| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:06:46 AM | | I dunno. C.S. Lewis was nearly 60 before he married, and a lot of women would have considred him quite a catch, so being long-term single isn't necessarily a sign of anything other than not having me the right person yet. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:22:12 PM | Just a reply to the OP
Wow... I'm over 35, single, and no kids... yet I work hard, live with a decent code of ethics, am clearly a heterosexual and believe all things come when they are due. And this makes me "damaged goods" in the Dating Bin in the Supermarket of Life?
I would think not cos I see the plusses about my standing.... no embittered exes still trying to exact financial / emotional revenge on me for some perceived wrongdoing in the past, no "other kids" to consider in the potential new relationship (cos reality is not as the Brady Bunch would have us believe), no excessive financial hardships (ie wage garnishing for lack of child support payments); in short, no baggage to carry.
After that, it's all about the petty human issues like "will he elevate my income bracket","what kinda car does he drive", "does he have good pecs", "will he keep it in his pants if he says he loves me", etc etc. And if the person you're with is the right one, these usually aren't even questioned.
I have noticed more than my fair share of 35 + folk, both male and female, still running around acting like, and making their relationship judgements based on, teenage level mentalities. Not to say everyone does, but that's a good reason as to why I'm single. I left high school in high school.
I would say that those who subscribe to the "over 35, kidless and single is a bad thing" way of thinking clearly themselves have a flawed thought process to begin with. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:35:19 PM | It raises an eyebrow, that's for sure. Hopefully other fishers don't hold it against...
Everybody's life is different right? Some people just don't want marriage at an early age.
Good Luck | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:53:31 PM | well i'm 35, no kids, and never married...i would think that those same opinions would be directed at me as well. i can assure you that the last thing i intend to do is throw in the towel and join a nunnery! *lol*
who cares what others think, just have fun with life. you'll find the right woman when it's meant to happen. in the meantime, i seriously doubt you'll have to embrace celibacy because of your single status. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:16:17 PM | | 35, no kids...dude, I hope you are traveling around the world. There are women in Japan, Korea, GB, Russia, Austrialia and France and especially Canada...that would enjoy the company of an American man. Keep your sh*t squared away, look good, dress well and get a nice car. Clothes and a nice ride, make the man. Education definately is a plus. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:43:16 PM | This is the first time that I have heard that a 35 year old guy with no marriages and no kids is a commitment phobe. I kind of thought that a guy with no marriages and no kids was just waiting to find Mrs. Right and not impregnanting random women in the mean time. You're kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't eh?
Keep your sh*t squared away, look good, dress well and get a nice car. Clothes and a nice ride, make the man. Education definately is a plus.
Clothes and a nice ride DO NOT make a man. That is ridiculous. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:57:49 PM | | Hi I'm 34 and a half now and I've never been married nor had the desire up until about a year ago to want to have kids. When I was in my 20's I guess you could say I was career goal minded and wanting a better, brighter future for myself. Now that I've gotten to the point where I feel like I'm ready to take in the next step and actually find someone to commit to a longterm relationship, with hopefully baby on the way I am older now. Part of the reason I also chose not to rush into anything in my 20's was because of all the divorces, unsettling situations now and that fact that I wanted to become more responsible as I continued to age. As for finding some guy who's in his mid 30's to nearly 40 year range I'm hoping for the same thing that he's never been married or has kids with someone else. However it doesn't mean half the time that they aren't the commited type. It just means that they were like you and I, that they also chose to wait for the right one to come around and maybe chose to start a career and become more responsible. What I do hate are the suckers that are on here for a fast pick me up that have already been around the block more than once and feel that they can get away with anything. To those losers I say screw you **stards because you had your chance and you lost it by either choosing to go another way or becoming a player in society! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:05:04 PM | | I do not understand what the big deal is; there are a lot of people, both men and women, that have not met their soul mates by the time they are 35 years old or older; hence, they reason why they are still not married or also the reason why they do not have children; some people, meet the love of their lives early in life, and some people meet their soul mates when they are in their 40s and 50s; everyone has a different time frame when it comes to mile stones in their lives. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:14:35 PM | | Soul mates? do they really Exist? I have friends who are so bummed because they cant find their "soulmate"... myself? i wonder, i haven't met mine. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:15:14 PM | | Soul mates? do they really Exist? I have friends who are so bummed because they cant find their "soulmate"... myself? i wonder, i haven't met mine. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:25:26 PM | I'm 37, divorced and have no kids. This is one area in my life where I stuck by my gut feelings and did not let anyone stray me different and I'm glad I did. I have come to the conclusion that if i don't have a child of my own by the age of 40 then it probably won't happen for me.
I am not opposed to being a father to a woman's children from another relationship though. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:29:59 PM |
Soul mates? do they really Exist? I have friends who are so bummed because they cant find their "soulmate"... myself? i wonder, i haven't met mine.
I truly believe, that there is someone out there for everyone; keep a postive thought and an open mind and heart, and maybe soon, you will find the love of your life... | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:36:21 PM | I fit the description of someone who's in his late 30s, with no kids, and never married.
I've got to admit that in some ways I regret the fact that I haven't yet married, or had kids.
However,
-I certainly don't regret that I haven't dealt with the drama of divorce or failed relationships.
-I don't regret that I have never dragged innocent children through the drama of a parent's seperation, or bitter cusody battle.
-I do not regret that I did not bring children into the world before I was financially able to support them.
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. I don't think you're a commitment-phobe.
You're likely just more responsible. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:41:39 PM | I imagine that, given my experiences in life to date, that it is completely possible that I will turn 35 without having encountered any woman who wishes to be with me.
This despite being a funny, fun, smart, generous, easy-going guy who's really happy with who he is, the interests he pursues, and the knowledge that he would make a great partner.
Now that doesn't sound like commitment phobic does it?
So another possible explanation - no willing partners. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:53:35 PM |
Op, In my experience it's one of two things...
1- Afraid of commiting... It really is something that women come across alot of.
2-Much to particular, but really way to picky in finding what they deem as the right women for them. So they hold out, and hold out. By the time you know it, your 40 years old and still single. LOL
JJ
40 years old and still single huh! that's shocking. Whatever will their neighbours think. So holding out is a bad thing and we should all just rush out and hook up with the first person we date and end up in miserable relationships or in the divorce courts so that we don't reach the dreaded age of 40 and not have a husband? Here's me at 42 thinking I was having a good life, despite not being in a relationship. I'll check down the launderette tonight and see if I can find some guy to help me rectify the situation quickly before anyone else notices  | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:31:16 PM |
40 years old and still single huh! that's shocking. Whatever will their neighbours think. So holding out is a bad thing and we should all just rush out and hook up with the first person we date and end up in miserable relationships or in the divorce courts so that we don't reach the dreaded age of 40 and not have a husband? Here's me at 42 thinking I was having a good life, despite not being in a relationship. I'll check down the launderette tonight and see if I can find some guy to help me rectify the situation quickly before anyone else notices
Good for you. You probably ARE living the good life, and those that chose another path are simply jealous. Who knows - maybe you'll soon be someone's favorite free-spirited aunt, like Auntie Mame. Then you'll get quality kiddie time (if and when you want it) with few parental responsibilities. Not a bad life, if you ask me. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:16:10 PM | I would certainly not think that 35 year old without kids and previous marriage(s) is a commitment-phob. I dont even have that word in my vocabulary and have never had a problem with accusing a man of that. You will find all sorts of people and some are bound to judge you on something ridiculous. I would actually beware of people who use that word. The point is you need to know that you are ok, and what others think cannot change that. You only have such a problem if you feel that you do.
And as for lot of marriages happening in 20s - not these days and in our culture. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:18:04 PM | well..one of my "make or breaks" for a potential gf is that she has to be good around my kids. it's helpful to see how she is with her own.
i know you were asking this from the other side of things but i think it plays both ways. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:20:50 AM | Then of course you have the opposite extreme, when you are 44, divorced and have two older kids you are told, 'sounds like your kids are your top priority right now', yada yada yada, damned if you do and damned if you don't...
Just IMHO... | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:48:34 AM | | Someone was concerned how I would handle being around her kids because I've never had any of my own. Even though I haven't, I helped raise my nephew the 1st seven years of his life(his dad was a lifetime jailbird) and I've worked with youth every summer for the last 23 years. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:44:02 PM | Well, it has never been a high enough priority. Although I have let my interest be known to a few women, I have made mental notes on aspects of my life that I need to improve on.
If "slow wins the race" then I haven't made it to the track yet.  | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:04:21 AM | I have never heard this and don't feel this is a true analysis. Most men who have made it to their 30's without marriage or children are driven, career focused men and spent several years in school and working to become comfortable before they considered bringing someone else into their world. I have a great admiration for people who did things the smart way. You cannot provide for your family if you begin a family at eighteen and only one of you are working for $6/hour!
I feel you will find more people who appreciate you for these reasons (no step children, no ex-wife, no drama) and less who will focus on the "lack of commitment" that does not exist.
The only problem you may run into is most of us in our thirties who do have children are not going to want anymore because ours are growing up. Be sure to find someone who is open to having children if you want your own BEFORE you get in too deep.
I am glad you are coming out of your shell and wish you the best! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:32:46 AM | well I am a single mother and was just in a relationship with a 38 year old...who was in the same boat as you, (if you want to read my thread for the whole story) and didnt know I was pregnant when he met me....and actually stuck around! after saying he never wanted kids (the reason I didnt tell him thinking he would bolt).
So I guess what I am trying to say is that if you voice your reasons for not having kids yet, marriage, etc then if she cares about you she would give things a try. most single moms wouldnt introduce you to her kids till she knew it was going somewhere...hope I helped. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:39:13 AM |
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. Since I'm in my mid thirties, don't have kids, and haven't been married, I've been told that I have what constitutes a dating handicap, so to speak. I'm wondering how common this view is? Has it occurred to those who hold this view that there might be other explanations? (like one was really shy around members of the opposite sex during their twenties when alot of marriages happen). For those who hold this view, should those in this category simply go join a monastery?
The single moms probably say that because they know that many single men who have not yet married or had kids don't want to date them. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:39:55 AM | | I'm 34 this year. Never married and definitely no kids. I wouldn't date a single mom either :) | |
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