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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:04:01 PM | Its bothering you for two reasons: you've been conned by a total jerk and you are extremely gullible hon. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:21:08 PM | I suspect when you decide you want to get on with your life and have a real relationship you will get over him very quickly.
You exercised poor judgment in becoming involved and in remaining with him. Grow up and stop taking someone else's man and the leftovers and scraps he was willing to give you. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:08:40 PM | Why did you separate from your husband? If he is the father of your 3 kids, wouldn't it be better to work things out between you and him? If the sex wasn't good, and you were bored and uninspired, then just admit that sex is important to you, and look at whatever you do less seriously, find a good guy who you want to f*** and don't worry. As far as all the moralizing forum-drones go....brush it off, gf.
And the other thing, no one should use the big *L___* word unless they really mean it. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:47:08 PM | Take responsibiliy for your actions and use this as a learning experience. This post is crying out.. I'm a VICTIM.... your not. Your first mistake was chatting with a married man. He used your insecurites and vulnerability to his advantage but he could not have done it without your allowing it. If you didn't want to be "the other woman", why did you open yourself up to him and continue a relationship for two years? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. You were not "special" to him you took the bait | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:12:22 AM |
Oh Arlo...
And we women wonder why guys have communication problems.
Semantics again....
Not quite. In this case (which I'm still 90%+ convinced is a joke thread), getting involved with a married person over an extended period of time by maintaing communications, and then maintaing a SEXUAL relationship with him, again for an extended period of time, falls pretty firmly within the "stupid" category, and is WORLDS different than something "crazy". The difference is rather larger than a semantical one.
Arlo | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:18:15 AM |
You feel bad because he manipulated you into feeling that way. He's obviously a sociopath. The kind of person that never takes responsibility for his behavior and
unfortunately, for every body else, has an enormous amount of self-esteem. It's
not your fault. You were being honest. But that's what sociopaths do. They use
your own goodness against you and then blame you for it.
*spit-sputter-COUGH*
What "goodness"? She started, and maintained, a sexual relationship with a man SHE ALREADY KNEW TO BE MARRIED. Unless the definition of "good" changed while I wasn't looking, that ain't it.
Arlo
BTW, you owe me a new keyboard. My monitor's coffee-proof.  | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:07:26 AM | Hi everyone...
I`ve just had a peek at this forum and I will be paying more attention to them..the input is amazing...I have a birthday party to go to today but as soon as I have time I will join in...
There`s sooooo much to learn...
And PS mthomjmark...would you please contact me because I only have private pics and I`m not aloud to contact you without pics on profile...I could use some great advice...Thanks | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:29:37 AM | I love how some people who are replying are taking the superior moral high ground and act like they've never made a mistake in their lives before.
OP, this WAS a mistake and it cost you your feelings, and your heart. It's a hard lesson you have to learn but that's all it is - a lesson to be learned.
If you're going to chat and it's already out there that the other person isn't fully available, then you have a choice - you either nip it in the bud QUICKLY, or you take the chance that you did and risk getting hurt.
We ALL take chances when we start to chat with someone online. It's the lure and excitement of losing ourselves to someone we don't know and creating some fantasy in our head of how this person really is, when in fact, we have no idea what this person is like out in the "real world".
You fell in love with what you created in your head even before you met him and that's always a risky move. He saw your vulnerability and played upon it.
Now, you're left with picking up the pieces of your broken heart and doing the best to put it back together - bandaging it up as best you can so you can move on.
It may take a while but steer clear from this person now and focus on YOU. Don't rely on someone else to complete your life for you. Yes, it's a wonderful thing to share your life with someone you love, but right now you're not at that point yet. You've still got a lot of mending to do and this will take time. Just DO NOT communicate with this person again because you already know the consequences and I'm sure you don't want to have them repeated.
I wish you much luck and if you need a shoulder, feel free to contact me. There ARE those who DO sympathize with you! Not all of us are out to "punish" you for your mistake. You ARE human, after all, and being human means there will be mistakes made - the lesson here is to not repeat this one ever again! | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:43:07 AM |
I love how some people who are replying are taking the superior moral high ground and act like they've never made a mistake in their lives before.
I haven't seen anything like that, where any of the posters here are acting morally perfect. Can you point out such a morally-superior acting person?
I wish you much luck and if you need a shoulder, feel free to contact me. There ARE those who DO sympathize with you! Not all of us are out to "punish" you for your mistake. You ARE human, after all, and being human means there will be mistakes made - the lesson here is to not repeat this one ever again!
Better yet, not make such a thunderingly stupid mistake in the first place! She didn't spit on the sidewalk, Nancy, but KNOWINGLY got involved with a MARRIED man, then started HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS with him. I think most people know that that's a stupid thing to do WITHOUT having to do it at least once!
Arlo
(BTW, glad to see you back -- your posts are kewl!) | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:43:15 AM | OP Sorry, I didn't read the posts.
You need to find out, what within YOUR OWN PSCHOLOGY
is going on. It has everything to do with YOU, and nothing
to do with him. It's that simple, but not easy for most to learn
about themselves, especially when they are in an emotional mode.
I know a women I was involved with who had a very similar relationship
for MANY years, and it's still on-going. She can't break the cycle either,
and it has cost her, her dignity as well as some of the best years of her life,
and possibly the loss of having found a more suitable partner.
On the other hand, maybe there's an important lesson she has to learn, at any cost. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:43:56 AM | | Isnt it ironic he was dishonest and cheating on his wife, and then he did the same to you? Did you really think that you were so special that he wouldnt hurt you too? Personally I think you got what you deserved and hope you can keep your addiction to him for as long as possible so you dont go around screwing other married men when you recover. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:44:59 AM | Yah we just love the jerk men huh???? i feel for u really do...what dont kill us or get us arrested... just makes us stronger...
PEACE | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:51:54 AM | | There are no mistakes or failures in life if you learn from them. The best way to get over him is to find someone else, but don't rebound and carry all of this pain with you or you will end up doing the same thing again. Ultimately learn to love yourself first and then you can love someone else. How? Dig deep, find something in your past that this relates to this and work through it. My guess is that you are still feeling guilty over your seperation and trying to repair it through this relationship. Since it did not work out you feel like a failure and unworthy...again. You need to find a professional or someone who will work with you directly not just a blog . | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:57:19 AM | Arlo,
Read posts, # 2, 5, 6, 8, DEFINITELY #9, 10....need I go on? Pretty much the OP is being CRUCIFIED for being human and making a mistake! Sometimes people go into a situation KNOWING that it's not the best one but for whatever reason, do so anyway. We KNOW that there's a risk but we listen to our heart instead of our head and then end up paying the price for it. You mean to tell me that NO ONE other than this woman has EVER done this? GIVE ME A BREAK! She's hurt and she's already down...do we have to KICK HER, TOO?! That's all I'm saying, really. Hopefully she will learn from this error and never repeat it again - with this man she got involved with and with any other married man!
I didn't think it was such a crime to feel sympathy for someone even though they know they've done something wrong.
Oh, and thank you for the compliment about my posts...LOL | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:57:45 AM | because your pride is hurt!!
you knew where you were headed when you got yourself into this situation..
(things like this almost never turn out good)
So now you have to pick yourself up..dust yourself off and hopefully learn from this experience.
one tip I have that may help........read your post like someone else has written it..and then think about what you would tell them to do. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:06:46 AM |
Arlo,
Read posts, # 2, 5, 6, 8, DEFINITELY #9, 10....need I go on? Pretty much the OP is being CRUCIFIED for being human and making a mistake!
Is she? Good. There are SOME things you don't need to do, to know they're wrong. I don't have to kill someone to know that murder's wrong, ya know.
Anyway, do those posts, ANYWHERE, allude to the moral infallibility of the posters, or are they expressive of their opinions, ie messing around with a married person is MONUMENTALLY STUPID???
C'mon, Nancy, sympathy and understanding are for the repentant; the OP doesn't sound the least bit sorry for (potentially) wrecking this guy's wife and child's life: she sounds pissed that he's stepping out on her.
Arlo
(y'know, assuming that this is a "real" thread, and not one designed as a joke) | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:19:13 AM | Don't get me wrong, Arlo. I'm not saying we're all not entitled to our opinions - of course we are. That's what I love about forums, to begin with, but her last word in her original post was "Help".
You comparing murder to having an affair, I believe is quite over-exaggerated and doesn't come close to comparison to begin with. If you're KNOWINGLY going to murder someone, you KNOW you're going to commit a crime. Yes, she KNOWINGLY entered a relationship with a married man, but her INTENT wasn't to get hurt, it was to feel something that she obviously wasn't feeling in her past relationship(s). For just a moment, she wanted to FEEL GOOD - where's the crime in THAT? HOW she went about it, yes, THAT was wrong and now she's paying the consequences but that ALSO doesn't mean that we have to continuously beat her up about it, either. I think, by now, she knows this was an error in judgment and hopefully, she won't repeat it.
As for the repentant part, maybe we're reading the post differently. It's all in our interpretation. | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:20:09 AM | | shes not gullible everything he said was a lie im sure...do we all need lie detecters on dates now??? | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:31:27 AM |
Don't get me wrong, Arlo. I'm not saying we're all not entitled to our opinions - of course we are. That's what I love about forums, to begin with, but her last word in her original post was "Help".
You comparing murder to having an affair, I believe is quite over-exaggerated and doesn't come close to comparison to begin with.
*shrug* Ask the partner cheated on if they think I'm over-exaggerating.
Yes, she KNOWINGLY entered a relationship with a married man, but her INTENT wasn't to get hurt, it was to feel something that she obviously wasn't feeling in her past relationship(s).
*pfft* Road to Hell, and all that. Anyway, the focus shouldn't be on HER getting hurt, but the (probably fictitious) guy's wife and child. Remember them?
For just a moment, she wanted to FEEL GOOD - where's the crime in THAT?
Oh, come on now Nancy; now, you're just being facetious. NO ONE in this thread has said that "feeling good" is a crime, but I'm pretty sure they have sp0ken out about HOW the OP went about "feeling good".
HOW she went about it, yes, THAT was wrong and now she's paying the consequences but that ALSO doesn't mean that we have to continuously beat her up about it, either. /quote] Again, *shrug*. She posted publicly. The act of posting publicly invites public response. If she didn't want public feedback, maybe she shouldn't have POSTED PUBLICLY? Or, you know, SCREWED AROUND WITH A MARRIED MAN IN THE FIRST PLACE? You know I'm right, Nancy. Just admit it! Arlo | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:47:04 AM | Arlo, I don't think either one of us is right OR wrong. We're just seeing things differently - and hey, like I said before, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just two sets of opinions, that's all. So, there!  LOL
Oh, and not to paint the guy as a total saint, what the hell was HE doing on here in the first damn place, hmmmmm?! | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 71 | |
| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:58:08 AM | I guess this is why therapists abound! You need to see one sweety 'cause you won't get no sympathy out here....as you can tell!
You have issues....issues....and more issues. And those unresolved issues are what's causing you this 'pain'. It's like walking around with a stick up your butt and complain every time you sit down it hurts!
Take the stick out of your ass and the pain will go away!
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:59:35 AM |
the OP doesn't sound the least bit sorry for (potentially) wrecking this guy's wife and child's life:
with all due respect Arlo..O.P. did not single handedly wreck the life of this guys wife and child.
I am not condoning what she did but she is hurting and wanted to air some dirty laundry.
People as well as yourself were giving opinions and advice..which we are all entitled too.
y'know, assuming that this is a "real" thread, and not one designed as a joke
I happen to think that to assume is "MONUMENTALLY STUPID" | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:03:19 AM | | hey babe...i know its not easy what you have been through....ive been through some pretty rough relationships myself,yes it hurts,yes you will mull over him ,wondering all the time why...But i can tell you 1 thing,its not you,dont ever blame yourself,for the way he treated you...the way i got through,and am still getting through my recent split...is to put in my mind that if a man can treat me the way he did then hes not worth me....also that...the hurt does go away eventually...and i will meet someone who cares,and will listen when im down or upset,will be there for me as and when he needs to be....you will...you are a good looking lady...so comon dont let this jerk,stop you from living,or finding someone for you... | |
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:13:37 AM | There are some men who are patterned, much like a tiger, to go after the weakest one of the herd.
You most likely can't get over him, because he 'temporarily' made you feel better about your tough times , although, he was most likely helping 'several' women over their 'difficult times'. Some humans are insecure enough to go for the quick fix.....to them, it's better to feel temporarily better....than all better.
As 'Kimbo has said, the phrase 'I love You' begin with the word I.
If you are confused, hurt, troubled battered and confused, than you have little to offer a new person....BUT, you most certainly put yourself in a position of being a victim for an opportunist.
Take care of You first, the rest will fall in place.
Good Luck
```````````Kimbo````````````````````````````````
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| Why can't I get over this guy?
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:25:32 AM | I am very glad i clicked on this link.I recently met a married man myself last week,and we agreed to be friends also.Seeing this link is my second "sign"to give it up.My first sign was when i was trying to copy three's company season 2 to my documents,and it would not copy,so i stuck in season 3 and in one of the shows,Chrissy was dating a married man and Jack did not trust the guy,so he started asking Mrs.roper about the guy,and she said he was married,and Jack tried to tell Chrissy he is married,but she did not believe him.Jack went back to Mrs.Roper and said Chrissy confronted the married man she was dating and he told her he was divorced.Mrs.Roper said"divorced?"So she gave jack that married man's address because him and his wife were selling the house.Jack asked chrissy to go for a ride with him to see a house for sale.The wife opened the door and introduced herself as Mrs.Cross,but of course,Chrissy still did not get it until the husband came out from the kitchen and introduced her husband to them.Chrissy was very hurt to see this and Jack apolojized because he did not know any other way to tell Chrissy he was still married.When i saw the unsuspecting wife open the door I thought,"what if this was the guy's wife i was dating ?"It made me feel so bad.When i saw this show it hit me so hard.I feel I am lucky to see this post and so lucky i do not have any feelings over him yet,because I only met him once.I do not want to be the other woman,I want to be the ONLY woman.I do not want to be the type of woman who steals away another,I always considered these types of women as "sluts".Why should i be the type of person i hate?Funny how i was asking God for help and i get these two answers.  | |
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