| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:17:08 PM | Ah, you've got to just look it. If you give an Ass*%le unough roppe they will prove to everyone how big an as they are. Love this social hierarchy some of us live in. We start out in the "pecking cage" that some call schools trying to find their own place of the pecking pole from which to dominate another. The big problem comes when theycarry that dance on into their teen age years then continue withit into adult years and so on.
Some people progressivly evolve while the vast majority de-evolve. they say the vast majority take the easiest path through life and I have to say That i Have wittnessed it all over the place again and again and again. and some of us progressively seek higher and higher mountains to challenge instead of challenging the person next to us.
Winners and loosers? I am content blazing my own trail whilst ignoring the mainstream as much as I can. And it is rewarding.
They say it is better to concerntrate on the things we share rether than the things that make us different in irder to get along. One and a half billion people have LEARNT
that they Have to get along. Forget about western society. Western society is a salad of vices only. It's a mess that may soon crumble before our eyes. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:42:25 PM | Why label anyone a loser? Just because two people date and things don't work out, that doesn't mean either of them are losers. It means that they were not right for one another. I think even if we don't agree, appreciate or respect other peoples differences, we still need to respect their individuality, whether they are right for us or not.
Also, at the age of 45, if we are still referring to people as losers or some other derogatory term what does that say about us? | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:05:23 PM | What I found intriguing about the original question of this thread is the element of self reflection that it introduced. Setting aside the distracting theme of winners and losers, two thoughts come to mind. Firstly, if we were right or not right at one time, is it possible that revisiting the relationship later might be more successful? Doubtful I'd say, but it is useful to think about it. Secondly, what part did each partner play in an unsuccessful relationship - and have we been honest with ourselves with the part we played in the breakdown?
I think there is value in taking responsibility for our part in each of our relationships so that we can avoid repeating past mistakes and just maybe..... we will recognize and appreciate a potentially successful relationship when we find one. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:43:29 PM | I do agree with ya.
I think each human is a lil train in it's own lil track...each human needs to slide a few times and then we finally get some memorable dents we gain experience to respect ourself to a greater level...hopefully the respect we gain from those dents has left a memorable enuff conclusion....and when the same area of the train keeps getting chit kicked we eventualy realize................light bulb...
that each human needs to crash on the track before they can see their own shiny personality..... some good old humility from life's crisis gives a excellent plateau back into mirror.
lotsa dents means lotsa experience in being tested by lifes challenges....i am grateful to have learned from my dents...and i try to drive to speed conditions up the mountain of life....
I know for fact i was a loser by my own definition to have ended looking in the mirror to begin with...and since i have that life experience of learning from my own screw ups i have learned to not be a goof.chuckles...i moved the mirror.
i truely believe that each human needs to look back and cross out the common denominator.............aheeeemmm.....yourself.
now i just look at my own azz and use judgement skills there...that is my target now...it is when we learn to laff at our own azz that we find the greater good of comparing others growth and the opportunity to be humble must remain in the mirror to GROUND US...or at least me anyways...
losers are just folks workin on their own bugs before they get to significance of life and they are in the discovery stage...
hugs to folks lookin at self and offering that respect of growth to all others without question... love ya lil fish. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:42:54 PM | | I'll ignore the 'loser' label as well because it's not useful to think of people that way. Just because I'm divorced doesn't mean that I'm a loser. I've spent lots of time understanding my part in why a long marriage ended and I know I have changed for the better. But I was still a pretty 'good' person before that. The self-reflection and inward soul-searching has made me more aware of certain things and I am certainly more comfortable with who I am now - I've grown in ways that continue to amaze and please me. I believe I will be a great partner for the right person - whether he's been divorced or not! | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:10:27 PM | Why a man should be proud if a woman calls him a loser.
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You don't spend your hard-earned money on women - you are a loser
You expect regular sex - you are a loser
You are not interested in marriage - you are a loser
You don't want to be stuck with kids - you are a loser
You don't want to slave away 60 hours a week so a woman can buy a new SUV every year - you are a loser
You prefer South American women who treat you better - you are a HUUGE LOOOSER | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:22:39 PM | Losers are dysfunctional people. To other dysfunctional people, they seem normal.
I tend to think that mature individuals with a fairly normal upbringing can spot those who are dysfunctional. They are usually the ones who blame everyone else for their problems. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:18:57 AM | its been an interesting read....
personally don't think anyone has the right to slag anyone else off.... or label them as a loser! Was always taught treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Personally thats with respect.
Loser just means that they weren't right for you, that doesn't mean they aren't right for someone else. Everyone has good and bad in them (Ying & the Yang) and somepeople just rub up the wrong way, doesnt mean either of them are bad, just means they arent right for each other.
There is an old saying you have to kiss a few toads before you meet Prince Charming!
Do believe there is someone out there for everyone... good luck in the search. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:38:30 PM | Having taught in public schools, I heard that term (loser) used --- loosely, freely, abundantly and it lost any hope of having meaning for rational adults.
I am not a 'loser' just because I was in a relationship that ended. Neither was my ex a 'loser.' As canadian guy mentions, some relationships involve either new or unexpected mental or substance abuse problems. I'll eventually be better in a relationship when I learn how to understand what my role was in enabling (encouraging? exacerbating?) )my husband's alcohol/ abuse patterns. He might become a better person/ partner (never ever for me) if he sticks to his anger management counseling.
The man I was (previously) married to for 20 years was impossible. So was I. I'm sure we never knew, near the end, what we were even fighting about. I think it was a can opener or maybe a piece of fluff on the carpet. We stopped living together about 6 years ago & eventually legally divorced. As separate people, we are quite decent to each other -- not losers at all. In fact, I have a family wedding this weekend &, because my family still sees my ex as a family member, he is invited. He even decorated the cake for this wedding. Because of ferry issues & a long drive for all of us to get to this wedding, not only will my daughter be staying at my place but so will my ex-husband. It will make it easier for the two of them to do some sort of father's day thing the next day. Of course he has redeeming qualities. But we will never get back together (my family is always asking about that). | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 38 | |
| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:49:19 AM | thing is, who has defined what a loser is?
a union bashing libersl?
someone who can never find a lady?
someone who only wants a one night stand?
these are just a few examples, if two ppl meet with the same views, it does not follow that one will love the other. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:50:44 AM | It's rare that I label anyone a loser...so rare in fact that I had to seriously pause and try to remember the last time I thought of someone as a loser. And I came up empty.
Even if someone treats me badly, I'm much more likely to see myself as the loser for having allowed that person (or situation) into my life in the first place. I learned very early in life that I'm the one responsible for my self and to own my "stuff".
Unfortunately, that early bit of wisdom didn't stop me from making some pretty stupid mistakes in my life...but it did stop me from seeing others as losers and blaming them for my own misfortunes.
There is only one person in my recent past whom I might be tempted to label as a "loser" and even then I would hesitate. His problems (in my opinion) ran much deeper than to just slap a loser label on him.
And of course I'm not qualified to "diagnosed" him, but I know now that he was not a mentally, emotionally or spiritually healthy person. Therefore, I was able to forgive what he did to me and let go of the anger.
But...forgiving myself and not thinking of myself as a loser for allowing this person into my life in the first place has been a much...much more difficult process. One I'm still struggling with.
So my problem isn't that I see others as losers...it's trying not to see a loser each time I look in a mirror that's been a real struggle for me.
JMO
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:26:58 AM | Or maybe we're all "losers" -- each in one respect or anther.
We all have faults and short- comings
We've all let somebody down at one time or another.
Plus, there's always somebody who won't approve of some aspect of our lifestyles.
Maybe you are right, Old Soul -- best to leave the labels at the door --
Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself by dealing with your own issues first, and avoiding those who are giving you MORE issues.
If you don't Approve --
MOVE!!! (on) | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:59:23 AM |
No one is a loser.....it's called life...........and in life you will have both positive and negative experiences with people................it's how you handle them that matters the most.
Um if no one is a loser then why are so many men just thrown by the sides and left for dead, figuratively speaking?
I may have a really great life, I may have a good job and are blesssed with 2 really great kids but being ignored by ALL women is a form of rejection that just leads me to believe that I am completely viewed as a total loser by every one of them. I can keep saying that the ones that got away did not deserve me anyway, but that is truely not how I feel. Something like the rejection that I find is so depressing that I have a hard time even caring about getting up and living my life. So I stay at home, do not go anywhere other then work so that I can not have my heart broken anymore. I am sorry but I think that more people can be wrongly viewed as a loser with out any effort to find out who they truly are. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:37:36 AM | Loser is a subjective title usually put on an ex because of anger or hurt. The way I figure it every person i have been with is a person no better or worse than me. I will not allow the term loser to be applied to them by me and will resist it when others do. not because of a need to protect and win anyone back but because its simply wrong to give into negative emotions.
as for being better partners because of what we learned that depends on what you do with your learning. learning to use a hammer can make you a killer or a carpenter depending on what you do with your skill with that tool. the same is true in relationships. if i learn what I DID WRONG and work on not repeating it in new relationships then yes it can be a good thing. if i choose to concentrate on WHAT SHE DID WRONG then i tend to become entrenched, bitter and looking for similar problems in future relationships. its all a matter of what you do with the knowledge really. the living and learning old parrothead | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:17:17 AM | | great post. My father used those same lines and I use the same ones with my children. The lady luck lines are so true... mine has always been...there but for the grace of God go I. And you are right...why do they always call for a rekindle? | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:19:17 PM | I had to read your question twice before I really understood it. I suspect that might be because I don't see things quite the way you do, or at least I don't see them the way you evidently meant when forming your question. The way I see it is, just because one person might see you as a loser doesn't mean you are a loser in *everyone*s eyes. Oddly enough, sometimes it's that very trait that attracts people to one another, the fact that they are considered losers by other people.
I've often said to my roommate/partner, "I'm so glad we have each other, because nobody else would want to be caught dead with losers like us!"
What I mean by that is not that I think we're actually losers, just that so many people consider our lifestyles so odd that they think we MUST be losers, it seems. I'm talking about our relationship (poly) as well as our non-traditional jobs and the fact that we are such minimalists...not wanting or needing alot of "stuff" to be happy, and not willing to work hard to get that "stuff" that *other* people think is so important.
I've had many people suggest to me that "minimalist" is just another name for someone who's too lazy to get out there and "make something of themselves". Well, ok, that's actually partially correct, lol....I'm too lazy to want to take care of a bunch of "stuff" that I don't want or need anyway. So when my kids were grown up and moved out, I eliminated all those extras from my life. But to many people, my lack of interest in obtaining and maintaining "stuff" is a sure sign of a loser.
Myself, I think I'm a winner, because I've managed to succeed at finding stress free happiness.
But I digress...my point is, one person's loser just might be another person's winner! I know I'm sure as hell not gonna change who I am or how I think just because someone who disagrees with me calls me a loser. | |
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| He's a loser, she's a loser, thank god that one got away.
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:26:57 PM |
Losers are dysfunctional people. To other dysfunctional people, they seem normal.
...and you might seem anal...and some of us "losers" might just choose to accept that some people see us that way, and simply choose to put the "fun" into the dys"fun"ction!
BTW, I really don't think you're anal, just making a point...of some sort. Maybe only another loser can see it though, lol. | |
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