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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/26/2008 8:54:47 PM | Rebecca,
I have to say that I admire your courage and your ability to be open and honest, especially in the face of personal attack.
Firstly I would like to say that for someone who has come from a broken home and then treated badly by losing your father at some point in time, you show your maturity emotionally, psychologically and spiritually, in that I have not read any words in your posts where you are punishing your mother with resentful vitriol.
This is truly the sign of a person who has dealt with her issues and has moved on from all the pain and suffering.
Rebecca, I too am a practicing Catholic and I know Lizbeth will probably say "not another one", but the unfortunate thing that non-Catholics do not understand is that the Church is completely family oriented, but is very much Mother oriented in so many ways. So to make any aspersions to suggest that the Church fosters fatherhood over motherhood, is simply fatuous to say the least.
Lady, I take my hat off to you for your honesty, strength of character and faith, and your determination to stand up for what we know are the true facts with regard family relationships, which I might add, you don't have to be Catholic to realise.
Lizbeth, you made a remark about equal shared parenting to be some kind of view or attitude put forward from fathers to satisfy them in some way or make them happy; well, let me just correct you.
Equal shared parenting has virtually no effect in a direct sense on making any father happy.
Try to digest this, okay.
So just stick with me here!
All good fathers (as with good mothers) don't give a toss or even consider their own happiness when their children are in the mix. Even you Lizbeth know that the majority of fathers are in the lives of their children as much as possible when the family is intact. Do not say that he is out at work, so he is not in their lives, because that is a red-herring argument put together by feminists to show that fathers don't get involved with their kids. The truth is in many families if the father did not go to work to support the family, you would all be out in the street.
Now, fathers will fight for equal shared parenting, because they know and so do all the experts in the western world who have cared to study this phenomenon; and also all the children know, that if the children have equal shared care in a broken family and there is good communication, then they will always do much better in all aspects of their lives, than if they only had a good-time dad every second weekend.
I am not referring to fathers who truly do not care about their children; just as I am not referring to the equal number of mothers who do not care about their kids.
This is all about good parents who want the best for their children, but unfortunately too many mothers refuse to let go of the power that they have over the children and they do not want to share the money that should rightfully be used on the children, not as pocket money for the mother as is often the case.
Peter | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:24:27 AM | MeToo57,
You are right...even I believe that most Dad's involved in a difficult seperation would go above and beyond to see their kids....at least eventually.
>>Even you Lizbeth know that the majority of fathers are in the lives of their children as much as possible when the family is intact. Do not say that he is out at work, so he is not in their lives, because that is a red-herring argument put together by feminists to show that fathers don't get involved with their kids. The truth is in many families if the father did not go to work to support the family, you would all be out in the street.....MeToo57~
^^^LOL....Hmmmm...if that isn't poking the bear...I don't know what is!
I think you and rebecca should read msg 158....it's a long one..and clearly impartial in what this debate is supposed to be about.
I am strong in my convictions and beliefs..I am catholic BTW...and somewhat disgusted in how one sided this thread has become.
I don't support any parent deliberatly ailenating a child from another parent out of spite or anger. I have never done that, even at the worst point in my divorce...but I could have been more gracious and accomadating towards my ex....and I will take half of that responsibility when it comes to my regrets as a parent.
I take exception to the comments and posts...and links dedicated or directed towards how much of the fault lies with the mother.
I have been in the scenerio's that I have seen posted on here. I have worked hard to overcome the situation for my children's sake. I will not back down on my opinions because Sally's father left her and her mother was a drunk...or because Joe wants to channel his energy into a men's movement.
This is a thread that is supposed to be dedicated to soloutions or comprimises of shared parenting...keep dividing the issue...and you will be instrumental in the outcomes. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:50:36 AM | | Can we not all agree that custodial fathers and custodial mothers do lie to get what they want in court? Is it not standard for a lawyer to protray their client to be angelic, at the same time protraying the opposition as bottom feeding scum, with shiftless lifestyles? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:05:06 AM |
Can we not all agree that custodial fathers and custodial mothers do lie to get what they want in court?
Only if you're willing to put a "some" in there at an appropriate place. Many custodial parents don't lie at all in court. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:43:26 AM | Yeah right and what mythical planet do you come from?^^^^^^^^
I suppose all those people are hypmotized by the lawyers and can't help themselves. How about we state it more along the lines of they choose to omit pertinent info about themselves to make their opponent look bad. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:10:57 AM | Lizbeth,
Thankyou for the candid response.
I have been able to establish that you have been wronged and also I should state that I neglected to state in my previous post, that you have every right to be angry and to voice your frustration with regard the treatment that has been dished out to you.
I think it would be better to leave the Church out of the discussion, because it will only serve to further complicate the discussion and distract from the subject at hand.
Thankyou for telling me you are Catholic. I know you didn't have to, but I guess with my further comment on the religious side of the subject you may have felt that you needed to qualify your position.
There are many, many thousands of women/mothers around the world who have suffered greviously at the hands of some men who are not nice at all. The worst thing about a lot of these men is that they also treat the children badly and that is no better or worse to any mother who does the same thing.
The overwhelming statistical facts in all western nations around the world very clearly show that the mother is the one who perpetrates the majority of cases of alienation in her efforts to try and stop equal shared parenting, with the ultimate aim to have the father totally excised from the lives of his children permanently.
This is only a statistical fact that does not in any way shape or form represent the realities of behaviour of fathers and mothers who are so disposed to behave in an evil fashion, whereby they will destroy the life of a child to punish the ex spouse.
There is one very clear reason for the very biased statistical evidence, which is the fact that in all these western nations, the family courts grant full custody to well over 80% of cases to the mother. Thus giving the small number of women who are predisposed to evil behaviour, the opportunity to carry out their attacks on the ex using the children with impunity.
Because in all these western nations there are only usually single digit percentages of fathers awarded custody, we only ever see a small number of cases involving the father as the perpetrator of parental alienation and abuses against their former spouse.
However, if you work on the statistical evidence presented for female perpetrators as appose to the number of females given custody who do not commit this abuse, then do the same calculations with the small number of fathers who get custody and including the cases where the father has committed this form of abuse, then it is highly probable that the percentage would not be all that different.
I haven't done the exercise, because I don't need to be convinced.
I am not that stupid to believe that there would not be an equal number of vindictive men out there who would do their utmost to punish their ex, even to use the kids in doing it.
I have personal friends (mothers) who suffer grieviously from parental alienation and have little to no contact at all with their children. And in these cases, the bloody courts are doing the same for the fathers as they usually do for the mothers; they are protecting them.
It is astounding!
And of course there are many fathers out there who haven't been awarded custody at all and are pretty bad, causing a lot of trouble and suffering in the family.
Evil is equal across the gender spectrum. Only a fool would argue that point!
So, for anyone to say that it is women who do the dirty and it is inherently a mother type behaviour; well, they need to do some research and take a good long look at the truth.
However, I do have to say that currently it actually is women/mothers who are resisting granting children what they deserve, which is to have both parents in their lives all the time.
This is not about mum and dad; it is supposed to be about the kids.
Having equal shared parenting enshrined in law, does not mean that every case will be forced to have this system foisted upon the kids. No, it means that equal shared parenting is the starting point. If either parent cannot fulfil their responsibilities effectively as a parent to ensure the children are properly cared for and are safe, then obviously the times are arranged accordingly to suit the situation.
There are a lot of men out there who would modify their working life if they could have the kids on a week about arrangement.
It is not about money, or the parents, it should only ever be about the kids.
If both parents were going to muddle it through to raise their kids when they were together, then whats changed?
They will continue to muddle their way through this, just like the rest of us.
Anyway, I am now babbling because I need to go to bed.
Peter | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:54:33 AM |
desertrhino: Only if you're willing to put a "some" in there at an appropriate place. Many custodial parents don't lie at all in court.
kiddingmyself: Yeah right and what mythical planet do you come from?^^^^^^^^
Well, I'm guessing that you come from a very paranoid planet.
Great, *your* ex- lied and lies, and will lie in the future... We get that. That doesn't mean *all* CUSTODIAL parents lie.
How about non-custodial parents? Do they all have little angelic halos from sticking to the truth with such fidelity? I'm thinking some of them lie. Prolly a bunch of them tell the truth, as well. That's how humans are. Don't let your obvious bitterness completely mislead you... after all, you only get one go-round in this life, and if you waste this one by being full of hatred and paranoia, you don't get a do-over. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:55:51 AM |
Many custodial parents don't lie at all in court.
And some custodial and non-custodial see themselves as telling the truth..or the truth from their perspective..and each may sit across from each other honestly telling what they remember or see as the truth and they actually believe what they are saying. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:05:03 AM |
Can we not all agree that custodial fathers and custodial mothers do lie to get what they want in court? Is it not standard for a lawyer to protray their client to be angelic, at the same time protraying the opposition as bottom feeding scum, with shiftless lifestyles?
The court system is adversarial in nature. It is how things work and until they change the rules then there is little option unless both parties are interested in a solution that is equitable to all three perspectives.
The child:
The mother:
The father:
And lawyers have been for years suggesting how a mothers case would be improved if allegations of abuse were tabled. In Canada at least case law basically allows woman one free pass in this respect. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 12:16:09 PM | hey rhino do you read a whole post or just the words you like or understand.
My ex never lied but was told by her lawyer to omit any info that would hurt her case.
See I didn't put up a fight and hoped that maybe because we supposedly loved each other that their would have been a fairer assesment of the situation.
I gave her anything she wanted but do you not see any patterns here in these forums at all?
Sure there are some great ladies here buit the over whelming tideof sentiment is not about honesty at all, it's more of a me me me thing.
Are you sure you're a guy? Because based on most of your input around here in a lot of threads it would seem to me that you think every thing is all rosie and fine witht the current status quo. Perhaps maybe the male gender in the western world is being being castrated slowly and surely because you my fellow fish are a good example of an emascilated man. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:35:31 PM |
My ex never lied but was told by her lawyer to omit any info that would hurt her case.
See I didn't put up a fight and hoped that maybe because we supposedly loved each other that their would have been a fairer assesment of the situation.
I gave her anything she wanted but do you not see any patterns here in these forums at all?
A lie of omission is a lie. I got what you said. I also got the vast bitterness you harbor regarding that event. Have you considered revisiting the courts with representation, since your ex- is obviously not averse to screwing you that way?
I've also seen a substantial number of people get divorced who don't, from my perspective, lie in any significant manner. Including my ex-wife and myself. Maybe I'm just the luckiest b@stard alive. I have the kids, I get child support, and every once in a great while, my EXTREMELY self-centered (pathologically, actually) ex-wife actually does me a favor or two (which I have to pay back, but whatever). We get along, though.
As for your "over whelming tideof sentiment," these threads are self-selected for people who "have something to say." that can easily lead to a disproportionate representation. For instance, men who are bitter and angry about their divorces, and women who are bitter and angry about THEIR divorces.
YOU are clearly bitter as hell over how your divorce went. Do you really believe all men are that angry and frustrated? Perhaps a lot of them are, for a while... but I think a lot of them work through their issues, maybe get some therapy if appropriate, and end up with an understanding of what happened that isn't wholly based on "my ex- screwed me good, f-ing b!tch!" I'm sorry I can't support you in your he-man woman-haters club. Really, I am. But it would be seriously a lot healthier for you to get over or work through your issues than to spend your time feeling so abused by the system.
as for this:
Are you sure you're a guy? Because based on most of your input around here in a lot of threads it would seem to me that you think every thing is all rosie and fine witht the current status quo. Perhaps maybe the male gender in the western world is being being castrated slowly and surely because you my fellow fish are a good example of an emascilated man.
How about you go fvck yourself? Just because I haven't had the problems you have, and know others who haven't, that doesn't make me emasculated. Thanks, though. Let's see how long it takes YOU to go from "mangina/emasculated/not a guy" to "faggot." It took Smuggler a couple of weeks, IIRC.
You know another thing that might help? (I'm sure this will play into the emasculated thing you have going) You could try and figure out some way to actually and honestly *like* women. It's one thing my father had that he passed on, and it's made a lot of things in my life go more smoothly. I actually enjoy spending time with women when I'm not trying to get in their pants. I also enjoy the parts spent trying to get in their pants.  I have actual, honest FRIENDS who are female. I enjoy spending time with men, too. I have male friends. (I'm sure you'll soon get to the point where you accuse me of trying to get into their pants, too... sorry to disappoint.) It just puzzles me that people can feel like whole people while HATING, on some fundamental level, half the population. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:00:04 AM | No rhino I have friends who are homosexual and I wouldn't offend them by calling you gay but you clearly by your own admission got lucky and have become another one of those people who because it hasn't happened to me feel it isn't happening.
Lately you have to admit you do not actually express any opinion on the subjects at hand and relish in abusing other posters. Sure some of them do get repetitive but who are you to follow them around and put them down for their opinions.
But seriously if you have actually read my posts in this and other threads my anger is also directed at men too. Those who by gods good grace are probably better looking than they deserve and have been the ones who have helped create our current situation in society.
Personally I am tired of having to pay a cost for their ways.
But no matter how you look at it everyone is so in denial and continue to lie to themselves which just keeps feeding the animal and allows it to continue.
My frustration here in these threads is how the hope of a good debate about a subject continuously falls into the same trap, wherein everyone thinks it's all about me and lashes out.
That only tells me that perhaps they feel some sort of guilt to feel the need to dispel a post by shouting out to the pond that I am not like that.
And as far as Smuggler goes his posts are a rebuttal to those that have asked the same question over and over and accuse anyone who actually answers of being a loser or ***hole or a boy. When in reality it's more comparable to a preference for chocolate icecream over vanilla, would that deserve the same treatment.
But if indeed everything was okay then why is it that Single parents deserve a category (sp) of their own which segregates them even more. That to me says hey I am more special than a childless person when we both know that isn't true. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:38:34 AM |
And lawyers have been for years suggesting how a mothers case would be improved if allegations of abuse were tabled. In Canada at least case law basically allows woman one free pass in this respect.
Funny enough you should make this comment. As an abused female, my lawyer tried every which way to not have that come out on court... he said it was too hard to prove... even with my police reports, doctors reports and PHOTOS.
I am the custodial parent, and it was my ex that lied... he told the courts that he never EVER laid a hand on me, never raised his voice to me, never told me that our daughter would be better off if I just wasn't around... he even went as far as to say totally took care of our daughter 24/7.
Strange thing is... here we are almost 6 years later, he hasn't made contact since 2 weeks before her 3rd birthday...
So you see, sometimes 1 good parent is better than having 1 good parent, 1 parent who doesn't give a damn. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:06:53 AM | Can we not all agree that custodial fathers and custodial mothers do lie to get what they want in court? Is it not standard for a lawyer to protray their client to be angelic, at the same time protraying the opposition as bottom feeding scum, with shiftless lifestyles? ~nightrider~
^^^From my perspective....the above post hits the nail on the head!!! If there are lawyers or courts involved trying to define a "shared parenting" agreement, than that is never what you will end up having. If you need a lwayer to negotiate access....it is not considered shared parenting in my view. The very definition of "shared" means more than one person making an equal contribution.
I wish i could explain to all of you, the epiphany I had during my divorce and custody battle. I will probably never be able to put that feeling into words.
I am responsible for my actions and behaviours. I am responsible for the examples I set for my children. I am responsible for the consequences of my divorce and the impact it will have on my children. I am responsible for providing a safe and healthy enviorment for my children to grow up in. I am responsible for giving my children security and stability...and I am also responsible if I make mountains out of mole hills....
If two parents continuously fight in court...they are both missing out on the kids they are fighting over. If some parents continue to spend precious time and energy on movements (like PAS) and waging battles in family court, then both parents and the kids will miss out on a missed opportunity to be part of a shared parenting relationship.
And if some parents still choose to miss it....feel sorry for them....because they have no idea what they are missing out on!! | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:01:28 AM | Well Lizbeth,
I guess I can't really argue with too much of what you have just said.
At the end of the day, the only person we can change is ourselves. So I guess we only have ourselves to blame if we sit back and allow life to pass us by whilst being tied up with petty squabbles.
The unfortunate thing about that, is that there are a lot of parents out there who would give their right arm to be out of the squabble and into the lives of their children, but because of the bitter twisted mind of the custodial parent and the family destruction court, this non-custodial parent lives a miserable life of wishing they could be a part of their child/ren's lives even for a small amount of time, which would be better than nothing.
This is what I have suffered with two children I lost when they were 3 and 5. They are now 24 and 26, and I don't even rate a mention even as a family friend of theirs, yet I am their natural father and they suffer emotionally and psychologically, but still will not reconnect with me.
Heartbreaking, even after all these years!
Peter | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:59:37 PM | "Can we not all agree that custodial fathers and custodial mothers do lie to get what they want in court? Is it not standard for a lawyer to protray their client to be angelic, at the same time protraying the opposition as bottom feeding scum, with shiftless lifestyles?"
I think this is a caricature of a lawyer. It is true in common law countries with an adversarial legal system that lawyers will do their best to put the case for their client to the judge (or jury) and convince the judge (or jury) their case should win. In the process counsel for either side will often try to discredit or undermine the case of the other party.
Regardless of the debates about the justice and fairness of the legal system, lawyers are required to adhere to very high professional and ethical standards. Winning a case by any and all means possible is not an option lawyers are allowed. Lawyers can only work within a certain framework that is quite complex and involves different but vital duties to the client, the court, and to the profession. A lawyer who breaks these standards risks severe penalties, including being removed from the profession.
I will also make some brief comments on a couple of other issues raised in this thread.
Domestic violence and abuse are complex problems that affect all sexes and people of all ages. Many relationships, not just ones involving married couples or people in a sexual relationship, are abusive in some way. Society is slowly recognising this and taking action. However, domestic violence is often either hidden or taboo and as with similar forms of abuse such as sexual abuse, can be very hard to detect and prosecute in terms of civil and criminal liability. Clearly more needs to be done, but the problem is complex and not just confined to only one type of relationship.
As for religion, the role of religion in relation to the private lives of people is a complex one. Some people deeply resent religious groups or churches making statements about a social issue, or statements which approve or criticise a certain social policy. Some people also deeply resent people with religious convictions airing their views on controversial social issues, or where people disagree on a key moral issue. At their best, religions work to help people flourish and live good lives. People whose work to improve the lives of others is based on religious values or principles, should not be criticised just because they are motivated in their work by religious principles and values. I think such a criticism may be justified where people do things which cause evident harm to others, and the reason they do these things has a religious motivation. But a religious conviction is not blameworthy where it influences someone to do something good, whether for themselves or in relation to others. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:35:57 PM | lizbeth2 wrote:
If some parents continue to spend precious time and energy on movements (like PAS) and waging battles in family court, then both parents and the kids will miss out on a missed opportunity to be part of a shared parenting relationship.
If we, as loving parents, do not do something our children will continue to be abused, our children's normal development will be negativly interfered with, our children will miss out on a relationship with a very loving parent, we will miss out on having a loving relationship with our children and many more children and loving parents will miss out and suffer.
What do you suggest lizbeth2? That we all just turn away from our children and allow them to be abused and their normal development interfered with without doing anything to help them? I don't know about you but I could not lay my head down at night if I were to neglect my children in such a manner and I have come to know many other parents who feel the same as I.
Now I ask; what is the difference between parents who spend some of their time fighting the fight to stop the abuse of our children and parents who spend time attempting to dissuade those parents and others from doing so? The answers to this question should quite interesting.
Kenny | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:59:30 PM | I disagree completely, as a father who's children have been taken by an obsessively controlling and evil woman. I have been a very loving and dedicated father for the 13 years I've been a parent. When my ex didn't get her way in the separation agreement, she ran off with my children and has made a myraid of false accusations. The system is completely biased against men. The simple mention of anything by a woman and the system jumps all over men. My ex is ABUSING the system and there are no checks and balances to ensure the system does not get abused.
Children NEED both parents. When one parent is controlling and manipulative, it's the children who suffer. Parental alienation occurs as the spouse and their family bad mouth and corrupt the children's other spouse. The children KNOW...and eventually, it will turn against the controlling parent.
Fathers (at least some of us) are EXCELLENT parents, as are mothers....unless the spouse has simply NOT been available for their children, neglected their parenting duties, or basically DESERVES to be without their children, then the children should have BOTH parents in their lives.
It only take one drunken neglecting father to ruin it for us dedicated and loving fathers. Then, all you need is a controlling and manipulative spouse to cry wolf, and the father is quilty until proven innocent. It may be a "man's world"...but it's a womans legal system. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:38:08 PM |
I disagree completely, as a father who's children have been taken by an obsessively controlling and evil woman. I have been a very loving and dedicated father for the 13 years I've been a parent. When my ex didn't get her way in the separation agreement, she ran off with my children and has made a myraid of false accusations. The system is completely biased against men. The simple mention of anything by a woman and the system jumps all over men. My ex is ABUSING the system and there are no checks and balances to ensure the system does not get abused.
Children NEED both parents. When one parent is controlling and manipulative, it's the children who suffer. Parental alienation occurs as the spouse and their family bad mouth and corrupt the children's other spouse. The children KNOW...and eventually, it will turn against the controlling parent.
Fathers (at least some of us) are EXCELLENT parents, as are mothers....unless the spouse has simply NOT been available for their children, neglected their parenting duties, or basically DESERVES to be without their children, then the children should have BOTH parents in their lives.
It only take one drunken neglecting father to ruin it for us dedicated and loving fathers. Then, all you need is a controlling and manipulative spouse to cry wolf, and the father is quilty until proven innocent. It may be a "man's world"...but it's a womans legal system.
ver batem, my experience | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:52:46 PM | | Yeah I see what you are saying but not every situation is going to work out like that my ex and I can't get along long enough. He will not stay working and will not help take care of his son. My son still has a positive role model with his paw paw who loves him. So it is not always the biological father who steps up all men need to be represented and appreciated for what they do when they do step up. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:04:57 PM |
A lawyer who breaks these standards risks severe penalties, including being removed from the profession.
in common law countries with an adversarial just us system, the lawyer's only obligations are;
1. to the state (the state carries the float and the illusion of authority so i can't see a licensed lawyer biting this hand)
2. the courts and tribunals (you will see that the lawyers like to keep the gig going and defer to the older lawyers who've been given a desk, they call them judges i think)
3.the client. (this where a lawyer's only standard is to line his or her own pocket) | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:59:01 AM | >>>What do you suggest lizbeth2? That we all just turn away from our children and allow them to be abused and their normal development interfered with without doing anything to help them? I don't know about you but I could not lay my head down at night if I were to neglect my children in such a manner and I have come to know many other parents who feel the same as I.>>~ksr~
^^^I suggest that you devote the same amount of energy to your own personal situation instead of spending time qouting web sites or online petitions.
Nobody in the world will invest as much effort and time into the well being of your kids than you will.
I don't think I have ever said that a parent should turn their head if the situation was difficult. I think that some parents get pissed off at the court system (rightly so in some cases) and just give up!
Sometimes it is neccessary for a parent to prove a pattern of abuse before the courts will take action. How does anyone expect a pattern to be established if they give up before they have given proof in family court?
Parents who give up on their induvidual battles in family court by joining a "movement" are giving up on the battle for their own induvidual situation.
The family court isn't as biased as you make it out to be kenny...or I would have recieved all of the child support over the last ten years that my ex should have been paying.
The sword cuts both ways most times....and until you can understand that, you aren't only making a victim out of yourself...your making victims out of your children.
If the abuse that you say exists...it is abuse that can be proven.
You would have everyone believe that the family court is completely biased towards the mother regardless of the circumstances....which is just not true. The same as it is when a mother accusses a father of being abusive and cutting off visitation...it isn't as easy as saying it is so...
If your children are being emotionally abused...call social services....alert the school...have a neighbour call.....I gurauntee you that if all those actions are taken...there will be an ivestigation into the welfare of your kids... | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:50:21 PM | lizbeth2, in my humble opinion, you are clearly out to lunch.
Sometimes it is neccessary for a parent to prove a pattern of abuse before the courts will take action. How does anyone expect a pattern to be established if they give up before they have given proof in family court?
you are suggesting the protracted drug out custody fight for the first 12 years of the child's life for a court to possibly make a recognizable order? i've had dozens of 'em. police enforcible, the whole works. cops don't like dealing with family matters and usually aren't much use to begin with.
The family court isn't as biased as you make it out to be kenny...or I would have recieved all of the child support over the last ten years that my ex should have been paying.
actually it is that biased, based on my own empirical evidence. and the reason you couldn't get any of his money was because you didn't have a valid claim.
The sword cuts both ways most times....and until you can understand that, you aren't only making a victim out of yourself...your making victims out of your children.
by this I'm to understand that if a person doesn't follow orders themselves, the person they're suing shouldn't be held liable for their obligations either. that tactic appears to have rendered the legal system impotent. i'm sensing alot of projection from you lizbeth2 with the victims accusations.
If the abuse that you say exists...it is abuse that can be proven.
nonsense, the courts operate on allegation alone, with an expected rebuttal of course.
You would have everyone believe that the family court is completely biased towards the mother regardless of the circumstances....which is just not true. The same as it is when a mother accusses a father of being abusive and cutting off visitation...it isn't as easy as saying it is so...
you're right, it's closer to 90% biased, and lawyer love a good old abuse allegation. legal aid will foot the bill this way. free lawyer with abuse allegation, nope not biased at all.
If your children are being emotionally abused...call social services....alert the school...have a neighbour call.....I gurauntee you that if all those actions are taken...there will be an ivestigation into the welfare of your kids...
the classic investigation prompted by ex-spouses are always placed priority 1.
the odd time time the SS will investigate and even remove the child but now the father has to get physical custody from the SS and they can sometimes be a daunting task. It's a well designed system. pays dividends to the right people, just gotta know your role.
get help | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:03:59 PM | lizbeth2 wrote:
I suggest that you devote the same amount of energy to your own personal situation instead of spending time qouting web sites or online petitions.
Nobody in the world will invest as much effort and time into the well being of your kids than you will.
Okay, you seem to have all of the answers. How about telling us all about my situation and then provide me with some suggestions on what I should be doing in my own situation instead of posting on the internet?? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:42:16 PM | you are suggesting the protracted drug out custody fight for the first 12 years of the child's life for a court to possibly make a recognizable order? i've had dozens of 'em. police enforcible, the whole works. cops don't like dealing with family matters and usually aren't much use to begin with.>>>web identity
^^^I don't know what planet your living on...but it shouldn't have taken YOU 12 years to figure out how to write a defined court order about basic custody arrangements!
I only had to spend $15,000 over 2 years of paying a lawyer before I figured out how to fill out a few forms!
You are right about the police, they have no interest in enforcing family court orders when it comes to parents squabiling over what time their kid wasn't dropped off or which parent's weekend it is. Funny thing is.....NONE of this has to do with being a participant in a "shared parenting" relationship!..........
The family court isn't as biased as you make it out to be kenny...or I would have recieved all of the child support over the last ten years that my ex should have been paying.~lizbeth~
>> based on my own empirical evidence and the reason you couldn't get any of his money was because you didn't have a valid claim.>>web identity..
^^^well now web..the above comment of yours is what seperates us as parents.
I am not motivated to parent my kids with money being the key issue. In fact I would say that a shared parenting relationship is worth more than a million dollars if it means that the kids are benefiting from a co-operative parenting relationship. Don't twist my opinions and experiences to validify your own rants.
Why is it so hard for some of you to understand that if you hate the mother...
..you punish the child.
If a mother hates the father....
...she punishes the child.
It takes a great deal of effort to be the one who accepts the responsibility of mending the broken communication that happens in a divorce between spouses. There is no point in arguing over what is right or wrong for your kids in court...unless both parents can communicate their reasoning to each other...there will never be a shared parenting agreement.
Now if there is a serious problem of emotional abuse etc...etc..as some claim.....I would like to point out that another poster mentioned the police rarely get involved in custody family court orders....so I guess I find myself wondering why so many of the parents who find themselves innocent victims of PAS (in possesion of a current custody order) don't pick their kids up at school or refuse to return them to the custodial primary parent, while they petition the court for an emergency custody hearing?...hmmmm...I'll await the insults on that comment!
The knife cuts both ways....and the burden of taking responsibility for our kids means alot more than feeding and clothing them.
All I see is excuse after excuse with every PAS story I read that has only one innocent victim....and funnily enough...it is never the child!......hmmm.......kinda makes ya think?
Pssstt....it is when a parent stops the excuses and blame game that a shared parenting relationship can blossom..... | |
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