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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:55:51 AM | I'll quote somebody else for this one (annonymous by the way) "Work as if you don't need the money. Love as is you've never been hurt. Dance as if no body's watching . . . "
When will your heart heal . . . in time (yes, damnit in time). Go to friends who probably had been telling you all along what your heart knew already. Even though it's not okay now, it will be in "time". Cry, laugh, scream (in the privacy of your car or home) and let it out.
Racer's philosphy is pretty wise. In the meantime, know that there's a lot of people (including myself) who know what you're going through. Suspend judgement for awhile especially on yourself . . . it's not ok now but someday it will be. Smile Sister! You got a big family! | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:31:15 PM | Hey guys thanks for the advice it has been eye opening. I have to admitt I am surrounded by wemon whom have shut their hearts down, and for a moment I guess, I thought I should too... Life in general is lonely without the comfort of another, but i will take it slow, keep my eyes open, and live in the now. I think what i have come to realize reading the responces that have been posted is, love is worth the hurt eventhough hurt is faster to find and be put upon you... thanks again! | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:50:00 PM | Never shut your heart's "door". And yes, it can be lonely and the silence at times, deafening. But picking yourself up and dusting yourself off and going on, taking one step at a time slowly, is the way to achieve healing.
Don't ever think that you NEED another to "complete" you. You need to be "complete" of yourself first. It IS worthwhile. Live each day and try your best to be happy at least part of the day. Because each day you open your eyes in the morning is a "gift" and very precious, don't waste your "gifts". There are no guarantees in life.
Good luck to you and live well and happy. ~smiles~ | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:55:10 PM | It is Lycanthropy, or being a Vulcan. Notwithstanding the hair shedding, and Vulcan nerve pinch, life is what you make of it.
You don't need to worry about it. Little known fact (at least around these forums):
The more you worry about nonsensical things, the worse it makes you.
The less you worry about the small fry, the better you are.
Worry about what is important, like not killing me when you drop the hammer in the Hammer Lane, and pass me with no blinker.
I will give you 2/1 Roulette odds on the 00 spin that if you simply go on, and forget about "love", live your life, you will wake up one day next to a gal that you somehow "love", and find it never bothered you a bit............. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:30:35 AM | | Do you recall the film "Home Alone II- Lost in NY"? Kevin befriends a woman who has given up all hope at love,...and to a degree, life itself. He uses a very powerful analogy. She tells him that she was in love with someone once,...but who she loved, fell out of love w/ her. When the time came to be loved again, she was afraid of having her heart broken.Kevin explained that he had a pair of skates he felt that way about,..but she complained that skates & a persons heart were very different!. He explained that they were sort of the same. He had received a pair of roller blades for Xmas once. He loved them! So much, in fact,..he was afraid to ware them outside,..for fear he would ruin them. When he finally did decide to use them,,.....he'd outgrown then. They were useless. Your heart may be broken, but that doesn't mean that you don't have one,..otherwise you wouldn't care at all!. If we never USE our hearts,.....what differencedoes it make if they get broken or not???? There might be some wisdom in this, I think. You really should takea chance,...you don't REALLY have much to lose. And just because someone else doesn't have a heart ( a tin man),...doesn't mean your feelings don't count. But HOW can you expect to find what you want,..if you refuse to lookfor it,...no matter how long it may take. If your instincts run true,...youshould have no trouble,...but even if you do,...is THAT YOUR FAULT? Obviously not. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/22/2008 11:06:49 AM | . . . before my heart takes over and my mind controls no more ...
Realize that it is your thoughts that caused the hurt, not the lost love. The lost love was only the catalyst that caused you to think in a way that hurt you. Emotions are due to our reactions (thoughts) of events - not the events themselves.
Your thoughts are not you. They are like an obnoxious person, and like an obnoxious person they won't go away until you make them go away. Every time the unwanted thoughts tell you, you must hurt because of "so and so" or "such and such," just tell them to get lost like you would an obnoxious person. Tell them you are not going to listen to them anymore. It's hard at first, but each time you do it, it gets easier. Doing this won't make you an unemotional person. What it will do, however is give you back control of your emotions
Once you learn to treat unwanted thoughts like an obnoxious person, then and only then will you be free to let your heart love again. That is why the old saying, "time heals all wounds" is true. Because over time we "forget" the hurt.
You can either let time heal the would, or you can become proactive and heal it yourself.
JMO of course. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/22/2008 3:55:01 PM | learn from the past and pain and you can move on and feel again. Have you ever heard of the frog and the scorpion theory? The Scorpion went up to the Frog and asked if he would carry him across the river. The Frog said "no because if i carry you across the river halfway you will sting me and i will drown and die". The Scorpion said "that is not plausable cause if i sting you then i will die too". The Frog thought about it and decided to give the Scorpion the benefit of the doubt and said "hop on my back". Half way down the river the Scorpion stings the Frog. The Frog says "but now you will drown and die too". The Scorpion says " yes, i know, its in my nature".
So are you the Frog or are u the Scorpion and what will you learn from this mistake? | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:01:36 PM |
Love takes courage. Love takes trust...There is no guarantee. Love is for the brave. Only you can decide if the risk is worth it or not.
Almost everything in life is a gamble. We can look back at the way things have happened in the past and close ourselves off from even considering caring about another person.
We can decide to be courageous, risk our hearts and take a chance. A chance on a possibility, a chance on a dream, a chance on a life shared.
Or we can choose to be afraid. And be alone. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/22/2008 6:39:32 PM | | Just keep learning to love yourself. By this... I mean... to do what you feel, and say what you feel. Learn to be tactful, yet truthful about everything. Having sex with a guy is usually about wanting love. You have sex, in exchange for love. Just keep loving yourself.... doing things that make you feel at peace... and pray alot. Keep praying for freedom from the bondage of false beliefs about love. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:27:56 PM | I lost my wife of 14 years at the age of 38 and it was the most incredibly painful thing I have ever experienced. I literally felt like I had a hole in my chest and I even had my doctor check my heart 3 times during the first few months as it felt like I was constantly having a heart attack. After about 6 months I stopped wallowing in self-pity as I realised what a blessed love life I had lived, and how few people ever get to experience that kind of unconditional love at any point in there lives.
My first relationship after losing Gina was with a fantastic woman and lasted about 5 months, but that love never developed. After it ended I learned that I cannot be so greedy as to expect that same kind of love to develop with just any woman, so I stopped trying to make it happen. I just had to relax, be myself, enjoy the company, and if that kind of love presented itself I would be able to embrace it. I wouldn't fall in love with the idea of being in love. Be sure you can make that distinction!
My suggestion to you is cherish the genuine love you have experienced and be open for true love in the future so that when it comes you'll be ready for it.
So many people, men and women, are walking around with wounded hearts these days. To mask the pain they will engage in many self-denegrating relationships for the sake of companionship and those lead them into further dispair until they cannot distinguish when they have really met THE ONE! | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 38 | |
| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:19:08 PM | So many people, men and women, are walking around with wounded hearts these days. To mask the pain they will engage in many self-denegrating relationships for the sake of companionship and those lead them into further dispair until they cannot distinguish when they have really met THE ONE!
This is probably the most brilliant thing Ive ever read in a forum.
Its something I continuously preach myself.
Not only can you not distinguish the One (whether you wanna say there's a few the "Ones" or one One...or even just wanna use the term a "special" person...whatever)...but you dunno what to do with them and screw that up too...
...cos you're so messed up over all the other crap you bring on yourselves.
The fact is your all running around like lunatics taking a shot at every single person you remotely find attractive, that fires up your need for instant intimacy or companionship.
You damage yourselves and each other so much... you dont even know what you're doing or are even in a place to get involved with someone special when you find them.
It'd be sad except you're doing it to yourselves and making lawyers and therapists a fortune in the meantime.
Not to mention paid dating sites *lol*
Everyone should take a step back and read it over and over and over until those words blur into actual comprehension.
Take all that energy and effort you waste on incidental liasons and apply to the "One".
Because I'll tell you something else...there's nothing more heartbreaking and devastating than finding someone special, loving them and having to let go of them cos they cant tell the difference and/or are so emotionally screwed up
See the brass ring...and go for it...dont bother with the rest of the carousel
better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all...
It sucks...and most of all...it doesnt have to happen | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:25:34 PM | Inner strength is not about how hard is the hit, but about how hard we can take it and still hold our grounds.
It's always better to fail looking for success than not be successful because afraid of the failure.
Edit: Maybe I missundertood the original point.
After reading from Kyn and Capitano... I was thinking about to raise like the Phoenix, not about to have a relationship just for the sake of not being alone. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:43:27 PM |
I hear the saying "Better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all."
This has to be at the top of list of stupid, trite little sayings that people use when they can't think of anything intelligent to say in when consoling someone.
There are so many stupid sayings like this that people throw around to try to make their friends feel better:
"It'll happen when you stop looking."
"It just wasn't meant to be."
"If you believe it will happen, it will."
"Love conquers all."
People who put any credence in these sayings are usually the ones who believe in 'soulmates', I think.
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