| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:48:35 AM |
... some men in this category, are not comfortable with going "Dutch". To them it would be an insult. The man seems nice, down to earth, and you really don`t think you would have any trouble. So what do you do? Do you go? Turn down the date? Suggest a more casual environment and tell him you aren`t comfortable with his pick? What would be the proper response?
You should be very direct about what you want. If you want to get to know the guy, meeting for coffee, or a walk in the park is a better idea than dinner. If the guy acts offended, then you can tell him "sorry, I'm not interested in you if that's the way you are". | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:35:24 AM | so.. the first meeting is a meeting to see if you want to meet again some day for another meeting to be called a date?
This might work for some. But, if I take the time to get all pretty, it better be called a date. You dont have to stay long, but Im not a drive by date.
Im from the old days, where a man asks you out "on a date". He picks you up, AND takes you home. Asks permission to have a kiss at the door, and then you do it all over again the next weekend. How is this working for me? Works pretty darn good so far.
tn1964 says the woman then pays for her own way on that date. Im not getting all dolled up to buy someone else a drink so I will look good enough for him to 'meet' again. You boys need to get a grip. What am I missing here?? It should NOT be this difficult.
You and your date should be grown up enough to know how to communicate. Its simple. Discuss what you want to do and if it doesnt please both parties, then go to the next fish. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:09:13 PM |
I overheard this conversation while playing poker the other day. Some guy was telling his buddy about this date he had. Seems he spent quite abit of money on this date and got "nothing in return" ( his words not mine).
He was saying that if a woman accepts an expensive dinner from a man, She is pretty much obligated to put out at the end of the night. If not she has broken some kind of unwritten rule.
Now i have no idea of what he looked at as expensive, But i am guessing anything over a few hundred dollars. If a woman accepts such a dinner from a man, is she them obligated to have sex with him?.
Have any of you women encountered this kind of man?
Can a woman be guilted into sex over an expensive dinner?
Would a man really accept guilt sex from a woman under those circumstances?
Honestly is there guys out there that have this kind of mentality?
Just because a woman accepts an expensive dinner, it doesn't obligate her to do anything. At all. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:10:16 PM | In my opinion "of course not"! Any relationship is about many things. No one should be obligated to anything in a dating setting. If a magic is there so be it. If not a good meal and meeting another person is great as well. An old Asian proverb comes to mind. It is about relationships. " A spark that turns to an ember, often grows to a raging fire that burns brighter and greater over time and depth. A quick raging flame often burns hot but becomes ashes quickly".
Michael | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:18:54 PM | Reddwine, you are correct.. However, internet dating is quite different.
If you know a girl, or met a girl in public, and ask her out, you already know what she looks like, sounds like, etc. So a first date can be a nice dinner.
On the internet, if you do not have that 3 dimensional view of them, you really have no idea of who you are meeting. Thats why people like to meet quickly. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:18:50 PM | Atlantaman: Youre absolutely correct about that. Internet dating would be different. No one is coming to my house on the first meeting/date. As a matter of fact the entire process is different.
Wow.. you might have just changed my mind about the 'meeting' thing. Let me think about this and get back to you. Im speechless at this moment. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates another man to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:36:19 PM | | going to a fine dinning place for a 1st(2nd, or 3rd) date is sooo lamo... I hate the lets meet @ starbucks routine as well, being surround by thespians is disturbing.... you need a find a good happy hour @ a place where you can throw peanut shells on the ground.. laugh and have a good time and when she looks at the menu and asked what your in the mood for, say 'room service' =) | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:57:39 PM | reddwine says:
"You and your date should be grown up enough to know how to communicate. Its simple. Discuss what you want to do and if it doesnt please both parties, then go to the next fish. "
Ah yes, how right she is. Discuss what you WANT, not what you think is owed like a duty. Desire, not obligation, is the point.
*sigh* If only I were a whole lot younger and way, way closer I would want to swing by to meet that lady, she's gorgeous. As well as smart and articulate.
I think the answer to the header question is: nobody should feel obligated or feel owed anything if they give somebody a gift. And if a dinner isn't a gift then who would want it? Who wants it to be a commercial transaction like bargaining? And of course the sexist reference in the header is inappropriate in this century - in an honest relationship gift-giving such as buying dinners goes both ways with no obligations and no expectations. If a healthy relationship develops it will be built on mutual respect between equals, not on obligations. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:31:29 PM | So, I think an important distinction is how these people meet to go on the date.
If 2 co workers meet, or friends of mutual friends set you up, or if you met this woman in public before, chances are the man and woman will be more respectful, and no matter what the date entails, the chances are low that "sex is expected".
If you meet the woman from an online dating site, these are much more low percentage, low quality meetings. Some men and women are serial daters, pictures lie, it is easy to flirt sexually before meeting, and things can become confused. I hate coffee dates, and I would also hate to be stuck at dinner with a woman I have no interest in. So, I do not internet date. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 345 | |
| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:54:24 AM | it's stupid.
if i am to be a prostitute, and exchange sex for bills, hopefully am worth more than 100 bucks.
this thread makes me think i should re-consider my position w the guys that offered me two grand for sex, at least i'd get more done w that, and don't have to listen to BS all night. i guess i was stupid to turn those guys down!  | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:16:40 AM | " this thread makes me think i should re-consider my position w the guys that offer me two grand for sex, at least i'w get more done with that, and don't have to listen to BS all night. I guess i was stupid to turn those guys down!".
Ok now i know that the guys that come into those clubs are usually drunk and pretty horny.... BUT TWO GRAND TO SLEEP WITH A STRIPPER?????. I find that very hard to believe, unless there was something else in that poor fools drink besides alcohol. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:19:51 AM | It's not the woman's fault for not putting out. She doesn't owe the guy anything. It's his fault for being stupid enough to pick up the check.
Generally, it's bad form to pay for everything on a first date anyway even if it's only $10 at a fast food place.
Romanticism has twisted too many guys' perceptions of dating.
Most guys seem to think that just because the woman is there, that she's done all she needs to do and that it's now their job to somehow "win" her affection.
It's a first date! You don't even know this person yet. Why are you trying to win someone over that you don't even know if you like yet?
Offering to (or even accepting to if she suggests it) pay for everything on a first date is basically saying, "I don't even know you yet, but I have already put you on a pedistal. Please like me."
This is pitiful.
Dating is a mutual interviewing/screening process. Rather than trying to convince her to give you her affection/time/vagina/whatever, focus on whether or not she's up to your standards as you are getting to know her.
As she is deciding whether or not she thinks you're worth her time, you should be doing the same with her.
Women are everywhere. Don't just take one because she's there. Make sure she's what you want first. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:58:47 AM | Well said Raphael!
It is a meeting, and you're right.. you don't even know the person yet.. WHY would either of you want to overdo, spend that much.. it kind of takes the focus off of the meeting and makes it a sureal experience. Not good! You end up with this fairy tail experience instead.
This whole question is rediculous on many levels. 2 main ones are:
1. anyone that goes on a first date/meeting shouldn't spend that much or accept a dinner invite of that magnatude.
2. NOBODY is obligated period! | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:28:11 AM | Quoting Disco:
"Just because a woman accepts an expensive dinner, it doesn't obligate her to do anything. At all. "
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Exactly. A gift is not a gift unless it is given without expectation of return. If there is expectation of return it is not a gift at all but is a market transaction, a trade.
If one person invites another to a meal, the one who does the inviting should be preapred to pay for it. His or her hosting the dinner is giving a gift, not bargaining a deal.
There is nothing wrong with a market transaction if that is intended. In that case, agreement is reached before they do anything. Then each understands in advance what they are getting into. And each person will stick to the agreement.
Trouble arises when one person assumes that a transaction is being negotiated when the other assumes that a gift is being given. There is a failure to agree in advance because somebody is making assumptions. Assumptions screw you up every time.
If James says to Mary "Would you like to go for dinner at the Cosmopolitan Hotel dining room? I hear it's pretty classy."
Mary responds, "Isn't that pretty expensive?"
James: "Yes, it is."
Mary: "O.K., I would like to go with you, and let's split the bill."
James:
(1): No, let me pick up the tab. I just got a big raise.
or
(2): O.k., that will be fine.
Notice that nobody is walking into the trap of some implied but unstated obligation.
Switch James and Mary around and the result will be exactly the same. Neither of them should assume that they are expected to take a predetermined role just because one of them has genitals different from the other.
This is a wholesome and clean agreement bewetween equals, not getting suckered into a set of unstated obligations.
It should be exactly the same pattern if James is going to dinner with Charlie, or if Mary is going to dinner with Jane. Gender has nothing to do with courtesy.
But what if James is such a jerk that he thinks he deserves to get laid just because he buys Mary a lobster dinner? If he's like that she will do better to have nothing to do with him. And if Mary is such a golddigger that she thinks her gender gives her automatic access to his wallet, she is a mooching pest and he should dump her fast. | |
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| Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:17:38 PM |
I think I'm gonna ask a bunch of hot guys out. Pay for their grub and then demand sex..............................Just to confuse them.-----------El Mariachi
I tried that. They were all more than willing. *sigh* It just doesn't play the same coming from a woman to a man as it does in reverse. Not a one of them even tried to play 'hard to get'.  | |
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