| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:31:06 AM | OP,
I have you considered a relationship with God, how about forgiveness? It seems like maybe there is some unforgiveness in life relating to your past. Forgiving other people from your past experiences, could set you on the right track. Then put the past behind you. Jesus Christ is a good place to start. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:54:50 AM | | Just a suggestion: don't mix drinking and dating. Then you'll have a chance to think things through before you speak and say something you'll regret. Better to say nothing than to blurt out something which will embarrass you in the long run. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:11:07 AM | *t*h = talking about sex in any mannor or constuive critisizm cause i will not tolerate anyone telling me i need to fix surtan part of my life or profiles...they need to get over it i won't change for no one but myself
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Can you see the Forest in all the Trees? Do you get low grades in school because of all the spelling problems? Do people seem to avoid you, or you feel they are always attacking you? | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 9:30:40 AM | Repressed passive/ aggressive anger probably from your childhood. Probably you were expected to be a high achiever perfect all of the time. You had alot of crap thrown on you and you always held it together and stayed the "nice" girl.
Sometimes you feel like you are going to explode inside when you see what a- holes people can be. But instead of letting them know in an assertive way and creating boundaries, you have a glass of wine to calm yourself down and cool you off. But once in a while , especially when drinking, those angry floodgates just open up and whoever happens to be in the way gets drowned by the wave of anger, for alot of stuff they didn`t even do.
How am I doing? ( Working on the same prob myself) Read some books about boundaries "really" and try to let people know how you expect to be treated rather than putting "up" with stuff, and then being ripped up inside. You got alot of pain from the past that you are dealing with. Cool it on the wine. Even one can take you to the "dark side" if you are having unresolved anger issues.
Livign Sucessfully with Screwed-Up People, by Elizabeth Brown, great book.
Take a breather from dating until you get your boundaries and anger from the past
resolved. There is a happy healthy medium. Not shy and repressed and not a b!tch.
Learn boundary techniques and find a healthy middle ground. Not your fault, usually stems from childhood stuff. Good Luck. P.S. The books are cheaper than a therapist, and often just as good. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:00:40 PM | You're right about the booze not being the only problem, but yet you sound reluctant to give it (the booze) up totally.
My sense is that unless you can walk away from the bottle, the rest can't be resolved | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 3:16:33 PM | | the poor guy should have kicked your ass out of the car and left you on the side of the road. trust me he,s better off without someone like you. do yourself a favor n get some serious help. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:07:20 PM | think before you speak...
count to 10 - give yourself time to really think about what you're gonna say before you say it, make a habit of it, even with little things and over time you'll get used to doing it when things really matter too
if you can try to put yourself in the other person's position, that might help too... empathy is a great equalizer | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:58:56 PM | Walk away from the computer!! That's how to get out of your head...the bane of our society's existence.
Listen to music, pick some flowers, do some yoga/meditation/excercise/sex!
There are lots of really great authors, but reading just gets you further into your head. I do like Deepak Chopra, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, John O'Donahue (ya, he's awesome) and anything on Taoism. Why not head to the bookstore and find some good fiction? Go with what you are drawn to.
good luck
cheers
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/13/2008 4:40:50 PM | So...the poor fella who took my abuse had actually recommended a book in his last email. I bought it Friday and finished it Saturday night.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
(not so coincidentally, we both drive motorcycles)
It was a good book, more the zen part of it, in my opinion. It may help as far as reminding me to take a step back and look at the big picture. I am going to read the sequel Lila and what really seems like it could hit the spot is the previously mentioned, Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People, too funny but right on the money.
I'm actually not much of a reader but I'm giving it a try. I absolutely love music and go to many concerts, several every month, and I just do a fair variety of things all the time. I just got back from a leisurely hike.
I think I'm just at a wierd place where I expect too much of the world and I take every little thing that others do which is not in the best interest of all of us as a whole, very personally.
I'll just keep working through it. I'm bound to come out the other side eventually. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:16:35 PM | well, this is my area, being an on again, off again **** when i was young. i assume you are too young to be close to menopause, it could be hormonal&alcohol magnifies your thoughts. i went through a very impatient phase with men,not wanting to deal with men's unaware stuff¬ wanting to educate them on any level. what i have learned in my wise years&to accept people for who they are&other people i just can't tolerate because they are so far from my ethics, morals,beliefs,politics. searching for a therapist can be challenging but once you find the right one for you,it is worth the work. He sounds like a great guy&he listens to you&he forgave you, remember to forgive yourself. good luck | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:32:59 PM | | For a "beginning" reader (you mentioned you aren't much of a reader, obviously you can READ, though... LOL), I highly recommend a book called The Tao of Pooh. Also, another book you might find enlightening in terms of personal space and not taking things personally is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (spelling?). Good luck. It's sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight... just take a breath next time you feel like being a b****, and find other words and tones to express how you are feeling and what you're thinking. Think "cool, calm, collected" even when you are expressing frustration, irritation, impatience, etc. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:40:41 PM | So Mary Ingleby, how long were your ****y years? Once you realized the problem, how long was it before you considered yourself reasonably past that phase?
So get this.....
Last week that guy agreed to and seemed happy about the two of us going on a motorcycle ride together. I had emailed him because he had said in his last email going on a ride sounded good. He emailed back suggesting places to go. I emailed him back about the where's and when's then.....he totally blew me off. I haven't heard from him since. It's silly if you ask me but they say revenge is sweet. I hope he feels better.
I've ordered some more books. I've quit dating and eased up on the drinking. I'm always very emotional even though it doesn't really feel like sad. I don't know.
It's really good to know there are people out there who can think beyond their basic instincts and reach out to help others. I needed an ear or two to fill and some sincere, honest and heartfelt advice. Thanks so much. 
Kristine | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:57:20 PM | Kristine,
I was going to message you directly, but your settings do not allow it...
I'm not sure if my post was helpful to you, but please accept my thanks for your update here in this thread. There are many people, here and "real life," who are willing and able to answer the call of their better natures, to "think beyond their basic instincts" and reach out to help others. It's called altruism, and it exists, it really does.
Besides, in you (and in others) we see bits of ourselves, of lessons we have learned or failed to learn. We're all walking this road carefully, and if we are at all self-aware, every one of us on this journey has things we are working to change in ourselves. I myself have never been called "b1tchy," but I can tell you there were years in my early 20's when i felt like I was suppressing the true expression of my real feelings and thoughts, just to be nice (which can be just as destructive -- both internally and to others -- as the behavior you described).
So many OP's disappear.... and that's fine -- I respect that once you've gotten some feedback, it may not be necessary to reengage the dialog. After all, you owe us nothing... but humanity. I say kudos to you for taking the steps you outlined to know and grow yourself. You and your future dating partners will be all the better for it.
All the best of luck with your journey,
Elizabeth | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:05:01 PM | | Either stop drinking or stop dating, seriously No one needs that BS or drama in their lives and until you get some therapy you are going to hurt a lot of people. There is a good reason why you are sabotaging your own happiness so get yourself some help figuring it out and when you feel you can have a mature relationship without going psycho then start dating again. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:19:22 PM | | What people are failing to recognize is that when she was "sweet" she was just supressing her anger. Now that the beachball has popped up from under the water, she needs some more constructive ways to release her deep-rooted issues. Hon, ask yourself what you are really angry about. Fear, sadness, hurt, dissapointment or frustration. Answer that, and you will be on your way to healing. | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:27:06 PM | I think it could be your age as well, Hormones are raging as you reach your sexual peak.
Counseling never hurt anyone, I would say go get some help. I think I know where you are coming from this over shy guy was probably not taking any initiative , and that can be frustrating. I had a very similiar date. The guy followed me around like a puppy dog. It was annoying.
Just a question. Did you speak to him again? | |
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sral
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Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 43 | |
| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:49:35 PM | Yes nosunshine--your honesty is refreshing--may want to consider the nickname no moonshine--sometimes life is just better without it--i'm writing from experience--life is much better without it (booze, i mean)--good luck to you  | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:57:48 PM | From shy to complete B-I-T-C-H
************ B-I-T-C-H ************
"beautiful intelligent thoughtful Cunning heroins "
" Being In Total Control of Herself "
Plain and simple ladies,
Remember to B-I-T-C-H 1st and ask questions later.
its better to be safe then sorry
Ps do i need a HAIR cut,eh?? | |
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| From shy to complete bitch. Help! I want to go back!!
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:56:56 AM | OP, I think I understand your problem. I didn't read all of the replies, so I'm sorry if someone else already said this.
Anyway, I used to be like you aswell, very sensitive and shy. I still am to an extent, but more socially capable now.
The way I see it, you are using this ****iness as a shield from the real you. You are scared for people to see you, so instead you display this alternate, more confident person. Unfortunately, this person is also a ****. I notice that I do this myself sometimes, however I happen to use sarcasm as my defense.
Ultimately, I believe that you need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself, the real you, and then you will be able to let your personality shine through. Stop using the ****iness as a defense, and accept yourself for who you really are, the shy, sensitive person, and be confident in showing that person to other people. You will probably find no need for ****y outbursts once you do.
I hope this helps, maybe I'm way off base, but to me that is what it appears to be. | |
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