| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:57:00 PM | Hello Clay,
I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with your desires. Blood is thicker then water. I'm 36 and have two fine children and God willing will have more yet.
I read your profile and I noticed you are a Lutheran. A fine tradition. I'm a Catholic myself. One of the foundations of any Christian marriage is that the husband and wife are OPEN to the possibility of children. The Catholic church is staunchly opposed to divorce. However one of the partners refusing to be open to the possibility of children would be grounds for annulment.
Hold your head high. Take care of your business and your home and everything else will fall into place. I'm sure your exposed to gorgeous women every day. One of them is bound to be interested. Half the guys I know that are in their twenties are miserably out of shape. There's no reason us guys in our mid/late 30's can't compete with them!
-Chris | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:43:36 PM | I read your post three times to make sure I read it right, sadly I did. I find it just shocking how anyone could end their family(marriage. 6 of one,half dozen of the other) because she couldn't/wouldn't have children.
She is with someone else? Seems sometimes the victim does in fact come out ahead. About all I can say about this without getting my post deleted. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:40:11 PM | Laoughing my ass off at this post below by aquariumecosyst , but I have to admit, it is a good plan.
1. For now, focus on BECOMING SUPERMAN! This would not be a time to drink, buy an ATV, have looser friends, nor spend $1000 on Xbox360 and games....
2. This is the time to improve your physical, spiritual, and mental health. VIGOROUS EXERCISE 3X PER WEEK is a great antidepressant and chick magnet (see Consumer Reports, 2002 vol.?)
3. Start cultivating yourself TO BE A GREAT HUSBAND AND FATHER. Read books about relationships, dating, courtship, marriage, and father hood. Don't go home after work at the auto shop, don't crack a beer, and don't watch stupid TV shows.
4. SAVE MONEY....babies and their mommas are $$$. Can you stash $3000 in savings (plus your retirement accts) BEFORE you meet a woman? ITS HARD WORK, ARE YOU WORTH IT?
5. (see 3). Make your home and you look good. Maybe fix the yard (get rid of the junk and just keep one "collector car"), borrow a carpet and upholstery shampooer , wash and paint walls, GROW A GARDEN and houseplants (if you have 3 big stinky dogs, don't get anymore).
6. Learn to be SPIRITUAL AND HUMBLE, and or religious. So you can deal with the nutcase broad (and I mean that in a nice way) you get hot for.
7. There is no shortage of people in the world, HAVE ONE OR TWO KIDS AT MOST, and maybe....FIND A GAL WITH A COUPLE YOUNGINS..instant family, extra income there, and GET ALONG WITH THE -EX (all of them). | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:01:42 AM | | I guess its because I still do love her and I think she still loves me. I feel like a jerk for ending a marriage for my own selfish needs. i would guess any woman would think Im an a$$whole for doing what I did and to be honest I don't blame them. But I want to go on record and say that my desire to be a father and dad is larger than anything I truly want or need right now. I just want to hear a child call me "Dad", I dont think that is asking too much is it? | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:15:57 AM | I read your post three times to make sure I read it right, sadly I did. I find it just shocking how anyone could end their family(marriage. 6 of one,half dozen of the other) because she couldn't/wouldn't have children.
She is with someone else? Seems sometimes the victim does in fact come out ahead. About all I can say about this without getting my post deleted.
I think you need to look at this from his point of view, he's not being that unreasonable.
Anyway, do you think it would've been fair on her if he just forced himself to be with her instead? What about the fact that he'd feel completely miserable the whole of his life, always wanting to leave and be with someone who he can have kids with? | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:41:46 AM | I think you need to look at this from his point of view, he's not being that unreasonable.
Anyway, do you think it would've been fair on her if he just forced himself to be with her instead? What about the fact that he'd feel completely miserable the whole of his life, always wanting to leave and be with someone who he can have kids with?
Unreasonable is not exactly the term I would use. Sick and twisted would come much closer. To destroy your family, to leave the woman you claim to love because she can't have children, gives me chills down my back just thinking about it.
To the OP, if you truly love her and you think she loves you, the best thing you could do would be get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness, and maybe you would have a chance to save your family. Honestly you are a bad risk as who knows what you will consider more important than your family in the future(assuming another woman will want to become a family with you).
Does anyone truly love anyone or is that just a bad joke? | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:19:13 AM | OP, it sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself and what you really want in life from this marriage. Get your divorce, spend some time alone to reflect and how you can do better next time. You are 38 and can still have children if it is right. Best to you.  | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:53:10 PM | I thought about this after I made this post, and what would be true justice, would be for him to one day marry a woman that wanted children, a woman that he loved more than life itself, only to have something happen to where he couldn't have children, and have the new wife divorce him because of it. Then learn that his first wife is happily married to someone else.
I just can't understand how so many people can think it is right for someone to destroy their family just because no children can come of it. What happened to the idea of truly loving the person you are married to? | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:55:34 PM |
Blood is thicker then water.
I have heared this all of my life and don't understand what it means. I don't remotely understand what it has to do with this situation.
Blood is thicker than water,
ok, paste is thicker than blood. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:09:09 AM | | Alot of the time women want kids but in your case it has been diffrent, maybe asking your wife to leave was a bit as you could have looked at other things like adopting and fostering, i know it wouldnt be the same as having your own kids but at least you would have given another child a better start in life x | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:08:12 AM | | Do you think (and this question is for men as well as women) that a person can be happy without children, or even without being married? Just consider that question from a very non-judgemental viewpoint (from the questioner) and ponder it for awhile. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:15:46 PM | | Well, I had never been married before I was 31...to a woman who was married before , for 22yrs...she has 2 sons with her ex all grown up and lives of their own. She and I got together, lived together for 4ys, BEFORE we got married, stayed married for 5yrs... was with her a total of 9yrs. She couldn't have children when we met, she got to feeling guilty she couldn't give me a child, I was like I knew this when we got together...no biggie. I still have no children, not seeing any in my future...so is it ok? being a man in his 30's with no children?...I hafta say..it's up to the individual | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:34:50 PM | Hi Clay,
At 29 you couldn't possibly know what you'd want at 38. Priorities change. That's just part of growing.
Just wanted you to know that I'm grateful there are men in their 30's with no children. I'm a 37 year old woman who's never been married or had kids. I absolutely intend to have at least one; whether he or she is biological or adopted. I wanted to make sure I'd established my career and had grown up (i.e. finished with the selfish phase of my life) before making a child my priority. I've seen far too many of my friends struggle financially with making ends meet to support children; or not be the best parent they could be because they hadn't done the things they wanted in life before becoming completely selfless (i.e. giving all your time to a child) - and were resentful of it.
At any rate, your ex has moved on. Time for you to as well. Lose the guilt and embrace al l that life has to offer! :) Cheers. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:36:04 PM | I have scanned all of the discussion I found interesting issue though it is ironically!!
In my country, any couple after marriage, both husband and wife (not mention to whole family and relatives) are wainting for the babies to come...you are right they are not only to carry our family name but also many other things, including build up the two - soul relationship as you and your wife have a precious living thing in common, parents must be happy to raise the kids and watch them growing everyday, ...celebrate their success....be pround of them...well we cant list all nice things of having babies...Also, we will love our parents more as we see how hard to take care of baby. More beautifully, our "extended" family will be closer and closer...
I have not get married yet, but I come from family of 4 children, and my sister and brothers and me all are successful and travel around the world. Though my Mom and Dad donot get/ need any thing from us , they feel very happy since we bring valuable stories from many places ...valuable knowlege of our fascinating earth to them!
Opps, this is maybe because we live in opporsite side of the earth :)...But I think you will find a right woman one day..then your desire of being DADDY become true as it is truly nature .... where ever you come from...what ever culture you have...
Good luck | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:55:16 PM | Be happy you are a man and can have children until you die! I know you asked for sympathy, but it is hard for me to be sympathetic to a man wanting children. Biologically you are ahead in many ways. If you really want children, you did the right thing. There are many women who want children and you should not have too hard of a time finding a partner.
I had a great ex-boyfriend, but he did not want children and I did. I am closing in on 38 and I do want children. I know I made the right decision to break-up with him, because I would have come to resent him for not having children with me.
You did the right thing. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:32:38 PM | | This is exactly why I dont like to date men without children. I have 2... I don't want anymore, and no matter how much you men say you dont want them.... you change your minds. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:59:54 PM | | really metal I don't even know you and I like you too much to point you in the direction of any of these men I've encountered | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:31:08 PM |
Be happy you are a man and can have children until you die! I know you asked for sympathy, but it is hard for me to be sympathetic to a man wanting children. Biologically you are ahead in many ways. If you really want children, you did the right thing. There are many women who want children and you should not have too hard of a time finding a partner.
I had a great ex-boyfriend, but he did not want children and I did. I am closing in on 38 and I do want children. I know I made the right decision to break-up with him, because I would have come to resent him for not having children with me.
You did the right thing
There is a huge difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend vs. husband/wife. I just find it shocking how many people think it is ok that this male threw his family out the door because she could not have children.
I don't care what anyone says what he did was just wrong. Not only to his wife, but to the children she brought into the marriage. I could not imagine being this selfish. Hopefully her and the children will one day be ok, and be able to fully put this nightmare behind them. Hopefully once they are divorced she will be able to have a real family, not one that depends on her ability to reproduce.
OP, I really can't say much to you, as I can not wish you good luck after the shameful way you threw your wife to the curb. I'll just say in life you reap what you sow. So it doesn't look too good for your future!!! | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:42:48 AM | It is so difficult with my elderly status to find women close to my age, and particularly my age, who do not have children. I do want to have children some day. I want to build a future with someone. I have mixed feelings about trying to date a woman with children.
On the one hand, I like kids and know I want to build a family with my eventual wife. On the other, I don't know if I want to raise your (meaning another man's) children. | |
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| Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:42:36 PM | | OP: I don't think you did anything wrong. You changed, you grew older, wiser, and you felt the biological clock ticking. Men do have a clock, we are still after all animals. Hell, I felt this a couple years ago when I held my best friends kid. She said "hold her" and I really didn't know what to do. But after a while I got the hang of it and started to think I want to hear someone say "Dad" one day and I am 33. | |
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