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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:02:35 AM | Hey Sam, Guess what? You also have never been divorced or a single parent. There should be something said for that as well. In this day and age, it may just be wiser than the rest.
I am 36, no kids, never married, also don't want a single parent. I never found someone that I could see myself with 50 years from now. Is that commitment phobic, or do I just have an intuition about the future? All I can tell you is that if it doesn't feel right, then they are not the one for you. It may just be for the best. Then again ( I always wonder this about myself), do you have some sort of emotional hang up that causes you to find people you know are not going to work out and who also don't want a commitment? If we only attract the people who are like us, then we have to change who we are to get what we think we want. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:26:11 PM | Some of you need to consider - that life doesnt deal everyone the best cards... I'm 30 this year, and my longest relationship was 4 years ( 19 - 23).
I don't fear commitment, the oppertunities have jsut been rare. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:37:21 PM |
Besides...Single people have way more fun.
And parents know a joy that someone without children could never even comprehend. I'd take that over "freedom" and "fun" any day. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being single and never having had children, but don't even try to make it sound like parents are at some kind of disadvantage because they had kids, or might have gotten married. I wouldn't trade being a parent, nor the good times that I did have in my marriage, for anything in the world. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:38:48 PM | I'm 22, and I knew at a very early age(elementary school age) that I never wanted to be married or have kids. What I wanted was to be single and rich. Life should be about having the most fun out of YOUR life. Keyword IS your. If kids and being married helps you in that goal, all the power to you, but for some of us, kids and marriage would put a damper on that life and ruin our fun.
Now, lots of people might say I have a "Fear of commitment", or some other lame BS excuse that people use to get the rouge who doesn't want to conform to society's views of how you should be by the time you are a certain age. All it is is heard mentality to pressure everyone into being alike and having that "family unit" News flash, we're not all alike, nor should we be. Kids, regardless of what the majority may think, are not all that great. I knew this even as a child that children put a hamper on things, more so then make it better.
I'm also a very selfish person. My life is just that, mine and I want what I want out of it and don't want to live it for others.
My belief is that you get one life, one shot, so you have to make it a good one. I don't believe in the afterlife, and the thought of becoming bug food after I die is a great motivator to life my life on my terms and get the most out it it.
Does this mean I would never get married? No. But I would only marry someone if it benefited me. By "Benefit me" I mean if I met a woman, and she enhanced my life enough that it was better, then I would marry her to help ensure we are together. Cause now I am getting something out of the deal, and she is helping me live my life to the fullest. Would I have kids? If it made her happy. Would I prefer no kids? you bet. Like I said though, if I did have kids it would be for her cause she wanted to and I want to make her life for filling and wonderful like she has helped with mine.
Hopefully my response will be regarded well, as I tried to give, maybe, a less thought of perspective. But just live your life how it makes sense to you, and don't live it how everyone else does. Enjoy life, even if for you, it means marriage and kids.
:) | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:54:41 PM | what about when they are in their late 40's and they say that ,come on people be truthful by at least saying that in your mind after reading that you are thinking:
1.is he gay?
2.is he a pedophile?
3.what is he running from?
after being divorced and trying to get out in the dating world with having children it is a little harder to date and keep your values in tact! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:30:17 PM | Well after reading all this I've learned that I'm either a player, unsuitable for dating or a closet homosexual. I'm 42, never married & no kids. After reading all these posts I'd say my life is over  ! No, I'd say I'm lucky not to have made the wrong choices and married the wrong person. I've never wanted to raise a baseball team from multiple partners...... That kind of life experience wouldn't be my first choice.
ain't stereo typing wonderful.
Stay Casual
No penguins were harmed in the making of this email | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:55:54 PM |
1.is he gay?
2.is he a pedophile?
3.what is he running from? Rather stupid, and completely unfounded, assumptions to make of a person who you know nothing about. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:14:58 PM | | assumptions,seems to me everyone on this sight makes assumptions of everything, just look through all the forums. and excuse me how would you know if MY assumptions were unfounded. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:26:14 PM | excuse me how would you know if MY assumptions were unfounded. excuse me
Did you actually have any evidence that a person, who you may have been refering to, was gay, or a pedophile, or was running from something?
If you didn't have any evidence, your assumptions are unfounded.
"Pedophile" is a pretty serious accusation to claim of anyone if you have no basis for the accusation. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:21:45 PM | Honestly... when I serch for people my criteria is set. I don't really want to date a woman without kids and I am a realitively young guy at 33. I occasionally have younger woman at work that are interested in dating and I have no interest in dating them if they are not a mother.
One of the best reason is that I have three children and after the third I got a vasectomy. I don't want to have that undone.
The other reason is that I want to be able to make sure they are good to thier own children before I would ever let them be around mine. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:08:48 AM | | It's because we've looked forever but can't find a woman that's willing to commit or be faithful. Typical of women to flip it around to mean there's something wrong with the man though. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:27:12 AM |
what about when they are in their late 40's and they say that ,come on people be truthful by at least saying that in your mind after reading that you are thinking:
1.is he gay?
2.is he a pedophile?
3.what is he running from?
after being divorced and trying to get out in the dating world with having children it is a little harder to date and keep your values in tact!
Personally, I think some of the above remarks are really passive aggressive insults to those who are still single, never married no kids, possibly due to jealousy on the other category's parts?
I don't know...justa theory.
These are "Snide" or "Elitist" comments.
"OH, there must be something WRONG with you then"
"Oh, really, I guess someone who has been married twice and has kids from 2 different fathers has it going on?"
Like THEY're to talk? Somehow THEY think they are better than you because of their experience in previous marriages and raising kids. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:08:01 PM | [I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. Since I'm in my mid thirties, don't have kids, and haven't been married, I've been told that I have what constitutes a dating handicap, so to speak. I'm wondering how common this view is? Has it occurred to those who hold this view that there might be other explanations? (like one was really shy around members of the opposite sex during their twenties when alot of marriages happen). For those who hold this view, should those in this category simply go join a monastery?]
Commitment phobes because a bloke never married and had kids???!!
Well my ex couldnt have kids yet I wanted them...we never sighned any document saying we where married yet we bought a house together and lived as common law man/wife for ten years..if that ISNT committed what is?
I would take comments such as that with a pinch of salt! | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:24:22 PM | I never wanted or had kids. I have enjoyed travelling all over and doing crazy things, all the things my friends who married and had kids all were envious of. I have absolutely no regrets there, I have of course looked and looked when i was young for a woman who couldn't have or didn't want kids, never found her. I think kids are great, i just never wanted my own, my friends often bring theirs when they visit and great!! and great they take them home with them | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:17:18 PM | SORRY TO HAVE OFFENDED ,i guess all the men in 40's never married and with no children,i have dated a man who was bi-sexual my mistake,and it would be hard for a woman of my age with children,(whom i must say i am proud of) to date a man in that category when my children would always come first. TRULY SORRY | |
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claral
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Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 192 | |
| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:03:24 PM | As a women in her mid 30s never married and no kids it seems people think their is something wrong with you.
Maybe being a single mother appeals to some but not me and relationships break up too much these days to depend on a family unit conventional one
Also its not always a decision it can just turn out that way as time goes on and certain relationships have not worked out the way you thought or you just got plain bored with them. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:41:29 PM | Middle age people who have never maintained a marriage
or raised a family are expected to have meaningful compensating
life achievements and accomplishments to explain where the
time, effort, risk, love, worry and money not expended keeping
the human race going went. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:30:32 PM | | Yes, and many times it seems as if we are supposed to be making some sort of excuse for not being married, which to me is so weird......some people get married, some do not. Why can't we just say that we have not ever wanted to marry the people who we have known and not get some sort of negative comment about what is wrong with us? | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:12:48 PM | This forum has opened my eyes. I am wary of dating a man who is 40 something, never married and never had kids. Sometimes they want to start a family, when I am done having kids.
If a man is single, due to taking care of his parents, or was divorced after marriage, that tells me that he knows that any relationship is give and take. That is is okay to argue and still like someone. I think that is admirable.
However, I have met men who are single, never married and their longest relationship was nine months, a decade ago. That speaks of not understanding commitment, or not sticking around if things get a little messy. Messy happens.
A man who has never had kids doesn't usually understand the babysitter issue, is more free to be spontaneous, they don't understand the worries and the joys that come from being a parent. They don't understand the schedule conflicts involved, that kids might get sick while on a date, or that the kids' play is more important than a date. They don't have to set an example for impressoinable children.
I have been single a while, and I know that I am more set in my ways than I used to be. Single, unmarried, non parents tend to be selfcentered. And rightly so, they don't have others depending on them. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:19:12 PM | | I seem to know some married people with children who I consider to be a lot more self centered than myself and some of my single/never married childless friends. As the saying goes, Walk a mile in someone's shoes, and then tell me about how they are. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:55:04 PM | I think single at 35 is completely acceptable, however single in your 50's becomes in most cases single for life. Not everyone mind you, there are many different types of people and I don't like to judge them. However I was married over 30 years and have not dated much in the past 2 years, seperated, but the gentlemen who I have dated in their 50's just were a little wierd to me. There were only 2 of them so I know I am making a judgement with not a lot of people but both men were rather mean about how life had treated them. They blamed woman in their pasts for not wanting to marry them or for not being what they were looking for. At this stage of life they still seemed to want a relationship but didn't have a clue how to give and take as you must in any relationship that lasts. I think I can make this comment as I had a relatively good marriage and raised 2 great kids and my husband was a good man and a good father. Please all you other guys out there that this does not apply to I don't mean you, I have admitted I only sampled 2 men out of probably 2 million. LOL
Linda | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:04:37 PM | (mostly single moms)
And why are they single ???
I'm 40. Never been Married and I don't have kids.
Im 40 because I was born in 1968.
I've never been Married because I have'nt found anyone I want to marry.
I've never had kids because I've never been married because I've never found a Man I want to marry or have kids with.
I don't have commitment issuse, but I do have issuse with people that have children when they are not in a stable, longlasting and LOVING relationship.
When you find someone you want to marry and have kids with, YOU WILL.
Until then, Enjoy life, Have Fun and try not to take on what others tell you. Especially if they haven't got what they are telling you you should Have.
ENJOY, HAVE FUN and LIVE WELL  | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:16:53 PM | It's the a New Era!
We're living in a time of serial marriage, serial divorce, open marriage, gay marriage, and alternative marriage.
Is it any wonder that some folks would opt NOT to marry? They might be the brightest and most logical among us.
After 20 years of marriage, I am currently Divorced. Single. Alone. Asexual. AND VERY HAPPY!
Sometimes I wonder what the heck I thought I was doing for 20 years. I'm extremely grateful for my wonderful four children. However, as far as my ex-wife goes, I'm not sure she was even worth the extra sex. | |
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| 35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:57:22 PM | | Well I wouldn't look at it as being a commitment phobe. I am 37 single and no kids. I look at it as never divorced as most couples end up being. | |
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