| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:55:10 PM | Abortion my ex didnt want kids but she knew that I dont belive in it but it is her body and I cant tell her what to do She still had him and well she was very unhappy but I dont think it was a misstake .
She ended up doing drugs drinking and leaving us wile she was pregnent with my little girl she could of had a abortion with her but she didnt she know that would Kill me and then my son would have no DAD | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:27:25 AM |
WOW, I am extremely impressed... Not because we are on the same side of this debate, but rather how well you handled a direct attack... Very seldom do I see young people handle such an attack with such direct nonoffense rebuttles as you have made...
I am very glad whiskeygirl has a friend like you...
diabloszook, I want to applaud you for being a stand up person, and not resorting to personal attacks...
AWESOME!!!!!!!! | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:09:26 AM |
First off all "TheEmeraldTeardrop,"
"you run the very dangerous risk of looking like ( and appearing as) someone who isn't a very good future dating prospect."
I'm sorry to say but didn't your parents raised you to not judge a book by its cover.
"You picked this guy. You chose to have sex with him. You chose to have a child with him despite the fact you did so without any kind of formal relationship or commitment or marriage or, as it appears, a real plan."
First off, we were in a relationship, we were also living together. But relationships don't alway end with a happy ending honey. After we ended things, I found out from his ex that he was dating 3 girls at the same time and that this relationship was all fake and a waste of my time. But with every relationship you have, you always learn something and try to not make that same mistake again. I won't say it was a waste of my time because in the end I will be having a wonderful child from it.
"you cannot discern the difference between a good mate and a bad mate."
I wouldn't of dated him if I thought he was wrong for me. Our relationship wasn't all bad, there were some good. I thought he was a really nice guy. But his attitude towards me being pregnant, has changed my opinion.
You can't judge someone but ther cover until you actually get to know them. As for a good mate and a bad mate. Being in a relationship is a risk, thats when you really get to know someone and there true colors really show.
"Be honest, how many men your age want to date a pregnant woman? How many want to date a woman and marry her knowing they'll have to step up a raise a child not their own? How many will want to take the financial burden, and from the sounds of it, deal with an ex who isn't too happy about the whole arrangement? "
Its people like you that make me sick.
My friend was pregnant and she wanted nothing to do with the father. Some friends set her up on a blind date. They clicked, she told him that she was pregnant and you know what that didn't bother him one bit. Now look at her, she got married and she is pregnant again.
You really need to get your head out of your ass.
I think it's pretty sad that my tax dollars are going to subsidize attitudes like this for eighteen years. Sigh.
Whether you want to accept it or not, dating and life in general is just going to get harder for you, probably harder than for most single childless people, as time moves on.
Being an adult means taking accountability for your life. Yes, the father of your child is not being responsible for his actions (or as much as anyone can derive from only hearing one side of the story) but you seem do completely deny the fact that you picked him in the first place.
I wish some of the single mothers in here who had their child or children at your age would do more to explain to you about why having children young is a difficult and often brutal decision instead of wanting to pin a medal on your chest so they don't feel bad about their own formerly youthful choices.
If the father of your child is a poor example of a father and how men should behave towards their children, that's not just HIS fault. It's BOTH of your faults. It's his fault for being a deadbeat. It's your fault for picking him in the first place. Either way your child is the one who suffers in the end. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:43:14 AM |
People should wait until after marriage before concieving a child. If that were to happen we would see less single parent families. The OP lives in Canada the courts and government here have passed laws which can force an ex step parent to pay child support for ex step children. This was in response to some of the morale dilemas we face in western society with regards to deadbeat parents, child support issues and the like.
We need better morality as a society. As I already stated with our child support laws it will makeit tough for the OP to find another serious romantic relationship as many men will be scared off by the potential long term legal liability of paying child support for a child that they did not create or adopt.
This topic has been discussed ad nauseum. You have regurgitated the same text into many many threads.
Do you just copy and paste your cack from thread to thread?
What you posted has no value whatsoever to the OP. It won't help her because a baby has already been created. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:22:26 PM | The OP is looking for feedback, she lives in Canada and it is very real feedback and the truth she will find that many men will choose not to get into a serious relationship with her. She needs to concentrate on her baby and she should have done a better job of screening the father for his character and moral values. The fact that she did not means that her life will be a bit more difficult financially and socially for the next 18 years.
OP I wish you luck but really...you will need it and I hope you have taken some of the advice from Emeraldteardrop and myself. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:33:25 PM | | Do you people (the ones who keep preaching that single mothers should have picked a better man to father her children) NOT understand that shit happens? Do you really think we purposely got involved with men who later turned out to be d!cks? STFU about it already. YOU weren't there, YOU don't know. Go live your bitter, childless lives and stop trying to make others feel bad because YOU have a freakin problem with yourself. Get your own house in order, lick your wounds, man up, and shut up. It amazes me how many people frequent these forums just to pick apart other's lives in order to make themselves feel superior. Get therapy. Y'all need it. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:07:26 PM | | Then why do single parents start these types of threads if they do not want feedback? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:20:58 PM | This was her question:
If you got someone pregnant, wouldn't you want to be involved in your child's life or just pay child support and want nothing to do with the child?
Are you a father, Johne? Can you answer THAT question, Johne? No where in that question did I see her asking for a morals lecture. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:14:45 PM |
I wish some of the single mothers in here who had their child or children at your age would do more to explain to you about why having children young is a difficult and often brutal decision instead of wanting to pin a medal on your chest so they don't feel bad about their own formerly youthful choices.
If the father of your child is a poor example of a father and how men should behave towards their children, that's not just HIS fault. It's BOTH of your faults. It's his fault for being a deadbeat. It's your fault for picking him in the first place. Either way your child is the one who suffers in the end.
Emerald I am not sure why you expect others to kick the OP, just because she's already down, and has a HUGE load ahead of her...
Personally I find it extremely offensive that you would suggest any of us are pinning a medal on anyone to feel better for our past poor choices... Perhaps that is how you get through your life, however I don't... I did my time, I carried the load and earned a living through hard work...
If you went through and seen the brutally honest life I talked about living, it isn't about awarding anyone...
However I am NOT the moral police, nor is anyone else here. She is a 21 yr old that has made the choice NOT to kill her pregnancy... That is HER CHOICE... I have no right or desire to tell her to do one thing or another, I'm not her mother...
She wants to be a mother... So be it, I am not going to tell her otherwise, especially someone that already has a means to support a child, because that ISN'T my place...
She asked about the guy, and if a person would want to be in their childs life...
She explained her fears.. WHICH is all normal stuff...
I don't feel bad about my youthful choices, because I took what I placed in front of myself, and went with it... Hard or not...
My kids are respectful, productive, educated women, one is getting her Masters at 24, and the other is a 3rd yr med student... I have a 12 yr old that I had after being married for almost 5 yrs... It didn't work, and I don't regret having my son, or that the marriage didn't work.. This is life, a real one...Shyte happens and you deal with it, or sit around putting others down because your own life is so miserable... Mine is!!!
My ex and I have parented each others kids, and then the one we had together...
Should I tell the op that I am a rare, special case because I don't have dope whores, with illegitimate children of their own? That she most certainly can't be special because she made such a poor choice, and her life is surely going to be ruined, and so is her childs?
That is a load of crap... There are good single parents out there... I never said it would be a cake walk...Ya just do it...
I have to really wonder what is wrong with people who feel this aching need to kick and kick and kick some more someone that is taking steps to care for her life, and the life of her unborn...
Really makes me wonder about people...
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:18:34 PM | | Oh ya I understand. I too am a pregnant and single. Some guys can play some really bad head games. It isnt always the girls.. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:13:27 AM | .whiskeygirl. ~ I wouldnt listen to all the ppl who say that your to blame for getting pregnant, everyone should know it does take two!
And as for saying you should pick your partner more carefully, you can be in a relationship with someone for years before relieseing they are not who you thought they were!
Im a young single mum, my lil boy is a year and a half i was in a serious relationship with his dad but things didnt work out, He still sees his son now and again and does pay when his got the money.
Im also pregnant, this dad doesnt want to know, one minute he wanted to know the baby next minute he wants me to get rid off it. My advice would be to jus concentrate on being a good mum, forget bout him if he doesnt want to know its him thats missing out.
I hate it how, it always seems to be the womens fault and how can anyone say that the baby isnt going to have a good life because its only being raised by one parent? Having a two parent family doesnt mean the child is gonna be happy and have evrything it wants!!!
Goodluck with the pregnancy | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:11:14 AM | | hey there i am kinda goin through the same thing but i left the province cause he told me that i was just another **** that he got prego and oyu kno what i kno that is so confusin men are really good at the mind game thing i kno that for a fact but i am gonna tell you this if he wants to be a****you dont need him he is not good enough to be your babys daddy and if he wants to pull that it is his loss totally not to have such an innocent child in his life so you kno what if he keeps doin it tell him that oyu have had enough of the bs and he is not gonna have anything to do with the baby whether he likes it or not | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:52:52 PM | So, the OP is 21 and had sex with a man and got pregnant. LOL. I started sex in 19 and guess what now I am 32 and have never been pregnant..... By 21 you should now a contraception saga. What head games guys play in terms of babies????? Ha?
And if a woman can't be responsible in terms of contraception and clearly has some lack of knowledge in this department---how do we expect her to be a good responsible parent? If she couldn't get it by herself she had to choose a good Doc who would work with her on this issue and explain her options opf contraception. Docs are good they are trained to come across with sex stuff to even teens.
Do we belive that the Op can make a good choice in terms of healthy nutrition, day care, education for the kid? Or perhaps look for a professional assitance? I afraid not.
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:12:57 PM | I always find it amazing when people get all righteous about contraception, how it NEVER failed for them, etc...
With a large enough sample, even perfect contraception fails. Somewhere in the area of 1 in 1,000 of STERILIZED people get pregnant. How much more "perfect" could you get? And yet, it still fails.
Grow up and realize that other people experience a different LIFE than you do. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:09:57 AM | If you don't want kids celibacy is the answer, not contraception. No contraceptive method is 100%. I never hear the men who constantly bash single mums on threads like this mention that they themselves have been celibate for 3 years +.
In fact browsing through the site generally, women who don't "put out" within a very short time frame are NOT admired are revered. Many men kick em to the curb and find someone who will put out by the 5 th date. These same men turn up their noses at the infertile. 5 meetings is not nearly enough time to establish if someone is good parent material.
There is an awful double standard going on here on POF, judging by a quick browse of threads.
For the OP - concentrate on you and the baby for now. Assume you are going it alone, then if he steps up to the plate later on, it'll be a pleasant suprise. Don't assume you'll get anything in the way of child support payments or emotional support rom him in any way whatsoever.
Start researching stuff like good daycare NOW, so that you are fully prepared to support this child and raise him or her alone. Build a support network, starting with your family and other Mums you meet at the antenatal classes. Look out single parenting groups. Then you'll know in your heart you can do this, even if you never see the ex again.
It'll give you the inner confidence you need to start on the long hard road of single parenthood. Wasting time worrying about what the other parent will or wil not do is futile, we all have free will. We can only take responsibility for our own actions. He knows what the right way to behave is, if he chooses not to, there is nothing you can do to change that.
We women have a inner strength that can get us through times like this, tap into it. The love for your child will carry you through if you can focus on that rather than the ex. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:56:04 AM |
But now a days, its really hard to find a guy while your pregnant. The guy dates you because your pregnant and they think your easy or there are the weird guys that think being pregnant is hot. But I have gone on a couple of dates and when I tell them I'm pregnant they just want to be friends and thats it.
You really shouldnt be worried about dating when you're pregnant. You're going to be having a baby soon and that should be where your mind is at, not looking for a new boyfriend. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:47:01 AM | I agree with the above poster...why are you even trying to date while you are pregnant OP? You have more important things to worry about right now.
See my earlier post about why guys just want to be friends. Not many men under 25 years of age will want to be rsponsible for someone else's child for the next 18 years. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:16:48 AM | "......Im also pregnant, this dad doesnt want to know....."
Does the casual nature of this statement bother anyone else? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:53:07 PM | | Hang in there girl, count your blessings and enjoy your baby and sounds like you will be better off with out the dad. There are alot of men out there who will step up to the plate and accept this child as their own. The guys that can not step up to the plate should have to follow the casket of their child down the isle, then they might realize what they are missing..kids are number one. Seems to me this little one on the way will have a great mom | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:49:48 AM | gravelman wrote:
"The guys that can not step up to the plate should have to follow the casket of their child down the isle, then they might realize what they are missing..kids are number one. "
Why should anyone have to die and have their child die just because they do not wish to raise someone else's child and take responsibility for someone else's child?
OP get your life in order before you start dating....okay? If you do you will find daying easier. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:06:27 AM |
So, the OP is 21 and had sex with a man and got pregnant. LOL. I started sex in 19 and guess what now I am 32 and have never been pregnant..... By 21 you should now a contraception saga. What head games guys play in terms of babies????? Ha?
And if a woman can't be responsible in terms of contraception and clearly has some lack of knowledge in this department---how do we expect her to be a good responsible parent? If she couldn't get it by herself she had to choose a good Doc who would work with her on this issue and explain her options opf contraception. Docs are good they are trained to come across with sex stuff to even teens.
Do we belive that the Op can make a good choice in terms of healthy nutrition, day care, education for the kid? Or perhaps look for a professional assitance? I afraid not.
OH PLEASE!
What kind of bubble do you live in? So in your perfect little world, contraception never fails? Relationships dont break down? HA!
So because the OP is 21 and will be a single parent, you think she wont make sure her child has a healthy diet? You think she wont get decent day care? And you think her child wont get a decent education? How bloody patronizing are you? | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:53:51 PM | Well if I were you, I would seek out a paternity Lawyer now. I think you may be in for a bumpy ride if he is this wishy Washy now what will it be once the child is Born. Get the paternity Tests as soon as possible, that will stop a lot of the problems when he is proven to be the Daddy.
You can be sure the friends are filling him in with doubts and other stuff. Be sure that he provides health care for the child or if that falls on you be sure he pays 1/2. Make sure all expenses are split 50/50. That is only fair. Remember the child is 50% yours too so the costs should be shared equally. Do not expect him to pay 100% of things. It takes 2 to make a child.
If he really does not wants nothing to do with the child, make sure there is some kind of settlement and that he signes papers to that effect.
Also, It would be wise of you to use Condoms in the future. If the man does not have them and you do not have them, Learn to Say NO. For your own Protection, so that you are around for your child and do not end up with a life long disease (HIV, Herpes, or other STD) As then can have devistating effects.
Also now would be a good time to draw up a Will with the baby's best interest in mind. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:43:18 PM | I am kinda at a loss as to what to write, as I a flabbergasted by some of the pious crap some of you guys are coming out with.
***If the father died, and the baby was still within the legal limit for termination, then that should be the course of action??*** WTF??? I can't beleive I read that, seriously I can't!!
***Started sex 'in' 19, and am now 32 and has never got pg?*** Whoop de doo! Good for you. Maybe if you had sex more often, you may do.
***Wait until your married until you have sex?*** What decade are you living in?
And the classic, you know when exactly you're gonna get pg. I didn't know whether to laugh or swear!! I tried for 7 years for my daughter, 7 BLOODY YEARS!! It's not that easy. If I knew exactly when I was going to get pregnant, I would have had alot more fun during the 7 years, knowing I was going to fall 27th November 2002. And do you know what, I decided to become a single mum with my daughter, when he changed and was passed out on the bathroom floor drunk most nights, which was preferable to me than him holding me up by my throat. See how wonderful her life would have been with two biological parents.
So the OP is 21, is that young? Really? She's not 14, she's 21!! She has a supportive family, and trusted the bloke - and it's her fault how????
Blokes can, and do, walk away. Some blokes are complete b*stards, some aren't. But for f***s sake, do not preach that she is some kind of conniving sl.ut that only has two brain cells and should have kept her legs shut. To me, she is a responsible woman who is facing up to what has happened and is asking advice about being a single mum. The thread isn't headed, 'who's think's I a bit of a tw.at', it's asking for help.
I have two children, the first father I have mentioned. The second father is not around (obviously or I wouldn't be 1. on a dating site, or 2. getting frustrated by people who to be fair, I don't actually give a crap about) because, 2 days after discussing having a child, a discussion we had many a time, I found out we were pg. The contraception we were using? Condoms. He didn't put one on. I had been out for the night, had a few drinks (hey, sue me!) and he was stone cold sober - HE DIDN'T TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY!!
Unfortunately, when the pink line appeared, he decided to go round the world with his guitar on his back singing 'tra la la' and left me to deal with the consequences. I moved house (bought, with my hard earned money) dealt with potential redundancy, had our 'friends' screw me up when I went out because he was such a 'nice' guy, obviously the bump I was sporting must have been someone elses - that's why he left. I struggled through everything life threw at me that year, and boy it was hard, but I did it, and now have an adorable baby son who is 1 next month. I still work, I still pay my way, and I still find it hard. BUT my responsibility is to the human life I created, not to other peoples opinions, and certainly not to make myself part of the 'oh so f*cking perfect' sect.
Maybe those of you who are holier than thou should look at your own lives, and if you can't find any problems in them, then you are either blind, stupid or both.
Good luck to you honey, it will be hard, but the rewards are tenfold longterm. xx | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:18:27 PM | | The only thing you need to do right now, is worrie about you and your baby. Life is hard and we live with the choices we make. Some that seam bad right now will bring such a joy and meaning in your life. With time everything will work out, it might be as you excepted or some other surprise . Life is like that and thats the way it is. Best of luck. | |
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| Single and Pregnant
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:38:56 PM | OP has never came across as someone with a good contraception program. At least it was not obvious in any way obvious from her post. I mean accidents do happen but OP is not coming across as an accident lady....Most 19 yo are somewhat relaxed about contraception.....Op started a journey before she turned out 21.....
.Even my best friend was trusting in that pull out agenda. And guess what now Mary is almost 6 . Thanks God, they were married by than, going strong, and no problems except he snores and it drives my freind crazy......... | |
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