| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:22:11 PM | I would think that having sex in your head and the desire numerous times would be a worse offense, but that is just my opinion
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Its like Jaemey (and others) have said: There is no law against "thoughts". I could fantasize about teenage cheerleaders, but it's against the law to do anything.
((( I don't really understand how having sex in your mind many times isn't as bad as having sex for real once))) Well, keep thinking about it, maybe a light bulb will go off. It's always OK with the person who thinks its ok. To use an extreme example, I am sure murderers think what they are doing is "ok" given their situation...But its not is it. But now if you "wish I could kill that person". It might not be the sweetest thought, but there is no law against a "thought".
JUST TAKE OUR WORD FOR IT. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 2:18:08 AM | Be proud of your fantasies.
Be ashamed if you act on them.
If you act on them, there are real life consequences.
Fantasies can be fuel for fun with your partner. Share them. Might not amount to anything, but - what the heck!!?? | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:54:43 AM |
Which would be worse, having a fantasy about having sex with someone other than your mate off and on for years OR doing it once for real, for the experience so you can let go of the fantasy? ... I would think that having sex in your head and the desire numerous times would be a worse offense, ...
Why do i get this image of a Marriage Councilors office and an earnest persons pleading voice:
: “ But i saw this survey on POF and most people said ______, so i am not the only one who thinks
this way. I did it for US, honey. We'll be a better couple now that i got that out of my system!" ? | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:10:39 AM | One of the most damaging things to endure is a betrayal for one who loves you or for the one who loves your object of desire.
Since my divorce I did experience more than one fantasy becoming a reality. Never did the reality live up to the fantasy so not only was that unsatisfying, but now I don't have the benefit of healthy fantasies of them anymore.
Another key is "healthy" fantasy. I don't sense this is an obsession for you but an obsession might be a good reason for some counseling should this fantasy be consuming your thoughts. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 4:14:26 PM | I sympathize with you kitten. It's like an advertising jingo that won't go away. Mine's different from yours, but the same idea. It's a stupid fantasy and I want it out of my head. If my mind was a computer, I would delete that file. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:05:25 PM | | i agree, keep it in your head for those days your alone, do it and your nothing but a cheater..either get controll of your emotional fantasies or break off your relationship | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/10/2008 6:33:13 PM | I have had a few friends that where very kinky that settled with someone very mainstream in their desires and married them. Finding themselves unhappy regualarly do to this or that need not being met. Usually a single partneer fantasy that was just a wish of their SO doing something special specific for them that would meet a need.
I think again with allot of the threads here that people need to communicate things with each other. The partneer you think you may shock may just suprise you and let you live the fantasy out!
Usually people our very possevive in a relationship so a fantasy about someone specific could be more complicated. However fantasies comprised of many different components could be something your partneer could allow you to experience. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:59:34 AM | | I think everyone fantasizes and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.... my Catholic upbringing would tell me that to think sinful thoughts were to be committing the sin itself... perhaps religion really finds a way of convoluting the opinion of some.... obsessing over a fantasy is another thing.. I think we always have thoughts and perhaps a way of processing the pros and cons of such action also.... if my s/o told me to go for it I would say he didn't really care that much for me... how hurtful that would be.... | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:26:42 PM | While I have never cheated on anyone, the fact is that an awful lot of people do it. (Saw results a few days ago of a survey that showed 70% of married women cheat.) So, to those saying "it is never o.k." it appears the majority of people disagree with you and/or don't care. For those who say the fantasy can't be that bad to make cheating the answer, that is YOUR reality, not the reality of the OP.
I'm bummed nobody answered my questions in my earlier post. Sure, they were sort of rhetorical, but come on people.javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:14:25 PM | | I don't think cheating ever helps a relationship. My fantasy life is just that - fantasy. I get to do what I want in it and it's nobody else's business. If I agree to be exclusive with someone, I'm agreeing to refrain from certain acts. I am not agreeing to refrain from thinking anything. I would never agree to censor my imagination and don't expect anyone else to, either. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:42:48 AM | | My ex wife used to tell me that just the act of fantasizing about someone other than one's significant other is a form of cheating in itself. She was not religious so it wasn't some form of scripture that told her that, she just believed that fantasizing, especially when masturbating, IS cheating already. Does anyone here, male or female, simply NOT fantasize or touch oneself thinking of another while married or in a relationship? WOuld be interesting to see what others think. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:30:48 PM | A joke:
A couple who have been married for years are in bed together.
The wife says, "You interested?"
The husband responds, "Not really in the mood now."
And the wife says, "I know. I can't think of anybody either."
For couples who have been together for years, having an active fantasy life might be the only thing keeping it going.
- PhillyFellow | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:34:47 AM | you have a few options
1. start thinking more about your own partner
2. break up and go after what you want
3 talk to your partner about your fantasy, it may open a new chapter in your own love making. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:50:59 PM | xxlt:
You say 70% of women cheat. If that is a correct figure, they have probably passed the percentage of men who cheat. You say it appears that the majority dont' agree that cheating is bad or don't care. I believe that a large percentage of those that cheated found out the hard way why it was wrong and if you asked them today, they would agree cheating was bad. It is the ultimate betrayal. You also must think about this, assuming your number is correct, how many of those cheaters are going to reply that they cheated and it is okay to do? Probably not many and I have found that cheaters are a group that is most afraid of being cheated on.
My wife cheated on me (I gave her everything and was a good fellow-just was not romantic enough and did not kiss her psycho ass enough) but before she did, there were numerous times when she asked me if I had been cheating on her without any evidence or cause to believe I was. I never cheated on her or gave her reason to believe that. Most cheaters are mental, have low self esteem, and are insecure. That is why they cheat so they can stroke their own egos. Since they have a cheating mind, they often suspect their partner of it because they thought of it first. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:15:49 PM | | Your fantasy is perfectly OK, as long as you never forget that is all it is. The fantasy is yours....revel in it.....bask in it......but never share it with your SO, that would just be cruel. If you ever were to act upon it....you just may be disappointed...and then your fantasy is gone......and your SO is gone......a high price to pay over nothing but fantasy. Good luck. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:13:21 PM | | If you want to act on said fantasy, leave the committed relationship first... IE.. marriage. Why bother being married if you break your vows to satisfy a craving? Isn't that part of being committed? Forsaking all others? I'm not a marriage advocate, but I do believe that if you enter into a committed relationship, that means you are committed to one person only, unless they agree that you fulfilling your fantasy is important enough to break the committment.. A fantasy is a fantasy... the reality, is just that...something you'll have to face after the fact.... | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:15:34 PM |
I have a fantasy that 10 or more men in there military gear tie me to a tree and RAPE the sh it out of me all holes everything
You say the funniest crap! .... er, um just to let you know I am in the military and I have a uniform  | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:23:16 PM | ~OP~ That question reminds me of this one: is an affair of the heart more/less damaging than having a full-fledged affair?
For me it's pretty simple ~ what happens in my mind is vastly different than what I allow my heart/body to do. Cheating is cheating, simple as that.  | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:25:01 PM |
Corporal Baldy reporting for duty.............
That's SARGEANT baldy!
as yes by the way ski masks are itchy.......................................
just ask Baldy...............
Yes, but mine has a lining in it, and having a bald head probably helps also. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:13:46 PM | I think the OP should speak to her SO about the fantasies, because if there is infidelity of the mind, just as much as with infidelity of the body, then the relationship is at least a few degrees short of mutual, if not already in jeopardy.
I'd ask my partner if I can try it, and I'd only ever ask once. If she says yes, I might or might not do it, but I won't tell her if I did it or not unless she asks. If she says no, then I'll never bring it up again, and keep it to myself, so she can have a chance to forget the conversation ever happened. Ignorance can be regained. Loss of one's car keys are a constant reminder of that facet of human memory.
~ David | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:36:40 PM | I cant stand the idea of either one but if i had to choose i think i would rather just have him do it once and get it over with so we can get on with our lives. | |
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| fantasy for years or cheating once
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:19:06 AM |
I cant stand the idea of either one but if i had to choose i think i would rather just have him do it once and get it over with so we can get on with our lives.
Do you seriously believe that 'once' would 'get it over with'?
OP - out of respect for your partner, end the relationship BEFORE you have sex with someone else. | |
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