| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:15:59 PM | from what ive seen is most dating sites seem to be more viable to a + cause we all know what this age is. Ive met some great friends on the site, and im sure weve all been asked a million times on here "so why are you still single" among the top of the list. yet ive stopped trying to send message cause im tired of seeing unread/deleted or read/profile veiwed/deleted. maybe its age, maybe its my profile, but it seems to be quite the excercise to even say a simple "hello my names how are this evening. " and possibly get a response.
should be an olympic event or something. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:28:04 PM | So many points brought up...where do I start with?
On topic first, I guess:
Dating someone with an age difference that most think is unacceptable is feasible IF both parties don't mind it, have great chemistry, and don't care about what others related or unrelated to them say, and don't let anything / most things affect this relationship. As long as it's legal tender, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy. Now the challenge is to find that person who fits the bill....good luck!
As for when to jump in, when you think you've got the initial OK. Even if you find out later that it's miscommunication, you've tried, and you know, so no venture, no gain (of knowledge).
Off topic on online chatting/emailing for weeks:
My personal experience is that most POFers are dedicated people looking for a romantic partner, so I have yet to meet someone who's willing to spend weeks on chatting (like Anti Elvis).
The common perception seems to be that people are different online versus face-to-face, and that most will hide their true selves online. I can't speak for others, but I tend to think that people will more likely hide their true feelings when meeting face-to-face due to courtesy e.g. if a girl/guy doesn't feel the spark with the other person, how many times have we read in forums here that though promises have been made to see each other again, one side never hears from the other..ever again?
Online dating is just another way of meeting people, possibly the love of one's life...or not. The road to finding what you're looking for is never smooth/straightforward/logical, and that journey makes the happy end result all the more sweeter.
Happy  | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:33:59 PM |  If i had a dollar for every time I've been asked "why are you single" I would own Alberta and British Columbia.....or possibly most of Canada ...which is okay with me......LOL!
 An Olympic Sport or a Horror Flic? I sum up online dating to "Tales of the Crypt"...every man that is compatble with me has either left Alberta for reasons that I will not get into, or is clueless when it comes to computers.
Back to age differences....if my dad was alive and I caught him dating a gal the same age as me.....I would would bring out the shot gun....that is just wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:07:20 AM | This is interesting topping....I'm new at this have been here since January of this year 08 and learned some things about myself. I have been a few times on coffee meetings only to find out that most men my age are impotent. When I asked them the reason for their divorce the reply is; she left me for a younger man cause I'm on medication and can't perform sexually...but I am good at oral sex...lol I was approached by many younger guys and chat for a bit...but the thought that they are a bit older then my son...freaks me out. So men my own age are not compatible with me and I don't like the idea of dating much younger men.....what is the alternative?
6 men out of 10 that I met for coffee....were sexually handicap , on medication | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:50:23 AM | Surely sex isn't everything to a relationship though?
I mean, its nice to have, and it is an important part of any relationship, but a relationship shouldn't revolve around it. Much more to life then doing the horizontal boogie!
Perhaps some men are 'sexually handicap' because of esteem issues built up from previous relationships or something, and with the right person, they could shed those issues with time and get back to being able to perform? One never knows, but to completely discount a person because he cant get it up, or she's got flabby boobs from having kids or WHATEVER, to me, is just wrong. The whole package needs to be looked at, rather then a couple of items.
The last guy I dated was sooooo NOT my type, he really wasn't, but you know, we got to know each other and eventually got together. Was with him for almost 10 years. If I'd have turned my nose up at him because of the things I was not normally attracted to, I'd have missed out on a wonderful person (well, at the time anyways, near the end he just went psycho on me).
This internet thing is interesting, it really is, the dynamics of it all. I'm really shy sometimes, it takes a lot for me to contact someone first, and I rarely do it, but if I do, there is usually a reason. On the other hand, I can be pretty outgoing as well, I guess it depends on my comfort level with a person/situation, as I'm sure it does for most anyone.
A place like this is good to get to know people, but I certainly wouldn't put all my apples in one cart expecting to find the love of my life here. The outings are a good way to meet people, if only to network. I'm going to my first one tomorrow (and am freaking out over it! ), no expectations at all, just going out of curiosity and to shoot the shit with people, and maybe meet some new friends. It's a place to start after all, right? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:47:37 AM | I was once told by an internet male friend that the only way he would know if he would be compatiable with a women would be to have sex with them first, because sex for him leads to romance. I guess some men, and Yes I do say some men....sex is everything and the end all.
There are a few things I don't understand about internet dating, but I am learning from experience.
Those who don't have a picture on their profile....are usually hiding something.
The other thing I don't understand .....when I finally get the nerve up to contact someone and I get the reply that they have met someone, are dating someone. My next question is then....why are you on here ??? I was chatting with this one man he told me he hadn't met anyone of interest on here. Then he tells me he is going out on his first date with a lady....I wished him good luck. We chatted after the date, it went well for him, BUT it was his second date with her (or so he says). He is not interested in dating anyone else at this time....but he is still on here....still contacting me...WHY is that ??? He actually told me that if it doesn't work out with this one, then he would look me up ! Hello......I'm not SECOND Best!
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:57:47 AM | Online dating gives people the option to window shop, so if one doesn't pan out all it takes is for them to start firing messages out. So that's probably why many guys/girls in that situation are still on here, because they have the opportunity to have multiple backup plans.
I haven't seen any success stories within my circle of friends who have tried it (be it from a guy or a girl), but for those that somehow make it work, great for them. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:42:20 PM | I have seen many success stories in pof - in fact, most of the people I have met in here are coupled up and living together, or married.
As far as the age difference - for most people it matters, but for some, it doesn't. I think it can cause alot of problems in the long run to have a huge age spread (like 15+ years), but I guess you just have to be aware and make a decision based on every factor involved, including age.
I have a girl friend who at 39 is dating a 26 year old guy, and it works for them most of the time. Sometimes they clash though because he's too mature for her - LOL. Sometimes it can be quite the generation gap though, too, even though she's a young 39.
Personally I don't think I could date a guy more than about five years older than myself, which is probably shallow of me, but that's how I feel. And I don't want to go younger, either, although maybe I could be persuaded... lol... | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:48:18 PM | The only thing that I find difficult here is when you indicate that you're not interested to some people.
If I get a negative responce, so be it. Good luck to you. Everybody is not going to be a match. Some people get angry. I always try to be as polite and diplomatic as possible. But I've had a few occasions where I get an email after I let them know that I am not interested. It usually goes on about who do I think I am turning them down, then insults...ect..
It is enough to make a person wonder. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:14:33 PM | "But I've had a few occasions where I get an email after I let them know that I am not interested. It usually goes on about who do I think I am turning them down, then insults...ect.."
And they wonder why you aren't interested?
I came on here with no expectations and for the most part have been having a good time. I am not here to find my one true love, but I am not going to discount that idea either.
I couldn't date a person closer to my children's ages than mine or on the other end, closer to my parents ages than mine. Not to say I couldn't make friends with anyone though! :-D | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:25:25 PM | | Northern lights...I didn't say that sex is everything in relationship....but I don't want to play with toys...one man told me to get a toy and we will play...meaning I will give him a bj and he will use a toy on me...cause he is diabetic on medication and can't get it up...I was with a handicap husband for 20 years and feel that I like to experience some penetrating sex as opposed to toys...lol am I to selective ? ...however sex is only part of the pkg. and I like to meet men my age with those qualities. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:37:30 PM | Nancy, the funny part is that it happened twice today...and one person was 14 years older than I am. My age range is 39 - 59 right now. I go for a range of approximatly 10 years either way.
Married friends of mine urged me to try this as they met online. I enjoy the forums. If I find someone this will be good. If not, such is life. I won't die and wither away! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:25:09 PM | But at least you will slow dance with them, and very snubbly I might add!!
Snubbly? What DOES that mean? LOL You are a great dancer, Duffy! I love dancing with a guy who knows how to lead! (otherwise I can't dance!) 
I really want to come out to Kane's tomorrow to meet you Northern, but my daughter has her piano recital in the early afternoon! Hopefully, next week...
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:35:09 PM | | I have been involved with internet dating off and on for just over 6 years now. When I first decided to do try it I was extremely lonely and ,hence, made some bad choices and bad on those people who knew that and took advantage. Now, hopefully I am much wiser....well I think I just might be.....LOL....Anyways, I do think these forums do help at bit. Each of us post on subjects that interest us and anyone checking us out can see that. I encourage anyone who makes contact with me to feel free to get on board with the forums. Because that way, I also, can see what things are of interest to them. I am really tired of the IM's that start out by asking to cam then asking to see what I am wearing.....Like....come on! I am major deliquent in going to the planned get togethers. My reason was no transportation before but since my daughter and her family has moved here...they tell me to go go go.....and we will get you there and pick you up. Gotta love them........both my kids met their significant others from the internet and feel that I should too....so there ya go...JMHO | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:39:22 PM | Thats too bad birdie, I wanted to meet you too!
I think next weekend is out, I have my son that weekend, not sure if bringing him would be too kid friendly!! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:35:50 PM | | another thing.....internet dating on the forums are based on previous meetings....sure and horayy | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:30:14 PM | What I cannot understand is why is it so hard for people to be honest on here? Why not say what you mean and mean what you say? Is it THAT hard to be honest nowadays? Or has the internet given us a "fantasy" alter ego where we can say whoever/whatever we are, and not feel in the least a bit of a guilty conscience because IT ISN'T REAL IN THE FIRST PLACE? Listen to the song "Online" by Brad Paisley....'splains it all.
I used to think that internet dating would have helped improve my "dating" life...yes, I have found a handful of friends on here, but as for the "dating scene" and all the "I am real" one-liners and bullsh!t I have had the displeasure to listen to and read...this internet dating has just shown me how cruel a lot of people can be. Yes, it is only what you make of it, but also be aware that it does take 2 to tango...
Internet dating complicated? Not in the least...Deceptive and cruel? Absolutely
But hey...that i s only my 2 cents | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:21:53 PM | People can't be honest, because like you said, the internet gives us anonymity and sometimes, people can be something other then what they truly are. Just like when people drink, they lose their inhibitions, I suspect that for some, the internet can be much the same thing. I frequent other forums (not dating ones) and I see it all the time.
Thats not saying all aren't honest though. I had some bad experiences with a couple of people I met on this site a couple of years back, but shit happens right? If anything, I learned to be more cautious from those experiences. I've not really experienced a lot of cruel people here, thankfully, but one also must remember sometimes the written word is taken the wrong way and not in the spirit it was intended.
I'd like to think most people are pretty much the same online, as they are in real life. I know I am, and just like with any kind of relationship, whether it be just a friendship, or an intimate one, it does take time to get to know a person, even more time if you're just chatting online I think.
This time back for me has been more positive then last time, people seem to be a lot friendlier then when I was here last, so I'm optimistic that I'll get to meet some great people and form some awesome friendships from it and let things take their course from there. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:46:49 PM | | I am relucant to date anyone more the 5 years older then I . My ex was/is 13 years older then I. The age difference didn't make a difference at first, but in the long run it did. We grew apart....didn't have the same interest, and as he got older he wanted to spend more time alone.....maybe it was just him......maybe it was just me.....I don't know. | |
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| "Why are they still on here"
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:45:31 AM | New Beginning asks the same question that I did when I first arrived here. The answer is really just "That's the way it is here."
There's nothing creepy about someone being here after they've found someone, or even after they THINK they've found someone. There's a relationship status flag in his profile. It's easy to change it to "not looking" if he thinks it might be serious with someone. If you know that someone's "met someone" but hasn't changed their relationship status in their profile, then you can use that information to set either a "creepiness" level or an "absent-mindedness" level. I set my flag as "not looking" for a month in 06 and another month and a half in 07. Neither of those turned out to be mutual, but flagging my status here was a personal choice -- I tend to focus in too tightly, too early.
There are at least three things going on here. There is a list of single men and single women trying to find each other. Then there is a collection of social get-togethers, and a forum of people talking about important issues of the day. And there's nothing wrong with "attached" or "might be attached" people participating in the latter two facets.
When I first arrived here, I complained about the fact that half or more of the people on the forums were not single. Later I realized that it takes a significant core of people to keep a discussion forum going. If we, hypothetically, kicked everyone off the site except for single pretty girls, then nobody would be posting anything. Not even the single pretty girls. I had been wrong.
"Hello......I'm not SECOND Best!"
More often, it's not "second best" but rather "second to arrive". If his focus is already on someone, then the next candidate to arrive cannot be perceived as a potential partner. And isn't that what you want? A man who can only focus on one mate at a time, and who is open and honest about his reasoning, should be a prime candidate to watch if that particular match doesn't work out. I don't understand the preference for someone who keeps a whole field active till one of the field turns serious. To me it seems like such a person is a higher risk to recruit a "field" of candidates later when it could do damage. I have a lot in common with that guy who pissed you off. (Well, except for the "first date / second date" conflict. When the information changed, did that mean he was lying earlier?) | |
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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:53:52 PM |
...it's not "second best" but rather "second to arrive". If his focus is already on someone...
To this I would say, then why the h*ll is he still making contact with people in the interest of persuing a relationship if he has already one on the go....that to me would be a player!! If you have started to see someone, you may or may not feel obligated to change your status, but you should possibly indicate in your profile that something is nibbling on your line in the pond, if you are able to set the hook and get the catch into the boat, then definately the status should be changed. | |
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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:09:14 PM | ^^I totally agree^^
If there is even an inkling of things maybe going somewhere, profile needs to be changed. Nothing worse then a guy (or a gal for that matter), getting involved and yet still peering over that fence to see if the grass might be greener on the other side.
People who do this generally never find what they're looking for IMO. If that spark is there, see if you can fan it into a fire.
A man who can only focus on one mate at a time, and who is open and honest about his reasoning, should be a prime candidate to watch if that particular match doesn't work out.
You betcha... It's called integrity, not many have it these days it seems. | |
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