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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:34:32 AM |
No I didn't blow it. She blew it because she missed out on a relationship worthy guy.
No, she LUCKED OUT, missing an involvement with a man who holds grudges over penny ante shit.
Dude, did you ever stop to think, maybe you just came across as more attractive/interesting in person than you did online?
I call BS...you "rejected " her because you are scared of actually being in a relationship.
And there is nothing wrong with being scared or at least cautious about such things, but OWN UP to the fear, don't place the blame on other people.
To speak directly to the OT,right at this time I'm doing well meeting people in real time. Looking back, I'd say it's pretty equally balanced between online and IRL meetings.
And let's make it absolutely crystal clear here. Cyber or electronic communication( email, IM,IM/webcam, phone calls, text messages, smoke signals, jungle drums, signal flags, Morse code in blinking lights/mirror flashes,whatever) is NOT "dating". You cannot have a romantic relationship with someone you only know from the internet.
Having said that, I have to give credit to online personals sites contacts that led to friendships,real time activities, and even a few treasured longtime epenpals.
Contacts I made thru online dating sites were invaluable in helping me find new friends and social activities when I moved up here from the Grand Rapids area.
Cindy O | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:40:55 PM |
In comparison to online I clean up in person! LOL I do alright I suppose in the online arena, and after listening to the droves of men whine on these forums about never getting any responses back EVER or never getting contact emails I think I have done pretty damn well on here.
Don't break your arm from patting yourself on the back there, buddy. Those who are "Whining" as you put it have an excuse, simply because they had not much responses or none at all.
Where as you, would probably would be "whining" like every other guy on here if you had a spell of not getting any responses. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:05:58 PM | | I may whine, but more than likely I'd get off my duff and do something about it. Change my approach, work on an interpersonal skill I may have been lacking, update my look, etc. I don't see having no luck as an excuse. No luck is getting the worst parking spot at the mall every time it rains. I think there's more of a correlation among other areas than just purely bad luck or a dry spell of no responses. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:14:10 PM | LOL...yeah lately..I've been getting off my duff (from behind the computer) and joining some socialclubs.....a WHOLE lot better that way.
Though you do have a very nicely trimmed beard though. :-) | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:30:29 PM | ladyc4,
Believe what you want to believe, I know I come across as more attractive/interesting in person than in online, hence why I don't do the "online" dating thing anymore.
Being scared of being in a relationship? What makes you think that? I guess originally I came in here so I can participate in forums while I stay single for the rest of my life while I'm sleeping and dating hundreds of women in real life. Give me a break. This is an online dating site, I didn't spend a year and a half on here so I can strictly have conversations with others about relationships and learn how to be a better person along with the majority here that are looking for a significant other.
I don't hold grudges, but I remember things. Did I take it a bit seriously? Yeah perhaps, but I'm not going to have someone make me feel like they're "settling" for me because I wasn't good enough for them online. That's how I felt when she wanted more after rejecting me online. If someone rejects me for whatever reason, that's enough for me to know that they're not interested. If all of a sudden they're interested, wouldn't that make you wonder why they decided to change their mind? The medium is the same, to me rejecting someone online is the same as rejecting someone in real life.
This isn't the first time, I had a girl that was a good friend's sister reject me because I was too short to date. But a while later all of a sudden she wants to date me? She can do better and go find herself a tall guy, because I'm not going to let someone "settle" for me. After hearing something like that, would you go back and think all of a sudden you're now GOOD ENOUGH to be in a relationship with this person? | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:42:51 PM | I've given online dating a full tryout, and I'm sure it's easier to meet women in person. I think my Internet experiences have made me doubt whether women I show interest in will be friendly. Most of the ones I've met have been jaded, angry, resentful, even unkind. In several cases they've turned their vitriol on me, out of the blue. And never knowing when I might get bitten has made me a little wary.
I've fought against feeling that way, but experiences have an effect. That doesn't mean that before dates I won't, as always, shower, wash my hair, get an extra-close shave, floss, trim my nails, dress well, show up on time, show my pearly whites and be friendly, pay for everything if I made the invitation, and in general show the manners I was brought up with. But it does mean that, more and more, I wonder why I bother.
Many of the women on this site, however motivated to meet a nice guy they might claim to be, obviously are not. Actions speak louder than words. And a woman who wanted that very badly would not post a sketchy, incoherent profile full of misspellings, which is a fair description of nearly half of them. To do so little says, loud and clear, "I can't be bothered." There are dictionaries everywhere. And to excuse this by saying guys don't read them anyway is just to compound the insincerity.
When I was younger, I assumed most women were sweet, considerate, and liked guys. And I usually found that was true. But I don't assume that any more, particularly for women online, and I wish to God that weren't so. I only hope my online experiences don't put me on my guard toward women I might meet in person. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:02:15 AM | I actually did do an 'in person' date the other day and it re-enforced for me how great online dating is. I met a guy when I was out playing pool with some girlfriends. We didn't have a whole lot of time to talk, plus it was pretty loud in there but he seemed like a nice guy and he was cute so I figured what the hell, give him a chance. Well the date was awful. He's the complete opposite of what I look for in a man. No ambition, total redneck, didn't even graduate from high school. Uses drugs (and not just pot). Had the nerve to ask me how much debt I have from university and asked how much money my parents made. Told me university was a waste of time. Was not dressed appropriately (and by not appropriatly I mean he was wearing dirty clothes to a fairly nice restaurant... not super fancy, but nice jeans and a nice shirt type of place at least, typical small family owned italian restaurant). Mentioned he had never been to such a fancy place before and if he had known it was that fancy he would have dressed up more (what? you mean you would have washed your clothes first?). Didn't know how to pay the bill (it's not that hard, when the bill comes, put your credit card in the little folder it comes in or put your money in there). Was shocked at how much the bill was (just over 20$... we went for dessert [5$ each] and both had a drink, he had a beer I had a chocolatini). Only had 20$ and asked me to cover the rest (not a problem at all, in fact I had originally asked for separate bills). When I slipped in a 5 with his 20 and got up to leave, he said "Well don't you wait for your change?" (granted a 3-4 dollar tip on a 20$ bill may be seen as a bit much for some people, not a big deal to me, besides, the hostess ended up being a girl I went to high school and I would hope that she would recive part of the tips for the night! And the service was pretty good). If I had come across him on a dating site I would have known at least some of this hopefully ahead of time and I wouldn't have wasted my saturday night and would have gone out (probably to the same place) with my girlfriends and would have had a much better time. The whole thing just re-enforced how great online dating is. I don't have to do anything special to get ready, can sit around and chat with whoever I want when I have the time. Don't have to get all dressed up etc etc.
Edit: this isn't the first time I've had an in person meet go bad... A few months ago gave my number to a guy I met at the bar (I know, big mistake) he called me at 3 am on a tuesday looking fora booty call. WTF? At least with online I can get a sense of whether the guy is super sexual like that as most of them will make sexual comments pretty early on. And sorry buying a girl a drink at the bar does not entitle you to early weekday morning booty call priviledges even if she was into that kinda stuff (which I'm not). | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:38:28 PM |
I've fought against feeling that way, but experiences have an effect. That doesn't mean that before dates I won't, as always, shower, wash my hair, get an extra-close shave, floss, trim my nails, dress well, show up on time, show my pearly whites and be friendly, pay for everything if I made the invitation, and in general show the manners I was brought up with. But it does mean that, more and more, I wonder why I bother.
You bother because you are a class act, and to behave otherwise would simply mean another decent guy ruined by the female Visigoths who use online dating and mess it up for those of us who ARE sincerely looking for good men.
Cindy O | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:42:50 PM | I think most people would not; I own a business and deal with many people and behind a computer screen, they are bold, brazen and confident; in person they are the opposite.
Computers have created people that can't relate to people. Its almost uncomfortable watching people in public they are so awkward. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:49:09 AM | No doubt about it - better in person.
My past few boyfriends I met in person.
Never met anyone online who has become a SO. Only exception was someone I met on a phone line - no pics there let me tell ya!
I attract what I am attracted to in person. Those same people don't give me the time of day on here....
I chalk it up to me being too smart for 'em lmao!! Really though I think it has more to do with my vibe. You can't project that online. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:26:20 AM | | I never found "on-line" vs. "in-person" to make any difference. If you go out with someone you met on-line, then even if there isn't the same level of chemistry in person, you remember that they made time to meet you and may have the same vibe as you. Not everyone you meet is going to have the ability to fullfill the requirements for relationship chemistry, but that doesn't mean they won't be fun to hang-out with and share a few laughs. I guess honesty is as important with a potential friend as it is with a prospective girlfriend. People won't always say "I don't feel the right chemistry with you" and that's probably a good thing, but "you're a lot of fun. Would you like to go out and do something as a friend?" would at least let them know where you stand and allow them to make a decision based on facts. Telling people you'll call them when you have no intention of doing so is just wrong. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:27:56 AM | I am not sure...I think I would have to say in person...I like to talk and get a sense of how people react to different situations ..Also it is alot easier to read a person by there actions and no where the boundaries are...
9times out of 10. I will have a conversation with someone in person and they will want to talk to me even longer or Again...
Online you just don't get response regardless of what you write in your profile or the messages that you send to the person you may interested in.
I guess it is just the way the messages come across....The on thing that I have problems with is the inital contact...I am always unsure of what to do ro say...I tend to do better once I am introduced to the person. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/16/2008 8:11:22 AM |
he on thing that I have problems with is the inital contact...I am always unsure of what to do ro say...I tend to do better once I am introduced to the person.
Interesting....for those that feel that way - GO to the events that POF puts on. Let me tell you, it's a different environment and 10 couples together with 4 engaged proves that they work. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:41:26 AM | Funny.....I had this local gathering with another social networking....where you actually meet people in person.
There were quite a few regulars in the group....and there was this "new face"....she actually did look vaguely familiar....there's some people I recognize "Dead on" from this site...OTHERS....eh...just slightly familiar...they might have subtle differnces in their appearance...BUT I think it was her.
Anyways....in the past, I've started thinking of OTHER Places I could've seen her, so I was thinking, "Must've been online, I guess"
Anyways, she was getting a drink, turned around, and she was just standing there near me, not talking to anyone, guess she was new....so I introduce myself, told her a little about the group of friends, and stuff....but she seemed VERY stand-offish. Her body language was indicative of that...but she seemed to be really shruggin' everyone off....was thinking "what the heck she show up for anyways?"
I never saw her again anyways after that...guess she was a "tire kicker" a "one-timer" a "nevercomeback-newb" lol.
And Then I saw her HERE On POF later on, about , I emailed her saying, "Hey, didn't Isee you at the event a couple months ago" gave a few indications of where it was and what we did.
An immediate "read/delete"
I was like "Sheesh, no wonder she didn't fit in". I think she just dislikes people in general. lol. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:57:59 PM |
eah but it's more difficult for a lot of people, male or female, to "approach" at all in real-life, whereas a lot more ppl I think aren't half as hesitant about sending an email msg.
Absolutely! People who would NEVER approach out in the wild will give no thought at all to sending an email here in PoF captivity.
In fact, sometimes I get the feeling people view PoF like a catalogue they can flip through, find something they like and place order.
Then they get disappointed with the "item" they chose is out of stock. | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:34:05 AM | Variety is the spice of life. I think you should have a happy balance between socializing in public and a dating sight. I dont' think you should rely on a dating sight to meet someone. I think you should get out there and socialize as well.
I think dating sights are actually anti social. Sure,sitting in your undies on the computer is different.. but I really like the idea of heading out on the town with my friends and socializing.
I don't have any one to go out with you say... Time to make some new friends! Proof you've been on here too long and become anti social!!! | |
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| Would you stand a better chance IN-Person than on here?
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:08:29 AM | I think I do stand a better chance. You can pretend to be someone else online.
You can put up an airbrushed picture, or not have full body picture.
Don't see a point, since you might meet someone,than she finds out.
But some of us don't work with eligeble friends,or don't belong to any group,or have their kids with them on the weekend,so it's isn't easy to make friends.
I wouldn't call myself anti social,but I a am picky about who are my friends.
I don't want drinking buddies,potsmoker friends,and most people in my age has grown kids.So,there,that's my story and I am sticking to it...
Sitting in my undies on the computer...
Take a fifth on that..
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