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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:05:25 PM | | I just like to say after reading this blog the Renovationguy seems to have used his experiance to make the most sense out of this question, . so often I here women say where have all the nice guys gone, well there probable in the corner at the end of the bar and may need a little coaxing, so it shouldn't hurt if a woman makes some first contacts to insure she has all the players in the game, It also levels the field so both men and women know what its like to have attention placed on them either disired and undesired. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:46:33 AM | I think he's spot on too. When I first started online dating I was optimistic, my tennant/roommate (a female) got around 2-5 messages a day, was able to get free meals from guys at least 3 nights a week, and finally found a good guy for a bit. I thought, "hey this'll be great!" and sent out a handful of messages, asking questions about what's on their profile, if they were interested, etc. I considered a 1:12 response a good rate. But pretty soon I figured something out.
I realized that what I wound up doing wasn't actually sending messages to everyone I was interested in. I'd open up the list of highest match % (it was a different site, thank god I found PoF though) and click everyone on a couple pages. I'd go and narrow it down to a good dozen guessing that was the ratio then I would send out one or two. But with the rest I would start rationalizing why it wouldn't work because I was afraid of being ignored 9 times out of 10. I'm not really used to being any sort of a catch, more of a settle for guy so it didn't bug me, but I was still really scared of it.
Eventually I put for the first line of my profile that "please contact me first if you are interested in being friends or anything else." What can I say, I'm a shy guy who isn't the greatest at talking to new people, especially women. I bet many gentleman are like that in some way on some level. My suggestion (even if I don't take it well) is send something to them. Try and catch them before they are disillusioned. And just because we didn't send the first message, it doesn't mean anything it might mean we are scared of getting lost in the crowd. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:57:33 PM | | I wait for them to make first contact, mostly due to shyness. I'm not big in the dating scene, in fact I'm just starting to try to date people now. I also wanna make sure the woman is interested in me and may actually want to talk or something, rather than writing a note to someone who could care less. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/14/2008 1:04:03 AM | LOL
Yes I see everyones saying kinda the same thing !
Sure when i first joined up I tried making contacts . Some would reply but most replies were from not sure what they wanted types . And last year any emails I sent out just got unread/deleted. So after sending out about 20 emails last year and seeing everyone get unread/deleted I figured time to stop wasting my time . And now and in the future I won't be sending a first contact email to any lady.
If theres any pretty lady interested in being my sweety then she can make first contact with me! Nope not jaded nor am I not happy with who I am and how I treat people.
My life continues on with you or with out you by myside and thats how I take it!
So if a lady wants to be my lady then she has the right and should make first contacts or not . I am just as happy with someone or with out someone to call my sweetheart.
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/14/2008 5:28:26 AM | Perhaps the initial post in this thread is a fishing expedition? 
It worked, I checked her profile. Wasn't allowed to respond since there were several restrictions on me. 
There are no rules about who contacts first, lots of good points have been made for various reasons. I'm always getting shot down with the read/deleted which is discouraging but you have to tell yourself that it isn't personal since they don't know the real you.
I'm still here and still looking, come say hi!  | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:33:30 PM | Patience, hard work and determination is the key. (not that I have found the lock yet) I will not give up though. There are alot of pictures and profiles to view and read, sometimes an interest peaks but you wanna see what else is available. I tend to send a message or two per day and add a favorite or two aswell. Small little comments are sent, some deleted and some respond.
Remember this: Your only looking for one, and if there are a million here then its one in a million. Personally I think the odds are much better than that as I havent viewed, messaged or saved to favorites a million (yet). That one will come along :) | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:42:44 PM | | I message everyone, well profiles I like or look close to what I want , no shyness here, I also try to write beautiful messages also that show personality, not just a "hi, I like you" get back to me lol , you gotta be positive, patient and active on here, cause that's what's going to do it in the long run... same applies in the realworld, all you men out there like me, don't wait for woman to write you, , just do it lol send those messages .... you never know what you may be missing... I've made some good friends, still searching for the one though!!!! ( It's coming soon , I hope lol) | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:55:59 PM | Because we're tired of seeing.......
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Think I've made my point by now!  | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:54:16 PM | Well whenever I don't reply to a profile it's usually because I don't think that particular woman will write back. So maybe you should try writing to them.
Anyways most women that have viewed my profile aren't interested when I write to them so it could be that too.
Anyways any man that catches your attention write to him. Since like I said some men become intimidated thinking this woman won't bother writing back why bother. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:09:13 AM | Now we have a problem......
Men don't make contact because they are tired of the read/delete....
Women don't make contact because they are tired of the read/delete.....
So now we have a bunch of people afraid of contact!
I know for one, I rarely make first contact because I don't get many responses. The men I may find attractive just don't find me attractive. So here I sit, waiting for fate to take a hand...lol. I'm sure it's probably the majority of us that have tried off and on for quite some time dating on line that have become jaded. I see the one's fairly new to this site still have the energy to keep trying...lol | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:31:47 PM | I will repeat something I wrote in a reply to a thread in Ask a Girl. The OP wanted to know if we were comfortable making first contact.
My reply was that if I waited for every man I was interested in to make first contact I would be found years later, still waiting, and stone cold in my rocking chair with cobwebs wrapping themselves around me.
Life is short. Why wait?!
By the way, photopilot, you seem like you would be a lot of fun. Your posts certainly give one that impression. Keep up the good work!! | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:40:46 AM | hello everybody,,,,,,im kinda new to this site,,,,,a week old now,,,,and as i read thru this thread,,,,,i read that if a woman adds you to their favourites list,,,,it dont matter,,,,,now this confuses me,,,,,if they add you to their list,,,,is that not an invitation to at least initiate a conversation either by email or by im,,,,,
i just dont want to go ahead an respond to their addition of me on their favourites,,,,,if in fact it dont matter,,,,,,,to me,,,,here online,,,,,it would seem to me,,,,like this is a gesture like at a bar,,,,where,,,,you see each other across the room,,,,,,smile,,,,,,knowing that the eye contact and smile were mutual and its up to one of you to go and make that first contact,,,,,if you dont act on that initial eye contact or smile,,,,you end up being really drunk,,,,sitting at the bar,,,,alone,,,,,and escorted to the cab by the bouncer,,,,,,,for me,,,,the walk over to say hi is the better choice,,,,,,
i hope somebody could clarify this for me,,,,,if getting added to a favourites list does mean nothing,,,,,,,we should lobby the pof boss and tell him to take the option off all together,,,,,,until then,,,,,,feel free to add me to your list ladies,,,,,,my names slink,,,,,,and i could be looking for you
ciao for now | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:09:36 PM | This thread is a month old now, so some of the original posters might not even be reading it anymore. However, I'll pose my question anyway. From what I've read, the common distraction is the "read/deleted" issue. Here's the question: What is it you're saying in your intro message? Is it an open-ended question that clearly ends in a question mark that assumes an answer? Is it simply a closed statement like. .."Liked your profile."
Within your profile, have you been fairly open in giving out some details about your interests? Or, is it blank or just says "lots of things".
In my humble opinion, and from my experience, a) I have always at least responded, but b) when I get a closed ended statement that really says nothing to indicate the guy has read my profile...or better yet, it's definitely clear he HASN'T read it...I can only imagine, that many men and women wouldn't even bother to reply! Many of these notes sound like they were sent out to 20 different women...like a form letter. Who wants to think that they are one of 20 who received the same MEMO?!?!?
On another issue that was talked about frequently: Fav lists. Here's my theory. I get a letter from POF stating my matches are listed. I quick go into that screen, (but I might not have time to send a "Hi, would love to get to know you"), or I've noticed that they have VIEWED me several, several times....then I might just quickly add them to my FAVS list so I can remember their nicname to write to them later. Unless of course, they are on 30+ fav lists. Then I won't bother. If someone has me on their FAV list for 2+ months and has never contacted me...I delete my profile from their list.
Pinky p.s. If you're fishing at a pond all afternoon, and only get a couple nibbles, you're still better off than the worm!!! | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:06:24 AM | | I laud you for actually going through and responding to posts, but the vast majority of people on this site don't. I know that I may not have the coolest profile, and I might not be the greatest guy. However, I know I have what you said. As a rule, I always ask at least one question (usually two). I always make sure I mention something from their profile and how it ties into me. I don't send a message for at least a day after viewing the profile to make sure that it isn't just a picture I'm attracted to. And my profile is pretty detailed and does have a (sorta) broad range of interests. Yet I am still constantly getting read/deleted, the more hurtful unread/deleted, or the hope crushing read/nothing for a while, drifts away, then deleted. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:35:55 PM | Anyone that has the courage to make 1st contact after eye contact is brave ! Normally when that happens - you see her tilt over to thier friends while looking at you like she saying something probably to the effect of: "that guy just looked at me"eww." & then her friends look back at you...& now you have a group of chicks burning eye contact with you or always looking back to see if you are looking at them, so you try not to look & avoid them the rest of the night. It drives me crazy because I feel embarrassed when all I wanted to relax.
Since 2006, I have to avoided clubs & patios or anywhere there is a large group of adults & beer ! Best way to avoid disputes or something.
Avoid eye contact with people you don't know except with your friends & the waitress. Hope Im not sounding paranoid or have somekind of social phobia, (which I don't) But its better safe than sorry. Id like to get home safley.
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:56:28 PM | | drew cnc;my respond to your comment: yes it is touchy whether u feel u are harassing or not.i would say give it a second shot.Us women aren't always on the same page as guys.We have alot on our minds,busy lifes and can change our minds 20times in a few minutes.Congradulations ,nice to know that there is guys out there that know women,don't like their territory innvaded fast.happy fishing | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 7/21/2008 3:24:29 PM | My impression is that men make first contact most of the time.
HOWEVER... most men *really* appreciate it when a woman initiates.
I personally think it shows character and an open mind. I definitely do not think any woman who initiates contact is any less of a woman.
50-60 men may have looked at your profile... but all that means is they were checking and reading up on you. It doesn't mean they're interested. | |
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