| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:12:28 PM | i believe in the pay off. if i like a guy enough for a second date and he offers to pay i let him, if i don't feel the chemistry then i insist on paying half... don't wanna rip him off. it's sounds weird now that i've actually thought about it but it's just something i've always done. i've never bought a fella dinner though unless we're in a relationship.. i kinda consider it the mans role (the little sexist i am haha)
all i can say is enjoy the free food and NEXT! | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:20:17 PM | | The girls probably do not want to feel guilty for having you pay for them when they know there is no spark | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:49:03 PM | | In the twenty some dates I ever went on in the last four years, not one offered to pay for her meal. I never really had a problem paying for both anyway. If I were out with a friend, I would have sprung for the tab out of habit. So I never really care about such things. But since I stopped this whole ridiculous process of dating, I'm thankful I would never have to even give a rats ass anymore as to the modus operandi behind her desire to pay. Who needs to live life this way????? pffffft | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:47:53 AM | | Dude, I pay and I want to pay, hopefully the days of I bought you dinner now put out are over, I mean we on most occasions ask the lady out right? unless she brings it up it shouldn't even be an issue. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:11:24 PM | Ha ha, I just say I got $40, where do you want to go? That way we don't end up a commercial for Mastercard, LOL.
"Priceless" | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:56:37 AM | lol. This reminds me of a date I had years a go where I offered to drive her home (she got there by bus.) She kept saying, I don't want to owe you anything. "Ok" I said. But she kept repeating it until I finally said "Look, if you want to walk, I'll stop right here and let you out." Then she said (here's the other shoe), "Ok, I'll give you head"!!! 
My Point? This was all about guilt avoidance. The same is true when a woman insists on paying for her $2 latte. I'll roll around on the floor with her for the bill when it comes to avoiding feeling guilty. lol. If some women can't handle that, then she can move on, because I have worse faults and she won't be happy when she finds them either. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:20:59 PM | | If I was on a date with someone I simply did not feel any chemistry with, I'd pay my own way. Why make someone buy you dinner if you intend on ending it right there? But I also go dutch or buy dinner for my BF on occasion. It shows him I care about his finances, don't expect a free ride and appreciate all the kindness and good things he does for me. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:24:40 AM | "I think a man should expect to pay for the date fully if he expects to be taken seriously. I always go prepared to pay my half, but if this relatively paltry sum of money is going to be a cause of contention on the first date, then that alone would turn me off as the guy being a penny-pinching cheapskate. "
Dare I point out the irony in the fact that considering any guy who doesn't feel he should pay your way a "penny-pinching cheapskate" - is in fact making a point of contention of that very same "paltry sum of money"?
It's good to see in this thread that at least most of the younger females seem to be ok with paying their own way and seeing a date as a mutual opportunity to get to know one another and (hopefully) enjoy each other's company. It seems that there is a pretty direct correlation in age brackets for both men and women as to how they feel about this... and that's fine, if it's what you're used and it works for you run with it! But for a 20-30 something female to talk the talk but not walk the walk when it comes to things being "equal" is reason enough for me to say "thanks but no thanks"- peopel can't have it both ways. Generally both parties are "on their best behavior" during an initial meeting, so what does it say when someone is already looking for you to set the tone in such a way? When from day one you must "compensate" her for bothering with you? We are supposed to be considering a relationship (hopefully based on mutual appreciation and respect)... I'm not applying for the position of walking ATM any more than she is applying for the position of cook or maid.
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:49:47 AM | If you are not sure if you want to meet the woman, meet for coffee or take her out to an inexpensive casual resturant. You definately should pay.
You could take her out for an activity, miniture golf, movies, bowling. Hey why not bring a lunch to a park for both of you and meet there.
I don't want to date a man if he won't pay the babysitter. CHEAP
waste of time | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:01:06 PM | | What ever happened to the man OR the woman just being up front and honest and telling the other that you're not interested BEFORE you go out with someone? Seems as if that is a greater indicator of a persons character and integrity than anything else I've heard. Boys and Girls, we're supposed to be adults here and way beyond signals, secret handshakes and decoder rings to figure out this thing we call social interaction. Speaking strictly for me, my feelings are not so infantile that I can't handle a little rejection. Guys, if you can handle that long lonely walk back across the dance floor after your offer/request do dance, then you should be able to handle this. To quote my favorite 'Everyman' character, Al Bundy - "Do you know why men die 10 years sooner than woman? It's because we WANT to." Peace | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:57:37 PM | Yes, it's payoff. Nothing says "not interested and I don't want to feel guilty about it" then throwing down your share of the bill. If your smart, you meet for coffee or drinks, not an expensive dinner. Be nice girls, let him off the hook if you don't feel butterflies. If you do, then him paying for drinks/coffee and not resenting it is a good way to find out if HE feels the butterflies too?
BTW - EMatthew you gave up too quick on the diner coffee girl date just because she had to work Saturday (she told you to call ANYTIME) big hint that she was interested. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:35:04 PM | Oh my, what is a lady to do......to pay or to not pay? Will he be offended or won't he?
Dating causes my brain to hurt sometimes
I usually just pay my share of the tab on a first meeting or date. Both are meeting to see if there is potential interest in pursuing a friendship, and that is how I look at it. If he is offended by it, I would hope that he would voice his concern. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:42:07 AM | I usually pay my own way-unless we have previously discussed the 'terms'. The man Im out with knows by the end of the date if I am interested or not, because if I am, I tell him, and let him know I am available for another date. If I am not, I shake hands and say it was nice to meet you. No smooches -would be too confusing!
I will say this though-every time I was not attracted, I always paid....not offered to pay, paid. I will not be seen as someone looking for a free meal. My woman friends say the same thing.
I dont offer to pay to test men for being cheap, never occurred to me. I offer to pay because it is fair in my mind. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 5:57:28 AM | Going out on a dinner date is different than going to have a few beers..personally,I don't want to owe anybody anything...keeps it all even that way. No expectations,no whining,and yes,I make it quite clear before hand...however, if I know the fellow and we're friends,he would probably be offended if I did pay,but I always offer..depends on the size of the bill. I can return the favour by inviting him for dinner...If I'm not interested in the fellow right off the bat,I wouldn't go out for dinner with him..
BTW..if the date drives a BMW,I don't think he would appreciate me waving money in front of him...some men do have class and old fashioned values. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:11:04 AM | irony in the fact that considering any guy who doesn't feel he should pay your way a "penny-pinching cheapskate" - is in fact making a point of contention of that very same "paltry sum of money"?
This is not a test of wealth, but an indication of generosity and attitude.
But my offering to pay is a sign that I think the relationship is not going to work, and this is to compensate him for his wasted time and show no hard feelings. It is very unromantic to divide up cash on a table and I don't even do this with friends! If you have some degree of certainty that you are going to meet again, then you usually take turns. However in the early days of a romance I would expect him to take charge, pay and look after me - this would make me feel more secure about his intentions. This is a small price to pay for the potential of a loving romance and I have never had any problem with it. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:31:41 AM | | Yes. Paying is a sign they are willing to take the responsibility of looking after you, it's a security thing. Not that a woman can't pay, but it speaks volumes about whther he will be there if the chips are down, or say," you got yourself into this mess"....Whoops, too much information ;( | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:22:56 AM | "Paying is a sign they are willing to take the responsibility of looking after you"
I'll take a woman who takes responsibility for herself, thanks. I certainly don't expect her to take responsibility for me. We are adults looking for an equal partnership with another adult, not looking to be a surrogate father. All of the explanations I ever see for why "he should pay" boil down to mental gymnastics in an attempt to deflect attention from the hypocrisy of being "equal" and yet expecting others to take responsibility for them, being "strong and independent" yet insisting the other party take on all the risks and make all the first moves.
Again... if one is still used to the "traditional" ideology and it works, run with it... at one time there were reasons things worked the way they did. But for those of us who never were exposed to that "traditional" model or the reasons for its existence, it seems rather one-sided and hypocritical and seems to serve to perpetuate negative stereotyping of women.
Not that I'm worried... this test works both ways and is a good way to weed out the ones who can't seem to decide if its 2008 or 1908.... so it actually has a built in advantage for guys as well. If you don't want to live by that model, it's an easy way to find out early on that she does. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:23:29 AM | 1313MBL on 4/12/2008 7:01:06 AM
was just thinking about the - sorry 'cheap meal on the first date' attitude, wondering if this might be causing the problems, cheap joint showing no respect its like saying cheap joint cheap date, Just an idea! | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:42:58 AM | Woman paying for dinner=Payoff?...Really?...If a woman wants to pay for her half or whatever, "fine"...I dont know about a payoff...
Ive always tried to be a gentleman, either way I end up with a new friend...Ive never thought things were so complex on a first date...
On the first date, "take the girl (woman) for a drink or coffee"...A person can tell if there is no chemistry...If its not there, be friendly and move on...Ive never had a problem buying a nice dinner and drinks, "what do I have to loose"?...If there is no chemistry, "youve made a good friend at least"...I honestly have never thought about any payoff so a woman can run to the hills because there is no spark between us...Maybe Im missing something...Im not sure...
I dont know if I ever had a woman pick up the entire tab, anyhow...I dont think so...But even at my age, an ole guy like me learns something new everyday... | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:28:58 AM |
generosity and attitude That is a two-way street
Agreed. I am being generous with my time, my ear, my appearance and my wit, and if we get on and he pays (no fuss) - my attitude will be good too!
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:58:37 AM | "I am being generous with my time, my ear, my appearance and my wit"
That's unfortunate that you don't seem to meet more men who do the same!
Still think it's funny how some women will say "it's just a couple bucks, what's the big deal?" when -they- are the ones who make the big deal of it. It's not about the money, it's about being judged on one's "generosity" by those who will only be generous -in return- (which in relaity is simply being "fair", not "generous"), or affix a $ tag to a relationship. I see what the women who believe in "pay to play" are saying... but there is no reason in today's world why men couldn't say the same... "why should I see her again if she won't reaffirm her interest?", "why should I see her if she's too cheap to pay for me?", "why should I get involved with a woman who doesn't show that she can "take care of me"?
The whole thing seems pretty silly to me. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:19:41 AM | unfortunate that you don't seem to meet more men who do the same!
But I have met men with wit, good appearance and a listening ear! (and they pay)
Unlike you I don't believe in 50/50 equality and wouldn't dream of popping out for a pint of Guinness ... for a date.
It's horses for courses I suppose. But if you find yourself struggling to find a date, maybe you should ask the girls what they want. All I know is what works for me after all - and how I am treated by the dates I have had - and I have never had a 50/50 date which has gone on to be a relationship as the death warrant was signed upon my insistence to pay my half of the bill. I can only speak from my own experiences and if that was the case for all of us - we can all be experts!
"take care of me"?
By all means, but there are other ways to do this than financially controlling the relationship. By a woman paying her half, or for him, she is automatically taking control of where the date is going, what they are doing. The man is put into a submissive position where he accepts and runs along beside. He is emasculated and deep down resents it ... all for the sake of the woman saying 'I can do this - I will take over.' That is why a lot of women don't do it - except when they think that the relationship is doomed and he has therefore lost his masculine attraction to her as a lover.
Best wishes from a Real Woman. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:39:52 AM | | I would still advise taking this on a case by case basis. As a single indepenent woman with a career, I feel that it's only fair to share in the expenses when dating. Whether or not I plan on seeing my date again, I ALWAYS offer to pay for half of the date (He pays for dinner, I pay for bowling, split dinner cost, or if I see him more than once and he pays for the first date, I pay for the second, etc. ). Dating can be extremely expensive (I've had several first dates that have ranged from $75- $150 for the night and I would NEVER expect any guy to pick up that kind of tab! ) And most of the guys that I have dated have appreciated that small gesture and we've gone out after that...maybe I am the exception to the rule, but in my eyes, it's being fair and respectful. If he offers to pay, great, but I would never expect that...and any girl that does expect it, stop. Chivelry isn't dead, but that doesn't entitle anyone to take advantage of it. Dating is difficult enough for all of us, both emotionally and financially. My advice is to just relax a bit and just accept the fact that this is a new era of dating.... | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:01:23 PM | most of the guys that I have dated have appreciated that small gesture
With that dress I would expect you to pay the whole tab!
No seriously, good for you! I am sure this considerate and matronly attitude has blown your socks off with some verrrrrrrrrry sexy encounters .... 50/50 of course. x
C'mon give the guys a break! If he decides to spend 'whatever' on you - just be grateful. Say 'Thank You'. Be polite, be ladylike and make him proud! Don't patronise him by saying 'actually you can't afford this - so I will pay for myself thank you'. Let him do it. Let go of the reins. Chivalry means something you know - and releasing control for a date is very sexy ... and can mean exciting things are yet to come ...
Romance is not dead - I refuse to believe it!!
From a Champagne sipping Brit. | |
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