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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:27:33 AM | I find this discussion horrible. Men love to talk about equality for women when it comes to paying on dates. I met fifteen guys from this and other sites. Not one of them asked me to split the bill, although modern etiquette dictates that I DID offer to pay/split. If they had asked, I would have been offended. Not because I give a flying rat's butt about something as paltry as saving twenty dollars, but because it would have indicated that the man in question didn't care about impressing me.
My fiance (whom I met on Match) is a struggling college student. On our first month of dating, he paid for everything. He refused and got upset when I tried to pay. Sometimes, I paid while he wasn't looking. I never knew he was broke, never knew he spent most of his money on movie tickets and dinners for me. The longer we were together, the more open he became about his finances. Now, he pays when he can and I pay when he can't. We're engaged and petty stuff like that doesn't seem to matter much anymore.
What does matter to me is that he paid when his budget was tight--he cared that much about impressing me. That is what sticks in a woman's heart. Not the total value spent, but the emotions behind it. I've had men with a good amount of money buy me fancy things that I lost or broke and I did not care, but when a college student uses the last of his work-study money to buy you an egg mcmuffin so you won't be hungry at work--that means something, something good and generous about him.
Many men think it is all about the money. If that's your experience, then the problem is not women, it's you. It's you being attracted to those types of women, when I'd go out on a limb and say 90 percent of women are not golddiggers. At least the ones I know aren't. If all you're finding is golddiggers, remove yourself from dating and evaluate what makes you go for women like that.
It isn't about the money. It's about a spirit of generosity, the desire to make your date feel like a lady. When a man asks a woman to split the bill, it sends the message that she is not a lady, not worth impressing, and instantly turns a date into a lunch between long-lost colleagues.
Thank goodness I never met any of these types of men. All the men I met, even the ones I didn't hit it off with, paid. Every time, I offered. Every time it was refused. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:59:47 AM | Well, my anecdotal experience is, that in actuality, only two of the women I've ever dated even said a word about anything but splitting it. Of those two, only one thought it was a big deal. And neither declined a second date as a result of my preference not to pay their way.
So frankly I have to wonder what kind of women these are who say otherwise or who would base an entire relationship on such a petty issue. Or maybe iIve just been lucky? Or maybe it's just that the women I tend to be attracted to enough to even get to a "date" are more fair and progressive than most? Regardless, I'll keep dating good partner material in 2008... no 1908 customs or women for me.
As for dating to impress... I'd rather date women who are looking for a quality partner, not an impressive bankroll/social status/knowledge of the "rules"/etc. Likewise, I will be impressed by things like intelligence, common sense, stability/security, confidence, common interests and attitudes, etc... not her jewelry or her expensive fashion style or her impressive social calendar. Keep it real. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:32:53 AM | Sleep is a wonderful thing. So many things become clear after one has had some.
Hey, if it's just a different set of protocols, maybe I ought to follow my own advice and not worry about it. I know what I prefer and I've made that clear.
Other people know what they prefer; they've made that clear.
I'm not going to throw someone back who's otherwise a fine catch just because she hasn't yet seen the light in this particular matter.
Thanks for the opportunity to get that off my chest!
Happy fishing! | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:17:09 AM | I don't know how many women are looking at a man's bankroll these days or if its the standard of the older woman and the younger women are different, but honestly I think keeping the first couple of dates simple makes me feel more comfortable in the long run and if you find commonality then chances are you won't hook up with a bankroll seeking mama... it will be a shared give/take relationship because you figure them out before this time right???
When you care or begin to care about a man/woman it normally puts you in a charitable mood don't you think? Thats across the gender board... | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:22:04 AM |
I've noticed that when the woman pays for the meal, it's as if they're showing appreciation but also their way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks".
Really.. that's odd. When I pay, it means... "we're going back to my place after dessert, dude, so save your energy". Isn't that how it works?
Seriously though.. if I asked him to meet, I WILL insist on paying. Interested or not. If he asked me, I'll offer something. Interested or not. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:29:08 AM | | What makes you feel like you are entitled to anything? Just because someone agrees to go on a date does not mean they deserve to be paid for. You are hardly performing a service or doing a job for someone, therefore you don't deserve anything paid for you. Dates should be split between each other really, and neither the male or female should be paying the whole price. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:51:20 PM | I juggles flaming batons on dates so I totally expect to be compensated!
I actually disagree with the bottom part of the last post. If I asked you out, I pay. If you asked me out, you pay. Either one should be offering to pony up a portion, too.
That's.. well.. I dunno what that is.. a rule, a personal modus operandi.. whatever. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:37:53 PM | | Loz, I meant like taking her on a walk in the park or going 4 wheeling, that is if you have one lol Sometimes the best dates don't require money, just good time spent together. | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:13:02 PM | if either party is that uptight about contributing to a great evening.
then neither of you are ready for dating... | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:29:53 PM | I don't think there are any hard and fast rules here.
I am always willing to go dutch on a date, it's only fair, I'm a big girl and I like to pay my own way in the world. Usually I am the kind of person who goes by the 'rule' he/she who asks is the one who pays... sometimes that works well.. basically I don't want a date to become a business transaction, if I wanted that I would be a prostitute and keep it honest.
What I have found is that when a man is REALLY interested in me as a person he WANTS to pay, for the first dinner/date anyway. I don't question it, if it makes my date feel good to do so I can accept it for what it is. If I asked him out...I pay.
I refuse to feel obligated for however I feel about someone though... guilt is not my thing. If someone else made a choice to pay for a date and we didn't hit it off I would not feel obligated to shell up.. it didn't work, that's all, good luck and see you later.
There is really only one reason I would take over and pay the bill if that wasn't the understanding we had... if I thought he was stalker material and I felt a need to sever any kind of connection/obligation (if even in his mind) for my own safety.
Of course I have found that most men prefer me to be upfront and not try to send messages about how I feel through subtle and frequently easily misunderstood mean.
A man who would feel resentful shelling out a couple of bucks on a date and it didn't click isn't the kind of guy I would be interested in anyway... I don't really respect the whole, "keeping score" thought pattern, THAT, in everyday life, is a recipe for disaster.
hope this helps | |
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| Woman paying for dinner = Payoff?
Posted: 8/5/2008 1:21:15 AM | Well, Im old fashion. I still believe that men should take care of the bill, open the door, treat her with respect. But there's woman that want to pay thier part. I say decide it before going. Go Dutch. Neither can complain.
But I never let the woman pay..I don't expect anything in return. Its just the way I was raised.. | |
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