| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:46:16 AM | In my opinion the answer to this in the future is don't wait so loong. You atated that you two had E-mailed forever. Once you do this, you start to build up a picture or an image of what he will be like in your head. E-mail no longer than a few days, then call.
You should never become overly attached to a series of letters. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:49:21 AM | This is why I dont waste too much time on email. I have had this happen multiple times and really if they cant talk on the phone they are not for me. Conversation is almost everything to me in a relationship. If it doesnt flow we wont flow. If you are too nervous to talk on the phone then you are not the dude for me. Have some confidence it is a phone! Lord what is the big deal. Their convo over the phone often will mimic their convo in person. If it isnt there it isnt there.
D | |
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| hey!
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:53:11 AM | let me lay it down for ya.....
girl my name is kevin ive been in alot of relationships
no one is perfet give the guy a chance.I think that ur pretty
intelligent enough to know whether hes a good guy or not
so what if hes not brilliant! everyone has their flaws and
I certainly have mine.You have yours If he treats you good
and is a gentlemen, hes alright w/me.What i think it is
you were lookin for things that you thought wern't there
that can end a relationship with a quickness
im being straight up w/ ya
have a good day
kev | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:40:36 AM | | That's why, if I think I might like someone, I want to talk on the phone and then meet right away--so I don't build up this false image of them in my head. We all do it, and then are disappointed that they are not who WE MADE UP IN OUR HEADS the person we thought they were. It's not fair of US to do that. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/8/2008 1:50:05 PM | That’s a VERY good move CassaGo, and one that requires balls I guess (i.e. some boldness!)
I too can't be bothered with "Internet Fantasies". I've read too many pathetic stories on people that have a great online relationship, which then gets completely shattered when the relationship reaches an offline "real-state" status.
Even with pictures and phone calls, it's hard to judge people unless you have that direct face to face contact. I was in another thread regarding the so called "more direct" means of communication using Yahoo, IM, and MSN etc.
But it appears a lot of people (mostly men) don't find these a good way to communicate either. I know I don't... I'd rather spend hours in some nice restaurant getting to know a sexy woman, than spending hours upon pointless hours in front of my computer, chatting to an intermittent, virtually rendered approximation of my potential date.
Hey... I'm all up for using the Net to establish initial contact... But I'd rather we forego the long exchange of emails, the long chats on the phone, the long, intermittent hours on MSN and get straight to the damn point:
Let's meet up in person and see if there is a click or not. And heck, if there isn't a click, then at least we'd have a nice evening going out for a change as opposed to staying indoors on our computers.
The way Mother Nature intended is always the best way... Sometimes I feel we let all this impersonal technology get in the way of something that we Humans are supposed to find 100% natural. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:12:41 PM | | Thanks all for your opinions and experiences. I've had the day to think about it and am feeling much more positive about it now! Won't build up any more hopes not based on reality and speak to him again and then hopefully meet up. I sounded very arrogant saying he was desperate to meet me - what I meant to say was that he was very keen to meet and seemed to like me a lot. And nothing he said on the phone made me think he wasn't a decent guy. Maybe I'll report back once I've met him! | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:46:42 AM | | I agree with you entirely. I can't get to know someone from emalis alone, you can size a person up from one telephone call; you may not be 100% acurate, but close enough to make a safe assessment. I tried to message you Jenvadee, but was rather dissapointed to find that I did not meet you search criteria.. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:02:11 AM | Geez talk to him again, judging somebody on ONE phone call is crazy. This happened to me once, I e-mailed a woman several times, we exchange cell numbers, then she calls me on a Friday afternoon while I was getting stuff for a weekend road trip. I was breathing a little heavy and my mind was on getting stuff together for my trip, not concentrating on the conversation. Next week she e-mails me saying she didn't want to meet me due to some "lack of connection" during the phone call. Go figure.
Hopefully you can plan a low-key first meet. Don't build him up into a Prince or talk yourself into believing he is a frog before you meet him. Then use your best judgment. Good luck.  | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:20:46 AM |
Had first phone conversation last night with a guy I've been emailing for ages. Emails have been great - warm, intelligent and interesting (and he can spell) and I was beginning to fall for him
That's where you went wrong, you were emailing someone for ages, rather than a few short emails, phone call then meet. Lot of people make the same mistake, they don't want to meet or give out phone #'s and spend too much time emailing, IM'ing, MSN'ing whatever. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:22:40 PM | | Perhaps my assumption is wrong, since it wasn't mentioned, but i was assuming you met this man via this site.. and if that is the case, I would suggest his feelings have been hurt enough by this thread that any chances of moving the relationship forward is likely moot. Just a thought, take it for what you feel it is worth.. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 1:43:11 PM |
"Thanks all for your opinions and experiences. I've had the day to think about it and am feeling much more positive about it now! Won't build up any more hopes not based on reality and speak to him again and then hopefully meet up. I sounded very arrogant saying he was desperate to meet me - what I meant to say was that he was very keen to meet and seemed to like me a lot. And nothing he said on the phone made me think he wasn't a decent guy. Maybe I'll report back once I've met him! "
Good for you.  Please do tell that and where you met him too.  | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:38:57 PM | For me I limit the emails and phone calls to a week or so. If we do not meet soon then we may run out of stuff to talk about. I am on here to meet women in person! End of story! I like to email a few time to the women, then one or two phone calls. One of the phone calls setting up the meeting in person, like over coffee or drinks nothing too involved! As long as it is a safe public place to meet. It may not be a good match in person. Then let the flow go from there. wink wink lol | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:56:31 PM | OP: Your mistake was to email the guy "for ages" before talking on the phone with him. No one sounds the same in person or on the phone as they come across in writing. That's why no one should settle in for an email routine for weeks or months before talking on the phone. Most people are bound to be disappointed. I would say that the chances of squaring the reality of this guy with the image you had in your mind is almost nil. Certainly you can try to meet him and hope that you can grow to like the real person, but you're going to have to forget the persona you built up about who this guy is from the emails.
That's why moving from emails to phone calls and meeting in person is so important within the first week. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:20:41 PM |
I was beginning to fall for him
DO WHAT? How can you "fall" for anyone you have never laid eyes on? Are you insane?
Why would you want to make an emotional investment in someone based on pictures that may not be real and words that may not be authenic?
If you were beginning to fall for him before even talking on the phone (let alone meeting him), then you probably had him built up to a point in your mind where it would have been a letdown no matter how the phone conversation went.
Yup. Problem with being on a pedestal is that there's nothing you can do but fall off.
fair distance
It has been my experience that anyone who intentionally starts off searching outside their immediate area is not emotionally available for a relationship. Sometimes things happen and we hit it off with someone we meet in the forums and who lives outside of our geographic area but those cases are more rare than we'd like to believe.
So all of this makes me wonder if this wasn't a case of someone being emotionally unavailable and when confronted with the possibility of actually meeting, that person (OP) looking for an excuse to run.
this is why i hate to email too much. much better to go for coffee so you can get to know who they really are.
Yup. Smart man. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:32:48 PM | How can one "fall" for someone you never met???????  I guess some people enjoy living imaginary lives and having "imaginary friends"..email is just email. even a phone call is just a phone call. For your own sanity don't put much stock into all of that. Some people are good writers.. some are good pretenders.. Some never venture into the real world out of their virtual one.
Save yourself dome time and effort - don't email for "ages", unless your are looking for pen-pals. if thats going on - a person is either unavailable (in any way), or not what they *describe* or imagine themselves to be. If intense emailing goes on for more than a month without actual meeting - drop it. It's just someone's virtual thrills, games of imagination and entertainment.
JMO | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:47:21 PM | ''I wouldn't worry so much about vetting as getting yourself to the nearest vet or doctor to have them take a look at those horrible growths on your stomach.....they really have us worried about you...
Don't worry.... I heard about this new thing called a "shirt" that might help hide your deformity from the public until you can get some medical assistance.
Please don't wait...we are all worried about you.''
ROFTLMAO  | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:55:55 PM | Just a thought - I read once that when men are interested in you, they talk all about themselves! (Apparently on a mission to sell themselves to you.) If they're NOT interested, they let you talk (and probably zone out...no need to expend any effort since they're not that into you....)
Anyway, give the guy another chance, it sounds like he's worth at least that!
Debbie
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:59:21 PM | | Some people just aren't good on the phone. With email, he's got more time to think about what he wants to say, whereas on the phone, he's got to make stuff up on the fly, and as another poster already mentioned, when in doubt, people tend to stick with what they know. He can talk about himself because that's what he knows. Personally, I don't want to ask too many questions because I feel like I'll be coming across as nosy. Maybe he feels the same way. When given the two options, trust your more favorable impression -- that's the one that's likely to be more accurate (unless by some odd chance he's getting someone else to write his emails for him, and that doesn't seem likely). If after all those emails you were starting to feel really close to him, don't let one phone call blow it. Try meeting up in person if you both feel comfortable with it. You'll most likely figure out pretty quickly whether he's worth your time or not. | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:04:04 PM | | Hon, Do yourself a BIG favor and run for the hills and forget that you ever talked to this person. He is a fake. And if he really wants to meet you....make him come to you.Don't be a fool like I have been a few times by traveling a long distance to meet someone who,like you, had been chatting back and forth and then talked on the phone. Guys like that, 99% of the time are fakes and then they try to hit on you right away to get the most out of a meeting. Run, lorelei, Run!! | |
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| Phone call after loads of great emails a BIG disappointment!
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:50:23 PM | | I have talked to men online and on the phone and some seem to be more nervous and dont have as much to say on the phone as they did online. I love conversation and would like for it to flow freely when on the phone, and I feel as though I have to keep the conversations going and asking most of the questions that need to be asked. Some just find it so much easier behind the screen than on the phone, hopefully we will have something left to say upon meeting. | |
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