| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:30:15 AM |
I have to say it really annoys me when men say SHE GOT PREGNANT, as though they weren't there, like SHE should be the only one worried about getting pregnant, because it is ONLY HER burden...
But, ultimately, and unfortunately, it often turns out that it IS the woman's burden and ONLY her burden. And, unfortunately, it's often the kid who ends up in less than ideal situations.
The mistake OP did make was NOT having protected sex... HOWEVER the mistake the guy made was ALSO not having protected sex... HOWEVER a pregnancy CAN OCCUR when all precautions have been taken... So I guess the mistake was they both had sex...
I agree with everything but one point.
With something like 11-12 methods of BC available to women before sex, two options after conception, bringing a child into the world is ultimately the woman's decision. Add to it that she could say " No condom with a good dollop of spermicide in it and no sex." to her prospective lover is an added precaution. She CAN double up, triple up her BC and he can at least double up. Nope, the guy doesn't get a free pass. He's an idiot if he trusts her to be the only one responsible for birth control.
See, I have seen way too many kids who have been born into circumstances that really stacks the deck against them from the second they come into the world. Will that happen in the OP's case? I sure hope not, and I wish her and her son/daughter the best, but her story is FAR from unique. In fact, unfortunately, it is becoming more and more common and more and more the kids are the ultimate losers. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:39:08 AM | | cheekyjules- Your profile says you have children and are seperated...so how can you chastise someone for not picking the right partner? Cause obviously you didn't do so peechy keen in that area either. Glass houses people! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:57:37 AM | ^^^ very different situation, I was married 7 years in which my children were born and planned.
What I actually said was to chose more carefully next time, experience taught me this!
My children were not brought into the world as a result of a shag buddy or one night stand As OP says the father was not her boyfriend
My kids were born with both parents and lived that way for 6 years onwards.
Unfortunatly sh!t happens. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:10:59 AM | Yes, but you obviously did not pick the right partner. I'm just saying, just because you were married when you had your children you still did it with the wrong person. (Using your logic, not mine.) Regardless of the time frame of the relationship and a marriage certificate- still the wrong person.
JMO | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:21:52 AM | | Funny fab-mom. You always discredit someone when they have not experienced a situation and NOW someone HAS experienced the situation yet you STILL try to discredit them. Hmmmm. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:26:59 AM | I found this a long time ago...
What is a Mother's love?
It is something that is very, very special.
It is something that no one can really explain.
It's something that is made up of much deep
devotion, joy, pain and sacrifice.
It is endless and unselfish and it endures
whatever may come.
It is full of hopes, dreams, tears and pleasure.
Nothing can ever destroy it or take that
special love away.
It is very patient and forgiving.
A Mother's love is a lifelong commitment
to selflessness.
More often than not, it requires much more
giving than receiving.
But it is something that is given with delight,
gratitude, enthusiasm and much satisfaction.
A Mother's love never fails or falters even
though the heart is breaking.
It is always believing when all the rest of the
world is condemning.
A Mother's love is a splendored miracle that man
cannot understand.
It is something that cannot be measured,
for it has no beginning or no end
I need to add something....
anyone can father a child,
(or be a sperm donor)
but it takes someone special to "be a father to a child"
you are at a point in your life where you feel you have no one to turn to
this will all change in time....have faith | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:02:16 AM | | What the hell are you talking about shoebox? I was not trying to discredit her but I can't understand how someone who HAS made those mistakes (unlike you apparantly) can call someone out on the SAME mistake. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:06:59 AM | I didnt call her out i said, chose more wisely next time!!!! that was it!!!!!!!!
I said this because I have experienced it. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:10:38 AM | First off all "TheEmeraldTeardrop,"
"you run the very dangerous risk of looking like ( and appearing as) someone who isn't a very good future dating prospect."
I'm sorry to say but didn't your parents raised you to not judge a book by its cover.
"You picked this guy. You chose to have sex with him. You chose to have a child with him despite the fact you did so without any kind of formal relationship or commitment or marriage or, as it appears, a real plan."
First off, we were in a relationship, we were also living together. But relationships don't alway end with a happy ending honey. After we ended things, I found out from his ex that he was dating 3 girls at the same time and that this relationship was all fake and a waste of my time. But with every relationship you have, you always learn something and try to not make that same mistake again. I won't say it was a waste of my time because in the end I will be having a wonderful child from it.
"you cannot discern the difference between a good mate and a bad mate."
I wouldn't of dated him if I thought he was wrong for me. Our relationship wasn't all bad, there were some good. I thought he was a really nice guy. But his attitude towards me being pregnant, has changed my opinion.
You can't judge someone but ther cover until you actually get to know them. As for a good mate and a bad mate. Being in a relationship is a risk, thats when you really get to know someone and there true colors really show.
"Be honest, how many men your age want to date a pregnant woman? How many want to date a woman and marry her knowing they'll have to step up a raise a child not their own? How many will want to take the financial burden, and from the sounds of it, deal with an ex who isn't too happy about the whole arrangement? "
Its people like you that make me sick.
My friend was pregnant and she wanted nothing to do with the father. Some friends set her up on a blind date. They clicked, she told him that she was pregnant and you know what that didn't bother him one bit. Now look at her, she got married and she is pregnant again.
You really need to get your head out of your ass. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:20:23 AM | SHOEBOX1,
just because the child is going to grow up without a father doesn't mean I should take the easy road and run away and put this child up for adoption.
GROW UP!! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:24:16 AM | Capitano Blaugh..
"But, ultimately, and unfortunately, it often turns out that it IS the woman's burden and ONLY her burden. And, unfortunately, it's often the kid who ends up in less than ideal situations."
You also make me sick. saying its the woman's burden and ONLY her burden. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:05:15 PM | very well said whiskygirl!
unless someone has ever been in a similar situation,
they will never understand what you are going through...
I, for one, hear ya loud and clear! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:20:32 PM | Capitano_Blaugh, you are still sticking to a MOOT POINT...
After a pregnancy occurs, is not the time to harp about birthcontrol, and how the op and the guy should have tripled up...
Pregnancies happen, planned, not planned... WHO CARES AFTER THAT POINT...
By the way, this day and age, it is completely frowned upon by the court system when men decide to NOT pay at least child support... SO no matter what male pow wow, men want to have whining they were some how entrapped is a load of poo... The man had just as much of a responsibility if he didn't want to be at the very least financial responsible for another being...
Then there is this...
Suggesting that a person should terminate just because you would...That is out of line as well...
I watched someone I love very much make the choice to terminate...I didn't like it, because it wasn't my choice, OBVIOUSLY I have been very open about my own experience...
IT IS A PERSONAL CHOICE, and should be left at that... Some people find it offensive to consider that is what is best for someone else... OP made her choice, and KNOWS she has a lot of things that are going to change for her life...
The fact is, there is NO easy choice, just going with the choice one makes, and getting through it.
Emerald it is VERY UNFAIR of you to state that no man is going to want her... She doesn't have some horrible social disease... Once again how her situations occured to lead to a pregnancy IS MOOT... She could have planned this all out, and some kind of Shyte happened to cause her to be a single person.
SURE, as a person who was single with two kids, it does make dating more challenging...IT IS NOT FATAL...
The rewards I gained from bring the absolutely wonderful beings in my life, have never stopped... It hasn't been the easiest road, but it has been down right completely rewarding in the end...
I wouldn't say it is a road for everyone... HOWEVER if anyone actually reads all of the posting of the OP, she has a good head on her shoulders, and is just having the natural emotions that come with being preggers...
Her situation is NOT unique, and it really truly isn't something that is on an upswing... IT has been something that has been occuring on a very regular basis since the beginning of man kind...
Only in the good ol days no body talked about it, and it was kept hush hush...
Back 25 yrs ago when I was preggers with my first, I was a senior... I opted to go to the "alternative school" while getting class work from the regular school... I was in class with 11, 12, 13, and so on... I was 18...
Op chin up, no worries about the negative peeps... It is easy to pass judgment on someone when you are sitting behind a computer, and not looking that person in the face.. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:35:24 PM | Thank you nexthyme..
you have gave me a lot of good advise.
It is easy to pass judgment on someone when you are sitting behind a computer, and not looking that person in the face..
I totally agree with that statement. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:46:56 PM |
you have gave me a lot of good advise.
This pretty much says it all for me. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:53:51 PM |
This pretty much says it all for me.
and your point is?? or wait is my spelling not good enough for you. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:10:24 PM | hang on then i wasnt married but my and partner had been togther five years, i was on the pill but we also used other forms as well, we had a house together our lifes in front of us, now my partner passes away while i am pergnant so i ment to give my child away becuase i am not married or i should have just killed my baby as well as losing a partner.
some of you people on here need to get a brain cell between you my god if a child comes into this world and it loved and cared for no matter what you do everything you can for them, and your telling me ones you have felt your baby kick inside you move and hic up inside you, you could go and just give it away you not mother, my drive in life is to keep my son safe and i would die for him just just give him up becuase i am alone.
to the OP keep going your going to fine dont let any of these muppets tell you otherwise you do what you want to do for you and your baby and if the father isnt around so what i am sure your child will make up his/her own mind when they are old enought to understand. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 1:14:14 PM | Whisky, I dont know if people were trying to have a dig at you or your just taking it that way, I certainly wasnt.. My children have a father who hops in and out of their lives whenever he feels like it, it's no fun, and that ex is with you for the rest of your life when there is a child involved!
I was simpley saying there is other options for you.. your young, good looking and have learnt a lesson and can move on with YOUR life without having to have the child or any thing to do with him for that matter.
You have to really really want this child and be sure you can provide everything for them, you give up alot when your young to become a parent (I know) Im still just 26 and with a 7&4 yr old, I would never take them back, I obviously love them to pieces.
When you have your child you wont regret a thing, only maybe you wished you could of had that child with somebody you really loved and had a real relationship with.
I hope I didnt offend. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:24:16 PM |
You also make me sick. saying its the woman's burden and ONLY her burden.
Here, let me help you with what I said, " But, ultimately, and unfortunately, it often turns out that it IS the woman's burden and ONLY her burden."
I said nothing that is untrue or unfair. I am simply pointing out the truth. I doubt very much that the father of your kid will be involved with you, and therefore, the day to day burden of bringing a life into the world and raising that life will be yours.
For the kid's sake, I hope the father IS involved and proves to be a good father. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:28:47 PM | .whiskeygirl:
Yes I personally would want to be part of my child's life so your ex is being a jerk. However you really should have taken the time to get to know him more before moving in with him and concieving a child. Really if you wanited you would have seen the warning signs that your ex is a player.
You will find that many men will rule you out for getting into a serious relationship with because of our child support laws here in Canada. Many men may want to just date you and may not want to live in a common law relationship or marry you because you have a child via another man and that makes you a legal liability (until our ;aws are changed.)
The onlty one who will really suffer is your child.
We meed to wait until after marriage before having sex and thgat would solve these types of situations. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 2:32:04 PM |
Suggesting that a person should terminate just because you would...That is out of line as well...
I made no such suggestion to the OP or anyone else.
The man had just as much of a responsibility if he didn't want to be at the very least financial responsible for another being...
I agree, but many women make a unilateral decision to bring a child into the world and then are surprised when the guy who is the father wants nothing to do with her or the kid.
For the record, I think that if a guy is stupid enough to have unprotected sex or not take the best precautions he can to avoid letting a woman have his sperm, then he deserves to be made to pay what he's legally obligated to pay. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:59:40 PM | Capitano_Blaugh
but many women make a unilateral decision to bring a child into the world and then are surprised when the guy who is the father wants nothing to do with her or the kid.
Welcome to the real world, where some women consider a pregnancy a human life, and not just an inconvenience...
 Before anyone gets on me about pro choice... The fact is, it is the mothers choice, what a woman decides is right for her is something SHE is deciding... I hold no judgment one way or another, because I am NOT making that choice that will affect my life... I already been there, and it wasn't something I considered a choice...That was MY personal chosing.
A woman is also risking not ever being able to become pregnant as well, it happens with a botched abortion. I know a heck of a lot of stories of women who had only one abortion and could not carry a child again.
Then for some the guilt after is something that can have a profound life long effect...
Then I have known gals that use abortion as a form of birth control...
So Capitano, whether it be the woman or the man, the fact two people decide to have sex, and they are both fertile, they are taking the risk to have a pregnancy occur, birth control or not... Abstinence is the only 100% known birth control.
Seems like a good reason to be in love with the person you decide to have sex with... BUT HEY that is all considered old fashion thinking...Be what it may, thus pregnancies happen, and that is a fact of life...
Men behaving poorly is also a reality...
HOWEVER not all are that way... My former stepson and his GF got preggers and had twins... I had warned him prior to the pregnancy, when he said she was acting clingy, that he needed to make sure to wear a rain coat... She went off the pill what a surprise...Thus they ended up with twins...
He "Manned Up", and married her... He is a very good husband and daddy... His twin girls are an absolute delight...
The OP was in a relationship, and it is sad that people keep acting as if this pregnancy was something planned or expected...She has been open and honest, and it just sounds like something that happened... She's taking her lumps... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:02:58 PM | Welcome to the real world, where some women consider a pregnancy a human life, and not just an inconvenience...
Before anyone gets on me about pro choice... The fact is, it is the mothers choice, what a woman decides is right for her is something SHE is deciding...
I appreciate and understand your passion about this sensitive subject, but I'm not for or against abortion. I believe in choice.
Where our opinions diverge, I think, is that I also believe that men ought to have the same rights as women do. Men, as women do, ought to have the choice to be a parent or the choice not to be a parent.
And, because this is a topic that will invariably get so heated it will take us too far afield for this thread topic, I'd prefer to try to stay on the topic of the OP.
So, ON topic:
I honestly DO understand the feeling of anticipation, anxiety and excitement of prospective parenthood. I LOVED that I was going to be a dad. Even when my second son was conceived, unplanned, I was happy despite the feeling that the timing could have been better.
But, my situation was MUCH different than that of the OP when I had kids. I think the biggest difference, on this topic, is that I never had ANY doubt that my ex would always be a great mother. Obviously, it wasn't perfect since I'm not with the mother of my kids, but separately together, we've managed to raise some pretty incredilble boys. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:31:06 PM | OP:
Just get your life in order...I hope your ex takes responsibility...either wayyou might find dating tough. | |
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