| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:14:45 AM |
BUT the problem is they always end up wanting more... can I guy "invest" in a friendship with a female and NOT get attracted and want more??
No.
And, in my opinion, like "Scoundrel", I'm firmly convinced that the guys telling you different are lying to lull you into a false sense of security so you take them to your next bra fitting... 'as a friend' ;-).
Cowboy | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:24:54 AM | what about scaling back down to friends after dating?
is this possible? or is let's be good friends just a means to keep you around "if"... | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:43:01 AM |
BUT the problem is they always end up wanting more
I've women do the same thing. But at least the guys are still trying to hang with you. Alot of the women I've been friends with are all or nothing types. Which is okay if you want a relationship but not good if you just want a women to do thing with. Guys in particular who have good relationships with the women in their families tend to like having relationships with women doing regular activities. Sometimes they can even take being friendly to mean more than what it is. So I'll say there are guys who would enjoy being friends without wanting more. Unless they want a relationship. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:08:26 AM | | what exactly is the "want more" your refering to? sex? cuddeling? making out? touchy feely stuff? orgasms? or is it more like watching sports together, peeing behind the tree together? drinking to much beer and throwing up together? a relationship? hmm? | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:21:04 AM |
what about scaling back down to friends after dating?
is this possible? or is let's be good friends just a means to keep you around "if"...
Yes, it certainly is. I got one of my best friends that way. And the biggest fun we have is joking about the sad state of pickin's in here while we do something else ;-).
Cowboy | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:53:46 AM | | Of course you can !! Just tell them from the start that you'd appreciate "Being friends" with them. After that talk to them as if you were talking to one of your girlfriends, " I really like this guy, etc " What do you think I should do" ? Value their opinion whatever that may be, a friend should be listened to and their views considered along with your own. Looking at a situation from a different perspective that you haven't thought of can make all the difference. True friends will tell you as they see it. A friend will say, I'll bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sat next to you saying, what an amazing time we had. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:01:27 PM | Physical attraction is human nature, but viewing someone as attractive and being attracted to them are two very different things. I have plenty of male friends who are total catches and very attractive, but I'm not attracted TO them. For a number of reasons: it'd be too weird, they're just not my type, etc. So I figure that a man can feel the same way. I understand it's in their wiring to hunt, but they also have the ability to control themselves... usually. So yeah, I think it is possible for your male friends to find you attractive without being attracted to you.
But to the OP -
Maybe its cuz guys laugh at all my jokes and hang on my every word, where that just pisses off most women if your funny liek that and attractive
Maybe they're hanging on to your every word because they're hoping THIS is the word that's finally going to end your sentence. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:20:20 PM |
So I figure that a man can feel the same way.
That's so cute of you ;-).
I understand it's in their wiring to hunt, but they also have the ability to control themselves...
Oh, hey, absolutely. We can very easily control the urge and stifle the desire. But it's still there.
So yeah, I think it is possible for your male friends to find you attractive without being attracted to you.
I think it is VERY possible for your male friends to find you attractive without ACTING on that attraction, possibly EVER, yeah. Without BEING attracted? Dream on, darlin' ;-)
Cowboy | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:23:06 PM | BUT the problem is they always end up wanting more... can I guy "invest" in a friendship with a female and NOT get attracted and want more??
Yes. If you're buttugly and they remain sober around you. Oh, and are gay. But those men will want more from you too. Borrow your clothes etc. Make sure you're a different size. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:48:34 PM |
That's so cute of you ;-).
Just to get this out of the way, being so condescending is not the way to go.
But I guess you're semi-correct. I re-read and thought about my position but I still think I'm half right. There IS a difference between thinking someone is attractive and being attracted TO them... physically. I can think a guy is super hot, but I won't necessarily be attracted to him [not my type, too weird, etc].
There are different things that can attract a person. "Being humble is an attractive quality in a person". That might attract me to someone. Does it mean they're hot? Absolutely not, that's another variable.
In order for a friendship to function and flourish, both parties NEED to be attracted to something in the other. I know that some of my male friends don't find me physically attractive. At all. The end. No, "well maybe..." It's a no. But they're still find me attractive based on a quality or a characteristic.
I suppose that's probably getting deeper than what she intended, though. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:59:29 PM | http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Most of my female friends are attractive. I would like to fvck most of them don't get me wrong. The thing is though, even when it comes to making friends of the same gender there has to be this attraction level. So, men that are saying that they have friends that they don't want to **** are usually full of shit. I know this is coming off as shallow, but I wouldn't hang out with people that are remotely unattractive. Even if the person is a guy. There's always going to be an exception to the rule. But, the thing is us humans are attracted to beauty. Don't get me wrong, at times wrong once you get to now a person things can change. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:15:16 PM | OP I’m sorry to hear about your guy-buddy woes, but trust me there is hope... 
Men and women can be friends without it being a big issue - I have dozens of good female friends encountered from various phases of my life, and while I can’t deny that there weren’t instances of romantic attraction by either side, we’re all still friends to this day.
1) I have a few female friends I adore like sisters, who despite their physical attractiveness, I could never envisage touching in that way, it would be too weird. 
2) I have one former female friend that I did throw a pity make-out session to after she came on to me unexpectedly after a party, and my fears were indeed confirmed that it was just too awkward for me to let it go any further and I killed that on the spot. Sadly that’s one of the few female friends I’ve lost over the years 
3) I have close female friends I’m sexually attracted to on a purely physical level, but have zero interest in romantically to the point I wouldn’t even bother trying to initiate anything because we’re so incompatible 
4) I have not-so-close female friends I’m sexually attracted to on a purely physical level, and WILL allow things to happen if she’s up for it (sue me, I’m still a man!  )
5) I have female friends I’m not sexually attracted to in the slightest, and thus they are the easiest platonic friends to keep provided they don’t express excessive interest in me like girl #2 above. 
6) I have ex-girlfriends that successfully became close female friends, and despite having had some fun times in the sack together, neither one of us feels the desire for a repeat performance
7) I have a gal-pal I loved and subsequently lost because I couldn’t accept her refusal 
and lastly, and most surprisingly of all,
8) I have a gal-pal whom I confessed my love to, and despite her shooting me down, we became BETTER friends, and we’re still good friends 10 years after the fact... I find that despite my eyes fogging up when I gaze at her, I have developed two kinds of love for her, one romantic, one platonic, and surprisingly both aspects of me just want her to be happy, no matter who that winds up being with 
So there is indeed hope, the real question comes down to whether or not you’re the type of person that’s instantly creeped out if a friend even hints at an interest in you. Sometimes a simple “you’re sweet but we’re not going there” is all it takes to debunk the budding feelings and put you back on the platonic track...
Having friends with the opposite sex is healthy and rather useful. I for one wouldn’t trade mine for the world, despite the occasional hiccups that ensue... Best of luck!  | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:54:06 PM |
That's so cute of you ;-).
Just to get this out of the way, being so condescending is not the way to go.
Sorry, darlin', my apologies if it seemed condescending, but at 19, in my eyes, you're still a little kid. Now, if you're mom's around, and SHE's single... ;-)
Cowboy | |
|
| |
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:18:14 PM |
She is, actually. Should I set something up for you two?
Only if she flies into Ottawa, Canada, a lot ;-).
Cowboy | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:38:32 PM | | If your attractive it may be hard to find a good guy friend. I think part of this whole thing has to do with the fact that so many women want to find a "friend" first and then "maybe something more later". Which tends to be a rather popular line on a lot of peoples profiles, and men realize that so often they will try to befriend you first then get with you once your friends. Least thats my two cents. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:41:30 PM | I too always find this dilemma bizarre....mmmm...awkward.....what is the word? I have always very much liked being around men as I enjoy their perspectives, strength of character......it is definately different from the converations that I share with my female friends. Sometimes it works, there are men whom I have been really good friends with for many years, however numerous other men have told me I am not the type of woman who a guy can be friends with.
Reviewing some of the posts, I would have to agree that the men whom I have managed to actually be friends with are the ones who are married, not even "dating" someone but the ones who are absolutely committed in their relationship. I would never, never step-in on an existing relationship, but it does seem that if even a very remote possibility exists (in someones mind)......male-female friendships are somehow difficult to pull off.
So sad as I really do enjoy the company of men. They can be quite enjoyable. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:08:05 PM | Go see "When Harry Met Sally"
Don't, the movie sucked. They had Billy Crystal play Harry instead of me. I could do a love seen with Meg. See, I'm not shallow. I can like flat chics. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:59:17 PM | No... you can't have guys as friends unless you're either physically not attractive to them or they're totally 100% comitted to another woman(and sober).
You see, women view it as "We aren't going to have sex!"
Men view it as "We aren't going to have sex,YET!" | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:33:34 PM | | Have you tried being friends with guy guys? You do not have to worry about them wanting more and they are hilarious! | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:58:49 PM | Hello POF people! I've been a member long enough to post on the forums 
OK, I feel better now that I've shown my appreciation
Hey WB95,
I didn't read beyond your post, so I'll guess that someone else has said this already...
When it comes to guy friends, the easiest way that I know of to make sure that he stays a friend is to try to only be friends with a guy who isn't interested in you sexually, and who you are not interested in either.
Now the question is "Do I like that idea? How do I feel when a guy becomes my friend but never has sexual interest in me?" I think sometimes it works out well, but I don't think that kind of friendship can last.
I like your question and your spin on it (" 'invest' in a friendship"). In my opinion, unless a woman is not very much interested in sex, then any woman who ACCEPTS friendship with a guy really wants him to have sexual interest in her to some extent. I don't think that she wants him to express it blatantly. Rather that his feelings are revealed just enough so that she knows that he likes her. Even if she has no interest in him, I doubt that many women would like to be friends with a guy who doesn't at least think that she's pretty.
It's no secret that most of a woman's guy friends are probably her friends because they'd like to be more than friends. That's the norm, and I've become friends with girls who I was trying to date enough times in the past to know that. Nowadays, if I like a girl and she doesn't like me back, I deliberately avoid becoming her buddy. I don't want to invest into a relationship that will leave me wanting something that I cannot reasonably expect to receive.
It's always been interesting to me that every girl who's approached me to become friends (that is, SHE is doing most of the work to build our friendship) has always repeatedly asked me what I think about her attractiveness. She will corner me at some point and ask "You think I'm cute, right?", to which I will always reply "Yeah, of course you're cute". Then she will volunteer to say that IF things were different (i.e. she was single, younger, older, etc.) then she'd date me.
So I guess one thing you might think about is whether you have ever been in that situation. I don't think you are doing anything wrong by any means, but believe that you have to realize that this scenario can work the other way too. The only difference I think is that guys know that at some point they will have to take the lead and formally admit to liking their lady friend, whereas most girls I've met will just keep flirting, telling her guy friend that he's cute, sexy, etc., waiting and hoping for him to reciprocate.
One last thing. In my opinion, women seem to have a much higher chance of making a guy friend into her boyfriend. | |
|
| why can't i have guys as friends??
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:53:03 PM | Try reading "The Ladder Theory" if you want to be enlightened.
http://www.laddertheory.com/
You bet. I'll be your friend.
Here. Have a beer. Or six. And talk to me baby. Tell me all about it.
Meanwhile, I'll just get comfy here and loosen my pants. | |
|
Home
login 
