| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:30:48 AM | MAN LAW
Real Men shall not confuse corn on the cob for a French tickler. You shall apply liberal amounts of butter and salt before digging into it. That goes for the corn too.
MAN LAW ADDENDUM
We rented the house, a large front yard, and the backyard, behind the backyard was a large cornfield. We could pick what we could eat. Kinda Real Men, if you are of socalibob's persuasion, you shall not automatically be granted license to pick what you can eat--you must first submit the names of all farm hands you wish to date to the Minister of the Ministry of All Things Manly and Repressed Cravings who shall then allocate dance cards for the annual barn dance to commemorate the Harvest a Boy Toy and Origami Festival. Pete will be wielding his spatula for your gustatory delight. But no asking him for a spanking with said spatula--wait for him to offer it. He will. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:53:42 AM | | Yes, he will... Pete is a giver. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:53:32 AM | For personal use? I hope you mean eating...
You mean we have to back to the Sears catalog? Aint no indoor plumbin' here! O'course, you might want ta eat the corn part first.
"They passed an ordinance in the town
They said we'd have to tear it down
That little brown shack out back so dear to me..." | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:13:02 PM | | I try my best not to disappoint. http://sports.tjhsst.edu/track/photos/nonpoker/spatula.JPG | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:24:38 PM | ^^^^^oh no you don't Pete, not quite so fast there!!!!
I don't see your body attached to that faceless hand with spatula attached!!!
how do we know that's really you administering a little spanky spank to that young man's ass??
geeessssssh........the nerve of some MEN! | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:44:57 PM | Alright it was me! It was high school, Pete was a young coach. I didn't complete my laps and he whipped out his 10" spatula and spanked me! AND I LOVED IT!
It's what made me jump the fence. If it weren't for Pete I'd be married to a woman, I'd have 2.5 kids, and pretending to be single on POF looking for men on the down low. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 12:45:31 PM | Men shall not:
Put throw pillows or stuffed animals on their bed
Put scented candles in their bathroom
Have a bowl of potpourri anywhere in the house
Drive a Volkswagen
Own anything pink
Watch Oprah or Ellen
Watch soap operas
Say "whatever" or "oh my God" | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:26:05 PM | question:
this has always puzzled me, when is it OK for a man to carry a purse and call it a messenger bag, or a fanny pack, or a backpack?
come on people, we all benefit from having something to carry necessities, sometimes pockets or "cargo" pants just don't cut it.  | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:42:15 PM | I thought that was called a "manbag"?
And Pete, that picture is hot, hot, hot! | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:47:49 PM | | I beg to differ. I think they call it a "Man Purse" | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 1:57:26 PM |
Alright it was me! It was high school, Pete was a young coach. I didn't complete my laps and he whipped out his 10" spatula and spanked me! AND I LOVED IT!
It's what made me jump the fence.
Silly boy... everyone knows Spatulas are for FLIPPING.  | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:21:13 PM | Move over Bobby Flay... here comes Pete! | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:23:17 PM |
Silly boy... everyone knows Spatulas are for FLIPPING.
And OH MY GOD it drove me flippin' wild!
Has anybody seen my man purse? | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:26:20 PM | do men's bags/sacks/bundles need to match their shoes? | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:27:16 PM | Is it a Gucci bag?
I am looking for that man with the Hermes bag. Good taste never goes out of style. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:53:22 PM | | If it would be a purse if a woman carried it then I would consider it a purse. I don't see backpacks or fanny packs as being purses, I don't think people see it that way when women carry them. Now kilts, I don't care what a lot of you say, I still see them as dresses because if a woman wore it, it would be considered a dress, maybe a kilt too, but a dress as well. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:55:44 PM | | ^^^^no Bob, not a dress, kilts are "skirts". | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:55:39 PM | | Oh my gosh, it's a good thing Serenity has left the Califorum, he'd be all butt hurt that you called kilts a dress! I think he thought those were fighting words! | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 5:14:46 PM | Oh my gosh, it's a good thing Serenity has left the Califorum, he'd be all butt hurt that you called kilts a dress!
Of course it's not a dress; it's a skirt. Sheesh!
I think he thought those were fighting words!
Well, reality hurts the most.
Pete is a giver.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xKZR3Bcj4jw | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:01:24 PM | | Man Law: If you got it from another guy... keep it to yourself. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:16:42 PM |
Man Law: If you got it from another guy... keep it to yourself. Especially if I can't nail it to the wall | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:20:55 AM | The Real Man Test
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives if they carefully review the "C" answers.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
*-*-*-*-*-*-
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
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6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
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7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
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8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
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9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
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10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/27/2008 1:56:19 AM | 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
Stay asleep and enjoy the dream.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
Erections so hard you can pound a nail with it.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
Before, during, and after sex.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
One that loves me.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
"I slept with your brother...and father."
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6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
Puhleeze.
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7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
Am I dreaming? Or worse, am I dead?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
Mine or his?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
Wicked sense of humor.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
Vibrators. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/27/2008 3:01:14 AM | A few more man laws:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you are a wimp.
If you don't, you are an insensitive **stard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
If you don't, you are a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don't, you are unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
If you don't, you are a slob.
If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself.
If you don't, you are not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she is tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else. | |
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| Man Law
Posted: 5/27/2008 5:55:33 AM | ^^^and your Point IS?
I mean, just because it's all true.... | |
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