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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:39:15 PM |
unless someone has ever been in a similar situation,
they will never understand what you are going through...
So she posts this on an open forum, and yet it's only those people who got pregnant at a young age and had to "bear the burden" of it that get to post?
If that's the case, I thank god that I've never been in a similar situation.
As for advise that anyone here could give you... you made your bed, so now you must lie in it. Don't worry about the dad too much, if he doesn't want to be a part then forget him and move on. Your focus is on your baby and the next step is to get your own life organized and get ready to bring a child into your world... financially, mentally and emotionally.
IMHO, I think it's a crying shame how many women are getting pregnant so early and so unplanned. With all the resources and methods of protection, there should be no excuse. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and accidents certainly happen, but it just surprises me, that's all.
I also don't want to get into a heated discussion, and since I am a mother I know how much love and warmth a child can bring to you. OP, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I really do hope the father steps up and at least pays you the support that he owes if he doesn't want to see his child. Your life will be changed forever now, and it's up to you and only you, to make sure this change is a positive one. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:28:15 PM | capitano_blaugh because you opened the door...LOL... Can you tell I am in the legal field? LOL
Where our opinions diverge, I think, is that I also believe that men ought to have the same rights as women do. Men, as women do, ought to have the choice to be a parent or the choice not to be a parent.
Remember there is NO POSSIBLE way for men to make that choice... They are not having a living fetus scrapped out of their body, if they don't want a child. They are not having to be pregnant with all of the FUN that goes with a pregnancy... They are not having to risk infertility by a procedure, or serious health complications that can occur with pregnancies.
This is one topic that can't be equally split, however men for centuries have just walked off.
Even now there are men that have wanted the child, and the mum decided to terminate. In fact there have been women that have put a child up for adoption, which is a time when HE CAN DECIDE to be a parent, and the woman has to pay child support... YES this has happened.
As much as you would like things to be different, it is one of the few things in this world that is left to the woman to decide to stay pregnant or not.
Heck take a look at the news these days, men have certainly made it a point to simply terminate both the mum and fetuses life... Does the name scott peterson ring a bell? ANd believe me I can list a whole lot of examples of murdered pregnant women by the father of the baby.
As a person that was a single Mum that went through dad not wanting to be around, it is a lot of work. I managed and I have amazing kids.. My ex and I had a planned pregnancy, and it was great to have both parents excited...
He trusts me as a great mum, and we are both very active in raising our son.
We managed to do what some people consider impossible, which is be friends and a team in raising our son.. We didn't do to bad with the older three either.
I am my oldest daughters hero...My 2nd daughter is her own person, so at the moment mom is just mom... But I am also my son's hero... I am an honorary good former step parent... SOOOOO I do know the work and effort it takes to really make an impression and to be a parent that is an authoritive parent, not passive, non existant, or authoritarian.
It is good you have great kids... Does mean you did a job well done...
LOL, so we can consider this a draw... I appreciate what you are saying, and from my perspective it just is the way it is, and until men can carry babies, it will stay that way...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:02:29 PM |
Remember there is NO POSSIBLE way for men to make that choice... They are not having a living fetus scrapped out of their body, if they don't want a child. They are not having to be pregnant with all of the FUN that goes with a pregnancy... They are not having to risk infertility by a procedure, or serious health complications that can occur with pregnancies.
I do not, nor will I ever disagree with the above, but that does not mean that I concede the point.
The truth is that men DO NOT have the same reproductive rights that women have and it is a LEGAL, not a moral or genetic, point of fact. That is the problem I have.
Women love to play the " FUN that goes with pregnancy..." as an arguement as to why they ought to have more rights than any man.
My response is, " If it's so figgin' horrible, why do it once, let alone numerous times since you've know about the discomfort, inconvenience and pain since you were first included, as a young child, in any conversation involving your mother, aunts, friends and any other female that's had a kid?"
Even now there are men that have wanted the child, and the mum decided to terminate. In fact there have been women that have put a child up for adoption, which is a time when HE CAN DECIDE to be a parent, and the woman has to pay child support... YES this has happened.
Yes, it HAS happened, but the woman is in no way OBLIGATED to tell the guy about her decision and she's no way OBLIGATED to EVER pay support if the adopting parents decide she should pay. The father has no such guarantees.
Does the name scott peterson ring a bell? ANd believe me I can list a whole lot of examples of murdered pregnant women by the father of the baby.
Yes, Scott Peterson DOES ring a bell and yes, women who get pregnant despite what the men in their lives want, DOES put them at risk. I believe that it is one, if not the most common, motive for murder of women.
Gives pause for thought about situations like the OP's and so many other women who decide to have kids without the consent of the fathers, doesn't it?
Scott Peterson may represent one extreme end of the spectrum, but the anger is there on many levels, in many cases, when men don't have the same choices or rights that women do when it comes to reproduction.
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:15:50 PM | Why does it seem everybody is justifying this mans behavior, and putting all the blame on this woman, he knew what he was doing, and frankly he seems like a very mean and heartless
man, for christ sake this woman is carrying his child wiskeygirl didn't get pregnant all by herself | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:14:12 AM | | ^^^^^^^ Can you point out where did anybody say that what the guy did was ok? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 11:34:22 AM | capitano_blaugh
Ok, lets clear some things up...
Yes, it HAS happened, but the woman is in no way OBLIGATED to tell the guy about her decision and she's no way OBLIGATED to EVER pay support if the adopting parents decide she should pay. The father has no such guarantees.
If a child is placed up for adoption, LEGAL adoption, NEITHER mother or father pays... If the father decides he wants the baby after it is born, HE HAS THAT RIGHT, AND can sue the mother for child support... SHE HAS TO PAY...
The truth is that men DO NOT have the same reproductive rights that women have and it is a LEGAL, not a moral or genetic, point of fact. That is the problem I have.
Actually I already addressed this, UNTIL MEN CAN GIVE BIRTH THEMSELVES, sorry no matter how much you and every other man wants to complain, IT IS NOT GOING TO EVER BE EQUAL...
Sounds to me like you want to change laws that are already in place, and have been so for a very long time as to what another person can do, or not to medically to another persons body... I can tell ya, complain about this til your blue in the face, and it isn't going to happen... NEWS FLASH sometimes the laws aren't always fair to one party over the other... Life goes on...As I stated, until men are able to get pregnant, and that man has the right to decide if he wants to terminate, or NOT this will always be a sore point for you... Sorry, can't help ya with that...
Let's address the equality of having sex, if a man does NOT want a woman to get preggers by him, HE HAS A choice, DON'T have sex... This pissing and moaning how unfair it is that if he helps create a child he shouldn't be responsible is totally a load of crap...
As stated before no matter how perfect we'd all like to think birth control is the only PERFECT birth control is abstinence...
I really LOVE THE POSTER that accuses the OP of NOW TRICKING THE GUY... GEEZ...
I am sure if you men relly thought about things from more than JUST YOUR OWN perspective, no matter how unfair you guys want to claim this whole situation is to your manhood...It still is MORE unfair to a woman...
If she decides to abort, what does a man risk? Does HE risk his fertility, his life?
If she carries the baby, is the man once again risking his health, hie future plans, is his life really interferred with just because he has might actually have to pay for a child HE WAS JUST AS MUCH THEIR AS SHE WAS?????
If the woman puts the child up for adoption, is he going to feel the same pain and loss as the woman, since she had 40 weeks of this child living with in, bonding with her being?
Gives pause for thought about situations like the OP's and so many other women who decide to have kids without the consent of the fathers, doesn't it?
This one is the absolute ultimate in a really low statement... So it is your contention that these men have the right to murder a woman? He still was dumping his sperm, he had a choice not to.. He also had a choice to get fixed if he didn't want to have a child..
But what I read you are saying, if a man doesn't want to have a child AFTER HE'S gotten his rocks off, then SHE is obligated to have a living life scrapped out of her.. She is to have her life and fertility risked, simply because HE doesn't want to be a parent...
AND TO TOP IT OFF, if she doesn't bend to what HE wants, she should THEN worry about being murdered.... I have to tell you, that is some sick and twisted thinking!!!!
SORRY DUDES, but the fact is if a man is just as willing to have sex, then HE should expect to pay just like the woman has too...
Keep the child or not, he will NEVER have to pay the same price in the end...
I HAVE BEEN THERE... One daddy told me NOT to use birth control, he wanted a child... SILLY YOUNG GIRL ME, believed the a-hole... The other forced himself... I had no defense nor did I have anyway to get away, I lived in the same house as he did...
I PARENTED THEM... I paid... I seldom got a dime of child support, and the one father went out and procreated 6 more, as well as a large number of aborted ones...
The other father used his wifes SS# to avoid paying, that is when he would bother to work...
I have NO SHAME in my life, because my two kids either have a bachelors working on her masters, and the other is a pre med student... There fathers didn't get them there, I DID!!!
So complain all you want about equal reproductivity rights... It isn't equal and it never will be...
HOWEVER I DON'T think it is a real good argument to think killing a mother and THEIR unborn child will EVER stand up in court as a logical, acceptable legal defense to murder...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:56:48 PM | Geez, and here I thought we were having a rational, adult discussion about something that is controversial.
So much hyperbole in response makes it more difficult to have a decent discussion.
If a child is placed up for adoption, LEGAL adoption, NEITHER mother or father pays... If the father decides he wants the baby after it is born, HE HAS THAT RIGHT, AND can sue the mother for child support... SHE HAS TO PAY...
If you look around, you'll find that every jurisdiction is a bit different on this point. Some places do not require that a woman inform the father of a child before she puts that child up for adoption. In some (many?) places in the U.S. women can drop a child off at a hospital, fire station or police station and she can thereby abdicate any further responsibility for that child. Not sure if it's the same in Canada.
Men have no such right.
If mommy says he's the father, the onus is on him to disprove it rather than for her to prove it. And, if you do a bit of reading, there are cases where a kid was given up for adoption the father has still been held responsible for support while mom gets to walk away.
Actually I already addressed this, UNTIL MEN CAN GIVE BIRTH THEMSELVES, sorry no matter how much you and every other man wants to complain, IT IS NOT GOING TO EVER BE EQUAL...
This is one of those specious arguements that women love to use, but has nothing to do with the legality or rights that the separate parents have.
Women can give up complete and total legal responsibility for a child if she chooses. A man does not have that same right. Women love to yell about equality, but they also want to retain and guard the one right that gives them complete and total control over the birth and life of a child. Women love to say .."it takes two to tango", but it really only take ONE to decide to bring a child to term.
And, despite your hyperbolic response, I am not talking about men having any right legal or otherwise to tell a woman what she can do with her body. I'm not advocating that men have a say about the aborting of a pregnancy. I believe very fervently that women ought to retain that right.
However, I am also very fervent about the need for men to have the same right to say, " I do not want to be a parent. I want the same reproductive rights of a woman. I want reproductive equality."
I'm sure you will disagree. But, again, women LOVE to spout off about it, " Taking TWO to tango, to create a child. " Why then does only ONE have any say in the parental responsibility of TWO people?
But what I read you are saying, if a man doesn't want to have a child AFTER HE'S gotten his rocks off, then SHE is obligated to have a living life scrapped out of her.. She is to have her life and fertility risked, simply because HE doesn't want to be a parent...
AND TO TOP IT OFF, if she doesn't bend to what HE wants, she should THEN worry about being murdered.... I have to tell you, that is some sick and twisted thinking!!!!
Well, again, far too much hyperbole and drama.
I did not, do not, nor will I EVER say or believe that anyone ought to be able to force anyone to have an abortion against their express wishes.
I did not, do not, nor will I EVER condone the murder of ANYONE, male, female, adult of child. Nor did I say that in your mis-reading of my post.
In the end, I'm all about equal rights. In that regard, I may be one of the staunchest feminists around.
Cheers.
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:28:34 PM |
either wayyou might find dating tough
i totally agree with that it is hard.
but hopefully one day i will find mr.right | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 1:31:54 PM | Hello whiskeygirl,
Your life is about to change big time. You have a precious little life growing inside of you.That little person is THE MOST IMPORTANT...it is no longer about you or him it is ALL about baby.
If the man doesn't want to be part of the child's life there is no way to force him, and if that turns out to be the case then you must be a strong woman and raise your baby with out him. But ...after the baby is born things may change... those babies possess magical powers....place that bundle in his arms for the first time, he won`t be able to help himself! He will fall in love.
I hope you have a strong support system in place...and I wish you much peace and love! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:53:07 PM | I am really sorry you felt my reply has to much Hyperbole... However here is a direct quote... from your message before....
Yes, Scott Peterson DOES ring a bell and yes, women who get pregnant despite what the men in their lives want, DOES put them at risk. I believe that it is one, if not the most common, motive for murder of women.
Gives pause for thought about situations like the OP's and so many other women who decide to have kids without the consent of the fathers, doesn't it?
If that ISN'T a statement suggesting any single woman that finds herself preggers, and the father is not happy about it, then she needs to take pause and worry... What other way did you intend that statement???
This is an adult discussion, however it would seem you are frustrated that I don't agree with you...
I personally can't change the laws of this nation, nor do I think in this case there is really any need to...
The woman is the one that HAS TO MAKE THE CHOICE... There isn't one female that asked for the choice of being the sex that gets pregnant... This is how creation works... Sorry, no amount of complaining is going to EVER change that...
Men make the choice to leave or stay... Men have murdered, men have brutally kicked the woman in the pregnant belly, killing the baby...
There is NO LEGAL WAY, to split a pregnancy to equality to men...
MEN IF THEY GIVE A CRAP, DO HAVE A LEGAL SAY AS TO IF A CHILD IS ADOPTED, OR if they want to be the parent of the baby...THEN THE WOMAN DOESN'T have a say, she has to pay child support, if he files for it... If you need legal case citations I got um...
It may have been a while back that men had less of a say, but I have read several cases, where adoptions were overturned BECAUSE the father found out, and wanted the baby... The child was placed for several years with the adoptive parents, and the fathers were able to get the child...
In the state of Oregon, there is a case that was heard where a fertility clinic accidently used a mans "deposit" that was intended for his fiance', into another woman, which resulted in her pregnancy... He has FOUGHT HARD to get parental rights...
I am sorry you don't like the fact that when two people have sex, THEY BOTH ARE EQUALLY responsible that a pregnancy occured...
A man does not have that same right. Women love to yell about equality, but they also want to retain and guard the one right that gives them complete and total control over the birth and life of a child. Women love to say .."it takes two to tango", but it really only take ONE to decide to bring a child to term.
And, despite your hyperbolic response, I am not talking about men having any right legal or otherwise to tell a woman what she can do with her body. I'm not advocating that men have a say about the aborting of a pregnancy. I believe very fervently that women ought to retain that right.
These statments are a hyperbolical oxymoron...
As I state once again... The fetus IS IN THE FEMALE... Until you or some genius figures out how a man can become pregnant, the female ultimately has that responsibility... There is NO way around this... Believe me if men could get knocked up, and had to worry about a pregnancy, and all the reprocussions of the pregnancy, we women would GLADLY share that with you men...
However, I am also very fervent about the need for men to have the same right to say, " I do not want to be a parent. I want the same reproductive rights of a woman. I want reproductive equality."
And I repeat myself, men have for centuries walked away... They have equal rights to reproductivity... They either make sure they are wearing a condom, or get their vas deferens clipped, thus reducing the risk of pregnancy... OR they just don't have sex with a woman they don't want to have a child with...
Unless someone has held a gun to the mans head, and forced him to have sex with a woman, JUST AS THE WOMAN, he's equally risking creating a pregnancy...
If he has to pay child support, HE IS NOT BEING A PARENT... He is ONLY paying for a human being he helped create...
So he doesn't get the option as to whether SHE aborts... You said you weren't advocating for that...
Men do NOT get charged child support IF THE CHILD IS ADOPTED, and HE TERMINATES HIS RIGHTS... A man also have the right to NOT terminate his rights, if the mother marries and doesn't want the guy in her life... By all means I would LOVE you to show me legal citations stating other wise...
As I have repeatedly stated, seems to me you believe that a man should be able to say he doesn't want a pregnancy after the fact...
I don't particularly want to deal with the legal issues after I have ran someone over either...
After the fact doesn't amount to a hill of anything...
You don't have to like it, and you don't have to agree... unless you and your fellow men want to petition congress to have the right to force a woman to have an abortion... By all means go for it... There's not much you or I can do about it... IT is what it is...
You don't have to agree, and that is fine by me... My day isn't ruined in the least...
Sorry, I have studied family law... Part of my schooling... AND YES, there are some differences in jurisdictions... I can't know all of them, but I can locate cases in ALL jurisdiction, as well as look up any jurisditional ruling... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:27:57 PM |
Only thing I would add is that you, and the father, are nowhere NEAR responsible enough to raise this child proper. If you TRULY want this child to have a father, like you said, then your ONLY choice is to give this child up for adoption.
How can you tell a complete stranger something like that? You don't know her, therefore you don't know if she "could raise a child proper". You are basing your ASSumption on a few paragraphs typed on a message board. Congratulations on making an uninformed speculation.
How do you know that the guy won't change his mind when he sees his child? Children, believe it or not, have the ability to change people. I've seen it first hand. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:35:48 PM |
If mommy says he's the father, the onus is on him to disprove it rather than for her to prove it.
Not true! The court will not go on a woman's word alone. They will have the alleged father take a paternity test (unless he wants to sign paternity papers, which waives his right to a DNA test). ONLY IF he is the father, does he pay for the test and then assume financial responsibility
Not sure how that can be misconstrued as "having to disprove it".
The only time in my state that the above wouldn't be the normal procedure, would be if the woman is married. For some reason, the husband automatically goes on the birth certificate. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/12/2008 11:17:21 PM | | sweety am so sorry to hear that you are pregnant and the father is acting that way.i know how you are feeling cause the exact same thing happened to me while i was pregnant.but dont worry i belive you are a strong and couragous person and you will get through this.what he dont realize is dat you are carrying life inside of you and thats such abeautiiful thing.he may say such things maybe because he dont want the responsibility but maybe when the baby is born he'll realize what a beautiful boy/girl he helped created.but dont worry just be strong and dont stress yourself.cause youll get pass this hectic time in your life. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:31:11 AM |
The only time in my state that the above wouldn't be the normal procedure, would be if the woman is married. For some reason, the husband automatically goes on the birth certificate.
I did not say that in EVERY case the onus is on the guy to disprove, but you've provided one case where he would have to do so. There are other cases and circumstances that apply as well. But that gets us away from the thread topic. I think this discussion has been done in other threads. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:41:03 AM |
If that ISN'T a statement suggesting any single woman that finds herself preggers, and the father is not happy about it, then she needs to take pause and worry... What other way did you intend that statement???
You are welcome to take what I say in anyway you choose.
To stay on topic: Yes, I am often surprised that women think that the father of their kid ought to be happy or jumping for joy the same way she is. The OP should not be surprised by the reaction of the guy who she was having sex with.
And, once again, I do not, have not, will not condone murder in any situation under any circumstances.
This is an adult discussion, however it would seem you are frustrated that I don't agree with you...
Frustrated? Nope, not at all, but our discussion is going a bit far afield from the OP. I'd be happy to continue our discussion so feel free to contact me by email.
Cheers. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:55:47 AM | OK so this forum has got alot of long posts.. and I didnt read everything, just the first post and a few others...
Anyways this was me 4 years ago.... And to all those negative people stating there is birthcontrol and blah blah blah... Things happen. God makes our decisions... Dont put this girl down or her ex cause they had an accident pregnancy. And yes there is such things.. and birth control dosnt always work trust me. I never wanted kids but i got preg at a young age and now raising my now beautiful 3 year old on my own.
OK OP. I delt with the same ex. COuldnt stand each other... He always changed his mind... he wanted it he didnt.. i was a ****... a slut and blah blah... I ignored him.. moved to where i was supported and ya hes n her life once inawhile.. hes taking her next week for the first time for a week.
Its complicated, hard and some times impossible... But let him be. Dont get angry with him if he makes promises and breaks them dont get angry. Things well work out. Just raise your child the best you can and when he wants part let him.. As much as he says now all kinds of bad stuff and dosnt want this child. He well the first timme he sees it. Even if hes only in its life once or twice a year like mine, she still has a dad even though she barely sees him she at least knows him... anyways my advice is stay calm and ignore the immature shit he says... dont let him get to you.. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:11:28 AM | And to all those negative people stating there is birthcontrol and blah blah blah... Things happen. God makes our decisions... Dont put this girl down or her ex cause they had an accident pregnancy.
God doesn't decide if I get pregnant--I do..(except in circumstance of rape etc).....If I don't want to have a baby - I don't have one...it is pretty simple...
If that ISN'T a statement suggesting any single woman that finds herself preggers,
Finds herself preggers???????? We don't 'find' ourselves preggers--we have control over it--why do you keep talking about it like it is a disease that creeps up on women unknowingly???
The woman is the one that HAS TO MAKE THE CHOICE...
Yes she has a choice to get pregnant during this sexual excursion or not---we should be deciding before the act of sex not after....
There isn't one female that asked for the choice of being the sex that gets pregnant... This is how creation works..
Again--I don't just 'get' pregnant--it is a choice I make. This is not something I have no control over--like diabetes or something.
And I have no business deciding I am going to have a baby without making sure the man agrees. This is a big decision--on both sides--quit talking like she got him chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla
Babies/getting pregnant are too often used so the woman can hang on to the man that doesn't want to be with her--I don't know how anyone could see this as being mentally sane...
I'm sure this boy/young man would liked to have a baby with someone he loves one day--not with someone he had a roll in the hay with...sorry OP you have nothing to be proud of or happy about....nor a good story to pass on to your child....
As I state once again... The fetus IS IN THE FEMALE.
Not until we decide it will be there...again our decision...
Believe me if men could get knocked up, and had to worry about a pregnancy, and all the reprocussions of the pregnancy, we women would GLADLY share that with you men...
First of all I've never been knocked up...your words turn my stomach.maybe that is what you call it when the man doesn't know..but I have been pregnant and of course the father knew 'we' were getting pregnant...yes 'we'
and second please speak for yourself "we women would GLADLY"???--worries??reprecussions???..my pregnancy was beautiful--maybe because the father knew so I didn't have to deal with a shocked man..lol..and I would not have given that experience away for anything. so don't include me in the 'we women'.
As I have repeatedly stated, seems to me you believe that a man should be able to say he doesn't want a pregnancy after the fact...
No he should be able to say it ahead of the fact---but too many women just don't give a sht--they want a baby--they have the power--and that is that...nothing will stop these kinds--they will get pregnant by someone. I am in charge of my body and the OP is in charge of her body--just cut the crap and get to the point--she wanted a baby and didn't care what the guy thought...
Yes you need a man to make a baby--but you sure don't need him to be in the decision...just find one dumb enough--like the OP's roll in the hay--to not use protection...pretty sad...one of the things my sisters do that is just unacceptable to me--let alone desperate...it is a very selfish thing to do--bring a child into the world just because 'you' want to... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:34:31 AM | I question the following:
1. you will never regret having the child:
hopefully that is true, once you decide to do it, you will never need to be vindictive (which is indicative of resentment), or modify your values in terms of how naive a child be allowed to be based on the child's situation. (prejudicing a son or daughter to be completely non-trusting is not fair to the child)
2. if the ex was not required to pay a dime, would you still have and keep the child instead of putting him/her up for adoption. Once you are pregnant, the choice to allow the child to be adopted or the female right for abortion is well outside the father's rights. (the father being able to preclude adoption is not the same as having the right to initiate an adoption)
3. the idea that a man is going to fall in love with you because of baby - this is insane. Of course, in my life i have extremely rate/bizarre ideals that might lead one to this conclusion - but that is not likely to happen. I did "love the mother" for the child's sake but that (and the abuse in return) can only swallowed so long.
If either 1 or 2 is false for you personally within the privacy of your own thoughts, then i have to question your decision to have and keep the child. This is not to say that you are a bad person, or weak, it takes strength to know yourself and live accordingly.
please - if any of you take this as an attack on a person, womanhood, manhood, etc, re-read until you have settle down enough to read it as i intended - there is no malice, no judgement, no attack in the above.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:35:18 AM |
God doesn't decide if I get pregnant--I do..(except in circumstance of rape etc).....If I don't want to have a baby - I don't have one...it is pretty simple...
Accidents DO HAPPEN, and it is ALSO that simple... Women don't ALWAYS chose a pregnancy...Heck I had a friend that had her tubes tied, do you think SHE was planning on EVER getting pregnant again? Do you think it came as a HUGE surprise she was pregnant...
I also know someone very close to me that was on the pill, and got pregnant during the time the pill is nothing more than a sugar pill... Do you think she wasn't totally shocked to find HER SELF pregnant, when she was taking precaution that is said to be 99% effective? Double or triple up? Yeah well she does now.
YES, and young people can be niave, and not use birth control, and oh look a pregnancy happened.. Not everyone is as informed apparent as you are, and that is life.
Ever worked with young teen parents? I have, and at least 80% of them weren't thinking of what could happen, because they had some niave thought process it wouldn't happen to them.
I'm sure this boy/young man would liked to have a baby with someone he loves one day--not with someone he had a roll in the hay with
What I read from your statement is that YOU DON'T seem to believe a man is responsible for his own sperm...Is that what you are saying? It was all her fault, and she should have been the ONLY person thinking about birth control, and since she didn't she needs to NOW be brow beat simply because that is what judgmental people feel the need to do.
Besides if you read her postings, she was actually IN A RELATIONSHIP with the guy, for what two years if I recall...
It is to bad YOUR SISTERS are the type that try to HOOK a man through pregnancy, I have two twin grandbabies through this tactic... HOWEVER I also warned my stepson HE NEEDED TO BE AWARE OF THIS HIMSELF, POP A RAIN COAT ON... HE KNEW SHE STOPPED TAKING THE PILL...
Fortunately it has a very good story and HE WAS delighted, he is married and is a great husband, and she is a delightful daughter in law...
First of all I've never been knocked up...your words turn my stomach.maybe that is what you call it when the man doesn't know
So sorry my "word" turns your stomach, however that is the name of a MOVIE that just came out on DVD and my son was actually at the moment asking to watch it...
Personally I have used the word pregnant, or preggers...
and second please speak for yourself "we women would GLADLY"???--worries??reprecussions???..my pregnancy was beautiful--maybe because the father knew so I didn't have to deal with a shocked man..lol..and I would not have given that experience away for anything. so don't include me in the 'we women'
You don't have to be included... Why would you to want to keep such a beautiful bonding experience and all that goes with it from a man... I had three beautiful wonderful pregnancies, and it was a very NATURAL response to want to she that experience. The first two I had natural child birth so I could enjoy the entire feeling and NOT miss what the human body did naturally... It isn't for everybody, but that was what child birthing classes were for back in the day.
My third it was more of a family event... Kids and hubby went to US appointments, got to experience the quickening even before the human body can detect it... Child that could handle watching a birth was there, as was HIS mother... It was great, I think all humans should experience it... THAT WOULD MAKE REPRODUCTION really EQUAL...
WINDSORONT2 if you find it offense that I personally believe a MAN should also be responsible for HIS OWN act of having sex with a woman HE IS NOT wanting a child with, that your choice.
For centuries it has been the woman that shouldered the entire responsibility and if it was NOT a planned pregnancy then she also got to bear the shame. I find it sad to see people still wanting to castigate the woman, and think she is the only one there during the act of sex; absolving any responsibility of the man.
Men and women should BOTH equally take care of the issue, not just the woman.
However after the fact, I don't find bashing the woman a productive or necessary response. The op IS shouldering the pregnancy... No where in her thread has she whined or complained, or put her part of the responsibility ON her partner.
All OP asked is if men would want to be apart of that childs life...
Bashing her for being niave, scared, and not really grasping the whole pregnancy thing is nothing more than feeling power over someone who already admits she could have done something different, then bashing her for it.
Personally I don't think that is called for...
just cut the crap and get to the point--she wanted a baby and didn't care what the guy thought...
That's a major assumption on your behalf, and NOT ALL women are out wanting to become pregnant to hang on to a man. Life happens, good or bad, expected, planned or not...
You can believe all women are rotten people because they become pregnant while they are single and That is your choice...
Personally I know that isn't correct, nor an accurate assumption...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:06:04 PM |
Accidents DO HAPPEN, and it is ALSO that simple.
Yes I said there are circumstances..I believe I mentioned rape to be another one besides the ones you spoke of...but that is not what I am talking about here... I was speaking of my disappointment in women that plan on getting pregnant without letting the man know...giving him a chance to not be a father if he doesn't want to be.....the OP wanted a baby he didn't--she has no right imo... I didn't find a post that said the OP was in a relationship with this guy for 2 years but I did find this...
First off, we were in a relationship, we were also living together. But relationships don't alway end with a happy ending honey. After we ended things, I found out from his ex that he was dating 3 girls at the same time and that this relationship was all fake and a waste of my time. But with every relationship you have, you always learn something and try to not make that same mistake again. I won't say it was a waste of my time because in the end I will be having a wonderful child from it.
I can't say I don't agree with you on alot of things but it is the situation at hand that makes me come to the conclusion that I do...I was never speaking of accidental pregnancies...but the situation here...and...well sounds pretty damn pre meditated to me...
The whole situation is a game....she was pizzed at him to say the least...Sounds to me liked she fixed his azz....jmo...she held onto him on the only way she could--it is very sad for everyone involved--all for her desperation to hold on or revenge.... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:22:41 PM |
Again--I don't just 'get' pregnant--it is a choice I make. This is not something I have no control over--like diabetes or something.
And I have no business deciding I am going to have a baby without making sure the man agrees. This is a big decision--on both sides--quit talking like she got him chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla
Babies/getting pregnant are too often used so the woman can hang on to the man that doesn't want to be with her--I don't know how anyone could see this as being mentally sane...
I'm sure this boy/young man would liked to have a baby with someone he loves one day--not with someone he had a roll in the hay with...sorry OP you have nothing to be proud of or happy about....nor a good story to pass on to your child....
Reading something like that just makes me think how fcuked up in the head some people are.
First off.. all i asked was if men would want to be apart of their childs life. Then after reading most of the post I get blamed on in the end. This makes me think what this world has come to, where people are pointing fingers instead of hearing the WHOLE STORY. Like many people may think that someone is at fault and we have to point fingers and blame them for there bad judgement or "accident" like getting pregnant and the father wanting nothing to do with his blood.
Then I have to hear :
just cut the crap and get to the point--she wanted a baby and didn't care what the guy thought...
First off, Just to let you know hunny, birth control is not always 100%. I was on the needle and some how I got pregnant, accidents do happen. NO ONE IS PERFECT. I did not at all thought I could get pregnant but I did and you know what. Its not the end of the world. It just means, I have to put my career on hold for a bit. Yes, my life may never be the same but again ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. So I'm pregnant and he wants nothing to do with this. AGAIN... NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. If he doesnt want to step up and be a father then there is no point on forcing him or not. If he is being such an ass-hole then I dont need someone in my life like that nor my child but again some people may say is not up to me to decide that. If we go to court and he wants visitation and he gets that, so then thats fine by me. Its his choice not mine.
Also, I beleive in this as well:
Men and women should BOTH equally take care of the issue, not just the woman
Its like this, I didn't have sex by myself, I didn't get myself pregnant. IT TAKES TWO. Which means I THINK that BOTH MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD STAND UP FOR THERE ACTIONS but in the end most men don't. So as us women being strong, we step up to the plate and be the mature adult here.
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:28:16 PM | WINDSORONT2 ,
We both can agree there are women that do that...I find it foolish, and ultimately the person that pays the highest price of all is the child...
From first hand experience, a child raised in a single parent home pays the highest price really no matter what. There is no putting anything over on anyone no matter how single parenthood happened, a child has a missing piece if the dad isn't involved, or there that is a fact.
I personally busted my hump working a job and a half to support my daughters... What it did was literally destroy my health because I put in so many hours, on odd shifts, so I would be there when they were awake...
I would get about 4 to 8 hours of sleep a week. What my daughters DO remember is a mum that worked really hard, and nearly died from pure exhaustion. The damage I sustained can't be repaired, it was just to much for to long.
Both of my daughters REFUSE to being babies into the world until their life is stable and in a happy marriage...Which is one good part they learned... However they fear that exhaustion illness is what happens if you have children... That is very heart breaking to me, because I hate knowing my daughters worry they will become ill.
I never complained while raising them, nor did I ever let them know that I spent that kind of time not sleeping to try and provide for them, and spend time with them at the same time... AND NO, I did NOT do any sort of drug, it was pure desire to be a good effective mum that pushed me to work and kept me awake to be with my kids...
I don't know the OP's personal situation, I wasn't there, have no idea how everything went down...
As someone that HAS worked with pregnant teens, all I know how to do is offer realistic support to their situation. That is what I have done for the op.
I have had judgment passed on me when I was young, niave, vulnerable... Therefore I work hard NOT to pass judgment on a stituation I don't personally know about.
I know that being a single parent is one of the harder jobs a person takes on if they want their child to turn out to be productive with a good attitude about life.
Thanks, this is truce... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:28:52 PM |
she was pizzed at him to say the least...Sounds to me liked she fixed his azz....jmo...she held onto him on the only way she could--it is very sad for everyone involved--all for her desperation to hold on or revenge....
And again people are jumping to the conclusion and pointing fingers. I'm getting sick of trying to explain myself.
When I found out I was pregnant, I told him right away actually he was the first people to know. I found out I was pregnant way before I heard he was a player. I'm not having this child for revenge or have something to hang over his head. Its not like that but again on my last post. Its always easy to point fingers. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:57:07 PM | I am a single Mom who left my son's Dad when I was five months pregnant for a variety of reasons. I have no REGRETS. I chose to not list his "father" on the birth certificate. Although, it is extremely hard to believe that there are people out there who make no attempts whatsoever to take responsibilities for their actions, and that can be heartbreaking for all involved, I figured if he wants to be involved in his son's life, he would at some point take the initiative to establish paternity. I left that choice up to him. The fact that my son is six years old and he has had no contact with his "dad" syas a lot about the guy's character, doesn't it? Has it been difficult to do on my own? Absolutely. Do I need a man to raise my son. Nope. Best wishes ...............
I firmly believe parenthood is not a right. It's a blessing and a gift.
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