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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:27:30 PM | Happy Fathers Day!!
Please check out this interview with Dr Warshak and provide feedback.
http://www.macleans.ca/homepage/magazine/article.jsp?content=20080604_73527_73527&page=1 | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:33:28 PM | DC Rally / Family Preservation Festival
Event Schedule: August 14th - 17th, 2008
Thursday, August 14th
@ Lincoln Memorial Grounds – Set up equipment, stage, banners, sound, etc.; Early booth prep.
@ Leadership Hotel Complex – Arrivals throughout the afternoon and evening; Networking/Social.
Friday, August 15th
9:00 a.m. thru 11:30 a.m. – Registration, Breakfast, and Meet and Greet at each event hotel
11:30 a.m. until Noon – Theme music at Lincoln Memorial Grounds, including Ray Charles “America”
Approx Noon –
Welcome and Introduction, Event Overview – Minister Ron Smith
Greetings to the cyclists of the Equal Parenting Bike Trek, related speaking
Derek Bailey and Dance for Equality to speak and also perform native dancing
Approx 1:00 p.m. –
Speakers and presentations on Equal/Shared Parenting, Parental Rights, and Constitutional Law:
Name State Organization Speaker’s Topic
Gwen Caldwell SD Voice for Women Liberty, Family & US Sup Ct Rulings
Stuart Meltzer, Esq. NY Equal Parenting Party A Presumption of Shared Parenting
Mark Young VA Exiled Fathers The Ins & Outs of No-Fault Divorce
Bessie Hudgins GA Three Sides to Every Story Saving Grandparent Relationships
Jeff Ferris GA UCRCoA Judicial Corruption in America
Sheryle Hutter CO RADAR The Successes of Court Watching
Robert Lasheff IL Illinois Family Advocacy The Politics of Our Dilemma
Tawnya Maddox MS SplitNTwo The Assault Against Our Families
Lary Holland MI Get Off The Bench Federal Funding and Family Law
Dr. Baskerville VA UCRCoA/ACFC Taken Into Custody
Approx 3:00 p.m. – Awards presented for various family rights activists / successes / victories / etc.
Approx 3:30 p.m. – Senator Nancy Schaefer (R-GA) speaks on Corruption in Child Protective Services
Approx 4:00 p.m. – Additional speakers on Child Protective Services and related issues:
Name State Organization Speaker’s Topic
Lisa Bierly UT UCRCoA Fighting CPS With the Paper Trail
Mona Gudbranson NY No White Flags The Nightmare on CPS Street
Plus more speakers to be confirmed!
Approx 6:00 p.m. – Dinner Break (2 hours allotted, return to Candlelight Vigil location, below)
Approx 8:00 p.m. – Candlelight Vigil – exact location TBA during event Introduction at Noon
Saturday, August 16th
Approx 9:00 a.m. until 10:00 a.m. – Public Social; Vendor Booths opening; Breakfast/Brunch music
Approx 10:00 a.m. – Welcome and Introduction, Day 1 Recap, Day 2 Overview – Minister Ron Smith
Approx 10:15 a.m. – Speakers on VAWA, Domestic Violence, and related issues:
Name State Organization Speaker’s Topic
Ed Bartlett MD RADAR Fix VAWA Campaign
Plus more speakers to be confirmed!
Approx 11:00 a.m. – Speakers on various aspects of Organizational Unity and Social Reform Efforts
Name State Organization Speaker’s Topic
Tom Porter VA Fairwindz Unity Among the Many Groups
Bob Norton MA Fathers United Collaboration and Uniting Strategies
Lary Holland MI Get Off The Bench Electronic and Physical Advocacy
Will Lake FL Fighting Fathers of District 1 Non-Violence and Boycott Methods
Robert Pedersen MI A Child’s Right Raising Awareness Through Media
Mike McCormick DC ACFC Legislative and Lobbying Efforts
Torm Howse IN UCRCoA Key Points in Organizing Activists
Approx 12:30 p.m. until 1:45 p.m. – Lunch and Entertainment
Approx 1:45 p.m. – Dedication Ceremony: Stuffed Animals Donated for Children’s Hospital
Approx 2:00 p.m. – Speakers on Parental Alienation awareness and related issues:
Name State Organization Speaker’s Topic
Chrissy Chrzanowski NJ SplitNTwo A Child’s View on Parental Alienation
Minister Ron Smith MI CNBP Cheated
Robin Denison FL PAAA Parental Alienation Awareness
Plus more speakers to be confirmed!
Approx 3:00 p.m. – Documentary: “A View For the Bench” (Family court speaks out on PAS), 42 min
Approx 3:45 p.m. – Tribute to all 16 Governors who have signed Parental Alienation Proclamations
Approx 4:00 p.m. – Speakers on a variety of topics, including ADA, empathy, rights, and more:
Don Hutter, Jr. CO Fathers-4-Justice Disabling the Family Courts
Gail Lakritz VA UCRCoA My Son’s Pain
Fran Lucas SC UCRCoA Family Rights
Marilyn LeBaron OR UCRCoA Judicial Accountability
Plus more to be confirmed!
Approx 5:45 p.m. until 6:00 p.m. – Closing Remarks by Bessie Hudgins and Minister Ron Smith
Sunday, August 17th
Approx 9:00 a.m. until 11:00 a.m. – Breakfast, Farewell, and Non-Denominational Prayer Service | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:20:46 AM |  Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's here !!!
For those of you with small kids, I hope you had the chance to enjoy gifts of maccaroni necklaces or plastersine paperwieghts.
ksr61,
It is not my intention to bait you into an arguement with my opinions.
I will not argue that the family court system is fair and adequate. It isn't by a long shot.
If you go back and read all of the posts you made on this thread, you might see how easy it is for me to dismiss the PAS synrome as nothing more than an excuse to not deal with a difficult ex-spouse.
If you read some of my posts, you might see that I have experienced many of the same situations you equate with PAS. I don't know where your at in your life, or how you communicate with your ex. I had a nasty divorce that lasted 5 years, trust me...it takes alot more effort to constantly be fighting and stonewalliing an ex spouse instead of arguing/debating about a fair comprimise about custody with them. I guess it comes down to what your main priority is, and how and what you decide to focus your energy on.
Imagine your a judge who has both parents claiming they are victims of PAS...how would you rule?
Having an attitude of "winning" or "losing" in family court is not reflective of a person who has the intention of participating in shared parenting.
Shared parenting is only possible with parents who are willing to share all the blame, responsibilities and burdens that come with that kind of custody arrangement. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:19:04 AM | lizbeth2 - where you wrote:
ksr61, It is not my intention to bait you into an arguement with my opinions.
I will not argue that the family court system is fair and adequate. It isn't by a long shot.
This being admitted by even the most ardent femenists who want to talk down shared parenting in order to keep their political agenda in the lead, the question now becomes one of who is going to stand up to change it - because the kids suffer most of all.
If you go back and read all of the posts you made on this thread, you might see how easy it is for me to dismiss the PAS synrome as nothing more than an excuse to not deal with a difficult ex-spouse.
Most of the posts I have read in this thread as I have read, seems to make PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome seem like an every present all pervasive condition which is infecting our family law system like the plague. Most of the posts I have read, also seem to illustrate what an emotionally abusive condition it is to inflict on your nation's youth - and again, the kids suffer the worst.
I guess it comes down to what your main priority is, and how and what you decide to focus your energy on. Imagine your a judge who has both parents claiming they are victims of PAS...how would you rule?
One should rule in favor of the parent who presents the most historically accurate evidance demonstrating that the other parent is indeed subjecting them such treatment as has created a case of Parental Alienation Syndrome.
This assumes that the court represents a fair and even playing field where both parties have an unbiased opportunity to speak their case and be heard.
In fact this is not the case - as the court systems are presently in service to the femenist agenda to keep fathers and their influence estranged from the family unity which ends up and state aide and governmental intervention.
Thus, the main priority of any person of a reasonable mind would first and foremost be to set the standard in the family court straight and to eliminate the existing bias which methodically extracts the father from the family unity, villifying him and pandering to the mother and incentifising her for throwing her ex under every bus along the way from the court to the DA's Family Support Unit (formerly known as The Gestapo Child Support Racket - Dead Beat Dad Unit).
Having an attitude of "winning" or "losing" in family court is not reflective of a person who has the intention of participating in shared parenting.
You mean as long as it is a father losing it is not reflective of a blah blah blah... because as long as we leave it alone with the femenist agenda affecting it's regime - just leave it all alone, right?
The fact is that any man of a reasonable mind, having been fully aprised of how his rights are stripped away, his children methodically stolen from him, his integrity shot as he gets branded abusive at best, this man wants to win the right to bring sanity to the family law system by affording the mother the equal 50/50 custody that he would never get if left to the mercy of the court.
This is a natrual, normal instinct men have to protect and provide and I applaude it.
Shared parenting is only possible with parents who are willing to share all the blame, responsibilities and burdens that come with that kind of custody arrangement.
What court are you sitting in that you see mutal accountability as the criteria for shared parenting? I am not seeing it. It seems to me like Shared Parenting is only possible when a father has the tenacity, and stamina to not buckle under the overwhealming social and political pressure to just get in line and become another voice-less long distance paycheck.
No wonder it's so hard to find a good man anymore - any man with a brain in his head will want to run for the hills and avoid the normal order of establishing a relationship, becuase if he ends up in divorce court - he might as well be in a prison shower.
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:13:28 PM | | Rebecca, may I ask you a question as a Mother who loves her children so much she is willing to die for them? Have you ever been involved with an abusive partner? One who stikes such fear in you that you cling to your babies at night wondering if the threat he made "to kill you while you are sleeping" was just drunken jibberish or truth? A man who gets so drunk he blacks out and can't remember what happened the night before? Just courious....In a not too distant past woman had no choice but to stay in such situations, but today thanks in part to the Feminist Movement we have a few more rights than we used too (and I say we as you are a woman that may need these rights one day). I am not against good Dad's having 50/50 custody, I am not against bad Dad's having visitation as deemed appropiate by the courts and a counselor and if he proves he can be a good Father and role model re-enstate his rights to 50/50. But not every case is black and white, there is a lot of gray. A thought, maybe you should go visit the women at "Peaceful Paths" a shelter in Gainesville for abused women and their children..see the world from another vantage point. I know it is hard for the courts to decide a lot of cases, a lot of people lie, use the kids as pawns to stike out at the other parent, but it takes 2 to tango. I often wonder what happened that made these 2 people that once shared a bond of Love to become so hateful..what really went wrong? PS..I applaud you in your quest for Truth..we need more Women like you in this world. And in case you didn't know it without the Feminist Movement you'd have no voice..we were not allowed to voice our opionions... | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:54:11 PM | Rose:
Have you ever seen the statistics regarding abuse perpetrated by woman on their husbands?
The statistics in Canada have indicated a single percentage point in respect to those who have been involved in it. And the women's groups speak or talk about any level of abuse whether the woman feels in personal danger or not. Yet they marginalize or suggest the issue of domestic violence is not the same when it is perpetrated by a woman.
And when you also visit some of those woman's abuse centres you will see documentation of men abusing woman and also woman abusing woman in a lesbian relationship yet they are overwhelmingly silent about woman who beat or abuse their husbands.
I always had great fun asking those woman's shelters when they were asking for money about why men abused woman and woman abused woman yet they seem to suggest that woman never abuse men?
The unusual answer was that men never have a real fear for their safety......which is opposite the rational used in the wheel of violence....they talk about male privilege
and I suggest that woman also do not have that privilege......but the feminist movement has been for years.........silent....
or they get kicked out...Or called ludicrous....As was Erin Pizzey...founder of the world's first refuge for battered women, in Chiswick, England in 1971.
Controversy Within Family Violence Research
Reena Sommer, Ph.D.
University of Manitoba
(draft copy)
PRESENTED AT THE WOMEN'S FREEDOM NETWORK CONFERENCE
Washington, D.C.
October 14-15, 1995
I have been involved in the study of partner abuse for the past eight years. My interest in this issue began with my concern about violence against women. Initially, my examination of partner abuse focused on courtship violence and spouse abuse perpetrated by men. My sense of curiosity led me to go against what I believed to be the essence of partner abuse and examine the prevalence of abuse perpetrated by women. Quite to my surprise, I found that women too, abused their male partners at equivalent rates. This led me to search out other research examining this issue, and again to my surprise I found my findings were not an anomaly, but had considerable support.
You should take a little journey down this lane and find out what happened when this woman tried presenting this doctoral paper?
So you are right....One should look at things from a number of different vantage points......and not just the feminist point...
And you should also look or examine all the reports about bullying and violence within the school yet the only TV ads that seem to run are the ones with boys being the perpetrators...........
http://www.outreach.psu.edu/programs/girl-bullies/
School personnel, children and youth services workers, juvenile justice personnel, mental health care providers, community program representatives, health care providers, parents, and other interested persons are encouraged to attend.
Examine the signs of girl-to-girl bullying and relational aggression
Learn more about cyber-bullying and how to address it
Gain insight into the bully and victim perspectives
Learn strategies for prevention and intervention
Learn how families can cope
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/03/24/earlyshow/living/parenting/main608395.shtml
and yes a visit to a shelter is good....but please take a look in your phone book and count how many shelters or agencies there are for woman and then count how many there are for men?
Ones quest or journey for the complete or unbiased truth can be deceiving ..... | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:47:07 PM | Westpark,
I do know that women abusing men does exist, and probably due to the male ego (no offense meant by this) goes largely unreported. I can only speak from my own personal life experiences as I was the woman whose life was threatened, but was too scared to leave, as well as I only know women who have been abused, no men. My ex used to tell me he could slip a plastic bag over my head while I was sleeping...nice guy eh, and in front of our child. Finally I got up the courage to stand up for myself, he thought I was joking..said I didn't have the nerve to report him. but you know what? I did one night, and he left, things are better now (well most of the time) we are civil and we try to put the needs of our daughter first. Which is a big improvement as before she was there during the drunken rampages, the threats etc..not healthy for her at all. I know my daughter needs her Father in her life and she loves him and he her. As long as he agrees to stay sober when she is with him, he can spend as much time with her as he wants, as a matter of fact she just left with him to spend the night at his place.
and yes a visit to a shelter is good....but please take a look in your phone book and count how many shelters or agencies there are for woman and then count how many there are for men? Might be a good charity for a man to start for his fellow man..all of us need a place to find peace and happiness....Abuse in any form is not justifiable..no one has the right to abuse another human being.
I love your last sentance...very insightful..
Peace and God's blessing to you my friend.. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:06:50 PM | Westpark,
You got my curiosity up so I had to go surfing...and found the following site with a lot of good reference sources: http://www.wadv.org/maleabuse.htm Maybe we should start co-ed shelters? Domestic Violence is wrong and the agressors whether male or female need to be stopped. Westpark, why do you think some people are so cruel? Do they really find pleasure in another's pain? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:38:36 PM | thank you
the high rode is what I need to take and I know that just sometimes I need to hear it from an outsider. the kids do become pawns but us fathers become sacrificial rooks and knights for the good of the queens in the chess game of life.
tragic | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:57:53 PM | lizbeth2 wrote:
If you go back and read all of the posts you made on this thread, you might see how easy it is for me to dismiss the PAS synrome as nothing more than an excuse to not deal with a difficult ex-spouse.
Please feel free to quote the posts to which you refer.
lizbeth2 wrote:
I don't know where your at in your life, or how you communicate with your ex. I had a nasty divorce that lasted 5 years, trust me...it takes alot more effort to constantly be fighting and stonewalliing an ex spouse instead of arguing/debating about a fair comprimise about custody with them. I guess it comes down to what your main priority is, and how and what you decide to focus your energy on.
You do not have a clue. If you think I fight and stonewall you are sadly mistaken. You either do not know anything about Narcissistic Sociopaths or you are one who is attempting to justify the behaviors of the like in effort to persuade healthy people from doing what is good for the children of our societies. I assure you (not that I find a great need to assure you or anyone else) that I expend far more energy in doing for my children than you can possibly comprehend. I will also tell you this; I have numerous main priorities in life. One of which is to help rid society of the abuse which is inflicted upon children.
lizbeth2 wrote:
Imagine your a judge who has both parents claiming they are victims of PAS...how would you rule?
I completly agree with Rebecca's response. The liars need to be identified and held accountable for their criminal acts.
lizbeth2 wrote:
Having an attitude of "winning" or "losing" in family court is not reflective of a person who has the intention of participating in shared parenting.
Shared parenting is only possible with parents who are willing to share all the blame, responsibilities and burdens that come with that kind of custody arrangement.
And.........when one parent refuses to do so and uses the children as tools with no regard to the effects upon them and their development, commits perjury, commits slander, commits defamation, ignores the orders of the courts, does everything within their manipulative powers to destroy and discredit the other parent what do you do then? I really want to know your answer to that question.
Kenny | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:55:05 AM | I think that lizbeth2 has also not understood exactly what PAS really is.
PAS is not something that parents suffer or are victims of in a direct sense.
Yes they become the 'targetted parent', and although that is the desired result, the actual attack is upon the child/ren not the other parent. PAS or parental alienation syndrome, is a behaviour or consequence that children suffer after they have been subjected to one of the most heinous forms of child abuse known to humans today, which is to brainwash that child into believing that the other parent doesn't love them or care about them; that the other parent is evil, rotten, a loser, a deadbeat dad, or a deadbeat mum or any other bad negative thing they can dream up. They even talk the kids into believing that the other parent had abused them sexually as well.
Typical of a Narcissist!
So, having parents turn up to court complaining that they are victims of PAS, is actually quite wrong and any judge would be right to simply throw the argument/complaint straight out the door.
That is why if you believe it is occurring, then the allegation must be on behalf of the children; and from the parent's point of view, the claim has to be that they have been alienated from their children.
I do have to commiserate with Awildirishorse, who says she has suffered badly at the hands of what sounds like a real psycho and I must commend her for being able to still see and acknowledge that not all men are bad and that there are good men/fathers out there.
There are too many people today who choose to adopt the popular feminst belief that all men are wife bashers and child abusers. With all the advertisements on TV, they would have you believe that every second house around your house in suburbia there is a man bashing a woman and abusing the children. Nothing could be further from the truth!
We need to get over all this feminst crap and start focussing entirely on the welfare of all the children who suffer terribly in divorces. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:55:19 AM | | Thanks MeToo57 for understanding. I agree on getting over all the feminist crap...I do not think that a persons sex should determine anything where a child's welfare is concerned, no more than money, socio-status etc. A child needs both parents to love and protect them, care for them, be there for them...We as parents need to grow up a bit and understand this. When we divorce we seperate our bond as adults..but not as parents with a mutual goal of raising Happy and Healthy children...who just might get it right in their relationships if we can set a good example for them. That is what I try and do. I also agree with the overdramatization of Abuse etc...most men are good and decent men, friends, husbands...etc..I have only know a few actual "Battered Women" in my life, I know lots of verbally abused Men and Women..probably equal in those stats. Sad how love can quickly turn to hate...But I have not given up, I try and see the good in all people, and I know someday, the Good Lord willing I will find a good man to spend the remainder of my days with, but if I don't so be it..I have my children that I know love and respect me as I love and respect them. PS..I hold no ill towards the men that gave me beautiful gifts..my daughters..The first..he and I are still good friends. The second, when he is sober we get along fine..when he is drunk..he is a different person..but I know it is not the real him, it is a man suffering from an addiction, the demon he fights. I just could no longer fight the battle. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:09:39 PM | awildirishrose on 6/16/2008 wrote:
Rebecca, may I ask you a question as a Mother who loves her children so much she is willing to die for them? Have you ever been involved with an abusive partner? One who stikes such fear in you that you cling to your babies at night wondering if the threat he made "to kill you while you are sleeping" was just drunken jibberish or truth?
There once was a man from Nantuckit, but because I make a point of introducing my guys to my family when things start to get serious my brothers will frequently discuss their oppinions with my father, who then discusses them with my mother who in turn gives good advice as to where my brothers should focusing their diplomacy.
In short, once or twice guys have tried to get a little hinky with me, but I'm not to be triffled with and don't care letting someone know when and where they've overtepped their boundaries... so they can enjoy another day of overstepping elswhere.
A man who gets so drunk he blacks out and can't remember what happened the night before? Just courious....In a not too distant past woman had no choice but to stay in such situations, but today thanks in part to the Feminist Movement we have a few more rights than we used too (and I say we as you are a woman that may need these rights one day).
The pendulumm swings both ways though, does it not? From one extreme to the other. It only we could stop it in the middle and live in equillibrium the lot of us.
I am not against good Dad's having 50/50 custody, I am not against bad Dad's having visitation as deemed appropiate by the courts and a counselor and if he proves he can be a good Father and role model re-enstate his rights to 50/50.
And I suppose I just don't like the idea of treating fathers like they are something that we should decide do or don't belong in their kid's lives or as if a father is something we get to decide is or isn't a part of the process.
But not every case is black and white, there is a lot of gray. A thought, maybe you should go visit the women at "Peaceful Paths" a shelter in Gainesville for abused women and their children..see the world from another vantage point.
Oh, I have a good notion to take a long look at this and others like them. I am certain that them and their funding is something we would all benefit from knowing about.
I know it is hard for the courts to decide a lot of cases, a lot of people lie, use the kids as pawns to stike out at the other parent, but it takes 2 to tango.
Cliche's and platitudes don't stand up against the reality that even though it take two to tango it takes one woman to lie to a judge to deny a family it's father and the kids suffer.
And in case you didn't know it without the Feminist Movement you'd have no voice..we were not allowed to voice our opionions...
I don't need feminism, republicanism, maoism or any other ism (with the exception perhaps of Catholicism) to give me a voice - I speak it and I back it up with whatever it takes because I learned a long time ago that if you said it you represent it. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:58:07 AM | Shared parenting is only possible with parents who are willing to share all the blame, responsibilities and burdens that come with that kind of custody arrangement. ~lizbeth~..
What court are you sitting in that you see mutal accountability as the criteria for shared parenting? I am not seeing it. It seems to me like Shared Parenting is only possible when a father has the tenacity, and stamina to not buckle under the overwhealming social and political pressure to just get in line and become another voice-less long distance paycheck. ~rebecca~
^^Here's the deal rebecca,
I have a fragile relationship with my ex that barely meets the criteria of what shared parenting requires. You have little or no experience with what the challenges are for parents trying to become mutually accountable regarding custody issues.
The relationship I have with my ex may be fragile...but my kids enjoy the benefits of the efforts my ex and I make everyday to maintain a communicating relationship.
Your stance is a biased reflection of how badly men are treated. The poor smucks are treated as paychecks and denied all access to their kids.....did I capture your opinion about this subject? Sounds like you have a story that we haven't heard yet...
I don't need a court to tell me how to be a parent that is mutually accountable.
I do think there are many parents who can't get past the Gr8 mentality and haven't matured or grown up to face the real world...and sadly there are many single adults who haven't grown past that same GR 8 mentality.
I only hope your views and opinions aren't reflective of the catholisim faith that your generation were brought up to believe. If that is the case, I need to change the schools my kids attend. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:57:27 AM | For every parent who says the other parent is a poor parent, chances are the other parent would say the same about the other. So who's word do we take at face value? If one parent has the custody. How does the other parent prove that they are able to handle raising a child, especially in cases where the custodial parent fears losing complete "Control" of custody? In many situations you will find that the parent that seeks more custody, just want a chance to parent their kid.
How many kids suffer under when the custodial dad/mom take them from councellor to councellor in an effort to get letters of approval from professionals, who never even meet the other parent, for future court dates.
Another way of looking at it could be the fact that councelling costs money, and I guess the parent taking the child to councelling tends to pay for it, and therefor expects a return on the investment in the form of letters of approval. Essentially the councellor becomes the parents employee, and they at times feel inclined to do what the customer asks otherwise they risk losing the client. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:56:02 PM | lizbeth wrote:
only hope your views and opinions aren't reflective of the catholisim faith that your generation were brought up to believe. If that is the case, I need to change the schools my kids attend
Really, a religious slur- a personal attack AND a flame baiting invitation to a little back and forth?
You're too generous. Yes my beliefs in family DO stem from my faith - take a note.
But my real lessons came from my mom's decision leave my dad when I was very young.
My mom suffered addictions yet wrote up a batch of papers lying to the court about him.
Of course I didn't discover this until I was old enough to look up the documents which my dad never talked about.
When I look at what got filed, contrast it against what was actually going on at the time - I am really a little embarassed for my mom.
Really it destroyed our family over what could have been handled in a much healthier fashion.
You would yank your kids out of school because of something you read on a message board?
What do you think about that? | |
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Posted: 6/21/2008 1:48:26 AM | rebecca,
you wrote.....
My mom suffered addictions yet wrote up a batch of papers lying to the court about him.
Of course I didn't discover this until I was old enough to look up the documents which my dad never talked about.
Really it destroyed our family over what could have been handled in a much healthier fashion.
^^^I think that instead of trying to prove your arguement, you should deal with your own emotional baggage before giving advice in a public forum.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you....not to be confused with...Do unto others as what has been done to you.
It is apparent that the time I spent typing my opinion was wasted on those who didn't bother to read my posts.....ahh well....I guess I'll just turn the other cheek... | |
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Posted: 6/21/2008 10:56:42 AM | NIGHTRIDER:
I like the way you is looking at things - putting them children first and everything.
Where you wrote:
How many kids suffer under when the custodial dad/mom take them from councellor to councellor in an effort to get letters of approval from professionals, who never even meet the other parent, for future court dates
I have been through the system - a lot. And what I have discovered is that most counsellors and therapists side firmly with the mother.
If there was prone to be colusion it would fall predominantly in favor of the mother (76% percent of which were already awarded custody, of the kids irrespective of the merit of the father).
Another way of looking at it could be the fact that councelling costs money, and I guess the parent taking the child to councelling tends to pay for it, and therefor expects a return on the investment in the form of letters of approval
It sounds like we are looking at the same reports - since the majority of custodial parents are the mother and since in my experiance mothers trump with ringers and expert witnesses.
Essentially the councellor becomes the parents employee, and they at times feel inclined to do what the customer asks otherwise they risk losing the client
Yes - in my experiance this is one way in which the system shores up the gender bias in favor of women and against men.
Another way is when fathers go to a counsellor seeking the same support given to mothers, the counsellors selectively invoke their need to maintain nuetrality.
They will say, "in case there ends up being abuse and in light of being mandated reporters who are legally bound to report PAS - there must be a healthy objectivity ".
I think that as we modify our family laws to be more gender nuetral - the better it will be for the children. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:54:23 AM | Dear lizbeth2:
Where you wrote:
^^^I think that instead of trying to prove your arguement, you should deal with your own emotional baggage before giving advice in a public forum.
Only superior people like you, who no doubt have processed all their "baggage" (like yanking their kids out of school because of a b*tch match on a message board) is allowed to aire their thoughts and oppinions, is that right?
FIRST you think you are going to bait me in with your remark about my having an untold story - so I share some of the details which qualify me to speak and you dismissively try to turn the tables on me as though you fancy yourself some type of sharp whit.
Look around, have you read a fraction of the posts in this thread alone? Bloody wreckage - but I need to work through blah blah blah.
Look, if you can't stand the heat leave the kitchen and if you don't want people like me lighting you up with direct answers to your poorly formulated ill informed questions don't ask.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you....not to be confused with...Do unto others as what has been done to you.
Fine one to talk, sis, with your judgemental psycho-babble **stardized from the holy bible. Fine one to talk.
It is apparent that the time I spent typing my opinion was wasted on those who didn't bother to read my posts.
OR you are unwilling to cope with the answers you recieve and so you want to push off onto someone else your angst.
Outside of laying into me - did you even have a thought to share? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:32:04 AM | Only superior people like you, who no doubt have processed all their "baggage" (like yanking their kids out of school because of a b*tch match on a message board) is allowed to aire their thoughts and oppinions, is that right ~rebecca~
^^^ I am saddened that my sarcasim is wasted on you...and even more depressed that many of my comments weren't addressed at all by most here. I am a ****...absoloutely...I have opinions about being a single parent...yup....probably a direct result from my experiences as a divorced single parent...
Your assumption that I would actually yank my kids out of school because of certain peoples bad examples about the catholic faith is ridiculous.
I am aloud to disagree with posts and opinions I do not agree with. Why can't I question your motives for supporting a movement that is clearly based on what single father's feel?
So someone please...please post a thread on how to start the process of healing between two split parents that will support shared parenting...let's actually turn this thread back onto the title of this thread! | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:23:07 AM | Well I can try Lizbeth.
I have a friend who when he and his ex broke up they supported each other in attempts to keep their son's life as normal as possible and to have both psarents in the child's life.
When my friend's ex needed running shoes my friend would buy them for her. (Not just when the child needed something but when the mother of the child needed something as well) Now a lawyer would say not to do that as it sets a precident (spelling?) for doing so and if things went to court he may have to pay more in spousal support, however these two are determined to have a healthy relationship with each other for the sake of the child. In return if my friend has unexpected expenses come up and is short on child and or/spousal support he is not dragged to court over it but rather he is left to make up the difference as soon as possible and he always gets caught up even if it takes a few months.
When I go visit my friend he seems happy his som seems happy and the child clearly is not caught in the middle of too much drama. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:48:59 AM | Hi lizbeth2:
Where, on 6/25/2008, you wrote:
I am saddened that my sarcasim is wasted on you...and even more depressed that many of my comments weren't addressed at all by most here.
No lizbeth2, your sarchasm wasn't wasted, I understood your point, and I responded to it as I would any sarchastic remark delivered to me in regards to a serious discussion.
You see, I believe (wrong or right) that sarchasm can often be translated into disrespect and no body likes to be denegraded, talked down to or treated like they deserve to be spoken to sarchastically.
I am a b*tch...absoloutely...I have opinions about being a single parent...yup....probably a direct result from my experiences as a divorced single parent...
So then, lizbeth2, when I honestly responded to your request to know what qualifies me to speak, and I posted my experiances to which your response was to tell me that I should not post but seek therapy... this was actually what a therapist might call PROJECTION?
Your assumption that I would actually yank my kids out of school because of certain peoples bad examples about the catholic faith is ridiculous.
1. You assessment of me as being a poor example of my Catholic faith is a direct insult and personal attack, but because you are attacking a Catholic it will go unadressed by the masters of this board.
2. Nobody ASSUMED anything - you posted that if my perspective on the importance of family generally and fatherhood specificially was the result of my Catholic faith that you would have to change your kids school. I must assume that your kids are in a Catholic school and I must assume that when you posted (for everyone to read) that you would want to take them out of school it was because we horrible Catholics who promote family might infect your children's mind to also value their father[s] and family.
I am aloud to disagree with posts and opinions I do not agree with. Why can't I question your motives for supporting a movement that is clearly based on what single father's feel?
IF that had been what you did, we would habve had an intelligent conversation about THAT. However, THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU POSTED. Instead, you posted a religious slur and personal attack - which I answered in an intelligent and athoritative manner.
Then you did the typical role over and pee on your leg routine because you people are used to barking and snarling and then having the person you want to bully just turn tail and run - when in fact adults will always face down that type of non-sense with reason, logic and fact.
So someone please...please post a thread on how to start the process of healing between two split parents that will support shared parenting...let's actually turn this thread back onto the title of this thread!
Nobody worth reading would let you whipe your feet on them - also, however there is a thread to assist SERIOUS minded people who want to heal - provided it does not mean heal by stabbing dads in the back:
Child Centered Single Parents at:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/9903492datingPostpage3.aspx
FATHERS:
He is first a man who cares about his children. Whether or not the children are his biological offspring does not matter. The point is that all children belong to God and because they belong to God, a real father feels they belong to him. A real father is a man who recognizes his role in the larger human family and cares about his children, just as God does.
Secondly, a father is a man who is committed to children. To care about someone is nothing but an emotion until and unless it becomes a commitment to that someone. The truth that God cares about His children would not mean very much unless we could also say God is involved in the lives of His children. The first truth (God cares about us) is certainly reassuring, but it is the second truth (God is involved) that we call salvation. God not only cares about us; He has also committed all that He is and all that He has to our best interest: "Yes, God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him may not die but may have eternal life" (John 3:16). It is this commitment which makes Him truly "Our Father." It is this kind of commitment which makes any man a real father. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:13:48 AM | What I learned from my unfortunate separation from my former spouse, with whom I have a beautiful child is things change and it is up to us to make life (which must go on) beautiful.
We should promote fairness, equality, family and, most important, the best interests of children. We ought also to encourage the involvement of both parents in the lives of children, promote mutual respect and cooperation between the genders, and remain dedicated to making divorce less adversarial.
We should try to keep encouraging each of the parties to work together. These then provide the best role models for children. We do well to encourage parents to step forward and assume responsibility for their children, improve themselves, and be the very best they can be.
In all walks of life we should reach out and encourage men and women to cooperate, show mutual respect, and work together--in the best interest of children.
If we are going to be involved members of a civilized society and participants in the democratic process, our goal must be to help men and women to cooperate, communicate and work together for the best interest of the children. Over time this has an extremely positive and crucial impact on the community, as children from broken and divorced households are at highest risk for all of our social pathologies, including gangs, crime, delinquency, drugs, dropping out of school, health problems, and teen pregnancy. These problems are costing the taxpayer increasing sums of money, and without apparent solutions, are tearing our nation apart.
Getting to the root cause and doing something very constructive, rather than pointing fingers, throwing stones and castigating needs to be what we are about.
Right now I am organizing a chapter of The Children's Rights Council in Gainesville Florida and if anyone wants to make it work, email me at heighten @ feelings . com.
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/26/2008 7:39:06 PM | There are parents in our societies who can get past a relationship gone bad and continue to be loving nurturing parents to the children involved. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if this were the case in every instance of breakup where children are involved? Of course it would. It would be an even better world if people who committed themselves to a relationship to the degree of bringing a child or children into the world stayed together and concentrated on making each other happy and making a happy home for the children involved. Sadly this is not the state of our world.
Even more sadly is there are certain parents in this world who create and cause so much devastation upon their children that it is unconscionable to those who have not witnessed first hand or fell victim to their actions and behaviors. It is not a gender specific lot of people. There are mothers and fathers who inflict the abuse I am referring to upon their children. The number of the criminals grows each and every day. For those who say it isn’t true; you just don’t know, or you are one of the criminals attempting to discredit what will eventually come back to bite you twice as hard.
As the number of criminals has risen so has the number of victims. The victims are beginning to stand up. We are beginning to come together. We will become large enough and strong enough to be heard. All we are asking for is LOVE. The LOVE a parent and a child share. A LOVE that is unlike any other. A LOVE that is natural.
There is more than ample evidence provided in this thread to prove what I say. Just read the posts and visit some of the websites which I have provided. You will even find information on what some of the child victims are doing to bring this horrible abuse to the attention of others.
Kenny | |
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