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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:03:12 AM |
Fact is, .....the advice in the original post IS solid and will improve the response rates of the majority of guys complaining.
Your advice is good.
One of the problems guys have is simply the lopsided ratio of men to women here. There are far more men looking for women than women looking for men on the Internet, so the women can be pretty choosy about who they respond to. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:08:42 AM |
In other words, your hands should be clean if you're going to purport to be an expert on this subject.
My advice is solid.
My profile is not perfect and neither am I. My pics could be better too.
But it's still good enough...if anything, guys should be seeing that they don't really need to do that much.
But they don't...they see something that threatens their reality and belief system and will do anything they can in order to protect it.
'You must be talking crap because I found a slight error in your profile.'
Seriously....it's only yourself that you are hurting by holding onto your beliefs so rigidly. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:10:53 AM |
Hey, don't look at me....I voted to delete!
lol. This profile's still too new. I'm wondering how long until I get my vote to delete? | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:13:05 AM |
One of the problems guys have is simply the lopsided ratio of men to women here. There are far more men looking for women than women looking for men on the Internet, so the women can be pretty choosy about who they respond to.
Thanks for your reply...nice to see someone who can reply without defensively flaming.
This point is spot on and it's part of the reason we men have to up our game.
Women can get away with putting a couple of pics and 'getting drunk lol' on their profiles and still get tons of email.
Sadly, given the ratio, if you want any kind of success online (that means actually meeting real women), you have to do something to make yourself stand out. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:17:35 AM | | I think the advice is solid and appreciate the fact that someone is able to put what I am thinking into words. Well done! I agree with all of it. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:32:34 AM | | You are very intelligent and mature for only being 28! Don't let the critics get you down. Your advice is right on target. It says outloud what every woman is thinking. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:36:43 AM | It's Micky D's not Maccy D's. Your original advice is still crap as originally stated. What dating book did you copy it out of? The advice you copied is not solid. A person should be themselves and that is all. Your so called advice tells people how they should be. You cannot start with someone pretending to be and do other things.
Grow up silly little boy. Elders are still smarter then you are. Oh, please define how you think you are a bad ass? | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:56:18 AM | | Should we all start off our profiles with "I am a badass"? I don't see how that attracts someone. Also I would suggest OP not having a pic of yourself and some woman with her face scratched out. Though some of you advice is decent, it is not completely accurate and you should be able to represent what you speak with your own profile. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:07:14 PM | The intent is good regardless of the content.
Guys, clean up your act.
Stop sending useless, sexual, 2-3 word text copied over and over, email to the women.
Bring something better to the table.
BE honest but try to think of something other than " i like hockey and going to the pub" as most people like that and it's on many guys profiles.
( Don't get overly nutty about the specific sport or activity- they could be anything that is too general and things that every guy does )
Think of something that makes you unique.
This is for people who are not receiving replies or who are complaining about lack of interest. Or if you just want to improve your profile or whatever- to up the chances.
Don't lie- tell the truth but there must be something that is unique about yourself.
If you aren't complaining or are happy, then don't change a thing.
REgarding 'bad' email:
The guys that are doing this are ruining it for the rest of the guys as the women get tired of it, then stop reading the email after viewing the profile-
THe problem is that the men who are sending out these idiotic email ARE NOT reading the threads. THey can't read, can barely write and are hard of hearing.
The guys who post on the thread say that they are sending good quality stuff in their email. and their profile is top shelf! ANd yet they still get "unread/delete".
Everyone gets "unread/delete" .
Not everyone complains about it.
and life goes on. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:16:24 PM | I'm gonna give looking at the Ops profile a miss, but here are a couple of thoughts based on the content of this forum;
If the OP writes the QUEEN'S english, "polarise" is indeed the correct spelling of the
US "polarize". However, insofar as I know, SPELT is a cereal grain.( I see it sold in Health food stores)
As far as his commentary/advice;
Let the proof be in the pudding, he should come back to the fora and invite us all to his wedding.
WHILE WE'RE YOUNG,OP!!!
Cindy O | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:17:12 PM | OP: Why do you give a shit what other guys are doing on the site? This IS a competition, you know. The idea is to use what you know to get the attention of the best girls on the site. What would you have to gain by giving away your trade secrets (if they can qualify as such)? Furthermore, you're making some big assumptions in your post. You're assuming that you're doing better than most other guys on here. You're assuming that the guys starting the whiny threads represent the majority (or even a large percentage) of guys on the site. You're assuming that people want your help and can benefit from it.
Only a small percentage of site members actually post on the forums, so the threads you see here don't necessarily represent all guys on the site.
The truth of the matter is that there is no standard formula which is going to work with all guys. Your tips are basic common sense, but if some guy is just a clod/insecure/jerk or whatever, then common-sense tips aren't going to turn him into a Casanova. I think guys who are focused on dating and have basic social skills will invariably do fine on here. Guys who aren't really looking for dates or who have hangups are not going to benefit from your tips. So what you're really doing is trying to portray how much you know and how successful a dater you are.  Here's a tip back to you: charismatic, successful daters rarely advertise or draw attention to that fact. It makes you look like a player because you're telling women that you go through them like Kleenex.
If you were as good as you say you are, we wouldn't be seeing this thread on here. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:25:06 PM | Ladyc, may I be the first to dance with you at his wedding. 
I was thinking of going to england in October. Is there a chance the wedding can be held then
You're assuming that the guys starting the whiny threads represent the majority (or even a large percentage) of guys on the site. You're assuming that people want your help and can benefit from it.
Only a small percentage of site members actually post on the forums, so the threads you see here don't necessarily represent all guys on the site.
Plus all the happy men that have met someone have know reason to start a post in the broken hearts thread LOL
They are gone and laughing at everyone still on here
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:32:41 PM |
Hey, don't look at me....I voted to delete!
Even though the tone of the op is pretty bad, I voted not to delete just so we could have a little fun at his expense. I'm a bad boy like that.
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:40:43 PM | Well, here in England it's certainly MaccyD's...and the OP is obviously right about the transatlantic humour thing, because I found his profile hillarious Made me wish I were 30yrs. younger.  | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:54:07 PM | Msg. 35
The guys who post on the thread say that they are sending good quality stuff in their email and their profile is top shelf! And yet they still get "unread/delete".
Everyone gets "unread/delete" .
Not everyone complains about it.
and life goes on.
Hmm, I think I'll take the bait on this one and I'll speak only for myself. Indeed unread/deleted is a part of the game. Life goes on, no problem there. I'd like to complain but know it'll get me nowhere. But when I see a forum thread with a topic that gets me riled up, I like to post my opinion, that's all - I don't view this as complaining.  | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:24:45 PM | ok. some people get .... and some people complain. lol..
too true.
i said it: the people sending the nasty email may not be the people reading the threads.
HOwever of those people reading the thread and posting in them, there are several who complain.
They probably are in the minority yet are very vocal about this situation.
and these people start threads about this sort of thing every 2 weeks or so and are deleted upon complaint.
Another person posted that the successful people may NOT be posting on the threads. Perhaps it is only the complainers or people who have an axe to grind or a spleen to vent who post here as the people who post certainly do feel strongly about the particular issue.
Whether it is the favoritization issue, the non response issue, the politeness issue, people will not change their mind about anything.
Another person posted that her def'n of crazy is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. In spite of the fact that many people who don't respond have told the others that they have no intention of changing their behaviour/attitude/belief, the people complaining about this insist that they are not going to change their behaviour either.
You would think that the person who is not getting what they want would change their behaviour but not so.
This is true for the women who want more men to email them/respond to their first contact email as well as for the men who want the same.
It gives the impression to many people who read the threads on the topic that the people complaining about the issue are just upset that their desired object is not reciprocating in the same manner. But she doesn't have to.. he contacted her.
The pronouns can be changed and the results would be similar if not the same.
Any exclusivity inferred is not what I implied.
If i said the word " ALL " or "everyone" please insert the words some and many respectively.
All speelink erors ar mi owne. i tack ful credit four them.
and etc. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:15:29 PM |
Even though the tone of the op is pretty bad, I voted not to delete just so we could have a little fun at his expense. I'm a bad boy like that.
Exactly. hehe The sad thing is there's a village somewhere that's missing his idiot. Who wants to send this wayward *wretches* Badass back?
I'm not bitter at all, OP. I was merely having some fun at your expense like everyone else here. Surely, you're used to folks laughing AT you versus WITH you.
Badass, I wouldn't have wrote anything at all but you asked for it. Also, don't misunderstand "language issues" with ignorance. Maybe I should've just called you a wanker or twit. *sigh*
Seriously, it's hard to seem badass when you're taking a picture of yourself in your mum's loo.  | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:38:34 PM | The whole badass thing is joking around...some women love it, some hate it. Either way it's better than saying 'I like watching football lol'.
mjlaw82:
Surely, you're used to folks laughing AT you versus WITH you
I had a look at your profile and found:
However, I want to be with someone who laughs WITH me not AT me.
Obviously this is a big issue for you, since you feel the need to keep mentioning it. Poor guy - obviously getting laughed at constantly over the years has given you a complex.
We'll get you the help you need. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:02:24 PM | This is some really good advice guys - listen up!
No it's not. "Do whatever it takes to get recognition when being yourself isn't good enough." False representation is for the truly insecure, IMO. Yeah, I want to start a relationship based on a facade, only to wake up and find out my "partner" isn't really like I was led to believe.
I changed my mind about taking any such advice--I enhanced my profile in my OWN way and that's as far as I will go. On that note, I'm going to rewrite his advice to fit my own paradigm (note the differences and lack of condescension):
Messages:
1) Don't be a pervert. Keep your head screwed on straight and be respectful. Sex comes naturally at the appropriate time.
2) Send engaging, thought-provoking messages. Be friendly. Try to spark actual conversation.
3) Mind your grammar and spelling.
4) Don't put 'lol' every other word.
5) Write as long as you need to, but use good judgement. Remember that only if a person loves what you're saying will they continue reading. Also consider that this acts as a filter in and of itself, helping you find someone for you.
5a) Don't pour your heart out to someone you're contacting for the first time. It IS possible to come on too strongly for anyone.
Your profile:
1) Be yourself and be forthright, but highlight the "good" things about you.
2) Depending on what you are trying to attract, portray yourself accordingly in your photos. Again, be yourself while highlighting the "good."
3) Mind your grammar, spelling, and be consistent. Break up paragraphs--a giant block of text will make eyes bleed.
4) Be friendly. Don't bemoan your baggage unless that's all you want to do with your profile.
5) Follow the same principles as with messages--use good judgement on length. Being and portraying yourself is important here, as it will help you to find likeminded people.
Edit: I have to add that if you follow these and still get no nibbles, just tough it out. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or even that you're doing something wrong, necessarily. It's not a rationalization that REAL uniqueness tends to inhibit more than help. New people join every day and you can look to connect with people out of your normal search area as well. | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:20:43 PM | OP I am going to have to concur with Gotapluse, I likewise love a good "pander-post" as well. By my estimation simply nothing screams out" beware: potential "nice guy" than some nubikin who makes himself known in the forums by putting down his own gender. I confess I never quite understood why some folks of either gender feel the need to validate themselves at the expense of others in their own gender. Guess you have to play to your strengths huh? As PT Barnum said; " A sucker is born every minute", so who knows you might just get lucky with this tactic.
OP irregardless of the hazards of transatlantic humor, or the lack thereof as is the case in this thread, in time you will undoubtedly come to realize that both men and women of even remotely dubious intelligence will in short order see through the thin facade to the real purpose of a pander-post like this. If you are not getting relevant commentary on the subject matter at hand, it is obviously because the subject matter consists of empty calories unworthy of meaningful discourse or the strain of gray matter to provide such. But hey, much like your thread, I ain't saying anything new here am I? Nuff said.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Men: Are you a Blamer or Excuser?
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:06:16 PM | I'm going to be a rebel and *not* flame you, OP.
I am going to say that three of your rules contradict one another.
2) Don't send really dull messages like 'I noticed you're in college, what are you studying?'
5) Don't write an essay - noone can be bothered reading it.
6) It's better to keep things light on the first message. Really intense initial messages just come across as being creepy on the internet.
#2 essentially says "Don't write something short."
#5 literally says "Don't write something long."
Corrolary is #6, which says "keep it light." Your example for #2 is exactly that - a "light" attempt at sparking conversation.
So do pray tell, if we can't write long messages, can't write short messages, can't write simple, non-committal messages, and also can't write longer, "intense" messages... what, exactly are we supposed to write?
I love how threads like this are full of "don'ts" but never "dos". Folks also never have an answer for the "what about those of us that don't do these things and still never get a response?" - that's because it's easier to point the finger than to realize that, like most problems regarding human interaction, that there is no magic bullet or simple solution. | |
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