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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:27:19 PM | I'm all for integrity!!
And I do agree with the commment....
getting involved and yet still peering over that fence to see if the grass might be greener on the other side
That is one of the faults of dating sites. Everyone is always looking to see what is greener on the other side of the fence. Some date multiples of people while looking for something that may be better.....just out of reach.....on the other side of the fence.....They are never quite happy with whom they are dating......because there is a light chance someone better may come along.
I was impressed by one gentleman. We were emailing on and off. Then he sent me an email saying that he has met someone, and wouldn't be contacting me anymore. I wished him luck, and thanked him for his note. I appreicate honesty, integrity...it's pretty rare. | |
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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:26:24 PM | "That is one of the faults of dating sites"
Sorry, that comment I only half agree with. It is not the fault of the dating site itself...the fault lies in the individual, regardless man or a woman.
Even a loaded gun is harmless until it is f*cked with....
Once again, jusy my 2 cents worth | |
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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:34:58 PM |
Some date multiples of people while looking for something that may be better.....just out of reach.....on the other side of the fence.....They are never quite happy with whom they are dating......because there is a light chance someone better may come along.
But you know what?
In the end, this could be a blessing, because in all honesty, does one really want to become involved with someone, start getting to know them, caring for them, think there is potential there if they're out playing the field?
Not I. I'd sooner find out from the get go that they're peeking over the fence. I will gladly let them climb over that fence, hell, I'll even give them a leg up, because in the end, people like this are NEVER truly satisfied with what they've got, and I refuse to have someone like that in my life.
At least he was honest with you A New Beginning, not many people have the decency to be honest like that. He has that going for him at least, more then some other guys do. | |
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| Why are they still on here
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:53:04 PM | We have all looked over the fence at one time or another, but are we all here waiting to find that magic that created our first committed relationship??
Do we anticipate having the feeling of "puppy love" again or "love at first sigh" or " the kiss that melts and sets you on fire??
Can we be realistic and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the one, again, and again, and again?? I don't think so, so what do we do, we "play it by ear, and sooner or later both ears are sore from either being slapped or grabbed hold of so hard we forget what we wanted!! 
In reality, as adults, we will sense when we have found that someone early in the relationship, if we can muster up the courage to start another one!
In the meantime, thanks for the events, forums and some very good recently gained "friends". | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:13:15 PM | (first of all, I do not like changing an OP's thread title when responds to a thread)!!
Back to the topic........
I think people put too much caution to the internet dating. They believe
1) they are the only good sincere guys / gals in the dating pool.
2) all others are as bad as them.
3) since nobody is telling the truth in their profile, so why should they?
When members wrote to me, I always wrote back friendly to thank them for writing. The problem is most of them cannot even take a honest question.
So this 70 years old farmer in Calgary wrote and said he likes my profile and if I am interest I can write back to him. I wrote back with courtesy and tried to show my interest by asking where is he farming in Calgary, and does he mean he is a retired farmer in his profile. As usual, no answer after my mail. I am not disappointed, for I realize that Internet dating is not for everyone.; the fact one took the step in signing up as member doesn't really mean much. In this farmer's profile, it says he likes country drive, camping and fishing, but also indicates that he does not have a car. I understand he may not want to tell everything, by all means he is 70 years old, learning to use a computer and typing would be confusing enough for him so never mind what to put in his profile.
He could be a sweet old fashion guy who lost in the Internet dating world. But yet in regardless of age, I would say people in Internet dating do not truly open up and trust others. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:03:25 AM | So what happened to all the "real" people ??
I know that a lot of internet daters are not whom they say they are. I have met a few who were no way near what their profile indicated, but I did meet a few who were kind, sincere, and exactly as they had protrayed themselves.
It's easy for a lot to hide behind their computer screen and pretend to be someone they are not. When I first started on this quest, I was niave enough to think that all adults my age were sincere and honest as I am. LOL Yeah was I in for a shock!!
My first reality check was when I met this very kind gentleman. We chatted on line and on the phone and agreed to meet. His profile said he was atheltic...when in true fact, he was at least 350 lbs. I did see a picture prior to meeting him but only of his face. He was still a kind sweet man, but the fact that he lied about his weight, told me that he was also probably lying about other things as well.
How do we weed out the nasty bottom feeders to fine the honest, true ones ???
Any ideas ?
 ......perhaps I need better bait ? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:20:45 AM |
I was niave enough to think that all adults my age were sincere and honest as I am. LOL Yeah was I in for a shock!!
Ditto, but it's served my needs well regardless.
How do we weed out the nasty bottom feeders to find the honest, true ones ???
So what happened to all the "real" people ??
Real world, plain and simple. (not cyber..... whatever folks want) | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:18:05 AM | | When I met the one guy I was really interested in on here, I never "peeked over the fence" . That's right ^^ Real people are in the real world. I was just lucky enough to find one wandering around here. It's very hard to go back to cyber land and hope for that to happen twice :( | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:05:36 PM | | I'm glad I'm not alone in this....after meeting few gentleman's for coffee which turned out to be disappointment I thought It was me..... Although I'm a few pounds overweight and I honestly say in my profile that I am I was getting discouraged, but thanks to all of you who are sharing your experiences...I'm glad I'm not alone..... | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:34:05 PM | No, I don't think you're alone.
Years ago, when I first joined here, I started chatting with this guy. We exchanged pics and stuff and I felt comfortable enough to meet him for coffee.
WOW... just WOW.... I did not recognize him when we met... The pics he showed me were at least 10 years old... in that time, he'd gained about 100 pounds, he lost a lot of hair (and what hair he had left, he grew, it was longer then mine, apparently not washing it makes it grow or something?? LOL) and somewhere along the line, his teeth fell out!!! Christ, he didn't even have the decency to clean up a bit even, he had work boots on, torn up black sweats and some washed out, stretched out tshirt with holes and stains all over it.... definitely not a good first impression!
It was surreal... I was just floored at what i'd gotten myself into! Of course, being me (the idiot that I am), I stayed and had coffee with him, chatted for a bit (couldn't find the back door to escape!), just so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. When I went to leave, he walked me out and literally attacked me, big hug at my car with an attempt at a gross sloppy kiss and begging me to let him come home with me...
I was never so disgusted in my life. He turned out to be a stalker, but that's a whole different story!
Anyways, people misrepresent themselves all the time... not sure I understand WHY they do it, because face it, if you end up meeting, you're gonna know that the person most definitely did not send you recent pictures, or was honest with you. I am totally honest. My pictures are current, what you see is what you get. I am very strong with my opinions/dislikes in my profile, but only because I find it helps weed out the a$$holes. I'm really not that much of a b!tch as I appear on my profile! Just have had bad experiences and don't want to repeat them.
I am real, I tell it like it is, and I am genuine. I only recently put pics up on my profile, didn't have them on there before because of the creeps (and for personal reasons), but I figured that if I'm going to be myself, might as well really be myself and include recent pics. Hell, I even put on my profile that I've recently found jiggles that never used to be there... LOL Why lie about it and make yourself out to be something you're not?? Nothing to hide here, but it amazes me how many people feel they need to somehow skew who they are, or mislead people by their pictures, I see no point in that.
I think that is the main reason I'm only here just to meet people, just because you just cant tell who a person is by a profile. I'm not going thru profiles looking for 'the one', because I don't think that's gonna happen here. It's far more likely to happen by going out and meeting people and getting to know them, and seeing who you click with.. Not many profiles I can find myself 'clicking' with because you never truly know if they are genuine. I've only found a couple that have really intrigued me, but making first contact for me is not an easy thing to do. Far easier to find out for yourself by getting out and meeting people then relying on what someone has written about themselves.
The people that I have met here so far, men and women (my very first time doing a POF thing) I really enjoyed, they were down to earth, kind and we had fun together. I enjoyed i and look forward to more get togethers like that, but in the end, that's the only way you're going to meet someone and really see what they're like IMO.
**Edited to add, where were you this Sunday Leogirl? I thought you were going to come down to Kanes? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:31:14 PM | Norten...sorry for not showing up this Sunday...I was planning to go but my daughter showed up at my place just before noon and we spend some time together. This Sunday I'm working so won't go again...but one day I promise....
Anyway...help me understand this....this week a gentleman sand me email asking if I.m interested to meet him...I replied yes and we exchanged few mails, asking questions about family and work. On my last mail I said that I own a house and have a full time job and asked him where he lives? in apt, condo or owns a house......no reply....what did I say wrong? just wanted to know the guy...  | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:04:39 PM | Leogirl, it’s really sad these days that some (and I did say SOME!) men are soooo paranoid about all these supposed “gold digging” women out there, that they think all women are just looking to get a piece … and not THAT kind of piece … a piece of what they have. It used to be that conversation topics, like what someone did for a living or whether they liked to travel and where they had gone, were considered normal “getting to know you” types of discussions. Now, they’re perceived by many men as “fishing” expeditions in order to judge whether a guy is a “good catch” in terms of financial stability, solvency and wealth.
It’s gotten to the point that the only non offensive topic is the weather. But then again, there will probably be some that will see an “ulterior motive” in that too!
LH | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:12:34 AM | Leogirl you didn't do anything wrong, but his failure to answer probably means he has something to hide. Perhaps he still lives with his mother!! heeheee
Last year I was chatting with this one gentlemen. We chatted on the phone as well. Then we decided to meet. He wanted to meet me at Edworthy Park, which is fine and dandy, until I found out the reason.......He didn't have a license to drive.....so he had to bike there. The reason he didn't have a license...........he was a dead beat dad. The court took his license away, and he was fighting in court about child payments and his child was just during 18. Needless to say I decided not to meet him, not because he didn't drive, but because he was a dead beat dad. .....if you can't claim reponsibility for your children......what else is he hiding ????
When I'm chatting with someone I ask questions, lots of questions !! If they don' t like it.....then theymove on, and prob have something to hide.
One of my frist dates as well from a dating site.......about 3 years ago.......
He showed up in dirty clothes.....dirty hands.....and then wondered why I didn't want to see him anymore.....!!! hahahaha | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:57:09 PM | Thanks to all those that shared their dating experiences...I'm new here and in dating world. The last time I dated I was 18 and way before computers...it seamed like it was much easier at least for me anyway, met my husband dated two yrs and got married. I was married for 32 yrs until he passed away. ... I don't know how it feels like to go through divorce or cheating relationship...didn't experience that...so in many ways I have a hard time to understand game playing , dishonesty or men in general.
I feel like I'm lost in dating world........
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:58:22 PM | Thanks to all those that shared their dating experiences...I'm new here and in dating world. The last time I dated I was 18 and way before computers...it seamed like it was much easier at least for me anyway, met my husband dated two yrs and got married. I was married for 32 yrs until he passed away. ... I don't know how it feels like to go through divorce or cheating relationship...didn't experience that...so in many ways I have a hard time to understand game playing , dishonesty or men in general.
I feel like I'm lost in dating world........
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:40:25 PM | You have to get over the complications, don't worry about "dating" and meet fast, because like was said, your just wasting yours and the other person's time, missing out on possibly talking to someone who might have been interested, becuase you where chatting online to one who seemed great, then meet and there not what you thought, and it can make people very slighted through nobody's fault!!
Then theres the other problem, and of course nobody talks about, and this goes both sexes, but from i see, the women in the world of online dating, some are good some not so good, men too, its just like Real Life, except, that in the world of online, all you have to do is convince yourself that your right, theres no acountability like there is in reality, ive met alot of girls who i wasn't compatible with or didn't like me, and thats fine, thanks for coming out, lets at least finish a coffee, and good thing we only went for a coffee and got that out of the way, i never once got mad becuase a women came right out and shut me down! It the ones who thought i was great, and just wanted to get to know each other, and would never ever rush into a relationship, which to me was fine, and it sounds sensible enough, but they just are keeping you on a string so that if nothing else, they have you, if that wasn't the case, they would do what they say, and not do what they say they wont, so how did they meet some guy for coffee, and then they just "knew" (And thats fine, but why don't people just say there waiting to meet the one that they "Know" or something) Im happy for your success but after making a big stink about how they woulnd't rush into a relationship, and led you on for a month!, what kind of message are you sending? 2 weeks later living togethor, 6 months later pregnancy, and a year later there such a scumbag, And men do it too, but ive seen so many women that do stuff like this, and then tell all their friends "he was an ass" and they all go Oh Ok!
My favourite is hearing about the men who couldn't handle "rejection" when in all reality it probably wasn't rejection that was the issue,
Then theres all the profiles that "hate people who talk about other's, namecaller's, whistleblowers etc." but ive seen some of the stuff they write on other site's, one of the pages was actually about me, im sure they don't care, i really don't, i had met some of the people and i knew they had no clue, they where just losers who didn't have their shit togethor in reality, but like i said, they convinced themselves and the group they hang with that they do! And then after saying stuff about people and talking behind back's, they wonder why theres people out there who don't like them, i guess they figured nobody would ever see the stuff that they do and hold them to the same standards they hold these people!
but that just proves the disposition and the self acomidation that if you can convince yourself, then your justified!
And that in itself makes complications, because it can be coincedence! But its usually not, yet they will say it just happened!
I mean my ex said it just happened, but i never slipped on the floor and landed with my dick in any of my friends wives! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:03:34 AM | complicated situation...
I have a silly question and like to have everyone's opinion...I met this gentleman for coffee and when we parted he said stay in touch and we will see what happens. It was 2 days ago and haven't hear from him...should I contact him or should I wait until he contacts me? or was that a polite way of saying I'm not interested....
confused... | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:18:41 AM | | Maybe hes shy ansd waiting to see what you do or if your interested in him as he may have been burnt on here before so is scared. Or maybe hes a loser and your better off without him Or hes got a private investigator checking you out and is waiting for the results before he goes further. Good luck and stop being so serious if it was meant to be it will happen. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:34:55 AM | Hun, I say this with all due respect, and I don't mean to offend, but you seem to analyze everything to death before it even has a chance to go anywhere?
Just go with it, get out, have fun... IF it starts getting serious, then ask your questions, but I think asking someone these kinds of questions from the get go raises red flags for many people.
Seriously, if someone asked me what I made, what I drove, what my retirement plans were, etc, I'd be offended. I have a roof over my head, and I do have a vehicle, that's all anyone needs to know off the bat IMO.
If he hasn't contacted you, you're not going to know whats going on unless you contact him right? Could be any number of things going on, so to put your mind at rest, just call him to say hi, and see where it goes! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:38:28 PM | Back on topic...
Is internet dating way more complicated than it needs to be?
Aside from the fact that it is much easier for people to mis-represent themselves, I don't see that internet dating is much different or more complicated than meeting anywhere else.
Online we have pics, while at the bar or the grocery store we actually see each other... the bottom line is that appearance is the the first thing that attracts us, which is perfectly natural.
Online we initiate contact with quick emails, while at the bar or the grocery store we use quips or lines...
Online dating is perceived to be more dangerous with all the loons out there, but really... what's the differences between exchanging a few emails then going for coffee and trading phone numbers in a bar then going to a movie - either way you have no idea if the guy/girl, still a perfect stranger, is psycho or not. (And I'd say online dating has a safety advantage in that our profiles carry tons of clues or red-flags in many cases.)
I think what makes dating complicated is just age and experience. When we were young all that really mattered was that he or she "liked" us, while the older and more self-aware we get our potential mate citeria lists become longer...
However, online dating poses a couple of problems with its convenience... I wonder how many people here have met somebody, become exclusive, deleted their profiles here mutaually and then have been caught "browsing." This has happened to me twice now. The first woman was showing me a funny email and I noticed a POF notification, which I asked about, naturally (since it she who had suggested that we delete our profiles). Her excuse was "boredom"... home alone with nothing to do and she was browsing forums and profiles. And I bought the excuse simply because I'd made that same mistake when I first started online dating. But in the back of my mind I wondered if she wasn't looking for an upgrade... which leads to the other problem of online dating.
It's just too easy.
You meet somebody, all is good except for a minor quirk or two that we'd usually overlook... if it wasn't so easy to look for greener grass while waiting for him or her to call...
I figure this is the biggest complication of online dating... convenience...
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:11:06 PM | It doesn't have to be, it really shouldn't be, but it is.
Consider this: there are people that can complicate the simple act of ordering a coffee...you've seen them. Some of these people have a computer and access to the internet...and they're trying to order a mate? 
Complicated? Who'da thunk it? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:03:37 PM |
trying to order a mate?
What's this "dating" you all speak of?
You want that with, or without, chemistry?
I'm a shy one -- the woman has to beat me over the head and drag me back to the cave. But when we talk at the Tim Horton's halfway back to the cave, they seem to decide that there's nothing there and wander off. Shrug. | |
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