| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:47:33 AM | If the attraction is there, and most know that right at the start, some discussion of potential sex, most likely will happen.
It does not have to be specific, but much more boundary setting, rules, over all views, etc., and I do think when single and looking for others to enjoy, that sex is just another element of conversation, and that thought process.....
Most that I meet will let me know if they are attracted to me during that first meeting, and ask me if I am to them as well. Once that is established, the boundaries expand significantly if both want to know each other much better, and spend more time with one another. This is when you have that first touch, kiss, and discussion about what you believe in when it comes to romance, sex, and relationships.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:11:18 AM | dera gypsycookie. i must agree with you , ive only been on pof 5 weeks and had my laptop 6 weeks, but ive been in contacted with a few men now, 2are really sincere and genuine and im still in touch with them, the other 5 or 6 discusted me, one when i emailed him called me a f-----g dirty c----t whore, and then emailed he was only joking, well i think its not nice, im a down to earth person and like a joke and a laugh but som people talk filth, if they want that ive told them to join the dirty chat line, they can do it all they want on there, maaybe thats todays society, but im 43, and i like to get to no someone before i jump into bed with them, lets face it if thats all you have in a relationship is sex, it wont go very far, so gypsycookie stick to your guns and morals, there are som nice fellas trust me just keep emailing and have some fun, nice to have met you any way, emaill if you want to talk again and it wont be dirty talk i can promise you that? have a greay evening from susiejanuary in tun wells.  | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:25:52 AM | | I believe there are sites that cater to people that just want that aren't there, just like my dear old grandma used to say... best get your heads together before your tails.... | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:36:21 AM |
Yes, and no. That is, I appreciate what you're saying here. And yet at the same
time, this is a dating site, not the 4H club, and any gal who doesn't want any
flirtatious talk is perhaps otherwise best to more clearly state their reason for
being here as looking for "friends", or "talk/email", or "hang out", or "activity
partner." And beyond that, it is simply a matter of degree to which we each
feel comfortable talking about matters like sex.
The thing is, many times it isn't "flirtatious talk." It's during the first conversation and the guy jumps in, telling me all about what he likes sexually and wants to know what I like. This is usually even before I know much about him at all. Perhaps it would be different if it were someone I had talked to more than once and had even somewhat of an interest in. But it isn't.
I can't say for sure that it happens the same way for other ladies on here, but I'm willing to guess it does, at least sometimes. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:47:05 AM | Hi Op,good thread,I dont want to sound old fashioned and certainly being no prude i have to say talking about sex with a lady i have not even met would definately devalue a blossoming friendship and certainly give the lady no respect at all.This is a dating site and the idea of dating for me means a slow and steady relationship that feels comfortable for both parties and any discussion of sex should be left for a later date.
I think i may be in the minority again where men are concerned but this is how i feel. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:15:19 PM | This happens to me alot .... you just have to weed them out-- if they push sex too fast they're slime ball players.... if they are patient and show interest in actually carrying on a real conversation and getting to know you as a person FIRST before wanting to jump your bones, then go for it!
Believe it or not I personally think some men do it to see how loose you are... testing you.
Happy fishin' | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:03:04 PM | I've learned to just hit the delete button. One even sent a sexual first e-mail yesterday...something along the lines of dominating me in the bedroom.
The sad part of it is ladies at his age (40-something) if that wasn't working for him, he would have changed his tactic already. Positive reinforcement? | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:50:14 PM | Its a womans world.. No man should expect to be able to get away with talking filth.. But since a high percentage of men have that as their basic aim, (and why not!!??) then they will find themselves frustrated!!
Sex is hardly worth talking about as much as engaging in..
Personally, I find it offputting myself much of the time.. A bit of humourous banter is well and good, but, well, there are limits.. Mind you, so many women lead men on..
I just want to agree the date, and the terms of the date..
If a lady isnt gonna even consider dropping her drawers, then, well, its a wasted journey I would guess, unless she has some other way of passing the time in mind that I would like..
I can have a meal and a drink anytime..
Now, how many women REALLY have anything to offer other than sex anyway?
Any good cooks? Cleaners? Or, god forbid, sportswomen whose idea of a good meet is something other than a bar? | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:51:49 PM | | hmmm..throughout my lifelong dating experiences, I think I have touched a lil bit on the topic of sex when talking on phone even before meeting the person. I don't mean like in the first 10 minutes of talking but over time but before meeting. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:16:01 PM |
I've learned to just hit the delete button. One even sent a sexual first e-mail yesterday...something along the lines of dominating me in the bedroom.
The sad part of it is ladies at his age (40-something) if that wasn't working for him, he would have changed his tactic already. Positive reinforcement?
It is sad but true. For all you ladies in the forum complaining about it, there are probably 10 women for each of you that do not mind and infact think it is a complement. why would a man like that need to change something that works for him.
Anyways, to each is own. Like I said before and will say again, I can understand being sickened by a guy like that whome you never talked to even once sending you that kinda email. (DELETED) However, if you are chsatting for an extended time and still havent met, I can see two people mutually sharing fantasies, turn ons and turn offs. If you chatted that long and havent had a date yet, it is only natural to be courious and test the boundaries a bit. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:49:48 AM |
PeterC ::: If your comfy talking and its on an even keel, then I like too, as it alows you to avoid a potential disaster.
Low sex drive, high sex drive, prudish ideals, heavy bdsm wants.
I think its best to sort those basic thing out before you go off for a meet !
Yup. I agree!!! I certainly would like to have a 'discussion' (NOT sex talk ) to get a few things cleared up BEFORE we even met. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:23:15 AM | Well, Reggieboy, I guess ya made it pretty clear what YOU'RE all about....Now we all know....Don't worry, you're not alone.....But, at least you're truthful about it.
KK | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:14:10 AM |
" Also save the sex talk for later on, sometimes you will find out that she is truly a sex driven person, just likes to make sure he is the right guy before she opens up."
I would have to agree with The Hot White Guy, LOL. I am not a prude, however, I don't wanna chat up sex without knowing you. As I live far away, a meet will only happen if we hit it off and are interested in taking it further after a period of time. So I am resigned to lengthy conversations but, like the other women, I don't want to talk intimacies before I'm ready and if a guy mistakes that for hang-ups, intimacy issues or being a prude, it's his loss not mine.
I agree there are different strokes for different folks and all that...but you can't paint everyone with the same colored brush just because their initial behavior in this arena isn't what you were hoping for, etc. 
ReggyBoy,
"Any good cooks? Cleaners? Or, god forbid, sportswomen whose idea of a good meet is something other than a bar?"
How's that attitude working for ya? I wouldn't want to boil water for a man who exhibits the type of disdain for women that you have shown in your posts in this thread. It's not surprising as a grown man you still don't have any idea that women have more to offer than their bodies. But, of course, how would you know when you are not interested enough to ask and don't stick around long enough to find out? As I said above, nine times out of 10 it's going to be your loss. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:54:22 AM | | I kinda feel the same way. Unless the topic really does seem to come up naturally and it doesn't seem to 'always' come up. I've noticed that some people seem to put a focus on this topic, and when we haven't even met, it seems pushy. It definitely makes me think that is the top priority. Presumably, it will come up naturally if the person is actually talking to me about various topics. Makes we wonder, what's the rush? | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:31:39 AM |
How's that attitude working for ya? I wouldn't want to boil water for a man who exhibits the type of disdain for women that you have shown in your posts in this thread. It's not surprising as a grown man you still don't have any idea that women have more to offer than their bodies. But, of course, how would you know when you are not interested enough to ask and don't stick around long enough to find out? As I said above, nine times out of 10 it's going to be your loss.
Hmm! I wonder what makes you think its possible to lose something you never had or wanted anyway?
Cooks and cleaners are happy doing it for money, money is time and vice versa..
Speaking of vice, there are many things women do for money that men like..
So, just what are these things women have to offer?
And why cant a man find them? And what makes you think he cant find the same in another man? his mates?
Or a dog..
Anyway, thats me asking.. As you say I aught to!!
Answers please.. (If indeed there are any!! which i very much doubt!!)
Its about compatibilty my good woman, two people fitting in well and getting along together..
I dont do housework, I build the house, you clean it!! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:40:30 AM | | Flirting is one thing! Openly talking to someone regarding your likes and dislikes or what he wants to do to your body when you have only been talking for 15 minutes. 4Hclub my ass! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:10:55 PM |
If your comfy talking and its on an even keel, then I like too, as it alows you to avoid a potential disaster.
Low sex drive, high sex drive, prudish ideals, heavy bdsm wants.
I think its best to sort those basic thing out before you go off for a meet !
Word. If you're looking for a dating partner, sexual compatibility is a major issue; I've heard that sexual incompatibilities (particularly large differences in libido) is the number one reason for divorce. If you're in a monogamous relationship, then sexual compatibility with the one person you're having sex with is a huge thing.
I find tone more telling than anything else. Discussing it in a more academic tone is something I'm all for; being asked personal questions about my masturbation habits is another thing entirely. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:48:07 PM | Its not just men who talk about sex first !
I had one woman wanting to know how long my "part" was and if I could manage sex three times in one night !!!
And tha twas before the first date ! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:28:51 PM | | I absolutely agree, I like talking about sex but when you do so with someone you haven't met and then meet him , it can be terribly uncomfortable if you don't fancy him. What are you to do? It's like you've promised what you're going to do and now really don't want to. If I meet some bloke any other way I don't immediately tell him what I want him to do to me or vice versa, even if I may think it, so why should it be any different here? As a general rule if I do feel frisky I talk to men I have absolut no intention of meeting which can be fun and with the ones I like to get to know better and maybe even in person at some point, I take things a little slower | |
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