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 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 51
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Talking about sex before even meetingPage 3 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Gypsy....thank you for bringing this up ! I was beginning to think that I was a prude because I am totally turned off when someone approaches me with a lot of sex talk before we ever know each other. Just the other day, a man IM'd me and asked if i had been "done real good lately"....that's the crudest thing I've ever heard. He's now blocked. I don't see the point in even venturing into that type of discussion unless you've met, are getting to know each other and have some attraction. Otherwise, if the topic is that important, you're obviously just looking for a hookup and not a relationship.
 woterlily
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 52
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:47:15 AM
yes, this seems to be a priority on the minds of men.
i'd let him know that he's going too fast and if he keeps at it, I'll leave him alone to do himself!!
 wondering1980
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 53
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:53:27 AM
i even consider flirting sex talk so its obvious all they want is sex if all they can do is flirt with you
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 54
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:02:17 AM
Asking about sex in an e-mail is putting the cart before the horse.

How would a guy like it if you asked him a bunch of marriage questions before meeting him, you know: What kind of diamond ring did you have in mind? Is a religious ceremony important? Would your parents kick in if it's a large wedding? Oh, and BTW, how many kids would you like to have?

Before you meet you have no idea if there's any chemistry, if you'll want to go out on a date, if you'll date for a while and just never feel comfortable enough with each other to HAVE sex.

So why ask something of a person when you're not sure it's ever going to happen?

Oh, and also, it's creepy and rude. I'd never meet a man even for coffee who asked me about sex before a meet (or before we were at a point in the relationship that we were ready to have sex).
 waterwitch
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 55
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:05:27 AM
The most important point I've seen raised here is that we all have different levels of comfort. What I have found to be truly refreshing is a conversation with someone who is paying attention to what my own comfort level is. I totally get the idea of trying to ascertain compatibility on multiple levels. However it IS disconcerting to have sex brought up too soon, and then pushed, as several others have stated, it is not at all a good feeling to have had an intimate conversation prior to meeting and finding absolutely zero chemistry when you do meet. Its about expectations, and women DO like some romance. We DO like to believe that you are interested in more than just getting our panties off. I read here that some of you are annoyed that women tend to view that sex is a gift. But it IS. It's a gift given by both, to be enjoyed together. To be shared together. Men are NOT the only gender graced by high sex drive, there are as many women who are totally into physical intimacy as men, we simply view it differently.
 uwishtoo_1958
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 56
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:21:56 AM

Let me tell you something Reg...there is nothing more uncomfortable then meeting somebody you've had sexual conversations with, only to find out that you have NO chemistry whatsoever.


I actually have chatted with men only to be told that our first "date" would be at a hotel or his place or mine - NOT !! and then got told by some guy that said well if the sex isnt good then the relatinship wont be either and I said uh hun you got that backwards - if the relationship is good to start with a sold foundation of friendship then any sexual issues (well most of them at least) can be easily worked out. Then I hung up on him - lol
 scintillation1
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 57
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:26:10 AM
If we've met and established that we fancy each other then its fun to do a little flirting, and gradually start talking about sex. Anyone with an ounce of social common sense will be able to gauge the others reaction before proceeding.

To talk about sex before you've even met makes me squirm. Done it a couple of times and when we met I wanted to throw up thinking of the things we were talking about.
 uwishtoo_1958
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 58
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:26:31 AM

Sex is the price a woman has to pay for a relationship!


I can only hope that the comment and others (especially the one about learning to serve ones MASTER) was meant as a total joke but if not then ok, glad we arent in the same end of the country.

But sex is NOT a price I have to pay for anything - it is something that I share with a partner that cares about me and respects me, as I do him. And one final thing here, I do it willingly, multiple times and very well. But only for those that I choose to and not because some bozo thinks it is his right when he meets me for the first time
 marcia1956
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 59
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:26:33 AM
Hi Gypsycookie, I had a guy tell me his likes, dislikes, how often he likes to have sex ect. On the first phone call!!!!!!!! I'm no prude but it put me off him straight away.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 60
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:47:23 AM
Maybe they have the idea that talking about it is oral sex. The disturbing thing is that if that's all they _do_ talk about, maybe that's all they _can_ talk about. Suggest some good books they can read. As one lady almost suggested even books on tantrism might be beneficial.

In a different category, I like "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce. It is available on line.



Sex is the price a woman has to pay for a relationship!

That *was* a joke, intentional or otherwise. Sex shouldn't be a price paid by anyone, it should be another pleasure adding another dimension to the relationship.
 Tarrylea
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 61
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:51:21 AM
You might even find it enjoyable right there in the cemetary. If it kills me just bury me with the smile on my face.
 dmr48
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 62
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:52:31 AM
So when is the best time to broach the subject, because it is or should be a very important part of a relationship? Like it or not, it is one of the basics of any good relationship. How long do we dance around the subject? I have dated women for a time only to find that they think a libido is something they wear. I agree that if that is all they are talking about, there is a problem. But I also think if we cannot, as adults, broach the subject in an effort to find someone that may be compatible, then there is another problem.
I once asked a good female friend, during a conversation on relationship problems she was having, is she really enjoyed sex, and she responded that she did, especially if it was every 2-3 weeks.......good thing to know.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 63
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:59:21 AM
It IS up to you to define your worth, values, attitudes and be willing to become a magnet for those who resonate with you at your level. It will narrow the field but it will also spare you the feeling and experience of being used for sex without heart and soul.


That's interesting. I've found myself narrowing my field alot by having a lengthier (sp) profile. Then I wrestled with the fact whether quality was the way to go vs quantity - the idea being that somewhere in that quantity there might be some quality. I'm still wrestling with it lol.

As for the sex part - I'm looking to bring my sex life to a higher level and that requires trust, intimacy and yes commitment. I've been narrowing my field over the past few years in that respect. But in order to discuss my "level" there needs to be some chemistry, understanding, maturity, mutual respect and the reality that we have extended beyond a few casual dates.

Flirting and such is one thing (fun is fun), but casual sex is not on my menu so much so why bother discussing it casually, unless purely for educational or debate purposes?


So when is the best time to broach the subject, because it is or should be a very important part of a relationship? Like it or not, it is one of the basics of any good relationship. How long do we dance around the subject?


A smart woman will let you know. It's impossible to place timelines on things such as familiarity between two people.
 elegant4563
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 64
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:14:16 AM
You girls on on this web-site the lowest self-esteem I have ever seen in females. If you want to prostitute yourself---------then hit the streets.

Sex should only be between two people that love each other, and are committed to each other. Not on the first date (if you MUST have sex on the first date----again hit the streets).

Where is your self esteeem? Where is you character? Why? Why do you modern girls have such low self esteem-----why can't you gals call the shots of your relationshiops? Why do you gals feel like that you have to act like "**** dogs" in heat to attract a man? There's much more to a good relationship and marriage than constant sex.

Why are you gals so insecure in your relationships with men?

Think about it!

elegant4563
 Jen3407
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 65
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:24:03 AM
Be careful.If your not comfortable about tell em excuse me but i am not really comfortable discussing this at this time . And if you believe that u need to know someones a while before that topic should come ups feel free let em knows . Its better than doing s omething that u may regret an hate yourself for the rest of your life .
 snslln08
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 66
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:24:42 AM
Okay, it seems that this debate is split right down the middle. If the sexual inuindos and flurtatious bantter is mutual than there is not a problem. If it turns you off, turn the other person off. If we are on this site we are all adults. Most of us have had sexual encounters before so sex is nothing new to us. We are not getting any younger here. Let's have fun and as they used to say in the 60's "if it feels good, do it." If it bothers, you don't. It's really that simple.
 Jen3407
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 67
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:29:34 AM
THANK YOU elegant4563
Thanks for them words . Its true to many women let themselfs be mistreateds an not respected . I am glad i am going wait till i find someone i truly love an truly loves me backs .
 Clover4
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 68
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:32:34 AM
No, Gypsy, you are not a prude - they are crude !!!!! However, there are many many sleazy women who are really only interested in sex and they make it very difficult for people like you and I to meet the right man. Let's look at it this way - if all he feels he's worth is a ONE-night stand, then he obviously places little value on himself, and therefore is absolutely of no value to you. How's that for summing up?
 waterwitch
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 69
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:45:25 AM
Clover4, you have very aptly summed it up! I think somehow some men miss that concept - they are worth more than a one night stand too! (at least, I hope so...)
 NoseyNeighbor
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 70
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:18:46 AM

However, there are many many sleazy women who are really only interested in sex...


Just curious.....how would you know that? Any citations?

I'm thinking it has more to do with men's attitudes towards women rather than hordes of female sex seekers.
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 71
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:43:06 AM
Helloooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
elegant4563 You have made a very broad statement there. I think most of the women on this thread have stated that they are not into talking sex too early.....and certainly not HAVING it on the first date.
I'm your age and have met a lot of lovely very moral younger women on here.

And your judging by your moral compass, which is fine...but each person has their own morality and are not here to be judeged by you.
 k0nfyo0zed
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 72
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:22:28 AM
Talking about sex has never really bothered me.

I'm a little bit less forthcoming about sex regarding me specifically (i.e. I will do xyz to you, and want you to do abc to me), but sex in general is a broad topic, and something most people can relate to.

Personally I find it to be a fascinating topic, and not in a pervish way. I think the science of it, the psychology involved and all that, is very interesting. But then again, I was talked out of going to college to be a sexual therapist.

If it's not something you're comfortable with discussing, let the other person know. If they don't respect your wishes, I think that's a sign that they aren't worth your time.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 73
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:34:06 AM
No, I don't think you are a prude. I've shied away from a couple of people who wanted to talk about that kind of stuff in the first conversation. It's just not an appropriate topic for a first conversation with someone. But look at it this way, it does pretty much help you weed out the ones who are only looking for one thing...they "out" themselves pretty well with that kind of behavior.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 74
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:47:33 AM
If the attraction is there, and most know that right at the start, some discussion of potential sex, most likely will happen.

It does not have to be specific, but much more boundary setting, rules, over all views, etc., and I do think when single and looking for others to enjoy, that sex is just another element of conversation, and that thought process.....

Most that I meet will let me know if they are attracted to me during that first meeting, and ask me if I am to them as well. Once that is established, the boundaries expand significantly if both want to know each other much better, and spend more time with one another. This is when you have that first touch, kiss, and discussion about what you believe in when it comes to romance, sex, and relationships.

Just my opinion........
 susie january..
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 75
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:11:18 AM
dera gypsycookie. i must agree with you , ive only been on pof 5 weeks and had my laptop 6 weeks, but ive been in contacted with a few men now, 2are really sincere and genuine and im still in touch with them, the other 5 or 6 discusted me, one when i emailed him called me a f-----g dirty c----t whore, and then emailed he was only joking, well i think its not nice, im a down to earth person and like a joke and a laugh but som people talk filth, if they want that ive told them to join the dirty chat line, they can do it all they want on there, maaybe thats todays society, but im 43, and i like to get to no someone before i jump into bed with them, lets face it if thats all you have in a relationship is sex, it wont go very far, so gypsycookie stick to your guns and morals, there are som nice fellas trust me just keep emailing and have some fun, nice to have met you any way, emaill if you want to talk again and it wont be dirty talk i can promise you that? have a greay evening from susiejanuary in tun wells.
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