| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:32:32 PM | In every single message I've written I've commented on profile contents, what else is there to write about?
I find it hard to believe that you only ever get "wanna chat?" | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:47:39 PM | | Maybe we should all put *Lets all get drunk and screw* on our profiles. Reverse psychology......no matter what their profile reads, they seem more interested to know if you would get along in bed before wanting to know much else so whats the point in writing these lovely long profiles? My fave is women who want long strolls on the beach and they live in the MIDDLE of the US!! (Read, no shoreline for a gajillion miles) Hello!?? | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:58:44 PM | OP I understand what you are trying to express. I think a few may have missed the point you are trying to make here.
My profile is pretty detailed. What I like and dislike, what I am looking for... and my interests. It is frustrating if you put effort and time into it and then you feel they did not take the time to read it. I am a city girl from Chicago that has relocated to Texas. My profile states I like reading, movies, restaurants, museums, art galleries.. you get the picture... yet I would have some men that would email me asking if I like camping, fishing, hunting... I was like huh? Where in my profile did you get the idea I want to go sleep in a tent?? Or shoot a poor deer? Not that I have anything against these things... they are just not my thing. Each to his own.
When my profile was public I got alot of the emails that you are refferring to... One liners such as... call me here is my number, do you have IM want to chat, Man you are hot (not that I didn't appreciate the compliment), or hope you are having a good day. How about something that can start a line of dialogue? The ones that usually got a response from me were the ones that would mention something in my profile.
The online dating world is tough. For both men and women. Yes the profile and the pics need to stand out in the crowd but also the contact does too. If you want to get noticed then you have to stand out.
My profile is hidden now and if I choose to contact someone it is because they have similar interests or something in their profile intrigued me. And when I email them I will usually mention something I read in their profile. To show them yes I am interested enough to read the whole thing.
Every now and then I will unhide my profile tho for a few hours and the emails I get are usually... Want to chat? LOL | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:11:11 PM | ^^^OMG sorry I swore I was looking at Cynthia Nixon. I am sure you get that a lot...I'm a big SATC buff....sorry.
Back to our regularly scheduled thread. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:26:24 PM | Wow! Guys actually want to chat with you? And your complaining? Isn't the whole reason we are here to make contact with the opposite sex? You should consider yourself lucky, all I get are guys that look at my profile and move one. (That's okay too, they can't all be interested!)
I like guys with brains too, but sometimes you need to converse with them to discover whether or not they have one above their neck! | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:34:22 PM | @chickgeek - Yeah, Cynthia Nixon! You sooo look like her! (Big SATC fan myself). You TOTALLY get what I am saying. "Start a line of dialogue", that's all. No big paragraphs. I just want a reason to respond.
To the poster who couldn't believe that all I get is "wanna chat". Yeah..."wanna chat" and the like, makes up about 98% of the emails that I have received....hence my frustration.
@Eddie - words cannot express my utter disillusion in your inability to understand my point. But, I digress...otherwise this damn thread is going to go on forever. 
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:50:40 PM | ROTFLMAO! @ Betty and Burnley
Actually I am told that I am quite like Miranda in alot of ways... But I am usually told I look like Annette Bening.
As for the people that say they don't understand why we want more in an email then "Wanna Chat?" I'm sorry... I just like having an opening line in a contact email that will give me something to chat about.... | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 183 | |
| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:54:35 PM | OMG!!!.....why o why do you make this real simple thing so very difficult???.....and, not just you, almost everyone on this site!.........
....Listen, who cares?...I mean, just email the guy back and type something!...you got carpal tunnel or something? Geez! ....this site just slays me. From women who want my picture but then have a pic of themselves that is SO SMALL.... you vou could never figure out what they look like!...
Seriously tho, you are way too serious out here! This is just .....and I know this is hard to believe...TYPING!!!!..... yep, nothing else.
All it takes is a couple minutes of your precious time to type something back....whatever it is that strikes your fancy.
My feeling is that if a woman can't spend a minute to type something back to me, what else doesn't she have time for?
I just don't get this site...and why I joined a PAID site......people here act like they are in a bar or something......get a grip!.....this is the INERNET!... no one actually knows if you are telling the truth or not. You have to .....ahem..................."chat" for a while to find out what's going on!!!!!!!
It ain't rocket science sweety......
Personally, I like to meet & greet!..... it's fun, spontaineous, and you never know what's gonna happen......
I think this site is full of dead- beat women!.....
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:05:40 AM | burnleybabe,
Listen Sweetie, I know i have been a little hard on you. But i was trying to get you to understand my point. So, like you, I am going to try one more time then i am going to shut up about it. You may not believe this but i have understood your point from the start. I have. I understand that you want a guy to show real interest. When he sits down and writes something to you whether it's 3 sentences or 30. You want to see in his message to you that he is really interested in talking to you and maybe getting to know you on a deeper level. But here is the thing and i know you prob, already know this. Men fall in love by what they see. Women fall in love by what they hear. So essentially a man needs to know how to make love to a womans mind. Some men master it and some never do. So when a man writes something to you you want it to touch a part of your mind. That part of your mind that makes you want to type something back to him. But, here is another thing. To a man or might i say most men "wanna chat" is enough. Heres why. To most men that in itself is showing interest. To some it's showing big interest. But then woman after woman turns them down. They don't understand it. The way most guys see it a woman that turns them down with out so much as a thank you, go to hell, or kiss my ass is just being a picky a$$ hole that thinks she is better than him. That in itself hurts a guys feelings and turns him off. The way a guy sees it he has shown you interest. You could at least acknowledge him. One more thing. You say your only looking for the right guy for you. That's OK. Nothing wrong with it. Except 1 thing. How do you know that the guy you turned down because all he said was "wanna chat" could have been the one for you? All he needed was for you to type yes. But you didn't. Who loses then? By the way. I know how to make love to a womans mind. It comes with age and being taught by the right women when i was younger. But, even i need to "chat" for a while. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:10:04 AM | First
hal54@ -  "My feeling is that if a woman can't spend a minute to type something back to me, what else doesn't she have time for?"...uhm, that's been the point from the start. Thank you for agreeing.
Second
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie - you big pain in the butt....y'know that nothing will sway my opinion on this. I understand your point of guys being visual...but why can't that involve reading a profile and commenting on it? I am certain that many guys are more than capable of this.
Lastly
The final thought is really this: For those people where "wanna chat" just doesn't seem to be getting the response you're looking for, I am just pointing out why that might be. Not asking for big paragraphs or your lifes story...just read the profile, comment on it, then ask a question about one of our interests....very simple. Not mind-blowing.
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:20:11 AM | Re the Opost and post 185:
"...Not asking for big paragraphs or your lifes story...just read the profile, comment on it, then ask a question about one of our interests....very simple. Not mind-blowing...."
This view is (statistically) "representative" of how many women on POF? Of how many US women POFers? Who says all or most female POFers want to be asked a question re one of their interests in the initial mail a man sends them? Saying what one's personal "wants" in receiving a first mail is one thing, but extrapolation of that on other female POFers, that is another story. Statistically speaking, this view "reflects" the wants of how many?
Plus: Detailed profiles are not always "effective" communication. If that was the case, ads would look like contracts and be as interesting as contracts (some are, as non-interesting as contracts are, they are toooo detailed).
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:38:52 AM | lets you know they can spell and form sentences.
lets them know your looking to meet a man.........
it works out sometimes for some people. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:42:43 AM | HAS ANY WOMAN TRIED TO SEND "WANNA CHAT" TO A BUNCH OF GUYS ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF GUYS ???" Then see how many write back and what they say and how far ... It would be a little interesting  | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:21:35 AM | ^^^actually most men have admitted they would reply so I don't think that that is the issue.
The issue is that women are stating what they like and men are ignoring it.
It's like when I read on here that men do not like it when a woman asks or pesters them about their profession.
You know what I did? Instead of arguing with some guy about why I can't ask that, I just didn't ask it. And you know what? It wasn't hard.
People need to listen to each other. I pay attention to what men are writing on here. Some people need to do the same.
My feeling is that if a woman can't spend a minute to type something back to me, what else doesn't she have time for?
You are contradicting yourself. You are expecting the woman to think of something, yet you can't think of one single question to ask in your opening email? If a woman had written what you wrote, everyone would be on her like flies to sh*t about how she doesn't know what she wants.
I can expect what I will offer. When interested, I offer good conversation and I give an effort. I also like to meet face to face fairly soon. I keep the email conversation going and believe me it's facking hard with most men because they simple don't know HOW to continue a conversation - I'll ask them a question, they just respond. You would NOT do that in real life.
Here's an example of what would happen in real life if we went with the "hi" or "wanna chat" scenario:
Him: Wanna chat?
Her: Sure.
So now who goes next? In a normal conversation, HIM would go first.
Him: Hi
Her: Hi
Who goes next?
Logically it would be HIM. Please don't tell me that this is not right. When I "pickup" a guy in person, I am always the one to start the convo. I don't expect him to do it!!
This is not a gender issue. It's a communication issue.
I do respond sometimes to the wanna chats, but in the end they prove themselves to be lackluster in subsequent emails and the conversation fizzles through NO fault of mine. Completely theirs for not holding up their end.
And I do think that someone who writes "get back to me if interested" is perfectly fine. I respond to those emails. I don't respond to HI or WANNA CHAT. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 6:38:07 AM | Why bother??? You are most likely going to 'READ/DELETED' it no matter if it's 3 or 300 words. Let's make this simple, pictures only. Since that is what most people judge you by online anyway.  | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:21:57 AM | Hal states in his post - if she doesn't have time to type something back then what else doesn't she have time for...
That goes both ways. As the OP was saying ... it makes you feel like they didn't have the time or effort to send something more substantial then... Wanna chat? Or hey you are pretty or whatever. If you are truly interested in getting to know someone then take the time to write something that shows them you are truly interested. If someone is contacting me I don't care if the email is one line or twenty... be interesting.
I agree with another poster that men are more visual and women are more communicative. Let's be honest here... if you saw someone out and were interested would you approach them and just say... Wanna chat?? No. You most likely would walk up to them and say something more that would start a conversation. Some sort of topic.
This is not about gender. I'm sure there are women too that will send some lame email hoping to get a response. Alot of people are on these sites because they was looking to meet someone that is right for them. There may be some people that will communicate with anyone and go out with anyone but some people are more selective. Not picky but selective. I personally don't date just to date. I prefer to dedicate my time to people that not only may have things in common with me but will take the time to write a few interesting things that will show they are truly interested in me.
As for the men that have posted out here complaining about how it doesn't matter what you write you still get the good old read/deleted. Do you think that only happens to men? I have news for you... it doesn't. If you write to someone and they aren't interested then who cares? I see alot of post from men about that... they seem to think they are the only ones that write emails that go unanswered. Like the women on this site have their choice of any fish they want. Not the case... they may just be looking for the right fish. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:47:01 AM | For the women: If you really want to meet someone, you have to give some guys a chance. They are not all smooth and suave. The "wanna chat" thing is somewhat generational with the invention of IM and text messaging. I have tried to be a little more forgiving of it, though it's not my favorite first greeting. It is a more casual approach to meeting someone, rather than a serious attempt at courtship. It doesn't take much "chatting" to find out if you have anything worth chatting about. Sometimes a fun chat can lead to a date.
Now for the guys: Here is what the women are trying to tell you: Yes we are picky! We can afford to be picky. We are not usually driven by sex, so we are not trying to rack up numbers--we will wait and wait and wait for a compatible mate, even if it takes years! A smart man recognizes this and really makes the effort to get our attention. He will do so without anger and bitterness, whining and complaining. To me, there is nothing more unbecoming than a man who whines about women not responding. We are not like you. We do not think like you. And we do not owe you. The faster you learn this, the more fun it will be for you. It is always flattering for a woman when a man acts as if he knows she can have her pick, and goes out of his way to get her attention. They do this by mentioning something in the profile or paying her a compliment on something particular to her. Players know this secret and that's why they get so many women. If you're really serious about meeting a quality woman, the "wanna chat" option is not the best choice for first contact.
Darn us Libras, seeing both sides of every argument.............. | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:56:56 AM | They do this by mentioning something in the profile or paying her a compliment on something particular to her. Players know this secret and that's why they get so many women. If you're really serious about meeting a quality woman, the "wanna chat" option is not the best choice for first contact.
Many men do the things that you are stating and most of the time their emails are read / deleted or unread / deleted.
Here is what the women are trying to tell you: Yes we are picky! We can afford to be picky. We are not usually driven by sex, so we are not trying to rack up numbers--we will wait and wait and wait for a compatible mate, even if it takes years!.
I can understand women being picky about they marry or they have a LTR with. But why be so picky about who you respond to. Unless a woman was completely gross or the complete opposite of my ideal type, I would at least exchange a few emails with her. Maybe she is better looking in person that she is in her photos. Maybe I could find out some things about her ( that aren't on her profile ) that are appealing to me. There is nothing to lose exchanging a few emails. If there isn't a connection after a few emails or a few dates, then move on. Sometimes a woman could turn down a man that could be compatible with her because of some minor reason such being 1 inch shorter than a woman's height requirement. | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 194 | |
| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:57:02 AM |
You are contradicting yourself. You are expecting the woman to think of something, yet you can't think of one single question to ask in your opening email? If a woman had written what you wrote, everyone would be on her like flies to sh*t about how she doesn't know what she wants.
ok..... "Wanna chat?"
............"Yes"....
.........."No"....."No thankyou"
Given a woman's biggest lamentation about men is that they don't communicate, you would think they would understand WHY a guy would ask the most basic, direct question. It is also guy talk for "are you interested". She doesn't have to be creative. Yes or no will get the ball rolling. And if it doesn't, then so what?...lol!
Afterall, the guy DID spend 10 secs or so to ask, why not spend 5 secs to reply? When you meet a guy at a bar does he first start off with his life story or just a simple pick up line? ....
It's very discouraging to spend several minutes trying to write a "creative" attention getting e-mail that gets the dreaded "read/delete" action.
Might as well just ask, "Want to chat?".
Chalk it up to all the snobby women out here who have ruined it for you. Accept that's just how it is. Common courtesy just is not part of the rules on this site.
Not replying to "wanna chat?" is the equivalent of someone saying "hello" to you and you just walk by and frown!....not very nice!
No matter how unattracted I am to someone who sends me an email, I always send back a polite reply. It's just the way mamma raised me!
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:18:27 AM | Statistically speaking, this view "reflects" the wants of how many?
I don't have numbers, but I'd say by the responses in the bazillion "what to put in a first e-mail?" threads it's a lot. I can also say that although men ask, they for the most part don't seem to care what the response is. They do what they want anyway and blame us for not responding to it. Great way to be a ladies man.
HAS ANY WOMAN TRIED TO SEND "WANNA CHAT" TO A BUNCH OF GUYS ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF GUYS ???" Then see how many write back and what they say and how far ... It would be a little interesting.
I actually saw a thread not too long about started by men who were upset that women thought they should respond to one word initial e-mails and messages that had no questions in them. Something about "you expect it from us, yet you don't give us the same courtesy". I don't know if anyone else remembers that thread, and it might have been such a small percentage of men that it didn't matter in the big picture, but it got posted nonetheless.
wildheart...I couldn't have said that any better. If I am walking up to a dude IRL, or messaging him here, I come to the conversation with something. I don't ask him to keep me entertained. I'd expect him to be offended if I did...and delete my e-mail.
Guys: If you walk up to someone on the street do you have something to say, or do you say hi and wait for them to carry the whole conversation? If you chose the latter - well then it's clear why you're single.
Why bother??? You are most likely going to 'READ/DELETED' it no matter if it's 3 or 300 words. Let's make this simple, pictures only. Since that is what most people judge you by online anyway.
I have a question. If you feel it's not worth sending more than three words, then why send anything? Honestly - if it's just gonna be read and delete, why not just sign off and go watch the game or something?
I do respond - but my problem is when I do - there's nothing coming from the other end. Blah...
And no one ever said the pic wasn't important (ironically - you all send YOUR messages based on pics, so you should know) but if that's all you got we're NOT INTERESTED - the majority of us want attraction AND substance, and we're not gonna skimp on either one. I can go google some pics of male models and get the same experience without the hassle. | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 197 | |
| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:20:04 AM |
There is nothing to lose exchanging a few emails. If there isn't a connection after a few emails or a few dates, then move on. Sometimes a woman could turn down a man that could be compatible with her because of some minor reason such being 1 inch shorter than a woman's height requirement
That's the $ 64,000 dollar question! They act like their life is on the line or something. The amount of snobbery that goes on out here just slays me!.....I thought this was suppose to be fun???? You need a few emails to get an idea of what you are dealing with. I always assume the best first... i.e. ....... a simple email chat could end up with me being with my next wife!......lol!..... I dont even look at the glass half full....I think of ways to fill it up! | |
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:26:08 AM | It's very discouraging to spend several minutes trying to write a "creative" attention getting e-mail that gets the dreaded "read/delete" action.
If you think one question other than "wanna chat" or "hi" is creative......ok.
I have to put forth an effort for dating ALL the time. I live about 45 minutes outside of town, so I have to drive every time. However, NOT once have I ever complained that someone should be sharing gas with me or paying for me. Why? Because dating is NOT cheap and some effort must be made.
I, by far have put more effort, time and money into dating than every guy I have dated except one in the past 4 years. I will continue to do so, as I'm not lazy, negative or think that all men are the same and I enjoy meeting good men.
Try doing all that driving and see if you find composing an email "an effort". Suck it up princess.
As for read/delete, I seldom do that. I respond and I know I think of the other person and I expect the same in return.
It's like I said about the money thing. I understood why men didn't like this, and I stopped asking. I also started contacting more men on here rather than sitting back. I started changing the way I was doing things. But the majority of people on this site do not want to do that.
One question is NOT an effort. If you think that - you shouldn't be looking for a serious relationship. If you are not, then fine, but don't contact those who are.
I don't care if a guy is 5'7 or 6'0 - if he can't communicate I am not interested. KISS | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 199 | |
| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:58:01 AM |
It's very discouraging to spend several minutes trying to write a "creative" attention getting e-mail that gets the dreaded "read/delete" action.
If you think one question other than "wanna chat" or "hi" is creative......ok.
.....ok, how about this? " I read your entire profile and I'm completely intrigued by it. Wanna chat?"....lol.....
9Or do I need to pick out somthing specific, comment on it, compliment you on it, tell you how much I love the exact same thing or... or... or....????.....
Ok, I'm being facetious here! sorry! I'm playing the devils advoctae . Some people, men & women both)simple cannot express themselves very well ....especially in print. I had a friend of mine who's wife complained to me he never spoke to her at home until they went out together for a cofee....then he wouldn't shut up!.....
Us guys are fickle bunch indeed.....gg......but, seriously. This is the INTERNET! It's tough enough communicating our feelings & wants to somebody live and in person.
So why make this tougher than need be? Maybe a guy is small with words, but big on actions? I'd bet there are a ton of great guys on here who can't if their life depended on it come up with anything other than "lets' chat"!.....yet all the prissy's out here will write them off because they are not "creative" enough!......
Well, too bad for them then. I think they are the ones missing out!.....besides, what's better? Someone who can con you into meeting them and then turn out to be MR. *ss hole with a capital 'A'? ....or, "Mr. can't-think-of-a-great-first -email" but turns out to the most wonderful person you've ever met????
.....ahhhh....this is why the paid sites are better. People know you're serious when you contact them because you've spent a few bucks.......you don'tget this type of "wine & cheese" talk!
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| Profiles - why bother?
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:23:33 AM | lol, nope Hal for me the first sentence you said would generate a response. I don't need a whole lot of specific stuff. I know that women are better communicators. I have a rule of always asking one question in an email so that the convo keeps going. Don't men realize they could entrap women so much better this way? lol.
I'm just more impressed by a guy that actually says something more than "hi". I understand the courage it takes to even write to someone because I do it all the time!
Yes! Some people cannot express themselves in print - hence the reason I offer up the "3 basics". Music, movies and books.
When a guy writes to me and he can't communicate, I look at his profile and if he seems genuine I meet him sooner than later. I met a guy like that recently for a few dates. I wasn't interested, but I have nothing bad to say about him.
I'd rather meet someone sooner than later because, as you said, he could be an azzhole! | |
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