Yes, I was married for almost 10 years and have been divorced for almost 4. I married later in life (I was 34 my ex was 36) at first we tried to have a baby for almost 2 years and it never happened. About 4 years into the marriage she started developing bi-polar disease. Her mental disease and refusal to seek out medical care were the main reasons we got divorced.
Now in hindsight, I can see it was the right move not to have any children with her. We haven't spoken in almost three years and quite frankly, I dont want her in my life.
So as far as people making snap judgements (without having all the facts) it is probably best to just let their comments go in one ear and out the other. | |
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