| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:35:30 PM | Oh I think she was interested - - - and having troubles with the interest - - -
me not you. - - -
wanting to behave and not get involved too much in 3 days. - - - she needs breathing time.
These were not short meets but long and with hugging and kissing - - - and she was responding and possibly more than she was ready to - - - - -
Jim P | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:38:34 PM | as for using him, if that was what she was after - - - why stop? he was willing to give a lot more - - - - - no that is not it - - - maybe what you have experienced - - - - -
She was in panic mode over her feelings for him - - - while she did not really know him yet.
Jim P. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:48:00 PM | | a dude your the bomb... i think just chill... you probley got to date like 20 girls before you find one cool... fact is this if you and some friends ... go with this girl or any girl and there friends to a club and have a good time.. some other girl just a random will want to join you... ditch your friends ditch the date and go with the random .. try it it works...as for the pof date well dude without a car or money for groc... you can not afford her anyways....... dude she is broke ass | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:56:50 PM | OP~
i completely understand your feelings. i really do. but don't give up. believe me, i have gone through the same thing. the last person i dated did this to me too... but of course, we dated for about 5 months before he told me... i felt very very used and very very hurt... to make it worse, after he told me that he didn't want a "relationship" anymore, i found his profile up and searchable... he was looking for a new relationship! ... so.. i was very very angry...as are you...
currently i am not dating... and have been unable to trust my own obviously poor judgement... there were no red flags in my case... or so i thought... but in looking back there certainly were... there are red flags in your situation too...
first of all... no car.. no money... this woman sounds like she is unstable in many ways.. while this might not make her a "bad" person... she certainly is not in any position to be a truly loving and equally giving partner to anyone... you deserve better then that..
look... you seem like a great guy...the last thing you need is some sort of fixer-up project.... you need a woman who is stable in all areas of her life... i think she was right and she really did you a favor... you deserve better...
lara | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:05:34 PM | this thread is strange, from the beginning even. we obviously can't tell you the inside news of why this woman decided not to see you any more. seems she felt awkward telling you also, but she did tell you. she was not ready. sounds very plausible and i'm not sure why you feel hurt or rejected by it and swearing off all women as a result.
seems you're overeacting, basically. also seems those first 'dates' were not really dates at all. food shopping? home visiting first meeting? and second meeting the next day? and you wanted a third meeting the next day?
why in such a rush? and why didn't you go out on a 'real' date? again, we don't know the circumstances of why you both agreed to such an unusual start of getting to know each other, but if you say this is happening every time and what you offer is not being wanted, then I would change the intensity, the frequency and the venues of where you go when you meet women from dating sites.
i would basically ease up drastically.
the other thing that comes to mind is a lot of women are not attracted to men who's egos are inflated too much. perhaps take a look at yours and be as respectful of others' achievements as you wish to receive.
i just get the feeling you felt some sort of wanting to help this woman and made yourself needed. you also took up her whole weekend. it's possible after two days she realized she was losing her feeling of self sufficiency and empowerment, so had to stop seeing you.
again, basically, ease up....on yourself and on others. dating is not anything like the military. it's putting down all divisions and dropping our guards and trying to understand each other. also, i'd be careful with your impatience with others. it's possible she picked up on the intolerant side of you. after two meetings, she basically could tell you would not be compatible with her.
lastly, i have found the percentages are very low in terms of how many times you meet from online beginnings where both people are genuinely attracted to each other in person. sometimes it takes a couple of meetings to see if it's there or not. i suspect she realized it wasn't really there for her. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:09:59 PM | KfromKali, why is it we live so far apart 
and to the person who stated i was not as proud as i should be and rather defensive, you are right, it just ticked me off that someone had nothing better to do then start on that when i came for advice into a relationship problem to anyone i offended i apologize
No apology necessary. You did more for your country than anyone could ever ask. You owe no one any explanations. Semper fi bro. Hang in there. Finding Ms. Right is, IMHO, like winning the lottery (much better for me actually) and we all know the odds against that. I've always felt that expectations are the breeding ground for disappointment. Keep that in mind for the next time around. I never expect people to act reasonably and/or rationally. So I'm never EVER disappointed  | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:19:27 PM |
kayaker22 wrote: i'm with u mate on this it's a waste
of time unless u are hell good looking, make heaps of
money u don't stand a chance on here.
That's an excuse. There are plenty of men who are not
rich or good looking who are extremely successful. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:45:56 PM |
ravinnmad wrote:
> and yes i agree maybe i was too forward with her
> i am very straight forward and i get to the point
> so maybe that was too much
Yes, maybe so. And maybe too much, too fast, too soon just too much
overwhelmed the dear gal.
I'm a photographer, and been making images since I was a kid.
Without false modesty, I'm not bad at it. But if I walk out the door
with my camera tomorrow, it's almost predictable that of the shots
I take, I'll probably come home only being happy with 1 in 50 pictures.
And that's after photographing for over 3 decades. So why does that
ratio seem so low? Because the fact of the matter is that when I go
shooting I can control some variables, but not all variables. And so
it takes a certain set of circumstances to all come together to make
a good image work out harmoniously. And over the years I've just
come to accept that. And to the point that if I go out shooting for
any given day and come home with 300 shots, I'm happy with the
six shots that made the grade (remember, a 1 in 50 ratio), and don't
too much worry about the other 294 images which didn't quite work
out so well.
When I began on POF, my attitude towards dating was the same. Now
I grant you, I was kind of hoping that I might not have to date 50
women before I'd find one that would be a compatible match. But
the lessons from my photography experiences nevertheless stand --
we might have to date a number of folks before we come across someone
who harmoniously seems a good fit for who we are as an individual.
So this gal you were with perhaps just isn't the right fit for you. And
perhaps as well, as someone else might have suggested, the idea of
too much, too fast, too soon might suggest it could be useful to take
things just a bit slower.
Not uncommon, particularly in the beginning, if we might date somebody
perhaps just once a week. And not that there's any rule etched in stone
about any of this, but only that, like building a friendship, we take things
slow enough that we can ease each other into our lifes and into our
lifestyle.
And beyond this, as I said, somewhat like making images, good if we
allow for the idea that things won't always be perfect right away, and
that indeed we might have to date a number of folks before we come
across the right person and at the right time.
So be patient and be faithful. When I go out with my camera shooting,
I actually miss the mark perfectly 49 out of 50 times. But that's okay
because that 1 of 50 really good shots I come home with makes it all
worthwhile. And at least to my experience, that attitude not only works
well with photographing, but also with dating.
Hope that perspective is of some help,
Apolinary | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:54:19 AM | Off Topic Posting removed. Address the thread topic and not other posters.
Thanks to those who remained on topic.
 | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:06:12 AM | since i served in squid patrol, you are probably going to take this with a grain of salt, 1st. it may be nothing you did, it might be she was having a really bad day, or in some crisis that you knew nothing about,.
2nd could be you said or did something that made her back up and say whoa, unintentional as it might be, baggage type thing coming back to haunt you,or her as the case may be.
3. some find it easier to type the words than to say to someone over the phone they want to pull back.
4. give the Lady some time, if you are really serious about her and you know down deep in your soul that she at least has some feelings for you,, WAIT, give her the space she needs, life as we all know doesnt run on military precision, as much as we would like it to, | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:03:34 AM | I think that dates in days is moving too fast personally.
I think that she thought you were a good man but that perhaps it was too much ffor her..or maybe your feet smell or something! 
What I find quite sad and if I were her upsetting...she wrote you some quite nice texts there..you can see that she felt awful and probably still does but she didn't string you along..for her something wasn't right and saw you to be a good enough man to tell you instead of blocking your number or ignoring you.
But then the guy she thought was a good man comes on here on a public forum and types her personal texts to him for all to see.
That isn't a good man in my eyes. I find it quite tectless to be honest.
A gentleman never tells..
I think she had a gut instinct and I think she was probably correct in her thinking.
I don't mean to offend OP but I don't think that typing messages of any sort which someone has sent is very respectful. Maybe I'm old fashioned. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:33:05 AM | You just found out the first rule of dating women !
The woman wants control.
If she feels she is being pushed she will back off very quickly.
Try playing it cool and see where it goes. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:10:21 AM | To the person who wrote about posting her text messages as tactless
I dont consider it tactless because i have in no way told who she is or
where she lives and don't intend to. So she has perfect anonymity (did
I spell that correctly?)
I also posted the text because that is the whole reason for my thread
I treated her the best that I could and yes maybe giving her $5 bucks
for her groceries was a bad idea but i am not going to stand by while
someone NEEDS something and not help. I joined the military to
help others and i am the same in my personal life
As far as 3 dates in 3 days that was not MY idea, she is the one
who asked me to come back the next day and the 3rd day.
She is the one who asked me to stay for hours, I am the one who
chose to leave so that she could get some sleep. I am the one who
called to check on her the next day and make sure she was ok.
I guess what I am trying to say is yes I agree maybe things were moving
fast for her and I understand that but every major thing in that vein
was initiated by HER. I take dating very slow and very respectful
and personally i think THAT is what scared her, she told me her ex
boyfriend broke her arm and i think she just did not know how to
deal with guy who treated her as I did.
I do agree with stepping back and waiting, I am not a stalker, I called
once when she sent the first text before i read the one asking not to call
I have not called her since and she has texted me repeatedly asking me
advice on food , how I am doing etc. So all in all I know that she has
interest but after reading the many replies I am starting to wonder other
things the main thing is this
If she acts this way now when we r just getting to know each other and
everything is new and rosy how would she be when my kids are here and
something overwhelms her. That is why I asked in the beginning was it
me or was it her, I just wanted to make sure I was not doing something wrong.
thankyou for all the responses
kaedyn | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:11:10 AM | OP, don't you dare change how you are. I, for one, understand that the reason you mentioned your service and the helping on groceries was to give the people who would reply in this thread, some background on you.
So many people rush to judge. As for helping her out with $5 for groceries, there is nothing creepy or negative about that and I firmly believe that if she had needed more, you would have done it. Without even reading your profile, I can tell that you are the type that tries your best to treat others the way you want to be treated.
As for her being without money or a car, none of the posters know the reasons behind her lacking these things and should be very ashamed for rushing to judge her.
My opinion on the topic at hand is that she was extremely interested, and likely still is, but she started feeling very strongly and it scared the hell out of her. Many, many times in my life, the women I've dated have found themselves "falling" too fast and possibly moving too fast. There is just certain aspects of different people that attract and bring more out in a person. I see her as scared, but not discounting you. Her saying that she didn't want to talk on the phone or face-to-face was her saying (which she also said) that she is extremely ashamed at what she had just said and how she treated you by saying it.
My advice would be to keep replying to her texts and let her know that you understand that she got scared and you'd still like to be friends with her if she would allow it. If the situation is as I assume it is, this will go even further in proving what she feels for you and will work out in the end. | |
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Gypo08
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 65 | |
| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:20:40 AM | No one knows her side, so this thread is a little silly.
Maybe you have bad breath.
Maybe all you did was talk about an ex and didn't realize it.
Maybe you unknowingly bragged about your military career. (I say this because you felt you had to point it out to everyone)
on her end....
Maybe she really isn't over her last relationship.
Maybe something about you reminded her of a relationship that she had that failed miserably.
Without the other side of the coin, you can't expect to get good advice on this one. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:31:16 AM | | Dude, keep looking she obviously was not ready for a relationship. If she invited you over for a second date though, and you did not pressure her, then you did nothing wrong. sometimes people are confused and act stupid, u should calmly reply to her text messages and let her know u are not there to rush her, and that you will be there for her no matter if she is ready for a relationship or not, might get a nice friendship out of it until she is ready. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:35:54 PM |
I swear im starting to understand why some men just swear off women!
LOL.. dont give up..
yea.. get some free advice on your profile. Post some pictures of yourself doing fun activities, and cut out the long profile, half the people dont go beyond pictures, no one really reads a long profile.. and last if POF dont work for you, try Yahoo personals and Match. Good Luck. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:49:09 PM |
If she acts this way now when we r just getting to know each other and
everything is new and rosy how would she be when my kids are here and
something overwhelms her. That is why I asked in the beginning was it
me or was it her, I just wanted to make sure I was not doing something wrong.
thankyou for all the responses
kaedyn
It sounds more like she just wasn't ready for any relationship at the time. Seem like she pretty much just wanted some handouts at the time. I've known a few people who would do that often. Pretend to hook up with someone for a bit, using them for whatever resources that can be given, then send them packing with some excuse like they weren't ready for a relationship at that time. She seemed to want you over often enough at the start... It's a cruel thing to do and there are people both male and female that do that sort of thing. As for stating your backround with kids and the military, I would pay any attention to those people who are making negative judgements towards you about it like it was some ego trip which it wasn't. You were just stating your backround so everyone would know where you were coming from. Whatever your truth is, state it loud and don't worry about anyone else. There will always be those out there with negative comments to try to knock you down so they can feel better about themselves in their own illusions to cover up their own "faults". Just like with a 40 mile ruck march in the service, you can either give up along the way and jump on the trucks for just a few blisters, or you can keep going til you get to the end of the road.... Probably not the best analogy but still something both familiar with... Good luck in your search =) | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:25:20 PM | Alot of baggage there on her part.
Believe me, you did nothing wrong.
I wonder how serious people take this site.
I always get cold feet when someone wants to meet shortly after corresponding for a brief time.
The point is... to take the time to get to know someone.
And the fact that she couldnt tell you in person how she
REALLY felt.. says a lot.
In this day in age people hide behind emails, text messages etc.
I have a friend who says of these situations:
Be a real person... or F### OFF !!!!
I agree with that. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:56:01 PM | Well it took until the third page with Gypo's post for us to stop the validation express and get back to the early perceptions/advice in the thread that were IMHO exactly what the OP needed to hear.
Any man who dates much at all is likely to run into a woman that just goes from steam to absolute zero in a proverbial heartbeat. To that end any woman that dates much at all just might come across a guy that lets isolated experiences reinforce poorly substantiated but nonetheless institutionalized stereotypes.
I too am grateful for your service but as noted along with your parenthood here it is irrelevant. You're a man, she's a woman, expectations aren't always congruent. The fact you felt compelled to qualify your kenning with the notation of your service indicates to me you're trying to get validation for something that not a one of us that actually reasons with plausible premises within sound syllogisms can rationalize. Sometimes we hear things we'd rather not but it is the truth nonetheless. Attitude is indeed everything. Good luck Marine. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:22:56 PM | Well, you sound like a great guy, but you need a good women. This women doesn't sound like she has things financially or emotionally together. Some men are so into loving someone and being loved, it clouds the mind. You may also get hooked up with women that need to be saved because it makes you feel good. What you need is a together women.
I would let this person go. I would also try to lighten up a bit. Just from your post it seems you may scare people away with your intensity to be in love.
What she's telling you is that lame, I love you but I'm not in love with you crap. You need to move on.
Try to go to groups or social events with people that have the same likes. Clubs and bars and other places are not good. Churches, social outings, clubs, or whatever will be good. Many people behind a computer seem much better than they really are.
Good luck; take it slow, be yourself, dont' save or smother, and choose a quality person. You'll be alright. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:58:43 PM | | The fact that her ex abused her is pretty telling. That's a red flag to go verrrrrry easy in the beginning regardless of what she wants. I think she wanted to get close (and may still) but by letting it happen (actually asking for it to happen) those old mental wounds surfaced and made her back off quickly. That's very understandable. | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:48:03 PM | | I think I need to move to Napa... | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:22:06 PM | Mthomjmark just gave you the best, on-point and succinct input you could have asked for OP. I'd read it a few times and paste it into a word file. Good stuff. ESPECIALLY this:
some men are so into loving someone and being loved, it clouds the mind. You may also get hooked up with women that need to be saved because it makes you feel good."
I got the same impression. I call it the "white knight syndrome." It is incredibly kind and admirable for a man to be a giver, BUT it can bite ya in the butt if your damsel in distress isn't trying to get HERSELF out of her mess. I don't know this woman, but from the little written here and from my own life experience, you might think about this and the women you're attracted to. Just a suggestion from the female POV. mthomjmark said it perfectly from the male POV. Smart guy.
(I'm not taking anything away from bluesman-you flirt) | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:31:39 PM | | If you give up, the terrorists win. | |
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