| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:09:13 PM | I think you're all crazy! Some women like sex as much as men and some women think about it as much as men do. (and no don't start emailing me!) ha ha !
Who do they think they're kidding ????? and what classifies as 'sex talk' and what is flirty banter?? None of us have to reply to emails that we find offensive just don't respond to them if you are turned off by it! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:34:07 PM | Everyone has a different comfort level with sex talk, flirting, and even serious personal questions. But really this is how we get to know more about each other AND the whole concept of online dating site is to hasten that process, no?? There is a comfort level about being home and "Shopping" online for another human to interact with be it only as a chat friend, or to eventually meet and develope a relationship with.
I agree with many that some men/boys, don't know how to take the hint of "I'm not interested in indulging your fantasies" But when you feel comfortable getting a little racy with someone in messages/texting..it can be very enlightening and fun, as long as you set clear boundaries. I think you can talk about preferences or whatever but that shouldn't mean that you're going to be expected to "Do the deed" as soon as you do meet, there is that chemistry thing too, it sucks to meet someone and feel no attraction to them after having intimate conversations... It's all a personal choice, and alot of guys will try to see how far they can push the subject..because well boys will be boys!!
But men are more respectful and considerate, it's not at all "Prude" to refuse to engage in sex talk. I had planned to meet with a guy who was polite and nice until 30 minutes before our date he text me to ask if we were going to be having sex?? I said no, then he asked even foreplay??..I said seriously,dude did i have "Intimate encounters" on my profile??? Uh NO!!! so I told him to stay home and go search for someone else. What a disappointment that was to me, as he was only like the 3rd guy I'd "met" online.
But I'm happy to say he was in the minority too!! So I just kind of laugh them off now with a have a nice search!!  | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:06:10 PM | Yeah, i think by a certain age, you've decided whether you are a man or a woman, if you like to go straight for the sex compatibility or the relationship compatibility first. When you're 19,20 I think you are more willing to entertain trying what is not your personal style.
After you learn which is your style, you don't really change back and forth too much, and you just should not date a man/woman who is of the other style at all.
B1tch and complain all you want on the forums, if a woman doesn't like to talk about sex before meeting or have sex on the first or second date, you wont convince her. Just like if a woman likes to be sure of a sexual connection, she'll probably hook up before she falls for a guy, just to make sure that, when she does, the sex is good.
The OP is 41, so, guys, no ones going to convince her to change her style.
Let's just call a truce on the prude/slut wars and respect different relating styles, K? | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:04:11 PM | I have found that if I am chatting with someone new and it gets too racy right off the bat or they are downright nasty I have no problem simply closing the window...100% effective.
However, I have met some really great guys here that I thoroughly enjoy chatting with and yes at times it can get a tad over the top but its all in fun...its just CHAT
Its about being secure in yourself and overcoming the fear ingrained in most females that if they talk candidly about sex they must be a hoe. Just because you talk about it doesnt make it so.
it's a free dating site that attracts all types of jacka$$es along with a few pretty cool friends ...take it for what it is or join one of the paying sites..they are just as bad..LOL
Lighten up, life is too short ... | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:44:11 PM | At last someone got this one passed the forum police. NOT A PRUDE
OP you are too right, when a man can make you feel like a total slag in the second message and he wonders why you say: No for me, Byeeeeeeeeeeeee. Blocked and deleted, 
I do often wonder if the men had not been so desperate for sex, if we had at least met, when who knows where it would have led? Cos if there had been a spark and the date had gone well and a relationship struck up - who knows 
Some men have been so insulting and desperate that I have suggested a street walker, in the UK about ten quid a pop.
EDIT: ru4real_iam - yep and we all know what the men do with the ladies pictures - URGHhhhhh | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:53:12 PM |
Therefore, there is no conceivable need to have a discussion about whether or not someone likes to have sex (you can probably assume most people looking to date do- I don't think it's a question to get so hysterical over after one email) or what they do or do not like.
Yes, there absolutely IS a conceivable need to discuss it up front. If one likes it, and the other does not, there's really no need for them to date, let alone meet. So why not find out from the start? There ARE people out there who do not like sex for one reason or another. I was in a 2 year relationship with one, and it was unbelievably frustrating for BOTH of us. If I had known up front, I could have avoided that. If you walk in just assuming like you suggest, it's just a crap shoot. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:54:35 PM | | You are not being a prude!! I get the same thing all of the time, at least once a day. I do think it is disrespectful to ask some one these type of questions before they even ask your name!! I believe that cyberspace sex is demeaning as well as disrepectful. It is ok however if after talking to someone for a while and if you feel comfortable to explore your likes and dislikes. I really hate it when i first meet a guy on the site and the first thing he asks me is if i have a cam and to give him a show. Really sucks!!!! IF THEY ASK FOR THIS RIGHT OFF TELL THEM TO GET LOST! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:58:56 PM | indehills on 6/3/2008 9 12 PM
Sorry disagree with your post, surely you want to meet these people before you actually get down to what you like or dislike.
Not everyone is here for dating - some are pure cons. Like the woman who lured the man to her house, took him at gun point to his bank cleared out his account then shot him, she lured him with sex talk from an internet dating site. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:12:04 PM | I don't think it's a bad thing. It is as it has been said good to see how you both feel about things. I know what I like, not really much point in dating a guy that isn't into the same things. Be a waste of both our time   | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:20:22 PM |
I don't think it's a bad thing. It is as it has been said good to see how you both feel about things. I know what I like, not really much point in dating a guy that isn't into the same things. Be a waste of both our time. Within the first few minutes of chatting? Like the first damned minute? Neanderthals ain't my cup of tea They may be some other's "things" but they ain't mine. that's exactly why I wrote about it in my profile. I thought it would deter the players and rude dudes. NExt time I get one of those animals im-ing me I will refer him to you and the 'indehills' person.  
If one likes it, and the other does not, there's really no need for them to date, let alone meet. So why not find out from the start? There ARE people out there who do not like sex for one reason or another. Liking it and talking about it are 2 different issues. I never said that I didn't like it. If a woman talks about it with a guy, he pretty much assumes that she will have sex with him. The point is, how would I know if I want to have sex with a guy when I've never even met the guy? When a man begins questioning a woman about 'when was the last time you had sex', I feel pissed and intruded upon. If a guy needs to do this within the first few minutes of a conversation, to me he is a pig. Thats it. IT's rude and immature and desperate more than anything. People that need to do that are in the wrong site. They need to go to the sex ads. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:50:07 PM | | amen sister. it is disrespectful!!! i'm with ya 100% i am totally turned off by that and i LOVE sex-light years away from being a prude, to the point of being a nymphomaniac! but, when they bring it up long before you are "feeling" it, or not even sure if you're gonna be "feeling" it with them at all-it's a total turn off. a real deal breaker. totally shallow, too. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:54:07 PM | | Talking does not give the compatible knowlege needed. Relationships each one is as unique and different as a sunrise how it will shine tomarrow cant be desided in words | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:53:12 AM | Hey chillout Stringbean...........I didn't say it was ok in within the first few mins of chatting. But it is something that should be discussed at some point IMHO.
I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong. We all have our own way of doing things and our own expectations.
As it has been said on this post..........You don't have to reply to the questions, if you don't like the way things/the conversation is going BLOCK HIM! It's quite simple | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:16:17 AM | | imo guys are attempting to plant a seed in ur thoughts of sex so the quicker they get the first seed planted,the quicker they can reap the harvest of it.The thing is that these kind of seed planters are only interested in one kind of harvest usually with alot more then one as they truly believe in spreading it around.Mainly because they confuse quality with quanity.They think that because they have had so many that they must be a pro at it but they usually aren't or so I have had other women tell me.They may even go so far as to say things like well u must have some issues implying that there is something wrong with u if u don't want to chat about it or do it with them.U know that if this is all they talk about or somehow the chat always ends up on that subject,then u know that is all they r about and everything else is just there...........I have read where some say that this is a dating site so u must expect it so I have to ask why?I have read where some call it flirting but I say not so.This again to me shows a brainwashing technique.I mean what woman has sex with a man and calls it flirting?What woman talks about sex with a man and calls it flirting?I mean I know prostitutes do it and so do phone sex operators but I really don't think even they will tell u that they r flirting. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:28:19 AM | Looking thru all the posts here, one thing is obvious:
The vast majority of women do NOT see this sort of thing as "flirting"...it is rude and demonstrates disrespect.
The vast majority of men view this sort of thing as checking out a woman.
Clearly, as with most issues involving gender; men and women do not see this the same way.
However, I still believe that decent men understand completely that this is NOT the way to meet a decent woman. For the rest, I am convinced that the difference is that we are online. No man would do this in person!!
The men who send messages seeking to start sex chat online are really looking for the woman that will do a booty call. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:28:25 AM | Loz Hunter, indehills put up a thread about his situation and he is absolutely right, he would have been better off having this conversation before he ever met the woman. She appeared totally normal sexually and then two months in he found she was grappling with the legacy of sexual abuse and he hung in with her for two years having sex a whopping four times because by the time he found this out, he had feelings for her and felt like a shit leaving the relationship without trying to help her work through it. As many of us said in that thread, I suspect if he tells a woman about this experience, she is not going to be offended if he brings this up earlier than he would have three years ago.
Back to this thread, in general, it depends on the context of the conversation and what is discussed. I don't remember if we had the conversation before we met, I think it was a bit down the line, but one of the guys I dated had been in a very cool marriage sexually, and one of the things we discussed was what each of us wanted in a mate, the deal breakers either way, and one of the topics amongst financial and emotional needs, was sexual. This is actually an intelligent conversation to have with anyone that one feels might be long-term material, allows both parties to get their deal breakers on the table.
If this seems one among many topics in trying to find out what people have in common and whether they might be compatible and is not graphically disgusting I don't think I would get my back up about it. If it seems to be the individual's focus I think it would bother me but then again, part of it would probably be determined by whether I am "attracted" to the guy and if he has ANYTHING else to say. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:31:00 AM | men are initiating Cyber sex with you.
It is the new age...and it is bogus.
Most of these men are probably married and can't stand up and fix what is going on in their own bedrooms at home with their wives.
I simply tell them im not into Cyber sex.
Tell them to go buy a magazine, instead of trying to IM with me like im reading the pages of Penthouse Forum.
The next phase is to ask you if you have a Web cam, which reduces intamacy to diddling yourself on camera...
I Tell them im not into this, I don't have a freaking camera and they should perhaps
go buy a porn movie... if they want something on film .
TO each their own... but this is not not my preference AT ALL and I've never been accused of being a prude. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 9:38:42 AM | noticed its all ladies on here ...
why is it all women tar men with the same brush? im on here to look for a soulemate, someone to keep company with, to get on well with, and if anything happens? well fine if we are meant to be together
iv been on here nearly 3 yrs, and chatted and met some horrible rude ladies, the last one wanted to come to my house and jump in bed....for a first meeting lol i only mailed her the once lol so i think ladies can be worse than men
most ladies just dont reply, about 1 in 15 do, and that could be the rude one
some dont like me being a lone parent either, it intimidates them, i can be a better parent than alot of women i know. ....so....the last thing on my mind is sex....
but as with the ladies it does enter ones head sometimes...lol  | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:29:21 AM | I agree with most here, but we are all adults. There will be whackos, and nymphos, and sex crazed here and there. Most healthy adults do have thoughts about sex! it is called attraction! Part of finding someone to spend time with, is finding who we are attracted to. But that does NOT mean jumping into bed!
Bottom line, do what YOU are comfortable with, speak up when you are NOT, and you should be OK
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:45:51 AM | I think guys wanna see if you will go there and if you will by phone or e-mail then they are guessing you probably may be a sure thing when they meet you.............. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:03:52 PM | It's just poor manners if they're trying to get you to tell your intimate fantasies within five minutes of e-mailing/messaging you... 
I do believe it's possible to chat about sex EVENTUALLY before meeting, if the person you're trying to meet wants to spend months chatting before actually meeting in person. At that point, depending on the frequency of e-mails/IMs, you could have swapped your entire life story, so sex would naturally be one facet that reasonable adults would discuss at some point...
However asking someone "Hi what's your name?" followed by "Would you be willing to take it up the butt while I shock myself with a tazer?" is a tad "colorful" for first meet conversation...   | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:58:26 PM | | cyber sex is for 16 year olds... if you're an adult and you get off on chatting with someone over the internet, then you have a problem... lol | |
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