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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:35:20 PM | It's an unfortunate thing to see what kind of responses some people can give to a woman who is in a situation that's all new to her. Rather than give some good words or some advice, they point their judgmental fingers and try to inflict their "wholesome" values on the person. This isn't a post to point out people's flaws; it's to help a woman who is in a rough patch.
Whiskeygirl, I got your back! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:42:32 PM | Being a single father myself,Thought I would chime in.
Those coming in with their guns hot at this woman , particularly when they haven't experienced it need to back up. I don't presume to question her motivations or her reactions, after all it is her life and her experience.
It's different for all of us, I don't think my little boy is going to have less of a life for having only one parent. There are those that disagree, and they are welcome to their opinion.
Single parenting is a reality of modern day life, and anyone who rakes her over the coals, male or female has their head in the wrong place.
Yes you should follow your heart and instincts, if that means dating then so be it. If it means going back to the fellow for the wrong reasons, That's your call as well. There are tons of guys out there that are single parents themselves, and are totally fine with the idea of dating you - for you. You're a single parent just like anyone else here, just prior to the fact.
When the little one arrives, you'll still be a single parent - the only distinction here is an illusion.
The only advice I can give you, Ma'am, is to not take so much advice. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 4:00:48 PM |
If you got someone pregnant, wouldn't you want to be involved in your child's life or just pay child support and want nothing to do with the child
I could NOT even begin to think of not being involved with my child(ren), in fact when I got divorced I made absolutely certain the attorney saw to it I got custody of the children. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Personally I cannot see anyone having kids and NOT wanting to be a part of their lives, but sadly it does happen, real shame too. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:20:38 PM | Get a ****ing abortion.
I just don't get it, bringing unwanted children into the world to ruin your life so you end up here whining about never finding good men.
Get real, a kid won't bring you together with this loser, its the last thing you need. Where's your brains?
(intentional toughness) | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:57:39 PM | | Totally agree with lucky vet. Why do you want to bring a child into a world where it won't even have a father figure? And if you really think you and boyfriend are gonna get closer after it's born, you are so wrong. Grow up and make an adult decision. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:30:37 AM | Two totally rude and out of line comments, one from a married 38 yr old guy who's looking for female conversations... Lucky vet..
Then Jim who's 36, works for the food industry, and states loudly
I'm only looking for someone without children.
Jim and Vet (who apparently has kid) since when is it up to either of you to tell someone else to scrape a living being out of their body???
If you read her thread she didn't say anything about bring the bf closer... Hmmm guess reading an actual posting by the OP is not something the two of you believe in...
So Jim by your theory, if someone has a child, and the father was killed before for it was born, or even after, then the child should be what, aborted or put for adoption???
How about the people who have children and get a divorce, these kids should just be put up for adoption, because there is NO CHANCE of a fatherly figure in their life...
Perhaps the growing up needs to come from men who hide behind a computer screen and give mean and nasty rants without thinking about other people...
It isn't either one of your decision what she does with her pregnancy, and that was NOT the question she asked... The OP IS growing up, and making VERY adult decisions, they just don't agree with your ideas in this world...
We don't know what this biological father will do... He may very well find after his child is born the real blessing that children are... That is NOT ONE PERSON HERE that can say one way or another...
Kids can be raised without their biological father, and turn out VERY WELL...
We don't live in a walgreen commercial, where everything is perfect.... And didn't either of your parents teach you two if you can't talk kind OR with something actually constructive as to what is being asked, instead of being impolite...Don't say anything at all???
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:41:02 AM | Calm down.
The opinion is logical / responsible, and if more exercised it, the world would be a much better place. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:05:56 AM |
It's an unfortunate thing to see what kind of responses some people can give to a woman who is in a situation that's all new to her. Rather than give some good words or some advice, they point their judgmental fingers and try to inflict their "wholesome" values on the person. This isn't a post to point out people's flaws; it's to help a woman who is in a rough patch.
Son, you are WAY too young to have a CLUE as to what is right or wrong in this situation. The "judgmental fingers" being pointed her way are EXACTLY the advice she needs. The OP is using the rationale of a child. When you discipline a child do you only ask them in a nice manner if they could PLEASE stop?? NO, you tell them very bluntly that they are making a stupid mistake and to stop immediately. That's exactly what I, and the other "judgmental" people are doing.
If you, and the OP, want to act like pouty children and NOT take the advice, then that's entirely your choice. BUT, not listening to sound advice is what got her into this predicament in the first place!
Whiskeygirl, I got your back!
 How immature and meaningless. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:33:45 AM |
So Jim by your theory, if someone has a child, and the father was killed before for it was born, or even after, then the child should be what, aborted or put for adoption???
Absolutely, if the father died before the child was born, the child should be adopted out! The child doesn't know any difference.
If the father dies after the birth(more than a few months) and the child has bonded with the mother then of course you wouldn't put the child up for adoption. Your questions are really immature. All you have to do is ask, "What is best for the child?". It's quite simple. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:48:28 AM | So tell me nexthyme because I like to whine, by me working in food service, does that somehow not entitle me to an opinion? Or do you think just because of my job that women don't want me or that I'm in poverty? Look, I live in a house that's paid off. I have five cars and don't owe except on one (a 1963 Buick BTW). I have $15 grand worth of firearms in my safe. So just because I work in a restaurant, is that putting me in a lower class bracket? Tell me, I'd like to hear your moronic response.
And hell yeah, I will never date a woman with children, period. I can understand if the father is deceased but the case is usually never like that. It's usually because the woman has made bad choices in life at a very young age. If she intends to raise the kid without a father figure, then she's already giving it less of a chance to succeed. And if a man wants to get involved in that, good for him. But having many men come into that kid's life, which is usually the case is just going to end up making that child feel bitter and lost.
Now because I don't want to get involved in a situation like that, you cannot turn around and say that I'm being mean, callous or closed minded in any way. I always took the responsibillity to make sure that I never got a woman that I was having sex with pregnant. You know why? Because I only want kids with somebody that I'm married to and with someone that has the mental aptitude to raise them. If others thought that way, maybe we wouldn't have so many single mothers in this country with children already facing a bleak future that's bound to keep repeating itself. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:20:28 AM |
. I have $15 grand worth of firearms in my safe.
There was a single mom in a previous thread who boasted that she made her boyfriend sell all his firearms because she didn't want them in the same house as her child. Of course, the moron complied. Of course again, she dumped him after a while. So Mr. Sensitive was left without girlfriend and without firearms.
And they say "we" are the selfish ones . Go figures. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:37:04 PM | | Ugh- rockhunter, when I was a single childless woman I made sooo many men give up shit. One mans basset hound, motorcycle AND Uncle all had to go. He got rid of all of them for me. It's not having children that makes a woman do that. It's sharing a life and being able to comfortably share the life together. Oh and he refused to live in my home the entire time we were together so instead of living in my nice 3 bedroom brick home we rented apartments and bought a trailer. All because he was not comfortable living in the house that I had once shared with my husband. It's all about compromise and sometimes even with all the compromising things just don't work out. Meh. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:41:21 PM | | Ok Fab, I'll bite: What is exactly the "compromise" the single mom is doing? Until now, every time the word "compromise" appears, it's the guy who has to do it. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:42:33 PM | Doesn't anyone know anything about "bonding"? I know several parents who adopted children. AS they grew up there were all kinds of issues because bonding wasn't established.
I married at a young age. Was 19 had my first daughter @22 second .At 25 divorced. Yes, I was too young to make a decision to marry. Big mistake. To then adopt my children out-YOU"VE GOT TO BE NUTS TO DO SOMETHING "MATURE" LIKE THAT!!!!! I wanted my children. If their father was a ---so be it. I also believe in abortion-albeit a very serious issue to deal with, Roe vs Wade certainly cut down our prison numbers. There are several ways to kill a human being-one bringing them into a world where their unloved and unbonded.
I take offense. Although I realize I'm not the norm my children are very well adjusted at 19 and 22 and not because of their father being present.Intelligent, on their way to college degrees, very independant with great heads on their shoulders. They shake their heads at some of their college friends who were raised in a two family household who are inmature and have very little relationships with their parents not to mention dependant on mommy and daddy for everything.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonaide. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:47:26 PM | Rock- did you not read where I gave up my house? I think that was a pretty big freaking compromise all because HE did not feel comfortable living in the home my ex and I picked out.
And honestly, I don't regret that. We did not work out but we did have a great, caring relationship and I wouldn't change any of it. He is happy with a family (the family he was meant to have) and I am happy in my life. We still care and respect each other because we cared and respected each other in our relationship.
Another example, my current boyfriend is not comfortable with the fact that I live with a man. So even though he (my roommate) is my best friend, has lived with me for years and was there when I had no one we have decided that in order for our relationship to work he has to go. It kills me to ask him to leave but I had to do it.
I can't speak for other women but me, I am always willing to compromise. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:50:59 PM | I can't speak for other women but me, I am always willing to compromise.
Perhaps that's why you still have a relationship, while most others are here whining because men don't want them. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:51:59 PM | | Word. lol. I've always said that it wasn't because of having children- if you can't find someone you need to start looking at yourself- not blaming the kids. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:56:40 PM | i really think this thread is getting out of hand!
there is an unborn baby to think of....not a immature "spermdonor" who is unwilling to account for his actions... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:58:16 PM | Hey girl,
I would hope this dude steps up and takes responsibility. I realize it takes two to make 1, 2, 3, etc., and so on. I was in a relationship, only in another country, long story short, my son's mother did not want him after age 10. She shipped him off to me here in the US, I raised him to age 19, he is now 22 and in the Air Force, in Iraq. At present he is engaged to a woman who is also in the AF, yes, I did attempt to talk to him about, you know, sex. You really don't want to hear what my son told me, but I'll just say it was 'colorful.'
Getting back to your situation, boy, this guy needs to realize the long term, think way ahead now, because for the both of you, soon to be the three of you, your lives will never be the same again. I truly hope the father of your child finds himself, and matures to the point where he will feel comfortable to be around both you and the child, and take responsibility without a grudge. I will wish you all the best, I hope your family is there to rally around you and give you the necessary support you need at this juncture.
God Bless,
John | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:44:47 PM | Jim, unless you are ashamed of what you do, I put food industry because that is what it states in YOUR profile... Just as stated for "lucky Vet" he apparently has kids, and is married and looking for women to talk to IN HIS profile...
My apologizes if that offended you that someone would use what YOU stated; on my behalf it was merely a description of the person who felt the need to attack someone without merit. If you feel like you work in a lower class bracket, that is YOUR issue... I know plenty of people that are chiefs, wait staff, and the list goes on, that make more than some people that are in white collar professions... And frankly I am sure if they wanted to have 30 or 40 thousand dollars worth of firearms in their safe they could (Is that supposed to be a threat???)
Let me tell you why I find your statement MERITLESS... I have two older daughters, both didn't have a "father figure" until the oldest was 8, the other was 5.
My oldest is now 24 has her bachelors, and is getting her masters... During this last leg of schooling she is getting set to launch her own business.
My 21 yr old is a 3rd yr pre med student... Applying to a prestigious medical school back east.. That is her chosing, and a goal she set out for herself...
Neither of them feel bitter or lost... They had a Mum that busted her hump to give them a good life, and felt loved, valued and learned a moral obligation to be accepting of others... They also learned the value of working for things for themselves...
So tell me where have my kids been doomed to repeat a cycle?
History hasn't repeated itself and most certainly I DO personally find it an insult to think that just because YOU haven't procreated, that others should be like you..
I have NO PROBLEM in the fact that YOU have chosen a very responsible, if not LUCKY life that YOU did NOT procreate a child with someone you have no intent on being with
Here's a 7 applaud salute to ya...
I can guarentee you my daughters (nor my son), have NOT seen men come in and out of their life like a revolving door... I did my dating on my own time which wasn't much...
I am a single parent now...I was married for nearly ten yrs, and had felt, thought, HOPED that the marriage would be a good one and didn't procreate with him until we'd been together for nearly five years.. Well bummer it didn't work... Should I have put my son up for adoption at the age of 5 because all the sudden the marriage went south?
He's now 12, happy as a clam, has 50/50 visits with both parents. Is very comfortable in his own skin... Thrives on his ability to be a kind well liked student, and looks forward to being productive...
I take great issue when people decide that someones child that they are carrying is a valueless lump of tissue, being better off scraped into a can.
This was NOT OP's question, and anybody that is suggesting she is NOT capable of raising a child successfully, and having a relationship that is healthy is really not looking at the world in a realistic way at all...
Over 50% of all marriages these days end up in divorce. If we each dumped our children, or pregnancy because some how it would affect our life in a negative way, or there was a potential for it to be a negative out come...Then everyone should stop having kids all together...
I agree that a person should STRIVE for a loving marriage... However shyte happens, and we move forward.
If you believe in abortion as an option to a problem, so be it... However I find it offensive to want to push that option on to someone else who has made the choice to carry her pregnancy, and make the best life she has the ability to...
I find it more than offense to state she ISN'T making the right choice, and that she needs to grow up...
You have a right to your opinion...I also have a right to not agree, with your opinion, and defend someone that didn't come on here to have the morals police dictate to them what the right thing to do is... | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:25:18 PM | People should wait until after marriage before concieving a child. If that were to happen we would see less single parent families. The OP lives in Canada the courts and government here have passed laws which can force an ex step parent to pay child support for ex step children. This was in response to some of the morale dilemas we face in western society with regards to deadbeat parents, child support issues and the like.
We need better morality as a society. As I already stated with our child support laws it will makeit tough for the OP to find another serious romantic relationship as many men will be scared off by the potential long term legal liability of paying child support for a child that they did not create or adopt. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:09:35 PM | Ah, the beauty of internet forums, where virtually anonymous people are allowed to share their insight with others, even when their $0.02 should have never left the piggy bank, metaphorically speaking of course. But enough about that...
Son, you are WAY too young to have a CLUE as to what is right or wrong in this situation. The "judgmental fingers" being pointed her way are EXACTLY the advice she needs. The OP is using the rationale of a child. When you discipline a child do you only ask them in a nice manner if they could PLEASE stop?? NO, you tell them very bluntly that they are making a stupid mistake and to stop immediately. That's exactly what I, and the other "judgmental" people are doing.
First off, shoebox1. Only 2 people in my life have earned the right to call me Son. You are neither. You do not know me, nor can you pretend to know me, or know my life. I trust you won't make the same mistake twice.
I'm all for brutal honesty, don't get me wrong, but in this thread there seems to be an overwhelming amount of so-called "advice" that looks like it's nothing more than kicking the person when they are down. If someone was having a difficult time with the loss of a loved one, would you say "Oh. Well it's their own fault they died!" and be done with it? No. There is a process to dealing with it, and it can require genuine care and compassion from others to help with that. I'm seeing a lack of that here. There are a few souls out there that seem to be considerate of Whiskeygirl's state, and are trying to give advice to help.
How immature and meaningless.
I'm here to make sure that a close and personal friend of mine gets the best advice she can to help her get through a difficult situation in her life. That's it, that's all. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:14:59 PM | diabloszook,
WOW, I am extremely impressed... Not because we are on the same side of this debate, but rather how well you handled a direct attack... Very seldom do I see young people handle such an attack with such direct nonoffense rebuttles as you have made...
I am very glad whiskeygirl has a friend like you...
I don't find the attacks against her warranted, nor do I find them helpful...
This has always been an after the fact issue, and one the OP already made a choice on, now she has a few questions, which are completely normal...
Yes, I can relate because I wore simular shoes as she did, and I know the scrutiny and ugliness people can direct towards someone that has made the choice to become a parent, even though it wasn't a planned event.
I don't think the OP needs any "tough love", or moral judgment because this is life, and a reality that has been around since the beginning of mankind...
diabloszook, I want to applaud you for being a stand up person, and not resorting to personal attacks...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:37:06 PM | Abortion?
Murder of a child because it complicates your lifestyle?Death to an infant who's only mistake was to be concieved in the first place?
For some reason you really think THAT is in CHILD'S best interest?
Are you HIGH?!
If your parents aborted you, we wouldn't be listening to a half thought out verbal jab at a woman who still , despite your best trolling efforts, is still turning the other cheek.
Something for everyone who has suggested that option to think about.
Frankly I am surprised that anyone with children of any age would suggest that, to any child. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:45:14 PM | WELL U COULD DO WHAT MY EX DID JUST NOT TALK TO HIM THEN AFTER SHE IS BORN DONT LET HIM SEE HER TILL SHE IS SIX MONTHS OLD AND THEN TELL HIM TO TAKE HER AND PAY THATS WHAT HAPPEND TO MY 2nd KID BUT I WOULDN'T DO THAT THATS JUST MEAN AND SELFISH | |
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