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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:40:25 PM | "Please, site court cases where a well deserving non-custodial parent went to court and the court system failed to rule in favor of the non-custodial parent. ""
gee, i wonder just what case he will lead off with? anyone wanna lay a bet on which one he is gonna cite? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:04:59 PM | what about the courts and justice you say p-trish?? google legal aid and custody ,,the mothers were loosing custody once legal aid was cut ,,so the womens groups stepped in to fix that ..,,and the tax payers are footing the bill to prevent fathers from getting to trial ..the biggest tax payers are fathers. ..the womens groups are going a step farther now and working on getting there own separate womens legal aid service to contest fathers asking for custody .
We need to see some equal custody reform ..not a bigger better battle ..at the tax payers expence..the womens groups have gone over board ..some movement ..as a tax payer we have to stop footing the bill for any movement that is only looking for special treatment and pity by playing the victim and portraying fathers as nothing but abusers .The topic was about children and fathers ..but the women have to always make it about being a victim and abuse and greed ..thats the womens movement now every where you turn ..thats all it has become ..lets see a children's movement get a little support ..and let them share a fuller life with a father in it .. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:43:48 PM | Statistics and information posted at http://www.indianacrc.org/stats-info.html
Children from fatherless homes account for:
63% of youth suicides. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human
Services, Bureau of the Census).
71% of pregnant teenagers. (Source: US Dept. of Health & Human
Services)
90% of all homeless and runaway children.
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from
fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept
1988)
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders. (Source:
Center for Disease Control).
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger. (Source: Criminal
Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26, 1978).
71% of all high school dropouts. (Source: National Principals
Association Report on the State of High Schools).
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers. (Source:
Rainbows for all God`s Children).
85% of all youths sitting in prisons. (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia
jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992).
Children from fatherless homes are:
11 times more likely to exhibit violent behavior than children from intact "married" homes.
5 times more likely to commit suicide.
32 times more likely to runaway.
20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
14 times more likely to commit rape.
9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
9 times more likely to end up in state-operated institutions.
20 times more likely to end up in prison.
37.9% of fathers have no access/visitation rights. (Source: p.6,
col.II, para. 6, lines 4 & 5, Census Bureau P-60, #173, Sept 1991.)
"40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the
non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish
the ex-spouse." (Source: p. 449, col. II, lines 3-6, (citing Fulton)
Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers
and Mothers. Sanford Braver et al, Am. J. of Orthopsychiatry, 1991.)
"Overall, approximately 50% of mothers "see no value in the father`s
continued contact with his children...." (Source: Surviving the Breakup,
Joan Kelly & Judith Wallerstein, p. 125) Only 11% of mothers value their
husband's input when it comes to handling problems with their kids. Teachers &
doctors rated 45%, and close friends & relatives rated %16.(Source: EDK
Associates survey of 500 women for Redbook Magazine. Redbook, November
1994, p. 36)
"The former spouse (mother) was the greatest obstacle to having more
frequent contact with the children." (Source: Increasing our understanding of
fathers who have infrequent contact with their children, James Dudley, Family
Relations, Vol. 4, p. 281, July 1991.)
"A clear majority (70%) of fathers felt that they had too little time with
their children." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Mary Ann
Kock & Carol Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 54, Winter 1984.)
"Very few of the children were satisfied with the amount of contact
with their fathers, after divorce." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial
Father, Koch & Lowery, Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 50,
Winter 1984.)
"Feelings of anger towards their former spouses hindered effective involvement
on the part of fathers; angry mothers would sometimes sabotage father's
efforts to visit their children." (Source: Ahrons and Miller, Am. Journal of
Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63. p. 442, July 1993.)
"Mothers may prevent visits to retaliate against fathers for problems in their
marital or post-marital relationship." (Source: Seltzer, Shaeffer & Charing,
Journal of Marriage & the Family, Vol. 51, p. 1015, November 1989.)
In a study: "Visitational Interference - A National Study" by Ms. J
Annette Vanini, M.S.W. and Edward Nichols, M.S.W., it was found that 77% of
non-custodial fathers are NOT able to "visit" their children, as ordered by the
court, as a result of "visitation interference" perpetuated by the
custodial parent. In other words, non-compliance with court ordered visitation
is three times the problem of non-compliance with court ordered child support
and impacts the children of divorce even more. Originally published Sept. 1992
Child Support
Information from multiple sources show that only 10% of all
noncustodial fathers fit the "deadbeat dad" category: 90% of the fathers with
joint custody paid the support due. Fathers with visitation rights pay 79.1%;
and 44.5% of those with NO visitation rights still financially support
their children. (Source: Census Bureau report. Series P-23, No. 173).
Additionally, of those not paying support, 66% are not doing so
because they lack the financial resources to pay (Source: GAO report:
GAO/HRD-92-39 FS).
The following is sourced from: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Income Security
Policy, Authors: Meyer and Garansky.
Custodial mothers who receive a support award: 79.6%
Custodial fathers who receive a support award: 29.9%
Non-custodial mothers who totally default on support: 46.9%
Non-custodial fathers who totally default on support: 26.9%
http://www.mhsanctuary.com/
You probably are already aware that many men are abused by partners with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorders).
"The Borderline Sanctuary"
It is an extensive site about borderline personality disorder. It includes: Ask the Dr. section, latest research on etiology and treatment, resources, "how to get better," Drs. discussion of BPD, info on suicide and medications. Resources, links recommended books and much more.
Also, in the Ask the Dr. section, many partners write in about their borderline mates and are extremely frustrated and feel abused.
http://home.microserve.net/~steflink/malice.htm
Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome
With the increasing commonality of divorce involving children, a pattern of abnormal behavior has emerged that has received little attention. The present paper defines the Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome. Specific nosologic criteria are provided with abundant clinical examples.
The American Psychological Association (APA) supports joint custody.
No objections to shared parenting hold up against the APA's review of all joint custody studies and reports.
Joint "Custody" arrangements are recommended for the children by the latest, most authoritative APA summary in their recent exhaustive review of all the relevant studies.
The APA Summary found that joint "custody" arrangements result in "increased father contact and involvement with children," reduced parental conflict, and reduced litigation and costs. Children don't need primary caregivers, they need mothers and fathers.
One parent should not have control over the other parent. This is not the proper, "equitable rights and equal opportunities" environment in which to raise our children.
University of Iowa law professor Margaret Brinig and Stephen Nock, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, found that in two-thirds of divorce cases women file to terminate the marriage. And in another report to be published by Cambridge University Press this year as part of a book by Robert Rowthorn and Antony Dnes, Divorce and Marriage: An Economic Perspective, Brinig and Nock found that men tend to suffer from postdivorce depression much more than their former wives. They also have a much higher suicide rate in such circumstances.
If Congress wants 'active involvement of fathers', Congress needs to immediately establish a rebuttable presumption of joint residential and legal custody. As things stand, the best of fathers have their parental rights terminated in divorce, and are asked to be excited about being "Visitors" to their own children.
Most fathers want to be with their children; if the ex has moved them to another state over his protests, it's not easy.
Criminal behavior experts and social scientists are finding intriguing evidence that the epidemic of youth
violence and gangs is related to the breakdown of the two-parent family. "New Evidence That Quayle Was
Right: Young Offenders Tell What Went Wrong at Home," San Francisco Chronicle (12/9/94).
Single mothers who work less than full time: 66.2%
Single fathers who work less than full time: 10.2%
Single mothers who work more than 44 hours per week: 7.0%
Single fathers who work more than 44 hours per week: 24.5%
Single mothers who receive public assistance: 46.2%
Single fathers who receive public assistance: 20.8%
In intact families the focus on the children's best interest is to ensure that children receive both emotional and financial support from their parents. Yet, when parents separate or divorce, the focus by the courts shifts towards financial child support by the non-custodial parent, and less about emotional support. Very little is being done to ensure that both parents have a strong emotional relationship with their children. In fact, access and visitation issues are one of the most critical issues faced today in the era of high divorce rates. Does this only affect fathers? No. Many family members are disenfranchised from a loving relationship with their children such as; grandparents, second wives, non-custodial mothers, sisters, relatives, friends, and the list goes on.
WHO ARE THE PARENTS SEEKING JOINT CUSTODY?
76% are individual parents who did not initiate nor seek divorce. The remainder either initiated divorce proceedings or divorce was mutually agreed as a course of action.
72% (of those who did not initiate) indicated they preferred to preserve the marriage and family, after their receipt of divorce summons, and sought some rectification through intermediaries or directly.
Most of the joint custody-seeking parents have demonstrated a conscientious interest in their family and child-parent relationship, during marriage, upon divorce, and subsequently.
These figures are predicated on the personal history of initial parents who have sought out the Joint Custody Association for more information about the topic.
http://www.legalkids.com
The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that a child "should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love, and understanding" and that "parties shall respect the right of the child who is separated from one or both parents to maintain personal relations and direct contact with both parents on a regular basis..." Too often this as not a reality for children of separation and divorce. It must become a reality.
http://www.familycourts.com/frameset1.htm
Compare
Slavery System
Family Court System
1. A state sponsored system of terrorism and abuse against innocent families and children
YES
?
2. A morally repugnant and evil system
YES
?
3. Strips people of their pride and dignity
YES
?
4. Practices invidious discrimination
YES
?
5. Destroys long-standing family relationships
YES
?
6. Keeps parents and children separated from each other for long periods of time
YES
?
7. Deprives people of their Constitutional rights; is unfair and unjust
YES
?
8. Causes severe problems for future generations
YES
?
9. Is a billion dollar industry that provides obscene profits for all the proponents of the system off of the backs of the oppressed
YES
?
10. Is defiantly resistant to change
YES
?
11. Encourages people to disobey the law
YES
?
12. Deprives the oppressed of any education to help them free themselves from the system
YES
?
13. Needs a bold and courageous leader to get rid of the system
YES
?
14. Will eventually collapse under the weight of its own moral depravity
YES
?
15. Will be shown in future generations to be a crime against humanity
YES
?
Prevent Child Abuse America
2001 Figures on cost of child abuse and neglect
$24,384,347,302.00 = Direct Costs
(Hospitalization, General Health Problems, Mental Health Problems, Welfare Costs, Law Enforcement, Judicial System, and Etc.)
$69,692,535,227.00 = Indirect Costs
(Special Education, Mental Health Problems, Juvenile Delinquency, Lost Productivity, Adult Criminality, and Etc.)
$94,076,882,529.00 = Total Costs | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:40:11 AM | The topic was about children and fathers ..but the women have to always make it about being a victim and abuse and greed
FIRST OF ALL,,, this thread was an attempt to troll for sympathy using fathers rights as the tool and using children as the fuel for that trolling. SECONDLY, what specifically is the issue here with anyone, especially women, accessing "legal aid" for legal advise? THIRDLY, womens groups, as you call them, are primarily privately funded thru corporate grants, not taxpayer money. FOURTHLY, if you actually go back and read the thread from the beginning, it was men who first cried the victims lament, not a woman. mine, was not a lament, it was an example of the fact that we all got a story to tell and some of us chose to be victims while the rest of us, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and get on with it.
and FIFTHLY, but certainly not least of importance, i agree, even have said here SEVERAL DAMM TIMES, that i am in support of a total turn to the rights of children actually being taken into account and getting rid entirely of fathers rights and mothers rights. as it is now, the courts are serving the master of the parentage, they cannot as well serve the master that is the children. YOU CANT SERVE TWO MASTERS!
and to conclude, its idiotic to site that the main reason that children go awry as adults is because there was no father present. If you were to take a critical look at the reasons for the situations the op sites often for being prevalent, you will find that by and large the reasons for these things taking place has more to do with economics and education than it does with who is collectively and actively parenting the child(ren). | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:24:11 PM | This information is on Family Courts. Please comment after viewing.
Kenny
Family Law Documentary in Marin County
As part of our ongoing effort to educate and engage the community, CJE
recently produced a 42-minute documentary addressing the serious
systemic breakdown of our family courts. Family Court Crisis: Our
Children At Risk features personal testimony from individuals who have
experienced the pitfalls of our family law system and expert
evaluations of what has gone wrong.
http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=BiA16b5WjU4& feature=related part 1
http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=KD2TowPuYVg#
Together we can change the system and protect our children.... . | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:59:08 PM | Just to make somethings clear.
I started this thread to make more people aware of some serious problems in our world.
I did not start this for the purpose of advocating for fathers. I do not consider gender whatsoever. There are womens groups and mens groups who all advocate for the same things that I advocate for. The problem with mothers and fathers being divided in the efforts for our children is it creates other issues which take away from what really needs attention. Our Children and their development, well being and happiness.
There are dads who alienate their kids from the mom. There are moms who alienate their kids from the dad. Who cares which does it the most? I certainly don't. I believe it all needs to be stopped.
In some instances the alienating parent (AP) uses finacial wealth to bury the target parent (TP) in court to the point that the TP cannot defend themself or their children. In other instances the AP renders false allegations, perjured testimony and does everything possible short of murder to destroy the TP, often to the point that the TP feels there is nothing left to do but avoid the whole situation thus avoiding the children. In even other situations the AP talks so bad about the TP to the children and punishes, demeans, etc. the child for talking to or about the TP to the point that the child begins to do and say whatever the AP wishes to break any bond which existed between the TP and the children. Sometimes combinations of or all of these tactics are used.
In no instance have I or will I ever advocate for an abusive parent. I will not advocate for a parent who abandons their children. I have never asked for nor do I desire to have laws inacted which mandates a parent's involvement with a child if that parent has no desire to be a parent. These are all completly seperate issues of which I take no part in.
I have never stated nor do I believe that not having a father in children's lives is the only reason for children taking a social dive. I have openly admitted that in some instances it is likely better for a parent not to be involved, but I also believe it is not the other parents place to be judge, jury and executioner of this decision. Some children turn out just fine in one parent homes, many others do not.
No one is trying to take anything away from or force anything upon any parent who is TRUELY acting in the best interest of the children.
Hopefully it is now understood a little better why I started this and what my intentions are.
Kenny | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:20:12 PM |
it's idiotic to site the main reason that children go awry as adults is because there was no father present
Why, because you say so?, because you choose to be blind to the statistics?...
What's idiotic is to dismiss the impact a father demonstrates to the heath and well being of a child as a whole. There is no doubt that a child living and coming to age in the confines of a home where mom and dad are present will be better adjusted than a child that does not. This has been proven, over and over again.
If you were to take a critical look at the reasons for the situations the op sites often for being prevalent, you will find that by and large the reasons for these things taking place has more to do with economics and education than it does with who is collectively and actively parenting the child..
Bullshit.
Sounds like a politicians attempt to blow smoke up our collective as ses.
By your methodology all children have the same opportunities be it single parent versus a dual parent home. Sure economics will play a part to education, thats a given, that ones even idiot proof, but, to say a child that has no father present in his\her life will succeed the same as a child that does is well....idiotic.
Children need the diversity both parents can offer, to exclude one from a child's life is plain and simple abuse, and should be seen as such.
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:58:45 AM | it's idiotic to site the main reason that children go awry as adults is because there was no father present
Why, because you say so?, because you choose to be blind to the statistics?...
What's idiotic is to dismiss the impact a father demonstrates to the heath and well being of a child as a whole. There is no doubt that a child living and coming to age in the confines of a home where mom and dad are present will be better adjusted than a child that does not. This has been proven, over and over again.
i never dismissed it at all. what i said is that it takes more than being marked as present to be a decent parent. you have to be an active, positive, supportive person to be a parent, not just physically present. it is idiotic to site any one reason as being the main reason children go awry because humans are complex. its not one thing or another that makes them turn from norms of society, but rather a collective of complex issues, starting first with their personalities. everyone has a different level of coping with stress and issues. some kids take it in stride while others cant.
""By your methodology all children have the same opportunities be it single parent versus a dual parent home. Sure economics will play a part to education, thats a given, that ones even idiot proof, but, to say a child that has no father present in his\her life will succeed the same as a child that does is well....idiotic.
Children need the diversity both parents can offer, to exclude one from a child's life is plain and simple abuse, and should be seen as such.""
what methodology are you talking about? I have not said all kids have the same opportunities. even with families headed up by two committed parents, no two families are the same, nor do they necessarily provide the same opportunities.
having daddy "present" isnt really my point, as i have REPEATED MANY TIMES. its not about biology its about what types of adult models the child is exposed to growing up. in your world, its all good as long as daddy is there,, even if daddy is abusive toward mom and the kids and is a drunk or basehead. as long as he is there,, its gonna be ok, and these children of his, will succeed and thrive. i dare say you are the one who is really working from the otherside of the rainbow on this one.
children need diversity, sure, but that can be provided by many persons, not just biological parents. this entire thread totally disallows for the following:
single parent homes, widows/widowers raising kids, adopted kids, kids in two parent families where both parents are worthless. the op is working off of this utopian notion about kids and parenting. as well, some of the rest of you seem to be as well. I take a more realisitic approach and say and repeat that it takes more than just being present to raise a successful child. it also takes more than a dna connection to the child to give that guidance and support. many boys and girls from single parent families find that guidance in grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins, coaches, youth pastors, etc. the single parents as well, provide positive adult models to mentor their children and spend time with the child to offer the support of the lacking or absent parent. so again, it takes a damm site more than just being present to raise a child. These children that are being raised with one or the other parent being absent thrive because of the other adults who are both "present and active" participants in the childs development and these children succeed as a result.
"Children need the diversity both parents can offer, to exclude one from a child's life is plain and simple abuse, and should be seen as such.""
so in your opinion, if a person excluded themselves from their childs life, that adult should be charged with child abuse? interesting notion. afterall, according to your logic, exclusion is exclusion, regardless of who is doing the excluding. regardless of if one is alienated or just drops out of site, in your opinion, the result to the child is the same. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:18:29 AM | Trish, I hate to sound like a broken record and should probably give up, but you keep making the same mistake. Nobody is in the world you are describing here. You can't attribute this to anyone in this thread without making assumptions or illogical conclusions:
in your world, its all good as long as daddy is there,, even if daddy is abusive toward mom and the kids and is a drunk or basehead. as long as he is there,, its gonna be ok, and these children of his, will succeed and thrive. i dare say you are the one who is really working from the otherside of the rainbow on this one. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:28:51 PM | Just passing this information along. Amy J. Baker, the author of
Adult Children of PAS, will be on TV on Friday. If you get a chance,
do watch it. Below is her message about it.
Kenny
Greetings,
I wanted to let you know that I will be on the Steve Adubato Show
called One-One-One Friday May 2nd at 5:30 pm on Channel CN 8 which
airs in the following states: NY, NJ, PA, DE, MD, CT, MA, ME, NH, RI,
VT, FL.
“Join Steve as he learns the disturbing signs of parental
alienation. Amy J.L. Baker, author of the book “Adult Children of
Parental Alienation Syndrome,” shares what children and parents
should look for to determine whether they are victims of alienation.”
Feel free to spread the word!
Thanks and best wishes,
Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.
www.amyjlbaker.com | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:06:19 AM | Kids Need Both Parents.
It is horrible to think that some dangerously self-centered people in this world need to be told self-evident facts like this - but this is the fight we have set before us.
A father should be no more prepared to take his child from the mother than the mother is from the father.
It is frightening to think that some dangerously hate-filled agendas in this world strive against self-evident facts like this one - but this is the fight we have set before us.
Our goal should be to help men and women to cooperate, communicate and work together for the best interest of the children.
Over time this has an extremely positive and crucial impact on the community, as children from broken and divorced households are at highest risk for all of our social pathologies, including gangs, crime, delinquency, drugs, dropping out of school, health problems, and teen pregnancy.
These problems are costing the taxpayer increasing sums of money, without apparent solutions. We are getting to the root cause and doing something very constructive.
I am rallying up a political campaign center and preparing a national campaign to enforce existing rights of our children to have both parents kept in their lives.
We will seek the financial donations of hudreds of thousands of people across the country and will in turn dedicate these funds to counselling centers for BOTH PARENTS and will extend assistance to any serious minded parent seeking to work cooperatively with the other biological parent of the child of divorce.
We have seen how to make change and by direct correspondance with government officials we are changing the system to be more supportive to keeping children in both parents lives in meaningful ways. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:35:18 PM | | The movement for our children is getting stronger and stronger. I think Counseling Centers as described for BOTH PARENTS is a great idea. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:47:52 PM | Wanting Contact: Advocacy group announces correspondence bill
By Kate Weber - kweber@daily-chronicle.com
Carrie Adams lived three streetlights away from her two children and did not see them for two years.
Adams, originally from Palos Heights, a Chicago suburb, was one of several people gathered Sunday at the DeKalb County Courthouse in Sycamore to stand up for parents' rights. The people came from as far away as Sheboygan, Wis., as members of Project Prevent, an organization striving to join hundreds of advocacy groups across the country to fight for the same issue: families.
In Sycamore on Sunday, the group announced a bill they hope to see passed called The Jake and Braidy Child's Right to Correspondence, named after Adams' two children, whom she hasn't seen in four years. If the bill were to pass, it would become the first federal law to give children the right to receive mail, e-mail or packages from a parent or grandparent, without interception.
“We want the bill to be able to stand up for any child that will be separated from a parent or family member, and have in place the security of receiving any communication from that family member and maintaining a voice for those children,” Adams said. “It's imperative to keep those lines of communication open.”
Along the sidewalks of the courthouse, members of Project Prevent talked about what they call injustices in the court system, sharing stories of court appearances they believe were skewed and discussing the emotional distress children have been through.
The group decided to meet in Sycamore because of the downtown statue, whose inscription reads: “To the memory of the men who fought to preserve the union: ‘That the nation shall under God, have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people and for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.'”
“What is written on that statue says it all for us,” said Brian Fears, a member of Project Prevent. “It's supposed to be a country for the people, and if anything, it's in spite of the people. It's what we're all here for - for our families.”
Adams wore a shirt with the drawings of her two children, now 17 and 14, and carried posters with phrases such as “Thinking of you” written on them. Recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, Adams has a new urgency to help others realize the severity of the current system and how it has damaged her relationship with her own children, she said.
“We want to reunite the family again,” she said. “Children need a voice in these situations, and they need to be protected.” | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:52:01 PM | | No thanks...The last thing kids need are two parents who fight all the time )verbally and put them into an environment to fight some more....not signing that petition. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:04:51 PM | | I also do not believe that just because a child does not have his/her father that they are probably - morethanlikely doomed for their teenage years or adult hood. Many times the father is the breadwinner, and when he leaves there are no monies to support the families. So really ...the question is ... are the children suffering from no dad or from living in poverty! | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:07:09 PM | While I won't ever say a child us better off with only 1 parent, barring extreme circumstances, I also wouldn't say that a child can't be raised right by only 1 parent. You can cite all the statistics, facts, expert articles you want. But live it, live in a home as a single parent and go through what we do. half of those studies are crap. Believe them if you want. I believe what I see. I see my son growing up right, because I insist he act like a person and does only good things. I see my friends kids growing up right for the same reason.
Let me show you why statistics are crap.
I have 20 friends who are single parents. Of them, I have one friend who's kids are holy terrors, but she allows it. Rather then fix her issues and fix the root problems, she put them on meds and counseling and never faces the problem or attmepts to get to the route cause of it. Her kids are going to be one of the statistics up there one day. So of my circle of single parent friends, which include about 20 adults and about 30 kids. 3 kids are going to grow up "wrong" ( becuase she has 3 kids). So in my study only 10% of kids are brought up wrong. It must be a fact worth quoting.
Did you know that 85% of statistics are made up on the spot???  | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:15:54 PM |
The last thing kids need are two parents who fight all the time
Who said anything about fighting? Those of us parents who want to fulfill our parental responsibilities to our children and are not allowed to by the other parent want change so that we can. What is wrong with that?
Many times the father is the breadwinner, and when he leaves there are no monies to support the families.
When he leaves. Why is that most women claim the dad just left. You make it sound like moms do no wrong and it is just dads who up and take off leaving mom and babies without. WRONG>>>>>>>>No one said anything about gender. We are fighting for the rights of children and parents. Not just for dads. Not just for moms. Not just for kids.
So you believe poverty that is induced by fathers is the reason for negative effects on children from broken homes?? You may want to wake up to what year and century we live in.
You may be one of the cases in which the dad just took off and did not look back. If that is true I am so very sorry to hear that. The thing you need to understand about what we as loving parents are trying to do is to be in our kids lives. Why should mothers or fathers who force the other parent away for no just reason be allowed to infict that sort of abuse on the children? | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:20:42 PM |
While I won't ever say a child us better off with only 1 parent, barring extreme circumstances, I also wouldn't say that a child can't be raised right by only 1 parent.
You know.......????long pause....................It is so odd that you jumped back to this thread from the one about taking the kids a distance away to make these comments. I find a lot of contridiction in your post on that thread and this post. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:44:19 PM | Kse61
Having been involved in trying to change the laws in Canada some years back to shared parenting you have an uphill battle my friend. When the time came for the government to put forward the change in the divorce act they simply put it back to committee. That was almost 6 years ago.
We presented the same arguments and they were promptly shot down by not only women's groups but our federal ministries (who quite interestingly enough fund the very same women's groups who fought against it). Strange how that works.
What we found we were dealing with was a belief that since men do not take the year away from work to raise the kids or do most of the parenting then the most logical place is with the mother. There is no recognition other that from a financial aspect that being the main bread winner in the family is just as much of being a parent as it is staying home with them.
The interesting one that I found was the attitude that if the mother is denying access one should simply go back to court. It is what we used to call the "let them eat cake attitude", since as we all know the cost of going back multiple times will make you go broke.
As for some of the attitudes above, I guess I could sum it up, why would they want change. The power and control is in their court. They see no reason why their control over their kids and ex by extension should change. It's their children isn't it.
If I can be of help, e-mail me and I can send you some links to both the report presented to the government and the rebuttals so that you have the information.
Good luck | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:05:50 PM | Can't help myself.
I have 20 friends who are single parents. Of them, I have one friend who's kids are holy terrors, but she allows it. Rather then fix her issues and fix the root problems, she put them on meds and counseling and never faces the problem or attmepts to get to the route cause of it. Her kids are going to be one of the statistics up there one day. So of my circle of single parent friends, which include about 20 adults and about 30 kids. 3 kids are going to grow up "wrong" ( becuase she has 3 kids). So in my study only 10% of kids are brought up wrong. It must be a fact worth quoting.
This is hardly a random sample. But let's ignore that and pretend it is. We don't know how many of the 30 children will grow to be successful (you didn't define any measures) but let's ignore that and pretend your prediction of 27 is accurate. Many of the children are from the same families, which makes the individuals in the sample dependent, but we should ignore that. We also don't know which of the children in the "sample" have a meaningful relationship with the other parent, which is what we are indeed discussing! But let's ignore even that.
The standard deviation of your sample proportion is approximately 5.5%. This means we should include a margin of error of around 11% to your sample statistic in our estimate of the true percentage of described children who grow up "wrong." This is of course assuming the sample size supports the mathematics leading to a confidence interval (which yours doesn't.)
What your "study" would show is that up to 21% of children of single parents (regardless of the involvement of the non custodial parent) will grow up "wrong," by however you defined it in your head. I would imagine this would change if we limited it to only children with no paternal involvement at all.
Yep, you're right that half of all studies are crap. Thanks for the contribution. | |
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| Shared Parenting Kids Need Both Parents
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:48:32 PM | | No there is no contridiction. A child should have both parents, however a child can be raised well by 1 parent. If it's possible the kids should have both parents in their lives. the thread you are referring to, one parent wants to move the kids away from the other parent, who is activly involved in thier life. that is wrong. in my case the dad left and didn't look back. No matter what i said or did he refuses to do the right thing and my son is growing up just fine with just me doing all the raising. So, while i think that kids should have both parents, 1 parent can raise a child by themselves if need be. and the child will turn out ok. | |
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