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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:28:58 AM |
shouldnt that kind of slow down once your in relationship? i mean like its cool to have guy friends hang out with them in GROUP settings...but as far as 1-1 going to dinner stuff like that...is that crossing the line?..personally i believe it puts people in unecessary risky situations.. if something happened the girl cheated or the guy tried to kiss them..first thing i would think is well you shouldnt have been there to begin with. so i guess the question for the ladies is if a guy friend asks you to dinner knowing you have a bf what do you say?
Sounds like you don't trust someone very much. Many women are capable of having male friends. Just because they're dating someone, it shouldn't mean they can't go out with their friends once in a while. And just because a woman goes to dinner with a man, it doesn't mean it's a date. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:50:00 AM | | Yes, it should slow down. Part of the reason I have guy friends is because I want the male energy. When I have a boyfriend, I get the male energy, and then seek out more female energy (sorry, dude, I'm from Boulder, we talk like this). Sometimes, though, you just want to bounce stuff off a guy friend (kind of like "Ask a Guy" , only one-on-one) to sort something out in the relationship. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:50:40 AM | | What's wrong with the gal asking her guy to come along to the dinner? If they are a couple, wouldn't it be nice if the gal INCLUDED her guy so he can get to know her friends? :) | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:03:15 AM | So if i have an SO i can only see my guy friends in groups but if they are gay then i can see them 1-2-1?
I don't think so!
My best friend is a guy and i see him alone and with his girlfriend dependant on our schedules.
I would have no problems including said significant other in a meeting with him but not all the time.
Many of my male friends have known me for most of my life and sometimes thier company individually or as a crowd is something i need for various reasons. I have never slept with them nor would i. They have never made a move on me, nor would they.
I stay away with my job often and frequently find myself in hotels with a male colleague in a 1-2-1 situation. My male colleagues i consider to be friends also. If you have respect for yourself and a moral code (which i and they do) you respect the fact that a person is in a relationship and don't go there.
Whilst i agree that if the male friend has expressed an interest in the person it puts a different slant on things, it says more about you than her.
It says you don't trust her. Just because someone fancies you doesn't mean you have to act on it. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:06:48 AM | | One of my best friends is a guy. We go out either one-on-one or with others (or even with his girlfriend) all the time. I'm not going to give up a long term friend for someone I'm dating. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:23:33 AM | I believe in dating women capable of having lives of their own. I believe in dating women that would never let me choose their friends for them. I believe in having relationships with women that reciprocate the trust I place in them.
If you have a negative view of platonic possibilities then buy a bride from Russia or Mongolia. They will not have any friends here. Wait a mnute. They just might make friends. Never mind. Become a eunuch and pursue a career in event planning for corections facilities. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:42:18 AM |
What's wrong with the gal asking her guy to come along to the dinner? If they are a couple, wouldn't it be nice if the gal INCLUDED her guy so he can get to know her friends? :)
Yes, it's nice to let the guy get to know your friends. However, to only be able to go out with your friends if your boyfriend is with you? That's a bit controlling and unnecessary. And, it shows the guy doesn't trust you. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:20:29 AM | | DROP? i didnt say drop. but ok heres another angle. majority of time when these so called friends met it was an attraction factor. guy sees girl likes girl wants #. and obviously if she gave the number it must have been a mutual interest. for all the guy knows. all of her friends may be guys she dated in past. so if she starts seeing someone else is one to believe that he just instantly says shes a friend..maybe. myself included i think most guys if they like a girl and she either starts a relationship or says its better off as friends...well thats kind of like a hope factor. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:23:47 AM |
DROP? i didnt say drop. but ok heres another angle. majority of time when these so called friends met it was an attraction factor. guy sees girl likes girl wants #. and obviously if she gave the number it must have been a mutual interest. for all the guy knows. all of her friends may be guys she dated in past. so if she starts seeing someone else is one to believe that he just instantly says shes a friend..maybe. myself included i think most guys if they like a girl and she either starts a relationship or says its better off as friends...well thats kind of like a hope factor.
It sounds more like you have a trust issue with this specific girl. If you don't trust her, why are you with her? | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:56:58 AM | | Holy frargin' bat guano batman. You're 29 years old. Date women, not girls. I really don't have anything more to say but since the big fish compells me too I'll say perhaps you should really think about a long term contract with a brothel. Then there would be no mystery as to their motives for you. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:06:44 PM | I have to say when I start dating guys I cut down the 1 on 1's all together unless it's one of my gay friends because hey! We can gossip about our boyfriends and that's...awkward for the most part, but whatever.
But yeah...if you don't trust this lady (or your hypothetical lady if this is a hypothetical question) then I'd have a chat with her - tell her you don't feel comfortable with her going on a 1 on 1 hang out thing, tell her she can have her guy friends so long as it's a whole group outing. Whatever you do DON'T tell her she CAN'T have guy friends - this will just piss her off and make her sneak behind your back to go see them. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:02:04 PM |
What's wrong with the gal asking her guy to come along to the dinner? If they are a couple, wouldn't it be nice if the gal INCLUDED her guy so he can get to know her friends? :)
Nothing wrong with this! But if *I* have to ask to meet her guy friends, then I wouldn't. I'd walk eventually if she continued seeing these other guys with out giving me a chance to *see* what their relationship is really like.
I can read people very well, and I'd be "reading" the guy for sure! lol. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:05:49 PM | | Calihipanic, You are exactly right, theres is attraction, do not let them feed you that friend BS, I have never meet a woman who was not screwing her male friend,or eventually does. My guy friends, there girlfriends do not have dude friends who go out alone, thats a date duh! I could say baby we going out,but these two chics are coming with us. Tell the truth, you are attracted to these guys! | |
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| Is he a friend or not?
Posted: 4/11/2008 5:51:47 PM | In your first post it sounded like you don't want her to have male friends, because, seriously, if you can't even go to dinner with a friend, that is a problem.
But, your later post made it seem they were more exs, or guys who were acquaintences, not friends.
For all the guys who think having a 1 on 1 dinner has "date" written all over it, ya'll creep me out. You take your mother out to dinner and expect to get some from her later? That's illegal in most states.
So, if they're friends, they're friends and you're a pervert.
If they're those guys from highschool that have been trying to get in her pants since freshman year, they've been trying longer than you have. If you think she'll sleep with any man who will eat dinner with her, you've got a big problem.
I will bet you a large sum of money that she will want to eat out once in a while when you are over seas. And, sometimes, It could be with a brother, a distant cousin, a girlfriend she experiemented with in college...the possibilities are endless.
Keep in mind, cheating doesn't "happen." He didn't hold the door for her, they both fell and the floor was so slippery they just kept falling on eachother over and over again slipping out of their clothes and into eachother. If you're afraid of her eating with someone, you should be TERRIFIED of her going to the doctor. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:45:53 PM | I was dating a man when this issue came up.
My friend came over for the evening to visit and my BF who also knew my friend didn't like it.
So I asked my BF if he'd f*ck him.
He said No and I said there U go.....
What U really need to know is a persons morals and values.   | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:11:05 PM | | My girlfriend told me she was talking to her new guy "friend" the last couple weeks of our relationship. I totally believed her and never thought anything of it. She assured me not to worry, and he wasn't her type at all. He's shorter than her by the way. Then one day i was on my girlfriends phone lookin for a picture i sent her of us and i pass a text msg from this guy. so I read it and it says, "all that matters is i love you babe, i can't wait to see you again". you can imagine how this story ends............ So i'm not against a girl having guy friends BUT this is what happened to me. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:02:07 PM | I think a lot of women are unaware that their "guy friends", more often than not would jump at the opportunity to sleep with them. I dated a girl once who was friends with a gay guy... long story short, she cheated on me with him. Her excuse was "well I thought he was gay... I didn't know he would want to sleep with me". Apparently she had gotten drunk with him one night and they had sex.
I know this is probably an extremely rare example, but I know as a straight guy that if I was friends with a girl I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to "take it to the next level". Even if the girl was dating someone else... just the fact that she was still hanging out with me alone would tell me that she's not that committed to him. | |
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| men are horndogs
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:29:33 PM | OK, he wasn't THAT gay.
Idylwyld and shaun both have experience with women cheating.
I am not seeing the connection between women having the free will to walk outside their house without being escourted by a family member and cheating.
Yes, if their girlfriends were not allowed to speak to men without the approval of their boyfriends, they would not have been able to cheat so easily... However, just because some women are cheating sluts doesn't mean ALL women are cheating sluts.
Yes, many(not being a guy I can't say all) straight, single, male friends wouldn't turn a female friend down if propositioned, I STILL don't see how if a woman has a male friend she will cheat, she doesn't have the option.
Wyld's experience had txt messages involved....would you think it a wise decision if he told the next gf that he didn't want her to txt any male without his express consent?
OP, if your girlfriend was bi or bi-curious, would you not allow her to eat with anyone but you? | |
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| men are horndogs
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:30:59 AM | | I had no problem with my girlfriend texting other guys, talking to other guys, or hanging out with other guys alone........i waited for hours sometimes while she was on the phone with him.(this is before i found the txt msgs) I figured they could just talk that long because they're such good friends.......one of my best friends is a girl too so i could understand. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:29:38 AM | | i agree that things should scale down with the friend..but it would be ridiculous to want them to stop talking to the person completely..however..no one will ever be comfortable "fully" with their S/O having a friend of the opposite sex.. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:37:46 AM | | exactly gregg..they mUST be attracted to them..its human nature..if you enjoy a guy's company..it MEANS you like them/their company and you ARE attracted to them..ofcourse most women will say the old cliche.."he is just like a brother to me" and some B.S like that..smh | |
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| "he's like a brother"
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:19:14 AM | That's a load of crap, really. I had a brother, I've never been close friends with anyone who was "like a brother to me." My brother and I talked about how far off Star Wars was from reality because when Luke found out he kissed his sister he didn't vomit(this shouldn't count as a spoiler, the movie is older than I am). It bothers me when people say that about someone. Really, like a brother? You're looking forward to him having kids just for the joy of giving them gifts that will drive him crazy? Anyone who says this should be disgusted when confronted with the idea of having sex with them, not just laughing and saying, "Oh, no, he's like a brother."
No gag reflex = possible attraction
But, people lie. If you can't trust your partner with the opposite sex, you shouldn't trust them with the same sex, either, they could experiement. You shouldn't trust them at work. If you're that controling, they might get the urge...
Seaga makes a good point with no one will be completely comfortable. That's perfectly fine. You don't have to trust your partner completely, just enough to allow them their free will. If you can't, break up.
I think the basic problem is misplacing the blame: Cheating is the fault of the cheater. Not the situation.
If you can't handle a woman having her own life, break up with her, buy a bride. | |
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| im not against a girl having guy friends BUT
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:53:13 AM | In the dating world:-
I think eating or cooking with a member of the opposite sex, is one of the basic needs, it proves you are closer than you think. Different when a gang of you get together and eat a meal, but when you take it one on one private table for two, it is saying whoever did the inviting is keener on the person than they thought and the one doing the accepting is shouting yes yes yes.
Cos do you really care if a mate has eaten today, nah, you really only care about someone who is special to you, therefore, not just mates. 
Next they will be telling us its alright to shower together to save water. | |
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