| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:27:07 PM | The crucial point many people seem unable to grasp so far:
Either or both people may have NO interest whatsoever in dating, much less sex, once they meet.
Therefore, there is no conceivable need to have a discussion about whether or not someone likes to have sex (you can probably assume most people looking to date do- I don't think it's a question to get so hysterical over after one email) or what they do or do not like.
The only reason to talk about this with a stranger is if you are trying to use them to get your rocks off. And guess what, that is pathetic. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:29:57 PM | | gypsy: Personally I don't think your being a prude. To me when I get hold of someone like that I tell them to screw off, and go down on the corner where they can buy a cheap piece. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:55:54 PM | | It's funny my latest experience with this was. I don't remember who initiated the first contact. But she definately started the the double entendre sexual innuendo stuff. I had no problem with it. I enjoyed the banter so much I figured. I would ask her for for a picture . So I could put a face to who I was chatting with. Well lo and behold haven't heard from her since. So as been said many times before. There is both good and bad people on both sides of the gender pool on here. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:16:13 PM | No you arent being a prude.
Big turn off for me.
As another poster said, you dont walk up to strangers in the street and talk sexually or tell what knickers your into.
I am a person NOT some strangers piece of Meat.
If thats what you both want then thats fine go for it, but stick to the profiles that are after the same thing dont borther others who are after friendship or a more serious partner. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:55:52 PM | Part of my skepticism with online dating is that for a year or two of talking, it can't make up for 5 minutes of face to face contact.
Its a thing called chemistry, and people can tell if they have it relatively quickly in person.
Talking about sex before bein in the same room? absurd. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:39:19 AM | | In my opinion a guy who discusses sex, his likes and dislikes right out of the starting gate is out for one thing and will get tossed back. A guy who refrains from such topics and makes an honest effort to get to know a woman as a person is interested in something deeper and meaningful. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:36:59 AM | There are times when I'm very happy that the man chooses to have such discussions in the very beginning....it simply moves the screening process ahead without wasting time. I just said goodby to two men...gentlemen?...not in MY opinion.
One wanted a woman who was dominant and who was strong enough to pin him down and forceably "take" him.....He was not in the least interested in the fact that I'm looking for a loving, sharing relationship and would not even give that type of performance a second thought. I'm happy to have discovered this early on...his profile didn't even give a hint.
Another young fella kept asking for more pictures of me....nudes...And, when I sent him a couple of pix of me in a bathing suit, he replied that I had on waaaay too much clothing. My "goodbye message" to him said that he's going to have to find that elsewhere....he had the wrong gal for that.
I don't find this kind of behavior as repugnant as I find it sad and disappointing. Because, somewhere in all this, I know there are fine men and I refuse to condemn them all just because of a few.
Now, on the other hand, sense of humor can be great....I received a message from a guy,
I have a big****...and, the accompanying picture was a small guy with, following right behind him, a LARGE rooster.....One of the funniest gifs I've ever seen. We had quite a conversation about that....I sure wish I could post something like that on here....It would be good for a few laughs....but, I might end up in Administrative "jail" for it...
KK | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:08:14 AM | You nailed it gypsycookie.
If no interest in the person exists.......non of the elusive chemistry......why would you continue to the point of physical contact? | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:09:50 AM | I just had an internet argument with a dude about this very topic. He emailed me, and in the 1st email, asked if I would screw a black man so he could watch.
I replied that I am not into swapping, nor sex talk with strangers.
He said he 'needed to guage' my level of openess before wasting his time with me.
I was feeling 'chatty' at the time, so I replied. I told him I was certain that if he walked up to me in a lounge, or any other setting in reality, he would never speak to a lady that way, and I also asked if he thought men should be able to speak to the women in his life this way. (like of he had a sister, mother, etc...)
He replied that he is perfectly justified...and that I am a prude, and therfor not his type. (yay for me!)
I left it alone, after that...he is basically socially retarded or something, so why bother anymore.
I like to flirt, enjoy playing on words and all that...but Im not comfy getting into heavy sex talk with a stranger. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:53:57 PM |
One wanted a woman who was dominant and who was strong enough to pin him down and forceably "take" him.....He was not in the least interested in the fact that I'm looking for a loving, sharing relationship and would not even give that type of performance a second thought. I'm happy to have discovered this early on...his profile didn't even give a hint.
Another young fella kept asking for more pictures of me....nudes...And, when I sent him a couple of pix of me in a bathing suit, he replied that I had on waaaay too much clothing. My "goodbye message" to him said that he's going to have to find that elsewhere....he had the wrong gal for that.
Thanx for that---I'm excited to know that I'm still going to have to deal witht he same crap when I'm 71....argh
Unreal... | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:18:24 AM | By the time you're 71, you will be so familiar with the fact that it exists, that you probably won't even bat an eyelash. But, you will also have learned that NOT ALL men talk like that. (Who knows, for sure, what's on their MIND, but at least they've learned that many women are not appreciative when they verbalize it.) 
Sincerely,
KK | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:00:46 AM | Those types are looking for a quick fix and get their jollies off by the shock factor-sorry boys-go play somewhere else...and are the reason I have my messenger turned off on this site.
When I first joined I was naive and shocked at the vast numbers of moronic men not being able to carry on a chat past hi, how are you without going straight into sex questions 
Even with not using the IM and going back and forth in a few emails, there are still some occasionally that once you agree to "chat" will go down the I need to know if you are on the same page as me sexually road... ok, fine this shouldn't take long 
If I'm bored and feeling chatty I may indulge them for a few minutes because I've found those who engage in this type of behavior have saved me lots of time and it' s guaranteed you'll never hear from them again if you answer even one of their "questions"... so far my theory is 100% correct and a few minutes of typing has saved me hours of wasted time-those that show their true colors sooner than later really do us a favor and sometimes it's even "funny" in a sick humor sort of way
I believe those that can, do... those that can't type or talk about it only  | |
|
| |
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:54:21 PM | everything in moderation is good.I had that kind of experienced to the guy ive dated recently.We both liked and sexually attracted to each other.At first, I felt desirable when he talked about sex BUT the topic was always sex and i became scared of him..i could imagine what he gonna do to me if i ended up sleeping with him.
I became confuse when one time he flashed his "mini me"(front) on his cam.I caught in- between, if i would mad at him but at same time he couldnt shocked me because everyday, I saw those "mini me's" in my workplace , i viewed them and touched them.But in his case--we were dating!
Ive realized that he didnt respect me --all he wanted on me was to get on my pants--but it didnt happen because i stopped seeing him.
I wasnt scared to have sex with him BUT im scared what he could do to me---he seemed like a creep---his libido was " sky rocketting high" | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:13:22 PM |
i could imagine what he gonna do to me if i ended up sleeping with him Have sex like you talked about? If he goes overboard that should tell you something. Don't assume if he brings it up thats all he has on his mind.
I also, as previously mentioned, like to test people to gauge their tolerance level. Women don't like talking about sex and can do without it. The chances of them meeting a guy that actually doesn't like sex is very slim. The chances of men meeting a woman that doesn't like sex is a lot higher. There are even woman that don't merely dislike sex they hate it. I've said it before but a little screening and a little tolerance go a long way.
Women go overboard with their reactions from pre-conceived notions and misconceptions sometimes. Although some are justified, keep an open mind. Just because something is brought up doesn't mean that's all they think about. If I brought up movies does that mean that's all I think about(no not porn, not exclusively anyway). If I mentioned cooking does that also mean I'm obsessed and like to cook all the time (no fat jokes). | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:38:01 PM | First, I must note that I did not "wade through" all the pages of this thread, but read a few.
I have found that approximately 8 out of 10 of the guys I've been in contact with on POF and one other site - of which I am no longer a member - want to go to the sex talk within the 2nd or 3rd IM. A few wait til the first phone call, but only a few. I am far from a prude! What I am looking for is a lasting, committed relationship - not just a jump in the sack. I am hoping that one day I will connect with a man who wants to actually meet, spend time getting to know one another in a dating relationship, then take it to the next level if that is what we both desire.
If a man asks me if I have a webcam, I immediately tell him that I am not interested in further contact as I am not comfortable with either webcam sex or viewing his body parts on camera. Only once has a man apologized and said he was just "testing the waters." I told him that my hesitance has nothing to do with a lack of sex drive, and everything to do with my discomfort. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:00:48 PM | Dear Gypstcookie....
It is not appropriate to discuss that before meeting and it is disrespection and a red flag of a potential abuser for I go to Domestic Survivor meetings . Most men are just looking for sex and they do not care about we as woman and human beings.......we are not prudes we are genuine ladies........do not change..... | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:27:17 PM | FIF.
Don't assume if he brings it up thats all he has on his mind.
no i wasnt assuming---he never talked anything about me or him---he always talked sex,sex and sex...it was too much for me to handle. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:39:03 PM | I have had a couple bring it up right off the bat and I thought it was a little rude. I don't know them at all, don't even know if we will hit it off when we do meet. So I think talking about sex before you even meet is jumping the gun a bit.
I also had a guy who wanted something else not sure what he wanted but its all he talked about didn't ask even how was my day. Or what kind of work I did or anything else about me. He didn't give a shit all he cared about was what he wanted from a woman.
What guys fail to realize sometimes is if a woman is truely into you. The sex will be great. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:54:21 AM | I think its important to find out about sexual compatability, not necessarily before you meet but prefer that issues like that get aired early on. Low libido people and high libido people are never gonna live happily ever after and then theres the small matter of size, no biggie to some but an enormous problem for others lol.. I should be so lucky haha..
However I have on occasions spoke to a few men who have been able to brooch the subject with repect, a genuine need for clarity which is fine by me. If they make my skin crawl which is more often than not to be honest, I block immediately no fannying round. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:32:39 AM | Best to get it out of the way before wasting a mans time meeting you.
If your not into sex or not into sex the way the man wants then the relationship is already doomed. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:47:15 AM | | As if a woman has nothing to do with sex, takes two to tango and if a man is not into sex the way I am the relationship is not perfect, but sex is part of a relationship not all of it. I still find it tacky for a man to ask blatant sexual questions before meeting someone in person. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:53:35 PM |
a red flag of a potential abuser for I go to Domestic Survivor meetings. Not knowing about your situation I need to tread lightly but "RED FLAG", You're kidding right? Is this what you talk about at your survivor meetings? It's good to talk about it but sometimes going to meetings make you focus on the very thing you are trying to get over and may even define you. Move on (no, not dot org)
Most men are just looking for sex This statement always bothers me. This may be true for many men but women usually go overboard and think ALL men are just looking for sex and the trigger is asking about it. Handle the questions, don't avoid it and assume the worse. We use our experiences to guide us but don't make them into blinders.
and they do not care about we as woman and human beings Sorry but this is close to psycobable and I suspect may have come from your meetings. Do women care about men and our needs to keep out masculinity intact? I think todays society with overblown womens lib feminazi's may be partly responsible for creating some violence and mistreatment of women by lesser men.
we are not prudes we are genuine ladies........do not change..... We do not know what you are until we inquire. I was married to a prude for many many years and will not do that again and will do my best to determine what you are before I go any further.
What guys fail to realize sometimes is if a woman is truely into you. The sex will be great. In a perfect world yes but if you are a woman that enjoys sex you may have difficulty believing they're are woman that hate sex. I just want to make a determination without sending up RED FLAG'S.
I think its important to find out about sexual compatability, not necessarily before you meet but prefer that issues like that get aired early on. Low libido people and high libido people are never gonna live happily ever after and then theres the small matter of size, no biggie to some but an enormous problem for others lol.. I should be so lucky haha.. Every once in a while the reasonable voice of logic is heard. Women that say things like this though, scare me. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:19:47 PM | I know how to have sex .Any animal can do it.But it takes an adult to have a relationship.
Sex is a very beautiful part of a loving relationship.
If sex is all they want to know about this gives me some very important about how I can expect to be treated if I were to get involved.
Don't they know that we could almost anyone to service us?
That is the easy part.Finding a gentleman is very difficult.
Am looking to meet a GENTLEMAN that will treat me with RESPECT.
If anyone I am just starting to talk with on the internet or in person starts talking about sex
I am GONE .I will not listen to Jr High School talk.Am wanting much more than an erection. | |
|
| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:13:30 PM | | At least they are being honest with you from the start, and letting you know what they are looking for, therefore leaving you the option to pursue it or not.As far as being disrespectfull, that all depends on how they bring the subject up and discuss it. If it is the online equivelant of an obcene phone call, then there's a problem. But if it's more like, " this is who I am, these are the things that I like. If you are open to that, and are interested in doing such and such with me,...." That's not so bad and can be handeled with a simple, "No thanks." | |
|
Home
login 
