| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:08:41 PM | When I was out there dating in the "real world" , the subject of sexual compatibility never really came up with the men I've had relationships with in my life. My last relationship lasted 12 yrs and we never discussed sex prior to entering into our relationship.
I've been on pof for about 5 months now and it seems the topic of sex arises quite frequently on here. Tends to make me think that its all about sexual attraction before getting to know the person inside on here.
My last meeting of a gentleman got me to thinking about this question whenI saw it posted because sexual compatibility was the topic of conversation on our first 2 phone calls. For some reason I took him as being genuine(genuinely interested in me as person) but have recently found out the interest is in casual sex only.
I would have to say RED FLAG for sure. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:31:58 AM | As adults this topic does come up as it is an important aspect in a healthy relationship. As for it being disrespectful, this would only be the case if he brought it up and you voiced your concern about being uncomfortable and such, and at which time he continued to discuss the topic.
If talking about it was a terrible decision and disrespectful prior to meeting than the "sex and dating" forum would be pretty empty!
You however are not a prude, not everyone is comfortable with it, just go along with what you feel right!! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:45:54 AM |
...brings it up OFTEN and doesn't talk about much else... then he's a turd.
Well said, a turd for sure. Maybe a turd with a fart attached!
 What's worse about a man who talks about sex upon first meeting a woman, is how they can't even comprehend what pigs they appear to be. I mean, a man who does this may as well be an ape as far as I am concerned.
Am I being a prude by thinking that this is disprespectful??? Nope, you aren't being a prude. It is disrespectful. It's crude and rude and socially unacceptable....to me that is. Any man who does this appears desperate and needy and just plain sick. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:06:46 PM | I am no prude, I enjoy sex, and have no problem talking about it. Good sex is one of life's greatest pleasures.
HOWEVER...If you don't even know me and bring up anything sexual right off the bat, I will have to assume that is all you are looking for. Or, at the very least, you are not the kind of person I am looking for. I, on the other hand, am not looking to just have sex with someone, and so will not waste time with you. If a man brings up sex before we have met in person, hit it off, and have something going, I think it is just plain yucky. My suggestion to those who want to talk sex before even meeting me, is to just move on.... I am not that desperate that I need to talk to strangers about my (or your!) sexual anything. That kind of talk is, for me, best left for when we have a little rapport going. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:34:15 PM |
Here's my reason to wait until you are face to face. If he is unable or finds it uncomfortable to talk about sex in person I am not interested. The amount of men who CAN blather on and on about sex online is numerous. The amount of men who are comfortable talking about sex face to face is not so numerous.
I don't wait an eternity before meeting someone.
It's like so many things on here - one can talk the talk, but not all can walk the walk.
This is what reminded me of a girl I was seeing that scared me. Comming from a pretty girl, yea us guys like to talk but when push comes to shove, all bets are off. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:16:09 PM | | Bringing up sex before meeting, what's the point? When you meet face to face, one or both may not look like the photo and there might not be an attraction when you do meet, thereby you have given a stranger information regarding your sexual likes and dislikes. That information is on a need to know basis. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:37:08 PM | | I agree, Annette. I have talked to men on the phone and they acted like I was the sexiest woman alive, then when we met they didn't like me and /or my appearance(many seem to think that the photo that was sent was someone else when I did not look like a model, and was playing a joke on them....me thinks that I am not the one with the problem when this has happened to me)...yeppers, a stranger has no reason to know about my sexuality, etc., and if he is basing compatibility on that, he needs to grow up and get with reality. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:37:19 PM | | I agree with you! I feel that if a guy tells me what he wants to do to me sexually before even meeting me, that he's not interested in knowing me. I don't understand why sex has to be discussed before even meeting someone. I would rather meet someone in person to see if there is any real chemistry and not just computer chemistry. How am I going to know if I want to sleep with someone before I even met them? I know I'm not a prude for thinking this way so I don't think you're a prude either! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:11:31 AM | Sometimes what you like with one person does not work with another. Most people are not cookie cutter in the bed.
In my experience, when a man starts discussing sex prior to meeting, the next thing he wants is photos and talking sex on the phone. I am no prude, but that would be reserved for the man who was in my life, not the one trying to get there. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:19:43 AM | galonthemt
Well there is talking about sexual preference and there is downright crude. Unfortunately some men dont know the difference. And I think one of the biggest problems is NOT reading ones profile. You can tell a lot by how a profile is written as to how far you can go initially.
I really did not want to reply to this thread since this post will appear in my profile, but I fully agree with you. I just had such an experience last night which made me block him. I told him to read my profile. And that he would find some ladies who would do those things. He did not want to talk about anything else but sex, and in an obnoxious way. He became rude and crude when I said I do not do casual sex. My mistake was trying not to offend, thus ended up being offended instead. Deleted his addy, then discovered he had another addy and was able to continue to harass me. Remembered he PM'd me to ask for my addy, then discovered he changed his profile to a woman, to avoid getting reported, I suppose.
Talking about sex at the very start is a real turn off. I find that more often than not, these people cannot carry their end of the conversation and their main purpose for coming here is just sex! They never have any interest in knowing the person first. With exception of course, they are the ones who are in a rush to meet, immediately upon saying hi. And this is such a disappontment. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:57:31 AM | i'm not on here to find sex. if i mention sex before we meet it would be to assure the lady that sex will come eventually if there is a strong enough attraction but it is not my my main purpose.
my main purpose on pof is to find a partner. once i've found her and the relationship develops then nature takes it's course.
i can't imagine the pressure men put you ladies under to do something that you have concerns about doing right away.
of course age has a part in this too. when i was 20 i needed and wanted it every minute of the day. and i'm sure i put pressure on my dates to do it. but not now. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:03:47 PM | no, u r not prude. u r just protecting urself which is good. i would always get questions about my sex life, 1st off i would tell the guy why do u care? if i am not ur type to **** then why bother asking me about my sex life? as usual, they get pissed off and ASSUME i dont have a sex life! i find it disrespectful, unless they are asking u for tips and such so they can use it for their partners thats not a prob. ppl do give each other sex tips at times. b4 meeting them and they are askin u about ur sex life, when i was younger i was kinda flattered but didnt realize about the warning signs that the guy was just meeting me for sex!
if i were u, i wouldnt meet them cuz thats a sign they just wanna meet u for sex nothing less nothin more. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:16:00 AM | | I often express my sexual interests and desires in the first ten minutes of a conversation, whether e-mail, phone or IM. I typically know BEFORE our first date/meeting that we are relatively on the same page sexually. Why not be upfront about your sexuality.... be proud of who you are and what u can bring to the relationship. NOW I NEVER said I discussed my favorite postions , how I like my hair pulled or if i'm shaved but rather just expressing my sexuality. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:22:41 AM | | totally agree with you im sick of men who just see me as a sex object why cant men understand that 99% of women want to be wanted for who they are and treated with respect , i find it very boring so come on all you men out there have some thought we want to be treated like princesses ( well i do ) not as just objects of your desire . ooh makes me so cross am pleased iv got it off my chest | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:47:06 PM | Wait til ya hear THIS one!.........He's not on here, so don't get worried.
Talk about sex before meeting...This guy did more than TALK....And, BOY was he smooth....Had a great picture...sexy, no shirt.....not a young un, either...hitting 60...
Had a cam...looked like the same guy (and yes, I said GUY) but the picture was probably a bit older
Said all the great things...one and only, love you...will fly down to meet you....
But, our phone conversations started out GREAT....talked of all kinds of things, besides sex...He's a published writer and I checked him out..
Noticed his Messenger had an invitation to see his web cam....Well, not wanting to mistrust the "next" guy because of what the "last" guy did, I accepted his invitation...Well, he sure WAS like the last guy...He pranced around like he was Adonis...I wasn't too impressed.....(Yes, I could have ended it there, but I wanted to see what would happen next.....and, I was soooo disappointed that he was definitely no longer a prospective beau.
You talk about TANTRUM .....(remember when your kid had a temper tantrum in the supermarket AT 4 YEARS OLD....when you wouldn't buy him somethinig he wanted.)
Well, that's what I got a temper tantrum, a tirade, and unbelievable insults.......I KNOW I'm not a man hater, a bitter OLD woman, an Ugly hag, a fat pig.....even for a writer he had a goodly long list of adjectives to describe me.
And, now ya probably want to know why......because, I wouldn't show him my boobs on cam, after he had shown me his parts You cannot reason with someone like that.....but, hopefully he'll move on, knowing full well he won't get a show from me.
But, it's for sure, ANY KIND OF A TEMPER TANTRUM IS A DEAL BREAKER....
Oh well, wonder what's in store for me tomorrow?
incerely,
Knittin kitten
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:11:46 PM | I guess I am kinda in the middle of the road on this topic. I am a passionate person and enjoy intimacy with the right man. Right man is the key words here. It is alarming to me when a man that I have just started talking to asks me indepth questions about my sexual desires and preferences. Before you meet someone in person, you don't know if you even like each other. So why at this point in time should sex be an issue or topic of conversation?
I realize that intimacy is a big part of most relationships, but why does a guy that you might not even like after you meet him, need to know your most intimate thoughts, desires, fantasies, etc? My answer is that he doesn't.
I am a very loving, affectionate, passionate person.........but every man out there does not need to be privy to my most intimate self. I can answer a simple question after we have had a conversation or two as to if I am a sexual person..........BUT beyond that...I don't think the otpic should be discussed until after I actually meet the guy and see if we click. After, we meet and IF we like each other, then having an adult conversation about intimacy is acceptable.
I am an intelligent person with alot to offer, other than my body. I want a man that respects me and wants to be with me for who I am as a person, not just for what I can do for him in the bedroom.
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:39:46 PM | Just wanted to hear others opinion regarding this topic. I have seen an over abundance of people who want to tell me all about their sexual likes and dislikes and what they want to do to do me even before meeting me. Am I being a prude by thinking that this is disprespectful??? Personally, I wouldn't do it, but then again, I wouldn't talk to someone a month before meeting her. I don't think it's necessarily disrespectful. It could be but it could also be that the person wants to know in advance whether he is sexually compatible with you. For example, I don't really get off to B&D, so if someone really wanted that to be a major part of her sex life, we'd probably not be compatible. This behavior tells me that the person who is doing that isnt someone who isnt really interested in me as a person but what is between my legs and how that can help them.
Please discuss! At the risk of stating the obvious, if it weren't for sex, the gender of the person seeking your friendship would be irrelevant. Being interested in YOU as a WOMAN has something to do with sex no matter how much people try to pretend otherwise in order to appear to be ``above'' that. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:49:05 PM | I think it is natural ... when I have been spaeking with some one for months ... talk of sex and likes/dislikes can be both beneficial and telling to me... have just bee n through this also ... it can be a good thing
I have no problem with it. Having said that, I do not want a man to be crude or gross either... in a straigh forward sensible manner ... well thats okay. I am a very up-front person and very vocal !
Peace to all | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:53:02 PM | | i know exactly what you mean because it happens to me all the time either thru email or IM. i get complete strangers IM'ing me asking if i like it doggy style or they ask me my cup size!!! most of the time i ignore them and don't respond. now would they do the same thing if they were in a bar? or if they met me somewhere else? i don't think so which is why i can't understand their rudeness and boldness. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:01:56 PM | {quote]HOWEVER...If you don't even know me and bring up anything sexual right off the bat, I will have to assume that is all you are looking for.
Then you assume too much. I got out of a 2 year relationship where we had sex 4 times. Why? After being together for FOUR MONTHS, she decided to tell me that she had been sexually abused all her life and didn't like sex. So damned straight I'm going to ask up front. Maybe that will turn some prospects down (so far it hasn't seemed to have an effect, though), but at least I'll know ahead of time if there's any problems I should know about that would keep us from having a normal sexual relationship. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:03:57 PM | Here is my take on the topic, I am a female, and I have talked (not slept with) a few different guys. If woman really got to know a guy and not formed there own opinion as to who a guy "should" be. You(as in most woman) would realize sex is a big way for a guy to show affection. And so many woman have used sex for a weapon and not "give" sex rather than have mutal sex with there partner that so many men have the desire to know and be upfront with what your level of sex is. I agree you should do it on your pace, but also keep an open mind that, this is how guys think 90% of the time even if they are not even thinking of having sex, but thinking on the sexual topic. That is how guys show affection typically. Still doesn't mean you can have more of a conversation as well. It helps open dialog and not get boring.
Maybe I am wrong but I am pretty sure most men (even the stand up men) will not disagree with my statement. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:04:17 PM | I love to laugh and joke around and sometimes this might include a few innuendos...but I think blatantly talking about sex before two people meet is just inappropriate on many levels.
First, it gives the impression that sex is the goal in meeting and if it isn't, then someone may be very disappointed and feel like they have been led on (I can't count the number of times I have showed up ready for love and the man has just wanted to have coffee, LOL, I'm SO KIDDING ).
Second, I believe that if the goal is a relationship, too much talk of sex can prevent conversation about anything else.
Third, if the guy is talking about his sexual likes/dislikes, then he is probably talking about prior experiences which equal past relationships which is kind of a turn-off. It also spoils the spontaneity of the sex that may come later and since likes/dislikes can vary from experience-to-experience (read partner-to-partner), it is sort of irrelevant to discuss it anyways.
After meeting, absolutely talk about it. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:13:30 PM | | indehills - why on earth would you stay with someone if you only had sex 2 times in 4 years? that doesn't seem right. also did you ever suggest she get some help with her problem? you know like see a therapist or a shrink. they could help her a lot. if she gets no help, she will always be like that. | |
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